ParentDish

Beyond Grandparents Day, the Legal Battle for Grandparent Rights Continues

Julia Halewicz — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 07:00:00 EST

Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Relatives, In The News, Family Time

Grandparents Day is supposed to be joyous, yet some are locked in visitation battles that last for years. Credit: jupiterimages

Richard Victor was three years out of law school when he heard a story about a grandmother being denied visits with her grandchildren after her daughter died of cancer. It was the 1970s and the young lawyer couldn't help but think about how one day his own family, or any other, for that matter, could be affected by a similar fate.

Victor decided to represent the grandmother, and in 1978 got Michigan law changed to create rights for grandparents, unexpectedly becoming a leader in the movement. Today, he runs the non-profit Grandparents Rights Organization.

On Sun., Sept. 12 the country will celebrate Grandparents Day and honor the people whose love and dedication to children is often taken for granted. Some grandparents will receive cards, others will enjoy a visit with their grandchildren and some might receive a gift.

But Grandparents Day is not always a happy occasion and can go unmarked for those who are fighting for the right to be a part of their grandchildren's lives. Several decades of changing social norms that affect family structures -- including divorce and out-of-wedlock children -- have created a nationwide movement to secure grandparents the right to see their grandchildren.

State-by-State Rulings on Grandparent Rights

Editor's Note: This series was originally published on Sept. 11, 2009.

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Born on September 11: A Birthday Forever Changed

Julia Halewicz — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 09:30:00 EST

Filed under: In The News, Media, Birthdays

Dinetta Wallach and her daughter Gabrielle, whose birthday is on September 11. From their downtown Manhattan neighborhood, they had a direct view of the World Trade Center. Credit: Damon Dahlen, AOL

When your birthday falls on the same date as one of the worst tragedies of humankind, yearly celebrations take a backseat to memorial services. Four families with children born on that horrific day share their stories.

Gabrielle Wallach doesn't want to celebrate her 12th birthday with cake this year. Actually, the seventh-grader told her parents that she never wants cake on her birthday. Instead of marking the occasion with indulgent sweets, Gabrielle prefers to quietly honor the 2,975 people who lost their lives eight years ago on her birthday -- September 11.

Dinetta Wallach, Gabrielle's mother, still cries when she thinks about how her little girl woke up in the family's downtown Manhattan apartment on the morning of her 4th birthday, Sept. 11, 2001, eagerly anticipating her SpongeBob SquarePants birthday cake, and how her daughter's world -- along with everyone else's -- changed.

Mother and daughter were home alone when they heard a giant boom at 8:45 a.m. It was the hijacked passenger jet, American Airlines Flight 11 out of Boston, Mass., slamming into the north tower of the World Trade Center. Minutes later, while taking in the horrifying view from a neighbor's apartment, they witnessed the second plane hit and, soon after the buildings collapse.

"Why is that building burning?," Wallach remembers her daughter asking over and over again. Then, the little girl, who was starting pre-kindergarten the next day asked, "Did my SpongeBob cake blow up, too?"

"She thought the whole city was coming down," said Wallach.

Dinetta Wallach gets emotional when she thinks about how many birthday celebrations her daughter, Gabrielle, has voluntarily given up. Credit: Damon Dahlen, AOL

Continue reading Born on September 11: A Birthday Forever Changed

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Boy, 6, Paints Like a Master

Julia Halewicz — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 16:00:00 EST

Filed under: In The News, Weird But True, Amazing Kids

Kieron Williamson has stunned the art world with his beautiful watercolors. Credit: Albanpix, Rex USA

The art world's newest sensation isn't an Oscar-winner-turned-painter or a brooding ladies' man. Rather, the name rolling off the tongues of Britain's art cognoscenti is Kieron Williamson, a 6-year-old boy with a knack for painting beautiful watercolors.

Kieron, whose first show will open at the Last Picture Show in Town gallery in Norfolk, England on Sunday, is being lauded for having talent, "well beyond his years," writes the Daily Mail. The paintings of harbor scenes, animals, landmarks, and rural vistas are rendered in muted colors and shadow, baring an emotional depth usually found in the works of adults. As a result, some media outlets are calling Kieron a "prodigy," placing him among a select group of children whose talents both awe the public and raise its suspicions.

Kieron's paintings are not your usual kindergarten art projects. Credit: Albanpix, Rex USA

"I like painting because ... it makes me think of places I can't see," said the young artist, who's father Keith is an art dealer.

Art didn't interest Kieron very much before he visited the coastal towns of Devon and Cornwall with his parents and younger sister Billie-Jo, mom Michelle told the Daily Mail. The boats and local landscape inspired the young boy to ask for paper and begin drawing; his mom described those early works as typical of his age group.

When family friend and artist Carol Ann Pennington saw Kieron's work, however, she recognized his potential and gave him lessons. Ms. Pennington owns the gallery showcasing Kieron's paintings. The young boy has already sent an original to the Queen of England and plans to send one to Prince Charles as well, reports the Daily Mail.

