ParentDish

A goodbye and a welcome

Kristin Darguzas — Sat, 10 May 2008 00:21:00 EST

Filed under: Media

On the dashboard of the software that powers ParentDish, there's a little box that tells each blogger how many words and how many posts he or she has written.

The dashboard tells me tonight: you have written 527,463 words and 1854 posts. That is a lot of words; that's an unfathomable amount of posts.

I started writing here to supplement my income when things were tight financially during my maternity leave with my infant. My son was just a tiny baby, not yet walking, not yet talking. This blog has taken me through Nolan's first steps, my many parenting blunders, and provided me with perspective and sustenance during what was certainly the most emotionally wrenching year of my life. During my tenure here, in the beginning, I was my fiance's partner -- now I am just my son's Mother. We're doing so well, our hearts are full, I'm on a journey of learning to be a better parent.

Your comments, over the years, have helped immeasurably. I consider many of you friends, and sometimes I lie awake in bed thinking about Anji's suggestion or Meagan's words of solidarity and your sharing has helped me be a better Mother -- and in many instances, a better person. Even some of the crazy trolls have helped -- I've grown a thicker skin, become more secure in my own convictions and strength.

This is a slightly long winded way...

Continue reading A goodbye and a welcome

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When dogs attack kids

Kristin Darguzas — Wed, 07 May 2008 08:01:00 EST

Filed under: Tweens, In The News, Playground Bureau

In the drive through line-up this morning, I heard a story that disturbed me so much that halfway through, I flipped the sound off and glanced worriedly at my son in the rearview mirror. He was thoughtfully eating his cinnamon raisin bagel and looking out the window and I thought: sometimes I really don't want to let him out into the world.

But I turned the radio back on, because I needed to hear the rest, to hear the ending.

An 11-year-old British Columbia boy is making headlines, for horrific reasons. The boy was playing basketball outside with his friends at his local elementary school when he was attacked by a pit bull, who at first licked him, and then viciously assaulted his face. The attack was so violent , the young boy required 100 stitches. The situation would likely have been even more grave had a witnessing 20-year-old neighbor not stepped in with a baseball bat and some serious moxie. A second pit bull at the site circled while the attack was in progress.

This story gives me shivers. Sean Bajwa was playing basketball at 4:30 in the evening in a public space, a child's space. The dogs were not on leashes, and apparently unsupervised. The man who intervened will likely have nightmares for a long time to come, and Sean Bajwa will likely be scarred forever, both physically and mentally.

Sean's father says that the owners of the pit bulls should be punished. I agree, and moreover, I think the punishment should be hefty. I've heard about too many of these attacks on kids -- if there were a serious penalty for dog attacks -- say jail time or a hefty fine -- perhaps more dog owners would be apt to keep their dogs in leashed, supervised areas.

I know there are a lot of pit bull owners who say that the breed is safe and wonderful and that the problem with vicious animals is due to owner neglect. Perhaps this is true, maybe it's not -- but the fact remains that we hear a lot more about pit bulls attacking than Schnoodles and Labs. We need licenses to drive a car. Maybe it's time we think of granting - and not granting -- licenses for dog owners.

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Speeding in the neighborhood

Kristin Darguzas — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:00:00 EST

Filed under: Places To Go, Playground Bureau

Yesterday, summer lurked in the air. It was the first day I could smell the mini daisies in bloom on lush April-rained grass, in the air I located the tinge of barbecue, summer night swims, and sea-salt crusted legs. I turned off my computer a little earlier than usual and slapped SPF four million on the pasty paleness of my son and I: we were going to walk down to the beach, inhale the promise-filled air.

We were about halfway down the rolling hill to a small ocean-front park when a dark blue station wagon almost knocked us clean off the road, halting haphazardly on his brakes at the last possible section. I don't know why, but our quiet residential street does not have sidewalks. We need to walk tight to the grass of the houses when we're going anywhere. Though traffic is light, there are a lot of blind corners, and this particular station wagon has almost knocked us over before.
.

Continue reading Speeding in the neighborhood

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Launch of a new ParentDish!

