Mom's Spanking Fuels Toddler's Aggression

One thing, she's the babysitter - how do you think the child's mother is going to take to child rearing advice from the babysitter? Get real! Unless the mother is beating the child as opposed to spanking (there is a difference) there shouldn't be a problem. Maybe the problem is the babysitter undermining what the parent is doing. I was spanked as a child, I spanked my children and the children I babysat. None of them have problems. There were no timeouts. Children shouldn't be hit in anger and you should tell them what they've done that is unacceptable. They should be given groundrules and guidelines and you have to watch them to make sure they follow them. It's not the babysitter's job to second guess the parent. If she's uncomfortable because of the way the mother disciplines her children then she can always decline to babysit for her. If she thinks the children are being abused, report it. There's nothing wrong with a little coporal punishment now and then. Children don't like to be lectured or talked at, they don't listen and it means nothing to them (I know, my father lectured me). Children don't like timeouts, it frustrates them.

Reply

Maybe these so called experts should try raising a family first before calling themselves experts. It's easy to come up with theories from your desk. I've raised kids so I can say with some authority this is BS.

Reply

How can anyone rationalize an adult hitting a toddler, under ANY circumstances? The 'I got spanked as a child and I survived' argument cuts no ice with me. I got spanked and intimidated by a parent too, back in the days when nobody questioned that approach and no one had any clue what 'parenting skills' meant. I spent years of my time and thousands of dollars on therapy as a result. To this day I'm still afraid to go after what I want in life, because I was taught from way too early an age to go belly-up when the big dog comes around, if you want to survive. That is no way to raise a kid.

But the abuse stops with me. My son has never been spanked or hit, and he is growing up a great, kind, warmhearted, easygoing, pleasant and cooperative human being.

Reply

Bull loney. Both my parents spanked me and I dearly loved both of them. I am 75 yrs old. I am honest and thoughtful. I probably would have ended up like the kids today. Many of them dishonest thieves probably due to the fact the parents are afraid of them. Beating NO. Spanking YES.

Reply

Hey, I was spanked growing up and I turned out all right and if anyone takes issue with me, I'll punch them in their face!

Reply

what a load of CRAP. Thats whats wrong with kids today. The lack of corpral punishment has created a generation of rude ignorant and disrespectful brats. We don't spank in school, so what do we have? Cops in school, arresting kids for doing things that kids do. Have the threat of getting your butt busted and you will eliminate a lot of crap in schools today. The lastest we were told is that if a student hit us or threatened us we were not permitted to protect ourselves. As far as I am concerned, I will gladly go to jail because I will kick the crap out them student or not.

Reply

Yes, the generation of the unspanked has brought us the generation of the rap star with pants around his ankle and no respect for anyone but himself. Never have so many little girls gone on to raise children by themselves. There are no immediate consequences to poor juvenile behavior except a future of wasted lives. You're not helping to build anything but psychotics with your moronic child raising schemes. Liberals and wellfare, that's their future.

Reply

In thinking back I would have to say that at 18 months to 24 months is about the time my wife and I may have first given a small swat on the rear to any of our three children, up until that point a quick loud voice (not yelling), a look of disappointment, and shaking our finger at them seemed to do the trick. Any loving parent knows when a child of theirs is testing them or another sibling; it’s not something that comes at any specific age with every child it can be different. I remember talking with my wife about it and agreeing we both should use the same methods of discipline and when you can no longer startle a child (and get that lower lip to show itself) with a quick loud voice and a finger shake another method is required. Whether it’s a time out sitting on a chair or stair, stopping them temporarily from whatever fun they were having, or a little swat on the rear again different things work for different kids, and as long as you can see in them their disappointment you’ll know your method worked. The trick is to keep changing together as a team as your kids grow up and to let the punishment fit the crime.

Reply

I cannot believe the extreme view of this article so many posters are having. She is not in any way advocating doing nothing, being your child's friend instead of parent, or sitting by doing nothing. There is tons of evidence that has shown hitting is not a natural consequence and doesn't help a child to correct his or her behavior- watch a child being spanked and what do you see their reaction is? Anger and resentment. Not "oh boy, let me think this through and not to do it again." A child's brain is constantly developing a establishing neuronal connections between behavior and outcomes. The greatest lesson you can teach your children is to understand why their behavior is not appropriate. Bringing it back to the relationship you have with your children has been proven to be the best way to help your child (google attachment theory). A well-attached, secure child will want to please his or her parents, and will want to correct their behavior. Hitting them does nothing but make them question the security of their attachment. it is never, ever okay to hit a child. I have 3. And I'm a marriage and family therapist. I am not a "hippie," nor do I allow my children to walk all over me. I use natural consequences that help them learn from their mistakes> My son is mean to my daughter- well, know he has to do something to make it up to her, like do her chore. He gets it. Being a parent does not give you the right to hit your child because you've lost your temper and are at wits end. How about a parent time out to calm down?