Child prodigies become media sensations once discovered and sometimes the attention turns ugly. In 2004, the U.S. became taken with a 4-year-old girl named Marla Olmstead whose works were compared to Jackson Pollack. At the time, Marla's paintings were selling for as much as $24,000 and she was featured in The New York Times. The overwhelming praise for Marla led 60 Minutes to video tape her creative process and show the footage to a psychologist specializing in gifted children. The expert was underwhelmed and cast a shadow on the authenticity of the prodigy from Binghamton, N.Y. Marla continues to paint today.

Kieron will experience his first gallery opening two days before he turns 7. As the highly anticipated paintings make their debut, the world might do Kieron a service by holding back the "prodigy" label until the boy can deal with the accompanying baggage.

This article was originally published on Aug. 4, 2009.

Related: Site Offers Art for Everyone

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Miley Cyrus' 9-Year-old Little Sis Gets Halloween All Wrong

Julia Halewicz — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:01:00 EST

Filed under: Celeb Kids, In The News, Extreme Childhood, Fashion

Noah Cyrus, 9, dressed for Halloween. Juan Rico, Fame Pictures

When we saw this photo of Noah Cyrus, teen sensation Miley Cyrus' 9-year-old little sis, in an extremely sexualized Halloween getup, we just gasped.

Dlisted, who published the photo, calls for a slap on papa Billy Ray Cyrus' wrists.

Little Cyrus vamped it up for Jamie Lee Curtis' Halloween party -- Curtis was dressed as Mother Nature, according to Dlisted -- but sadly, this grade-schooler turned heads for all the wrong reasons.

What do you think?

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First Lady Gets Sweaty for Healthy Kids Fair; We Likey

Julia Halewicz — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:20:00 EST

Filed under: Celeb Parents, In The News

First lady Michelle Obama hosted the Healthy Kids Fair at the White House yesterday to promote good eating habits and exercise among children.

Obama took part in the day's activities by showing off her athletic prowess in a round of Double Dutch and by hula hooping. Here are ParentDish's two favorite photos from the day.

First lady Michelle Obama jumps rope "Double Dutch" style on the South Lawn of the White House to promote the Healthy Kids Fair she hosted Oct. 21. The event promoted exercise and healthy eating habits for children. Getty Images

The first lady hula hoops during the Healthy Kids Fair she hosted at the White House Oct. 21. Getty Images

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Halloween Safety Tips Every Parent Should Know

Julia Halewicz — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:30:00 EST

Filed under: Holidays, Health & Safety: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Health & Safety: Big Kids, Health & Safety: Tweens, Health & Safety: Teens

Trick-or-treating shouldn't be frightening for parents. With some common sense and an eye toward safety, it'll be a fun evening for all.

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Halloween Safety

Halloween is a magical night where the world of make-believe comes alive for kids. But for parents, it's about keeping kids safe. ParentDish talked to experts to get the safety tips you need.

Underwriters Laboratories

Halloween Safety

Always check your decorations for "loose connections, frayed or bare wires and broken or cracked sockets," says Underwriters Laboratories' director of consumer safety John Drengenberg.

UL recommends using plastic hooks or clips to reduce the risk of electric shock and fire hazards and never nailing or stapling light strings.

Outdoor decorations should always have a red UL symbol; if using an extension cord, be mindful not to pinch it under a doorway or window, which can lead to a smoldering fire.

And make sure candles are never left unattended. In the event of a fire, close the door to the room where the fire is and get everyone out of the home, says Lt. Anthony Mancuso, director of fire safety education for the New York City Fire Department and 26-year veteran. Call 911 from outside.

Underwriters Laboratories

This frightening image provided by Underwriters Laboratories, shows how costumes can go up in flames if they are made of the wrong materials.

"The point where a child can potentially be burned is just a few seconds," says UL's John Drengenberg.

Always buy flame-resistant or flame-retardant costumes and wigs, a quality that will appear on the label. Fuzzy costumes will burn a lot quicker than more streamlined versions.

Modacrylics and 100 percent polyester are flame retardant and the best fabric options for homemade costumes, says Lt. Anthony Mancuso, of the New York City Fire Department.
Mancuso recommends children tie back long hair as a precaution against it catching fire.

In the event a costume does catch fire, immediately put him on the ground and roll him to smother the flames.

Underwriters Laboratories

Ill-fitting costumes contribute to an increase in injuries from slipping and tripping, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Dr. Julie Gilchrist with the CDC's Injury Center recommends using costumes that are not too long and have appropriately fitting shoes.

This is especially true of country kids who walk through long, gravel driveways and grassy yards, says Underwriters Laboratories' Drengenberg.

Clear walkways of debris before trick-or-treaters come out and keep walkways well-lit and free of decoration to avoid possible injury.

(JSR), Flickr

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends adding to costumes some reflective tape, which can be purchased at hardware stores. Also, kids should carry flashlights so drivers can see trick-or-treaters at dusk and later.

This is especially true for kids in rural areas, says Underwriters Laboratories' Drengenberg.