Kristin Darguzas — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:25:00 EST

For several months now, we've been working behind the scenes here at ParentDish. Our goal: a fresh, dynamic update to our beloved old blog. We're now the official online parenting destination for AOL Living.

You'll notice some obvious changes right away: a sleek new color palette and logo, streamlined categories and easy links to dynamic content. We're also introducing new features and easy-to-navigate bundles for those of you looking for information on specific topics, like breastfeeding, sibling number two, celebrity parents behaving very badly, and more.

We've tried to keep the stuff you've told us you love, and we'll continue to be a place where discussions can be held and opinions can be aired. We hope to provoke thought, provide insight, and be a daily destination point for all parents -- all while looking much more polished than before. Welcome to the new ParentDish, we're very excited to have you here!

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The worst kids meal in America, and other food disasters

Kristin Darguzas — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:01:00 EST

Filed under: Health & Safety: Babies, Nutrition: Health

It's a pretty well known fact that fast food is bad. It's fast food, right? It's convenient and you can drive up to it and pay for it with the crusty quarters filling your car ashtray and sometimes vegetable chopping for salads is too much of a pain in the butt when you have three disgruntled and hungry kids. Right?

I am normally pretty health conscious but I have to admit that I have eaten fast food and at chain restaurants with my pre-schooler on occasion. Since I'm a vegetarian, I usually stick to Wendy's baked potatoes, but I have bought chicken nugget meals for my son on occasion. There will be no more of that.

According to this article about the Twenty Worst Foods in America, McDonald's premium chicken breast strips (5 of them, with ranch dip) have 830 calories and 55 grams of fat. For those keeping track at home, that's more calories and fat than most kids need in an entire day. Gross.

The Twenty Worst Foods in America also lists the Worst Kid's Meal (hint: it's macaroni and cheese at Macaroni Grill -- like feeding your kid a pack and a half of Kraft Dinner! Most interesting to me is the Worst Food in America -- an appetizer at a well-known restaurant chain which holds the caloric equivalent to 14 Krispy Kreme donuts - and 182 grams of fat. Yech.

The article is useful in that it can help understand which restaurants should be blacklisted (hint: On the Border) and why some seemingly benign food choices are really very dangerous.

Yet another case for chopping and slicing at home.

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A book reading and an accident

Kristin Darguzas — Sun, 04 May 2008 13:02:00 EST

Filed under: Media, Mommy Musts

In the few years I've been writing at ParentDish, I've linked to Rebecca Woolf's blog on numerous occasions. Rebecca, otherwise known as the dynamic voice behind the blog Girl's Gone Child, has an indescribable talent for putting very complex topics into simple, provocative words. She's been one of my favorite bloggers since 2004, when I first discovered this medium.

So, I was excited but unsurprised to hear that Rebecca had landed a book deal, and delighted to learn that she would be embarking on a book tour that would stop in my own city. I marked the date on the calendar and placed a call in to the shy babysitter down the road.

On the night of Rebecca's pit stop in Vancouver, I received a call from a suddenly sickly babysitter. Though the book signing started at 7:30, smack in the middle of my son's bedtime, I looked at him and asked: "Wanna meet some pretty ladies at a book store?"
"Yes!" he cried, though the "s" was a "th", and then we were off.

He's been potty trained for several weeks, almost a month, and so I didn't think too much about the fact that he was wearing his hilarious old-man briefs and no diaper. I kept asking him on the way to the store: gotta go, Nolan? Tell me if you gotta go."

Although initially excited about our destination, a two-and-a-half year old's enthusiasm is a fickle thing, and by the time we got to the store, my son was manic and destructive with alternating glee, boredom, and a fierce determination to wet-willy an unsuspecting participant.

We had to leave before we got to hear Rebecca read. Nolan had an accident in the middle of the bookstore. Rebecca, adorned in chiffon and softness, presented us with some wet naps. And, cringing, I bought a few books and limped out of the bookstore. On the way home I sneaked glances at the book during red lights and when I got home, I put Nolan to bed and inhaled the whole book.