Reply

First of all, having the nanny/sitter bring this up to the mother is the surefire path to unemployment for the nanny. Second, this question feels like a total set-up for yet another "spanking is bad" lecture. I have a couple of friend who NEVER spanked their children. Guess what? Little kids hit whether they've ever been spanked or not. A few more kids getting a good crack on the fanny would go a long way towards eliminating the world of some of the spoiled, entitled, disrespectful brats running around.

Reply

Spanking is striking another human being. (Don't try it with an adult co-worker who can have a say in how they feel about being hit).

Those parents who think this is the only way to manage their child will do it. Those who have mastered other methods will use those.

Whether or not spanked children turn into successful adults does not justify hitting, in my opinion. It's not about how they turn out, it's about merits of using physical force against a little person.

If it floats your boat, do it. My parents didn't, I didn't as a parent, and my adult children will not strike their children. I do think that in the short run, children who are hit will feel more aggressive.

Not doing so means having patience and persistence and taking time to pursue other means. Most parents are too busy.

Reply

Spanking (and I do NOT mean beating!!) is entirely appropriate, but it is NOT appropriate for such a young child. I agree that very young children must be gently taught and led to behave appropriately. But too many young mothers are either talking to these toddler like little adults when they aren't cognitively developed enough to understand or they're "losing it" and spanking and dealing way too harshly with young children.

I dealt with this issue with the young mother of a very badly behaved 4 year old. She refused to spank and was determined to "explain" to this terrifying little girl how to behave appropriately.

When she kept telling me that spanking R........ would only lead to aggressive attitudes/behaviors on her part, I responded by asking, how it it is that she's never spanked and R.....is growing more agressive by the day? Sadly, she had no answer.

Abuse is never okay....NEVER. But an appropriate spanking carried out without anger or malice can often work miracles. It did with me, it did with my two children, and it does with my three grandchildren. 'Nuf said.

Reply

It should be "swatting" instead of spanking. That's how I was raised. My mother said, "if I have to go over there.....", and there was no need for her to finish the thought. We KNEW if her buttocks left that chair, or if she was required to move in our direction, a well-placed "swat" was coming. I am not aggressive today, and although I hated it then, we behaved in our home and in public. Sorry, but I had to be afraid of something, or I wouldn't have respected anyone or anything!

Reply

A swat on the butt definitely got my attention when I was, and I dared not get aggressive, for I knew there would be more to follow. My parents were never abusive, and I knew what I was getting spanked for. I work in a doctor's office and believe me there are quite a few children out there who are in dire need of a good old-fashioned butt whoopin. I see them scream, throw temper tantrums, and carry on like heathens while the parent's don't bat an eyelash. We need to go back to the old school.

Reply

I don't spank my kids, but I think it can be effective if done correctly. Both my parents spanked me when I was young, but they had very different methods. My mom lost her temper and just started swinging. This just left me confused and upset, with no clue as to why I was being spanked. My dad sent me to my room and told me he would be in there to spank me. He then went to calm himself down. When he came in the room he explained why I was being punished, spanked me, and then told me again what I did wrong. I cried of course, but I knew what I did wrong and not to do it again. What is this lady's problem with time outs? They are not violent, they allow the kid to calm down, and give them time to think about what they did wrong. Time outs have been very effective with both my kids (hence why I don't spank them). All I have to do now is warn them they will go to time out and any bad behaviour stops, most of the time. I started time outs at 18 months with both of them. This generation of kids is gonna grow up thinking they can do whatever they want with no consequences if these clueless child psychologists keep convincing parents that kids should never be punished, but coddled and catered to at all times.

Reply

My own opinion is that one reason many children today act out is because they feel so rushed and stressed by rushed and stressed parents. If parents are feeling overwhelmed, why wouldn't kids?

Many also live on junk food which makes kids behave in erratic ways, or they do not get sufficient sleep and/or rest and spend too much time hooked up to the Internet or watching TV. None of these things were true when I was a child, or when my child was young.

Spanking will not cure those deficits.

Reply

The children of now will be the adults and run the world tomorrow. From what I have seen, working retail, I am seriously worried about the future. Parents have a very hard time handling their children, because the children do NOT want to listen and have little respect because they fear NO PUNISHMENT! I was watching, just this morning, two children putting their hands all over merchandise, touching it, making a mess for others to clean up. The mother of the kids didn't do ANYTHING to stop them. I just looked at her like "are you going to STOP them from touching things that other people will buy"? Back when I was growing up, we FEARED oour parents because we KNEW we would get spanked, now, kids don't care becazsue the PARENTS don't care!

Reply

What a bunch of bull....

The best thing my Dad ever did for me was pull over the car, make me get out, go into the woods, find my own switch(tree limb/branch), break off any limbs, and hand it to him. I never hit my brother again, I can tell you that...

20 years later with a college degree and no prison time from fighting, murder, or "aggressive behavior"... What say ye, All-Knowing-Mom? Which is worse: Bad Parental Advice or A Firm Slap to the Buttocks... if it makes you feel better, make them call you "Coach"

Reply