"Purchase or make costumes from light-colored material," says Drengenberg. Light and bright fabrics will be clearly visible to motorists. One classic option that fits the safety bill? The Mummy.

D'Arcy Norman, Flickr

According to Dr. Julie Gilchrist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Injury Center, "Pedestrian injuries are the most common injuries to children treated in emergency departments on Halloween."

Safe Kids USA reports children are more than twice as likely to get hit and killed by a car on Halloween than any other day of the year.

City kids are safer choosing makeup over masks so their peripheral vision is unencumbered. "If a mask is used, make sure it fits securely and has eye holes large enough to allow full vision," says Underwriters Laboratories' Drengenberg. Always follow traffic signs and signals and use crosswalks and sidewalks.

The Way You Do Everything, Flickr

Parents should always accompany kids to doors, says Nancy McBride, national safety director of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

Trick-or-treaters should never go into homes unaccompanied or near a home that is not well-lit. "Make sure you know the neighborhood," McBride says.

Children should also be weary of vehicles, whether they are occupied or not, since 70 percent of abduction attempts employ a vehicle, according to McBride.

If you're in a low-density rural area, consider attending an organized party rather than venturing into an unfamiliar neighborhood, McBride recommends.

Advise your children to make a scene and yell loudly if someone does try to grab them ; kicking, screaming and using resistance can help children get out of danger.

Justin D Miller, Flickr

Plan in advance to have a designated guardian with children at all times, says Nancy McBride, of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

Anyone a parent trusts is suitable and age doesn't necessarily matter. Older siblings are one option.

"It depends on the maturity of the child and whether you feel confident your child wants to take on that responsibility," says McBride. "That's a conversation you have as a family."

Use technology to stay in touch and give kids guidelines for using it. Walking and texting is not a good idea - especially on suburban streets where kids share roadways with cars commuting home during prime trick-or-treating hours -- and have set check-in times.

Ron Lemise, Flickr

When you're in high-density areas, like downtown Manhattan during New York City's annual Halloween parade, keeping track of one another can be a challenge. Group costume themes or accessories can help children quickly identify their companions in a crowd.

"I take this back to the whole theme-park approach," says Nancy McBride, of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. "A group of friends can organize to all wear orange sweatbands."

The New York City Police Department recommends parents place emergency contact information in a discreet place inside children's costumes in case of separation.

Herkie, Flickr

Let's face it -- Halloween is all about the candy.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends kids eat only factory-wrapped treats. That means if that neighbor you've never really spoken to on the other side of your suburban development hands out homemade brownies, you should probably chuck them.

"If you know the person who made that treat, I think you should use good common sense," says Nancy McBride, of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

Underwriters Laboratories director of consumer safety John Drengenberg recommends checking small toys that children might get in goody bags for choking hazards. "Anything that fits through the inside cardboard cylinder of a toilet paper roll could be small enough to get stuck in a child's airway," says Drengenberg.

Juushika Redgrave, Flickr

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Grandparent Polls: The Results Are In

Julia Halewicz — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 07:30:00 EST

Filed under: Relatives, Celeb Parents, Relationships, Family Time, Home Base

You may only have one or two grandparents in your life, but nationwide, they are 70 million strong. Since Grandparents Day is around the corner -- Sunday, September 13 -- we wanted to know how you felt about your elders. Scroll down to see the results.

Got something to add about the grandparents in your life? Let us know by adding your voice to the Comments.

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Grandparent Rights - Grandparents Day Emerges

Julia Halewicz — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 05:00:00 EST

Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Relatives, In The News

During the same year Victor was fighting for grandparents' rights in Michigan, a West Virginia housewife named Marian McQuade decided it was time to honor the elderly living in nursing homes and encourage grandchildren to seek the wisdom of the seniors in their family.

In 1978, President Jimmy Carter recognized her grassroots campaign and declared the first Sunday after Labor Day as National Grandparents Day.

Hallmark started selling Grandparents Day cards that year, but the holiday has remained on a small scale, even compared to St. Patrick's Day, which rounds out the card titan's top eight best-selling card holidays, according to the company. No sales figures for Grandparents Day cards are available from Hallmark, but the company's Web site notes that grandparents want the holiday to be "a big event" and acknowledged with a card or gift.

"It's an opportunity to honor grandparents, by all means," enthused Goyer. "The task is to educate families about Grandparents Day to get the recognition and acknowlegment that grandparents deserve."

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Grandparent Rights in the Spotlight

Julia Halewicz — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 05:00:00 EST

Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Relatives, Celeb Parents, In The News

Michael Jackson's untimely death that led to his 79-year-old mother, Katherine Jackson, being granted full custody of his three children has brought the grandparent rights controversy to a national level.

Questions surrounding the decision, which was stipulated in Jackson's will, focused on the grandmother's age -- which some felt hindered her ability to care for children -- and the rights of a biological parent to reclaim children who were left in someone else's care. Deborah Rowe is the birth mother to Prince Michael I, 12, and Paris,11. The identity of Prince Michael "Blanket" II, the deceased singer's 7-year-old, is unknown.