Even if I didn't really like Rebecca as a person and respect her immensely as a blogger, I would still have to say this: Rockabye is perhaps the best book on Mothering I've ever read. And it's certainly the best memoir. Alternating between streaming-eye touching and stomach-hurting funny, the book is one of the first honest books I've read about the bumpy journey from woman to Mother. I feel proud that Rebecca is one of the blogosphere's own, and the trip to meet her and try to support her reading was definitely worth the accident on the steps of the bookstore.

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A glow in the dark, for those who have lost

Kristin Darguzas — Sat, 03 May 2008 12:00:00 EST

Since discovering the Mama blog world some time in 2004, I've pretty much stopped watching TV. I rarely read the newspaper, instead finding relevant tidbits about the world through the blogs that resonate most with me.

I read about 70 blogs a day, most of them parenting blogs. Many of them are funny, most are well-written, all are provocative. Of my seventy favorite bloggers, three have lost babies in the last two years.

The first time I read about a normal, everyday Mama losing her newborn, I cried. Alone in front of my computer, tears streamed for hours in hurt, horror and dismay. I had not yet given birth to my own son, but even at eight months pregnant, I understood that there can be nothing worse in this world than losing a child. Karla has remained one of my favorite bloggers, and there is rarely a day when I don't think of her lost baby girl Ava, and all she meant to her parents.

I died a little inside when I read about Kate's loss of her baby boy last year, and then again recently when my blog friend Jen lost her brand new girl. It's not a topic we like to talk about, the death of an innocent new soul, but it is one that needs to be acknowledged and addressed, supported and discussed, in order that healing might begin. Until now, there have been few online resources that have even attempted to address these kinds of unfathomable loss.

Kate emailed me the other day to tell me about the birth of a new site: Glow in the Woods. The site is, according to its mission statement:

"For mamas of still babies, tiny babies, lost potential of all kinds.

In the beginning you stagger, disoriented, through this storm.

We want to be a glow through the trees, a golden refuge of log and glass. Stumble up the steps, shake off the snow and the crust and the stiffness, cross the threshold to be encircled by figures welcoming, nodding, easing you to a roaring fire and piping hot tea and wine and whoopie pies and whatever else warms you from the inside out."

It is an example of something good and well-meaning and hopeful in this tangled forest of blogs, and I already know its presence will help aching souls who are experiencing the deepest dread of any parent.

I have the utmost respect and admiration for the women who have come together to bravely share their stories and experience, in hope that others might take comfort. That's what Mama love is all about.

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Jenny McCarthy: Jim could have any 20-year-old

Kristin Darguzas — Fri, 02 May 2008 15:00:00 EST

Filed under: Celeb Kids, Celeb Parents, Behaving Badly

Women in their thirties can wear take-no-prisoners red lipstick without looking like a clownish kid in a candy store. They can wear sky-high heels with panache, easily relate life experience and favorite quotes from famous authors, without sounding laughably pretentious. Many have started families: they finally understand the mind-blowing power of their own bodies. They know what they want and who they are, so much more than they did in their twenties. So why do so many feel inferior to twenty-two year olds when it comes to desirability?

I just finished reading this People blurb about Jenny McCarthy, bubbling over about her relationship of several years with comedian Jim Carrey, 46. McCarthy -- a beautiful and vibrant 35 says of her Carrey:

"He could have any 20-year-old perfect girl with perfect breasts, and he stays. He has really opened his heart and his life to us. I'll forever be grateful."

The insinuation is that a nubile girl barely past her teens is preferable to a beautiful famous Mom in her thirties. She'll forever be grateful? Why, because she is a 35-year-old woman with a child and he still chooses her? Man, I might be too sensitive on this topic, but it makes my heart rumble.

A lot of my friends are skidding up toward the mid-thirties mark, and my stomach catches in my throat each time one of them says wistfully, looking at the skinny waist of a 23-year-old "I remember when I looked like that."

I can't say I've never been envious of a prettier, more dewy-faced girl, but I do realize that I'm in the prime of my life. I've had a baby, learned who I am, understood that my body is more amazing than I ever gave it credit for before. I am finally comfortable in my own skin, understand a little more about the soul underneath it.

I wish celebrities wouldn't perpetuate the notion that youth is better. I wish the tides could somehow gently turn to celebrate motherhood, fine lines and work-worn hands, the wisdom of age and the real beauty that comes from experience.

