Stay-at-Home Dads More Likely to Get Divorced

by Tom Henderson (Subscribe to Tom Henderson's posts)
Jul 12th 2011 2:30PM

Filed under: In The News, Research Reveals: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Research Reveals: Big Kids

Credit: Getty Images

You really need to think twice before you take in an ocelot, chimpanzee, wolf or human male with the thought of domesticating it first.

No matter how well trained and behaved they appear to be, these are essentially wild animals who operate more on instinct than intellect. They can be peaceful one minute and tearing your heart out the next.

And, odds are, one day they will want to return to the wild. On the other hand, odds are just as good you would will want them to go, anyway.

This is especially true of human males. Some women think they can train these creatures to stay home and perform basic domestic tasks, even take care of the children. Let's face it. That's a lot to expect from essentially mindless brutes who have trouble mastering the mechanics of lifting a toilet seat.

Researchers say they are likely to bolt.

A study published in the American Journal of Sociology concludes stay-at-home fathers are more likely to get divorced because, try as they might, they cannot ignore the calling of their Klingon blood. They generally prefer to be out in the world, marauding and competing.

Staying at home -- especially because of unemployment -- drives them to fits of depression.

"It's still unacceptable for men to stay home and take care of the kids," Liana Sayer, an associate professor of sociology at Ohio State University and lead author of the study, tells Time magazine.

Sayer says a woman who is unhappy in her marriage is more likely to consider divorce if she is working rather than unemployed. But unemployed men, she adds, face a double whammy.

They stand a greater chance of dumping their wives or being the dumpee -- even if they are fairly satisfied with their relationship.

It's what Sayer calls an "asymmetrical revolution."

"The role of women has changed a lot, but we have seen far less movement in the roles of men," Sayer tells the magazine. "That men be breadwinners still seems to be very salient for couples. If a man is not bringing in some money, it seems to be unacceptable."

Sayer and her fellow researchers collected data from more than 3,600 couples who participated in the National Survey of Families and Households funded by the National Institutes of Health.

They thought they would find unhappy-but-employed men would be more likely to leave their wives. Not really.

Men's depression -- tied to their job situation -- seemed to be the deciding factor.

"For men, not having a job increases the risk he will initiate leaving the relationship, and it also increases the risk women will leave the relationship," Sayer tells Time. "Men are still held to an older standard than women and penalized by employers and stigmatized if they are doing what's perceived as women's work."

ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)

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7-12-2011 @ 9:46PM

bi1 said...

Men will marry a woman who is between jobs but women will not.a woman figures she does not need the extra weight and between her thought and those of her friends especially the divorced ones ,the man no matter how he became between jobs is considered dead weight.Women still want the man to pay for everything and they keep ther money for themselves.

7-12-2011 @ 9:49PM

James said...

Women seem to think men cheat. Get a women out of the house and she knows her man is stuck at home.....Believe me, when it comes to cheating women do beat men on that one. As far as the toilet seat goes.........women can lift it when they're done, are they're arms broken?

7-13-2011 @ 4:15AM

Pixie said...

That would be "are their arms broken," James. It is always interesting to see the amount of resentment, even downright hatefulness, that men harbor towards women. Maybe it's time to try the "other team"?

7-13-2011 @ 5:27PM

wpb67 said...

That's what I did!!!!

7-12-2011 @ 11:17PM

Paul said...

As hard as this is for the tolerant liberals, God made men and women different. Deal with it!

10-11-2011 @ 6:28AM

Mark said...

It's funny, Republicans are always stating that liberals have a hard time dealing with facts. So where is your proof about god? Where is your proof that a 600 year old man, named Noah, built an ark out of his bare hands, on which he stored 2 of every animal and remained at sea for about 1 year? Proof, please? Oh that's right, religion has a "get out of proving your god exists" card. People like you pull it everytime someone questions your insane beliefs. We all want to know why we are here and where we are going, but come on, stop taking the easy way out by turning to religion.

Men and women are different, but please leave religion out of it. There have been many gods throughout history. The idea that humans suddenly got it right with your god is absurd. 1000 years from now, Christianity will be so radically different, if it even exists at all. More people like you will be claiming that their god is the one, true god.

7-13-2011 @ 1:49AM

MT said...

This was a very distasteful article.

7-13-2011 @ 2:40AM

Kathie said...

I agree. It was very distasteful. Everyone is different. It takes a special man to be a great stay-at-home Dad. Can anyone do it? No way. But not every woman can either.

I agree that this article is distasteful. The way it was written, saying that men are no better than wild animals, is supposed to be humorous, I guess, but is offensive on several levels. For one, it insults and demeans men. And for two, it states that women are fools to expect any different from men, so, in other words, they deserve what they get. Just like people used to say men couldn't help themselves and that's why they raped women. Just a stupid article through and through.