How will you celebrate Grandparents Day? Credit: jupiterimages

Grandparents Day Emerges

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Grandparent Rights - The Legacy of Troxel v. Granville

Julia Halewicz — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 05:00:00 EST

Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Relatives, In The News

If grandparents in traditional families sometimes feel neglected, those who are part of troubled family units suffer even more so.

Amy Goyer, grandparenting and family columnist for the AARP, told ParentDish that divorce is not the only factor heating up the grandparent rights debate. The increase in teen pregnancy and substance abuse during the last several years have also played a role in sending grandparents to court to fight for visitation.

"Many disagreements were emotional, not legal," Victor added.

One such case was Troxel v. Granville, which the U.S. Supreme Court ruled on in 2000. While Victor spent years addressing the legal fallout, he said the 2000 Troxel v. Granville Supreme Court decision undid some of the progress.

The Troxels, a Washington state couple, were the paternal grandparents of two girls born out of wedlock. They had frequent visits with their grandchildren before their son and the mother of his children split up. When the Troxel's son committed suicide two years later, and the girls' mother married, the mother limited the grandparents' visits.

Because the parents weren't married, the Troxels could only petition the court using a broad state statute that says any "third party" could ask for visitation rights. The Supreme Court ruled against the Troxels because the state law was too broad and took away parental authority by putting the burden of proof on the mother. But the six opinions rendered offered different interpretations for how courts should evaluate similar cases. One opinion gave special weight to a parent's position, but allowed room for grandparents to gain visitation rights if the grandparents proved it was in the child's best interest.

This ruling was widely misinterpreted as a blow to grandparent rights and some states began favoring parental rights at the cost of a true evaluation of each case, said Victor.

"We are on unsteady ground," added Goyer of the current climate on the Troxel v. Granville case.

Grandparent Rights in the Spotlight

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Grandparent Rights - State-by-State Rulings

Julia Halewicz — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 05:00:00 EST

Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Relatives, In The News

States differ on their criteria for granting grandparents visitation and the National Committee of Grandparents for Children's Rights keeps track of state rulings on the issue, which is summarized here.

Since 2001, several states have ruled on the issue -- most against existing laws protecting visitation. California, Florida, Tennessee and New Jersey courts declared existing laws protecting grandparents rights unconstitutional. However, in 2007, New York ruled in favor of grandparents.

Ohio grandparents must prove they have an interest in the child's welfare. In Alabama, courts take into account the moral character of the parents and the age and sex of the children. Rhode Island evaluates the relationship the grandparent has with the child as does Wisconsin.

Parents rights play a role in some states, including California, where the court follows the parents' wishes if both parents refuse grandparents visitation. Oregon and South Carolina consider how grandparent visitation will affect the child-parent relationship.

Some states evaluate the length of time grandparents have spent with their grandchild to determine if visitation rights are in order. New Mexico allows grandparents to petition for visitation rights if the child is older than six and has lived with the grandparent for more than six months; if the child is younger than six, the requirement goes down to three months.

Different states grant grandparents different rights. Credit: jupiterimages

Grandparents can file for visitation in some states only after they have been denied visits for a certain period; in Missouri, it's 90 days. In Texas, parents must be proven incompetent or neglectful, among other criteria, in determining grandparent visitation. In cases where a child is born out of wedlock, certain states require paternity tests, including Nebraska and Illinois.

When a child is put up for adoption in California, Connecticut and New York, grandparents do not lose their rights to see the child. However, all rights are cut off in Alabama, Delaware, Idaho,Virginia, West Virginia, Utah, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Hawaii, Maine, Oregon, Nebraska, Maryland and New Hampshire. The remaining states allow grandparents to pursue rights depending on the relationship of the adoptive parent to the grandparent.

For more on each state's laws regarding grandparents rights, contact the National Committee of Grandparents for Children's Rights.

To find out the Grandparents Rights in your state, click here.

The Legacy of Troxel v. Granville

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Links We Love, And One We Don't

Julia Halewicz — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 11:00:00 EST

Filed under: Activities: Babies, Health & Safety: Babies, Funny Stuff, Health & Safety: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Activities: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Health & Safety: Big Kids, Activities: Big Kids, Health & Safety: Tweens, Activities: Tweens, Health & Safety: Teens, Activities: Teens, New In Pop Culture

School's in, but your kids still need playtime. Credit: Jupiterimages

Virtual Valium. The playground can be a very very scary place. Poor Maggie Simpson is having a terrible time socializing with the other tots but her oblivious dad, Homer, of course misinterprets the situation. This scene from last season's "The Simpsons" captures a moment we're all probably guilty of from the perspective of the little ones.

Crib Sheet. Nurse Practitioner Schools compiled the 100 Pediatric Health Blogs Every Mom Should Read. No more fruitless Google searches that turn up iffy sources. The recommendations include descriptions of each blog's content and links. Dr. Jim Sears, of TV's "The Doctors" appears on the list, along with not-so-famous doctors from around the country who offer their opinions on health care and raising kids. Our only note? Let's include "Dad" in the title.

