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Filed under: Opinions
I was just getting the hang of this how to parent young children thing, and now my son has decided to grow up. I think it's a plot to take me off my game.
Until now, things have been easy. He's a sweet kid. Funny, smart, nice. Never gets into any trouble. Completely trustworthy. Last summer, when some bored friends decided they should go around and ding-dong-ditch the neighbors, he opted out, preferring to come home rather than disturb people by ringing their doorbells and running away. That's my boy!
Then, last September, he went and turned 9. He's still most of the things I just mentioned, but there's one new and unwelcome addition: He's surly.
I call his name, and he yells "WHAT?!?!?" as though I've just sworn obscenities at him or asked him to walk naked through the streets. I ask him to take his clothes upstairs and he looks at me as though I've grown a horn just off the tip of my nose. And then he does this thing where he takes his eyeballs and moves them up toward the ceiling and then all the way towards the back of his head. I think they call it eye-rolling. What is that?
"What happened to my sweet boy who always loves me and is happy to talk to me and do what I say?," I ask my mom.
"He's growing up. He's pulling away from you and asserting his independence," she responds, smirking a little because she knows what's ahead.
I know they're supposed to grow up. I know that thing -- where we joke and say when he's an adult he'll buy the house next door to this one -- is not real. It shouldn't be real. It is my chief job as a mom to prepare him for adulthood and make him ready to go off on his own and enjoy his own life, without me, except for phone calls and the odd holiday visit.
I will do all that. I swear. But I need to take a quick moment here to say, in all sincerity, WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. (Yes, I'm whining and crying at the same time.)
I have loved being a mom to young children. I love laughing with him and my daughter, reading story books and going to G-rated movies that I dread but nearly always end up enjoying. I like tickle fights. I like how every single morning, whether it's a school day or the weekend, they pile in bed with me for a bit and we have cuddles and hang out before it's time to get going.
I'm having such a hard time envisioning the day when that will all be gone, and, yet, I know it will be here soon. It makes my heart hurt.
I realize this new-found surliness is all part of the grand plan to make it easier on me the day he leaves our house and goes off on his own adventure. By the time he's 17 or 18, I imagine he'll have perfected the eye roll, the door slam and the freeze out. I'll want him to know what it's like to make your own money and your own dinner and your own choices. I'll be tired of his smelly shoes, dirty room and bad attitude. That's what people tell me, anyway.
I'm just having a hard time believing it.
Until now, things have been easy. He's a sweet kid. Funny, smart, nice. Never gets into any trouble. Completely trustworthy. Last summer, when some bored friends decided they should go around and ding-dong-ditch the neighbors, he opted out, preferring to come home rather than disturb people by ringing their doorbells and running away. That's my boy!
Then, last September, he went and turned 9. He's still most of the things I just mentioned, but there's one new and unwelcome addition: He's surly.
I call his name, and he yells "WHAT?!?!?" as though I've just sworn obscenities at him or asked him to walk naked through the streets. I ask him to take his clothes upstairs and he looks at me as though I've grown a horn just off the tip of my nose. And then he does this thing where he takes his eyeballs and moves them up toward the ceiling and then all the way towards the back of his head. I think they call it eye-rolling. What is that?
"What happened to my sweet boy who always loves me and is happy to talk to me and do what I say?," I ask my mom.
"He's growing up. He's pulling away from you and asserting his independence," she responds, smirking a little because she knows what's ahead.
I know they're supposed to grow up. I know that thing -- where we joke and say when he's an adult he'll buy the house next door to this one -- is not real. It shouldn't be real. It is my chief job as a mom to prepare him for adulthood and make him ready to go off on his own and enjoy his own life, without me, except for phone calls and the odd holiday visit.
I will do all that. I swear. But I need to take a quick moment here to say, in all sincerity, WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. (Yes, I'm whining and crying at the same time.)
I have loved being a mom to young children. I love laughing with him and my daughter, reading story books and going to G-rated movies that I dread but nearly always end up enjoying. I like tickle fights. I like how every single morning, whether it's a school day or the weekend, they pile in bed with me for a bit and we have cuddles and hang out before it's time to get going.