Sure, Jim Carrey could have any 20-year old with perfect breasts. But he'd sure be missing out.

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Keeping finances separate

Kristin Darguzas — Thu, 01 May 2008 12:00:00 EST

Filed under: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Work Life, Activities: Babies

One of my best girlfriends had a baby last year, and we've been making plans for her impending visit here since the day her baby girl was born.
"We'll take walks in the forest!"
"We'll sip lattes and carry matching purses!"
"We'll talk about our long-lost days of debauchery and disheveledness!"

We've been talking about this event for nearly a year now, but she hasn't come to see me yet. Airline prices have been so high, and, well, maybe we'll wait for a seat sale.

Finally, I asked: "Can't your husband help out with the fare?" He is working full time, after all, and he makes a good living as she stays home with their baby.
"Well,"she paused,"You know, I look after my own expenses, he looks after his."

It's the way it is with them: they keep their finances completely separate, and she, the stay-at-home-wife, is expected to cover any incidentals and luxuries with her own moneymaker. That moneymaker tool, however, is a little hampered by the daily grind of life with a baby: it's difficult to establish a high-flying career when one has a baby attached to one's breast at all times.

My friend's situation made me wonder. Financial arrangements within marriages aren't a topic of everyday conversation amongst most of my friends, but (having never been married myself) I've been assuming that most couples just divide the bacon 50/50. Evidently, this isn't the case, and as I probed more of my married friends (for research purposes) I learned that most of them keep their own bank accounts.

In many ways, I guess it's prudent. But it seems to me that marriage, in its shiniest light, should connect all life's big forces: love, sex, children, money.

Over at about.com, they have some common-sense advice about the best financial practices within a family unit . Number one? Maintain separate accounts.

It makes sense, I guess, but it's not very romantic, is it? But I'm beginning to understand that in long-term relationships, very little is.

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Once you're a parent, can it ever be OK to leave?

Kristin Darguzas — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:00:00 EST

Filed under: Just For Moms, Playground Bureau, That's Entertainment

I'd heard of the blog Petite Anglaise before, likely from scanning through the blog rolls of parenting blogs I do read everyday. But I hadn't really devoted any time to getting to know it, until a friend told me: Petite diarizes her life as a single Mom in Paris. And she left the father of her child for another man. And now she has a book deal.

Those three sentences were intriguing enough for me to go to her site late one night, where I promptly devoured all of her archives and then, still hungry, searched for more of her writing. It turns out she has a book, based on her true story, popularized in her blog.

It's a bit of a new phenomenon, the blogger turned author, and I find it intriguing. In this case, it's also especially voyeuristic: Petite (who never revealed her true name in her blog, but does in her book) talks specifically about the fact that she left her child's father for another man, a man she met through the comments section of her blog. It's true: real life is stranger than fiction.

I read the book and enjoyed it very much: Petite Anglaise (aka Catherine Sanderson) is a talented writer with a gift for capturing tangible detail in her text. But what is lingering with me, bothering me, are the reviews of her book on Amazon.com and around the web.

Ms. Sanderson is, in my opinion, not being fairly judged on her merits as a writer -- her book is not being judged as a book. Instead, she is being judged as a person, and raked through the coals by readers who do not approve of her choice to leave her baby's father, who call her selfish and horrible.

The author was clear in her description of why she left her toddler's father: they had not been intimate in more than a year, they were placid strangers inhabiting the same space. She craved more.

The whole notion is interesting. Is it OK for a Dad to leave the Mother of his child if he does not love her any more? Is it OK for a Mother to leave her baby's Father if he does not desire her physically anymore? If she does not desire him?

To read the reviews of Petite Anglaise, it would seem that the world has decided that splitting a family for the hope of something emotionally greater is an emotionally stunted decision. What do you think -- is it ever all right to leave your child's parent? I know it can never be an easy decision, but I do think there are just some situations where a divided family is better than a whole.

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Advice to a child from notorious convicts and esteemed Americans

Kristin Darguzas — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:00:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, Health & Safety: Babies, In The News, That's Entertainment

If a little boy sent an earnest letter to famous (and infamous) Americans, seeking their advice on whether he should continue with his education, what would the response be?