Trends. Just because school is back in session and the freedom of summer is over, kids shouldn't be deprived of unstructured play, says Stuart Brown in a Happy Days blog for The New York Times. Brown is the founder and president of the National Institute for Play and wrote, "Play, How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul." He reminds parents that letting kids play outside for just one hour a day helps them build the emotional and physical skills they need to succeed in life.

Contest. Sonic has partnered with DonorsChoose.org to fund teachers' classroom projects. You can help by ordering any drink at Sonic through the end of the month and using the drink's special code to vote at DonorsChoose.org for your favorite teacher's project. Sonic will donate more than $500,000 to the winning projects. Voting ends Oct. 1.

Thumbs Down. You spot a pair of tiny feet bouncing along in a stroller and can't resist taking a peek. What cheeks! What big, brown eyes! What an adorable sign hanging precariously above the baby's head warding me off lest I whip out the hand sanitizer! We're not joking. The signs read, "Please wash your hands before touching mine" and come in red, blue and pink silicone rubber. They cost $7.95 and can hang almost anywhere. A well-intentioned mother who gave birth to a premature baby created the jarring baby accessory, so we understand why germs were an issue for the mom. But isn't it a parent's job to model good social skills for their children by graciously addressing strangers who like to innocently touch babies instead of relying on signs to get the message across?

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Links We Love

Julia Halewicz — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:19:00 EST

Filed under: Feeding & Sleeping, Sex, Gear Guides: Babies, Gear Guides: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Gear Guides: Big Kids, Gear Guides: Tweens

Babycook Baby Food Maker is a must for homemade meals. Credit: buybuy BABY

Virtual Valium. Ever find yourself a little desperate and coming up with bizarre birth control alternatives when you can't find your pills or a condom? Come on, admit it; plastic wrap has totally crossed your mind. Well, you've got nothing on these crazy ideas gathered at the Momversation blog for their story called, The 9 Most Bizarre Birth Control Methods.

Crib Sheet. Parents who try to make their own baby food know how time-consuming and difficult it is to deal with double boilers and cutting boards while your 6-month-old dangles off your hip. The Beaba Babycook Baby Food Maker is a French-made appliance that cuts down on mess, saves time and doesn't require you to hold our baby near a hot stove. An all-in-one steamer, defroster, blender and warmer whose components are BPA-free, you simply put raw vegetables in the basket, set it to steam, and go play with blocks while the food cooks safely in the kitchen. The wonder-machine is now available at buybuy Baby, which means you can add the $149.99 appliance to your baby registry.

Trends. Since the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced it is considering recommending that heterosexual male adults, and possibly homosexual males, get circumcised to help prevent the spread of HIV, new attention is being paid to an ancient tradition. The Atlantic Monthly's bloggers for The Daily Dish have been going back and forth on the topic, raising questions like is it fair to perform the procedure on a newborn who has no say in the matter? For more on the debate, check out Hanna Rosin's post, Foreskin's Lament.

Contest. The Toshiba/NSTA ExploraVision contest is now open to K-12-graders who form teams and create a unique vision of a technology of the future. Any science skill level is welcomed and all kids will develop their teamwork skills and have fun letting their imaginations run wild. Entries are due Feb. 2, 2010. Four first-place teams will win a $10,000 bond, a trip to Washington, D.C., and more.

Thumbs Up. Toys "R" Us published its 2009 "Toys"R"Us Toy Guide for Differently-Abled Kids" that matches toys to specific skill sets and offers tips to caregivers on how to avoid playtime injuries. Mega-star mom and grandmother Whoopi Goldberg appears on the cover of the guide and made a video for the Web site. You can pick up the catalog for free at Toys "R" Us and Babies "R" US, or get the information online. Read up even if your child isn't differently abled; your friends with kids who have special needs will appreciate it.

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Guilty Kids Grow Up To Be Good Adults

Julia Halewicz — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 09:56:00 EST

Filed under: In The News, Research Reveals: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Research Reveals: Big Kids, Research Reveals: Tweens

Turns out, a little guilt goes a long way. Credit: 小旺旺的媽, Flickr

Maybe it's time to lay off the overbearing Italian or Jewish mom cliches. A little guilt, it turns out, is a good thing.

Guilt -- what kids describe as "that sinking feeling in the tummy" -- helps children become considerate and conscientious adults, reports The New York Times. The news comes from a University of Iowa study looking to hone in on the effect of two components that create those characteristics in adults: what's called effortful control, or exercised self control, and guilt, according to the story.

One experiment researchers performed involved adults giving a special toy to two-year-olds with the caveat that the kids be "very careful." The toys were rigged to immediately break. The children's reactions for the next minute were observed; researchers then followed the behavior patterns of the same children for five years. Two-year-olds were chosen because it is the first year they typically start to feel guilt, the Times reports.