8-16-2011 @ 11:47PM

Al Watts said...

Agreed. What kind of BS is this that the woman has to train a man how to be a father. We can do just fine on our own thank you very much.

7-13-2011 @ 2:45AM

Kat said...

I can tell you what group of people is most likely to get divorced......Married ones!!!

7-13-2011 @ 6:43AM

MIKE said...

Dammed if ya do dammed if ya dont as far as the seat I put seat and lid down all must lift the seat lol

7-13-2011 @ 10:21AM

Ken said...

As a Stay At Home Dad myself for the last 5 years I can tell you that it is still a stigmatized situation--especially among other men! It is more accepted by women and is definitely a real challenge!
I have documented my experiences here: MemoirsOfaStayAtHomeDad dot com

7-14-2011 @ 2:41PM

Alice said...

My fiance and I have already decided that when we have kids, and after I am done breastfeeding, he will be a stay at home dad. It sucks that some people can't cope with this type of situation, but I know it will work really well for us. He's way more nurturing than I am anyway, haha.

7-15-2011 @ 1:30PM

sayso said...

My mom was a teacher and my dad was a farmer but he also cooked, cleaned and took care of my two brothers and I. (And to be honest he is a better cook than my mom.) No, not every man can stay at home but like others have said, neither can every woman. Instead of bashing men (and women for that fact) who do stay at home we should all be more positive to each other. We teach kids the Golden Rule but how many adults still follow it?

7-17-2011 @ 8:22PM

Amanda said...

Sayso, if I had a dollar for every time I said that to someone, I'd be a rich woman today! You summed it up to a T-it shouldn't matter who does what, both parents deserve RESPECT!

7-19-2011 @ 3:56PM

Odd Dad said...

Ugh. Me stoopid man, just like article say. I no know how to lift toilet seat, duh.

Mr. Henderson just insulted his own kind. Relationships are complicated and sometimes it's the man who stays home. And we stay-at-home dads are on the rise.

Why am I commenting on this obvious troll of an article? The author simply wants to get a rise out of men and that's why he equated them to animals who're always on the prowl.

Yet, the reasons cited for marriages ending is because of depression, not cheating. Mr. Henderson needs to get his story straight.

Or does he simply want to emphasize the stereotypes of men so that he doesn't have to live up to a higher standard. Methinks he himself would rather be out in the wild like a wildebeest, cavorting about with other creatures and not have to stay at home caring for a family.

I think it's very irresponsible for him to paint such an ugly picture of stay-at-home dads on a parenting blog of all places when instead he should be applauding the ones who've been successes at it. It's not an easy job. I doubt Mr. Henderson has any clue just how hard it is.

You've obviously just posted this article to solicit responses like mine. Well, it worked. I hope you're happy.

8-16-2011 @ 11:48PM

This article is terrible. What? Have we returned to the 1950's where only men can work and women must stay home to tend to the children and bake bunt cakes?

The study cited in this article talks about 'unemployed husbands' and does not once mention at-home dads. Not once. The authors of the study never controlled for fathers or whether or not they did indeed stay home with the kids when they lost their job.

In other words, it is completely inaccurate to link this study to the statement that stay-at-home dads are more likely to divorce. It is simply NOT TRUE!

Before you go on a binge of degrading men and putting them in their place back in the office, please actually read the study and get the unbiased facts straight.

9-01-2011 @ 12:14PM

Chad said...

Actually, the research did not say that stay at home dads are more likely to divorce. It said that unemployed men are more likely to divorce.

First, the men in the study may or may not have been fathers, that was not part of the study. Secondly, if you understand the term unemployed, you know that men who stay at home by choice are not unemployed.

The Time article, where you likely copied the bulk of your story, changed their title because they were wrong.

healthland.time.com/2011/07/11/unemployed-men-are-more-likely-to-divorce/

Not only is your article distasteful, but the "facts" are wrong.

Now if you want to see a bunch of guys that can perform domestic task and take care of their children quite nicely you should come out to DC October 8. I will introduce you.
athomedadconvention.com

Men, if your wife will let you be a stay-at-home dad, DO IT! It sure beats the hell out of the rat race. Your body and mind will thank you in the long run. Women don't live longer because of their gender, you know. It's all the perks they get in life. It's time for men to finally get some of these perks.

Sadly, most women would never allow their husband to take on that role. Most women still want the option to either work full-time, or opt-out to be a stay-at-home mother.

The only SAHD's I have ever met were men who were recently unemployed and men who were physically disabled. It appears the only way men can have this luxury that women have enjoyed for centuries is to either get hit by the economy, or hit by a bus.

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