I'm having such a hard time envisioning the day when that will all be gone, and, yet, I know it will be here soon. It makes my heart hurt.
I realize this new-found surliness is all part of the grand plan to make it easier on me the day he leaves our house and goes off on his own adventure. By the time he's 17 or 18, I imagine he'll have perfected the eye roll, the door slam and the freeze out. I'll want him to know what it's like to make your own money and your own dinner and your own choices. I'll be tired of his smelly shoes, dirty room and bad attitude. That's what people tell me, anyway.
I'm just having a hard time believing it.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
6-07-2011 @ 9:52PM
robin said...Perfectly said. I'm going through the same thing and it's HARD (especially when they remind me of myself at that age).
"How wonderful, how sane, how beautifully difficult, and therefore true."
Reply
6-08-2011 @ 6:54PM
mandy said...Oh, this made me cry! This just made me thankful for those moments when my 19 month old son wants to climb on my lap when I'm busy, or when he wants to hold my hand while I'm trying to balance the checkbook. Now I'm going to enjoy those moments a lot more while they last. Thank you for sharing :)
Reply
6-09-2011 @ 9:22AM
Malia said...I have an 11 year old girl, so I'm living this right now, too. One thing I've noticed over the past year or so is, if I don't like her attitude, I wait 5 minutes! It happens almost fast enough to induce whiplash; surly and pouty one minute, laughing and happy the next.
And you're right, we're raising them to be responsible adults. It's what we want. But dang, it's not easy on our hearts!
Reply
6-09-2011 @ 3:06PM
patdelzell said...Get this book: "Backtalk" and follow it!! This behavior can and must be stopped as soon as possible to avoid further displays of disrespect. Actually, if each parent followed this from when a child is 3, they coud avoid many difficulties! Good Luck!!
Reply
6-09-2011 @ 7:53PM
Carmel said...I had a moment this afternoon while driving home from the end of the year field trip with my 12 year old son! It dawned on me that after tomorrow (last day of school), he is two years away from entering high school and I almost literally cried! My son asked me why I was sad and when I told him, he said, "don't be sad, I'll always be here."
Reply
6-14-2011 @ 7:57PM
Heather said...My daughter is now 19 and very repectful. Don't take the back talk. what worked for us was if she back talked or had that attitude many teen girls have we immediatly said. " I am not talking to you that way DO NOT talk to me that way. If you diagree with me that is ok you are entitled to your opionions but you WILL discuss ( what ever iiuse it was that day) with respect" If they want something and ask with attitude the answere is always no. If they roll eyes the answer will change from a yes to a no.
If you want respect you must also give it back to them and listen to thier side and opinion. You may not agree with them and it is ok to tell them why you don't agree but you still need to listen and respect thier opinions.
If you want them to grow up strong and to think for themselves this is key. If you want a kid who does what you ask as soon as you ask because you are an adult, who else will they do that for later? There are a lot of people out there that you want your child to say "wait a minute they want me to do what?"
Reply
11-15-2011 @ 9:20AM
Yolonda Reczek said...I am really having a hard time with my son growing up..he is 17 now and he will not do anything I ask him to do around the house..like pick up his messes..or help with our dogs or whatever it is I ask him to do he ignores me. We also had a wonderful relationship until I had my 8 yr old and then he pulled away from me. I know this is my fault but I do everything for him, his laundry, his chores..(because he will not do them) let him have the darn cell phone..all he does is text..we cannot even have a conversation because all he wants to do is text text text..well I took the phone away from him today..told him I wanted him to take the bus to school instead of riding with his friends and he ignored me and took off with his friends in the car...He is a very good boy just doesn't seem to have any respect for me. He only has respect for his coaches and teachers and his friends parents...where am I going wrong?? I love this boy with all my heart and losing him is killing me. My heart is broken in two knowing we are drifting farther and farther apart. How am I going to live without him??
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