Kids who showed they felt guilty after breaking the toy had fewer behavioral problems during the study's span no matter how they previously tested in effortful control. Kids who showed low levels of guilt but scored high in effortful control also reported fewer behavioral problems. Signs of guilt noted by researchers were squirming, avoiding eye contact, hugging themselves, hunching their shoulders, and covering their faces with their hands. The study was published in the August issue of The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

"If you have high guilt," study leader Dr. Grazyna Kochanska told the Times, "it's such a rapid response system, and the sensation is so incredibly unpleasant, that effortful control doesn't much matter."

How guilty a child feels is part nature, part nurture. Researchers have not been able to identify a parenting style that effects guilt levels, the Times reports. But parents should make sure children don't confuse guilt with shame -- when a child feels like they are a bad person. One way to ensure that distinction is to focus on the problem and offer a solution, according to the story.

In other words, don't let Johnny cry over spilled milk. Just have him clean it up.

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For Astronauts, It's A Family Affair

Julia Halewicz — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 06:26:00 EST

Filed under: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Work Life, In The News

The crew of space shuttle Discovery have 20 children among them. Credit: Getty Images

Space: The final frontier ... for parents?

All seven astronauts aboard the space shuttle Discovery, which was supposed to launch Tuesday but got delayed and launched on Saturday, are parents, reports the Associated Press in a story picked up by The New York Times.

In total, the crew boasts 20 children ranging in age from 6 to 26. The AP offered a glimpse into the lives of the parents.

While space has become a family affair, only one mom is along for Discovery's ride -- Nicole Stott, who has a 7-year-old son. Stott, 46, will have the distinction of being the first American woman to live at the international space station for three months with a young child at home. Her husband, Chris, will care for their son while the space mom is away, as he has done throughout Stott's overseas training.

In spite of the adventurous nature of Stott's business trip, she sounded like a lot of moms who juggle work and family when she told the AP, "'I can honestly say I would not be doing this if I didn't think it was to help improve life here on Earth for him [her son] and make things better for the future for him and other kids as well."

Stott isn't the only one inspired by her child.

Astronaut Danny Olivas, 43, has five children ages 6 to 14. He told the AP: "'The whole notion of exploring and space is what we, as human beings, can fundamentally do to nurture our children's sense of awe and pushing their own envelopes."

And Jose Hernandez, 47, also a father of five, hopes his family history will inspire children. Having grown up in a Mexican migrant family and used education to overcome poverty, Hernandez told the AP he wants kids to think, ''Hey, you know, if he did it, why can't I do it?''

Adding to the Discovery brood, pilot Kevin Ford has two children in their 20s; Commander Rick Sturckow has two young children; Patrick Forrester has two sons in their 20s; and Swedish astronaut Christer Fuglesang has three children.

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Should Cocktail Moms Get Sober?

Julia Halewicz — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 10:30:00 EST

Filed under: In The News, Alcohol & Drugs

Drinking and parenting don't mix -- or do they? Credit: The Way You Do Everything, Flickr

Earlier this year, author Stefanie Wilder-Taylor admitted in a now famous post on her Baby on Bored blog that wine had become a crutch and she decided to stop drinking. Known for her cutting wit and creating the chic image of a mom carrying her baby in one hand, cocktail in the other, the blogger's about-face stunned fans. Her 2006 best-selling book, "Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay," spoke to mothers who couldn't be perfect and didn't necessarily want to live up to that impossible standard. She was considered, by The New York Times' estimation, a heroine of cocktail moms.

More surprising than Wilder-Taylor's revelation to become a teetotaler, was the fact that it was not unique.

Stories of reformed cocktail moms have brought the social drinking habits of mothers under scrutiny. The tragic accident on New York's Taconic State Parkway in July, in which a mother named Diane Schuler killed eight people because she was allegedly drunk and stoned, caused a backlash against the idea that cocktail moms are a harmless extension of the "Sex & the City" female archetypes.

And now, the United States Department of Transportation released FBI statistics showing the number of women arrested for driving under the influence has increased by nearly 30 percent from 1998 to 2007. Time.com declared the end of the cocktail mom because of this perfect storm of tragedy, but women on both sides of the issue believe it's not that simple.

Rachael Brownell, who promoted the cocktail mom lifestyle as a writer for Babble, just published "Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore," an account of her first year parenting her three children sober. In an email interview with ParentDish, Brownell explained that cocktail moms are not a new phenomenon.

"Women in my mother's generation had cocktail hours, for heaven's sake," she wrote. "There was a stronger delineation between adult and child space and time. Parents need that space and now we call it 'cocktail moms' or 'cocktail parents.'"

While the desire for a cocktail remains universal, mothers today have their own demons that complicate the drinking issue. Uppercase Woman blogger Cecily Kellogg, who got sober before becoming a mother, pointed to the parental commitment to children's safety; drinking, for women, can be perceived as a compromise of that mission, which explains why the public had such low tolerance for Diane Schuler's case.

Then, there's the very public face of drinking that exists because of blog and social networking sites, which inevitably draw more attention to the act and create an image bigger than the writer. Wilder-Taylor's widely lauded Make Mine a Double column was a joyful celebration of imperfect parenting before she became sober.

Now, the writer trolls her past columns for signs of the moment she went overboard with drinking. Dredging up an old post where drinking is mentioned with reckless abandon, she wrote to her audience: "Enjoy or judge. Whatever ..."

Sober Mommy blogger Amanda Griffin is a fan of Wilder-Taylor's, but won't be reading her own internet journal from the days when she drank anytime soon. Sober for nearly five years, Griffin's drinking problem reached its height when she, "began to find ways to hide the number of wine bottles that were in the recycling bin," she explained in an email to ParentDish.

Now, the mother of three girls admits that cocktail-mom literature might have made her feel "validated" in choosing alcohol to cope with life, but like her fellow newly sober moms, Griffin does not believe it was a driving force in turning her into an alcoholic.

Nor do the women who have given up alcohol believe the alleged end of the cocktail mom culture will change actual drinking habits. Griffin feels the "vilification" of Diane Schuler will only send alcoholics underground. "There is always a place for blogs and playdates with cocktails," wrote Brownell.

Such a sentiment is supported by the larger blogging community. Devra Renner, co-author of the Parentopia blog and the best-selling book, "Mommy Guilt," with Aviva Pflock, said that Wilder-Taylor should be commended for battling her addiction, but she does not think one woman's personal experience should affect women who can manage their alcohol intake.

"If your gut says have a glass of wine, have a glass of wine. Just don't drink the whole bottle," she told ParentDish.

Mommy Needs a Cocktail blogger Kristen Hammond believes cocktail-mom culture transcends a catch phrase and she has no plans to change the name of her blog.

"[It] is not about needing a bottle of scotch to get you through the day. ... It is the moment that you realize that only humor is going to get you to bedtime," Hammond wrote to ParentDish.

That's not too different from what Dads have been doing for a long time. "Newsflash: Dads drink. Dads are not held to the same standard of perfection that mothers are," Brownell wrote.

Instead of the cocktail-dads label, we call the image of a suburban backyard full of kids with Dad flipping burgers on the grill, beer in hand, the American Dream.

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Links We Love

Julia Halewicz — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 08:00:00 EST

Filed under: In The News

Looking for healthy school lunch suggestions? Look no further. Credit: tiffanywashko, Flickr

Virtual Valium. Hubby is dropping hints that he wants to add to your tribe, but you're not interested in another bout of morning sickness and bulging veins. Not to mention the whole labor thing. Have your husband watch along as British musical-comedian Helen Austin puts an end to the debate in "Childbirth Song."

Crib Sheet. Scratch lunch off your list of back-to-school anxieties thanks to the Crunchy Domestic Goddess, a blogger who offers tips and delicious recipes for packing eco-friendly and healthy lunches for kids. We're sure Junior won't want to trade no-bake chewy chocolate chip granola bars for a boring candy bar. Did you take note of the "no-bake" part?

Trends. Pink princess wallpaper covered in Jonas Brothers posters is just one sign your child has entered the nebulous pre-tween years. There's no "What to Expect" installment for dealing with your newly moody and insecure kids who are still too young to be tweens, says Mommy Track'd columnist Risa Green. So what are you supposed to do when your son suddenly refuses to be seen in public with you? Hold your breath until high school.

Contest. The Prudential Spirit of Community Awards is accepting applications until November from children in grades 5-12 who have performed community service in the last year. National winners can win as much as $5,000 for themselves and $5,000 for the charity of their choice. Check out the contest site for more deadline and application information.

Thumbs Up. Parents who choose SIGG stainless steel bottles for their children over plastic vessels have something to cheer about. In the wake of a controversial Canadian study claiming BPA-free plastic bottles contain traces of the potentially harmful chemical, SIGG disclosed that the material used to form the inner bottle liners has been BPA-free since August 2008, according to a letter from the CEO posted on the company's website. Prior to that, the liners contained trace amounts of BPA, but no leaching or migration of BPA was found during testing. SIGG even posted pictures of the liners so you can identify which version you have. Kudos to the Swiss-based company for addressing the concerns of parents directly, especially when the issues surrounding BPA are anything but clear.

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Parents and School Adminstrators Clash Over Autism Service Dogs

Julia Halewicz — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 12:40:00 EST

Filed under: Medical Conditions, In The News, Special Needs, Education: Big Kids

Do autistic kids need service dogs in school? Credit: Robin Scholz, AP

Parents of autistic children find themselves in another battle for their kids' well being as they trying to convince school administrators that service dogs, most commonly used to aid the blind, are beneficial to autistic children and should be allowed in schools.

According to the Associated Press (AP), proponents of the dogs believe they help children calm down, transition and stay out of traffic. School administrators question if the dogs are essential to the management of a disability and worry that other students who fear dogs or have allergies will be adversely affected.

Although autistic children's protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act gives them the right to have service dogs, the AP reports that schools are entitled to challenge the necessity of the animals.

The debate is escalating around the country. Two cases went to court in Illinois recently and in one, six-year-old Kaleb Drew won a judge's order permitting him to take his yellow Labrador retriever to school until the case goes to trial on November 10, reports the AP.

In Missouri, a judge ruled last week in favor of a five-year-old boy bringing his service dog to pre-kindergarten, according to the story.

"It's done so much more than we thought it could," Kaleb's mother, Nichelle Drew, told the AP. Kaleb is tethered to his dog so he does not run into traffic at pick-up time and the dog calms Kaleb when he has a fit, reports the AP.

But the school district thinks differently: "The school district has 650 students, not just one. So we have to balance," Brandon Wright, the school district's attorney told the AP.

Elizabeth Emken is the vice president of government relations for Autism Speaks and the mother of a 17-year-old autistic boy with a service dog. She told the AP that she believes schools should allow autistic children to have service dogs, but she made a different decision as a mom. Emken wasn't sure her son could handle the service dog at school and decided against sending the dog with him.

"Personally, I can see the pros and cons," she said.

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Links We Love

Julia Halewicz — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 12:00:00 EST

Filed under: In The News

President Obama encourages dads to step up. Credit: Getty Images

Virtual Valium. Leave it to Saturday Night Live to perfectly lampoon this generation's passion for going green. Check out this SNL commercial for chewable diapers, which come in different flavors and make perfect snacks. You have to see it to believe it.

Crib Sheet. Drive-in movies may not be the cultural touchstone they once were, but that doesn't mean your kids won't love a night under the stars watching the latest Hollywood blockbuster. DriveinMovie.com lists local outdoor movie theaters by state and includes play times and hours of operation. Click on the yellow theater ticket on the home page to enter the site. Even better? Make it a parents' night out.

Trends. One-third of kids in this country are obese and in need of exercise. Ilinois-based fitness expert Steve Kogen has created a kid-friendly pedometer called Pedz that looks like a frog and counts the number of steps and miles a child walks, and the calories they burn. Kids ages five through 12 can sign up at MyPedz.com to log hours and challenge friends to get off the couch and onto their feet.

Contest. Jif peanut butter wants to help you pay for your child's education. (Yes, you heard right.) Your little chefs can flex their inner Mario Batali in the annual Jif Most Creative Peanut Butter Sandwich Contest, underway now through mid-November. One winner who concocts a delicious and original dish using Jif peanut butter stands to win a $25,000 scholarship fund.

Thumbs Up. Months after President Obama launched the White House Council on Women and Girls, an inter-agency group charged with keeping women top of mind while the government form policies, NPR reports he's turned his attention to fathers. The White House Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnership is now leading a national "fatherhood" tour comprised of town hall meetings where communities will discuss the importance of fathers and help determine the best kind of policies to build strong families.

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Boy Escapes Carjacking; Safety Tips From Experts

Julia Halewicz — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:00:00 EST

Filed under: In The News, Resources, Amazing Kids, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Tweens

Brave five-year-old jumps to safety from stolen car. Credit: Paul Lewis, Daily Mail/ZUMA Press

David Law can consider himself one lucky boy. The five-year-old escaped a carjacking by jumping from the back seat of his mother's car when the vehicle slowed down, reports the Daily Mail.

The terrifying incident occurred on Monday in Manchester when David's mom, Inga Law, drove to the boy's school and left the car running outside while she ran to check the term dates. When she turned around, she saw a man wearing a hood driving off with her car and her son.

The frantic mom ran after the car and tried opening the door, but the vehicle was traveling too fast. She screamed for help and a good Samaritan called the police.

Her young son rode in the car for approximately ten minutes before opening the back door and jumping to safety in the pouring rain. A woman noticed the hysterical boy and took him into her home and called the police.

David appears to be doing well, and his mother reports he hasn't had any nightmares since the incident. The boy, being lauded by police for maintaining the presence of mind to free himself, calls the carjacker a "bully."

Law, who wears a tense expression in the photo accompanying the Daily Mail story, said: "I know I shouldn't have left the keys in the ignition but I was only going to be a matter of seconds."

Unfortunately, this mom's story is not uncommon. Janette Fennell, the founder and president of the nonprofit KidsandCars.org, told ParentDish that carjackers often troll locations like gas stations where parents might not be paying attention. Fennell's number one rule of safety is to never leave your child unattended in a car.

Fennell advises parents to teach their children these additional safety tips:

Always plan to escape.
Be mindful of your surroundings. Only jump out of the car if you will not get hurt in oncoming traffic. Take note of safe public locations you could run to if you get out of the car.
Draw attention to yourself. Use your backseat location to your advantage. If you can get the attention of someone outside of the car without further jeopardizing your safety, do it.
Use your cellphone. Call 911 or text someone you know for help.
Know what your car can do. Some car have an inside, glow-in-the-dark trunk release, which can get you out of a trunk in seconds. If your family car does not have an inside trunk release, have one installed.
Use the tools you have. Hammers, screwdrivers and other tools in the trunk can help you escape.
Kick out the taillight. Once you've kicked it out, put your hand through the taillight opening to attract the attention of other cars.
Get help when you are free. Go to any public official or adult who can help you contact the police and your parents.

Related: The History Of Car Safety and Are You Prepared For An Emergency?

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