That simple question is the focus of a rather fascinating human experiment profiled in this month's issue of Radar Magazine. The story actually stretches back to almost a decade ago, when an unemployed 30-something with too much time on his hand decided to write to murderers, politicians, and celebrities. Bill Geerhart developed a pseudonym, that of a curious 10-year-old named Billy -- and wrote letters to some of the most influential (and notorious) people of our time.

The results surprised even Geerhart, with celebrities from Alan Greenspan to Oprah Winfrety taking the time to reply to his child alter-ego. Personally, I found the replies of notorious and dangerous criminals to be the most interesting (albeit slightly disturbing)

When 10-year-old "Billy" asked Richard Ramirez (the Night Stalker) if he should stay in school, Richard says, yes, he should (and also please send pictures of girls in bikinis.) Charles Manson's reply is unintelligible but strangely fascinating and the Unabomber's letter back is almost breathtaking in its banality.

"Billy" also writes an earnest letter to Alan Greenspan, asking him how to save up for a boat, and to Larry Flynt requesting a Hustler for kids. Even though I really hope my own son will ask for education and (god help me) porn advice from his family, these answers were sure entertaining to read. Human beings, no matter their background, respond to kids on such a different level.

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Parenting Blogs, standards, and traditional media

Kristin Darguzas — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 10:00:00 EST

Filed under: In The News, Playground Bureau, That's Entertainment

I've been having some trouble blogging recently, mostly because I am struggling with this article.

The Globe and Mail is Canada's most popular national newspaper, and it recently profiled one of this country's most prominent "Mommy" bloggers Catherine Connors. The article examined the ethics of blogging about children, and though this subject matter is nothing new to the online space, it is relatively new to traditional old media such as newspapers and television (witness all the news programs suddenly discovering Dooce, like she hasn't been wildly popular online for a decade.)

The article asks the oft-repeated questions: when does a child's right to privacy kick in? Is blogging taking something away from parenting?

In my opinion, Catherine Connors comes across as succinct and intelligent in the article -- though I believe her words might have been edited slightly to better skew with the tone of the piece. What bothers me most about this article is the vitriol spewed forth in the comments section -- accusatory, defamatory comments that accuse Catherine -- and Mom bloggers in particular -- of heinous Crimes Against Childhood.

Catherine posted a brilliant response to the article and its comments, and I've been thinking about her post ever since. She examines a little about why there is so much accusation and hysteria aimed at Mom bloggers (one only needs to hang out at some of the more popular parenting blogs for a few days to witness some of this) compared to Mom writers in traditional media outlets -- think Erma Bombeck.

Writes Catherine: "There's something about mothers lifting back the veil of the family that upsets people, that leads people to accuse the mothers who dare do such a thing of neglecting their maternal duties, of exploiting their children, of exposing their children to the dangers of the public sphere, of being bad. But that's precisely what makes mom-blogging - to overuse a deservedly overused phrase - a radical act. We've always been told to not lift the veil. We've always been told to stay behind the veil, no matter what."

I've never thought of bogging in that light, but as I read this, I was vehemently in agreement with Catherine. Save the vitriol for the child beaters, the alcoholic gambling parents, Moms who are neglecting and abusing their children.

Personally, I don't think my blogging will cause Nolan irreparable harm when he hits his teenage years. If anything, he will have a true, personal account of how much he was loved and cherished as a child -- something, I think, that is pretty precious indeed.

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The cross off list

Kristin Darguzas — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:00:00 EST

I've written here before about my vast and undying love for lists: writing goals, crossing them off. I believe in the power of the written word to motivate and empower, and I think there's definitely something about seeing your goals in cursive that make them more likely to transpire. Life is a series of orchestrated coincidences and unknowns, but I think positive lists might help tilt life's balance in our favour.

My friend Krissa at Le Petit Hiboux is not yet a Mother (although when she and her husband do have a kid, s/he will be a doe-eyed marvel of nature), but she has a great "Cross off List" of 25 mandatory things she wants during her time on earth. Her list is so inspiring, I ran to get my pen to do my own. I'm doing a personal soul list, a parenting list, and a financial list.

On the parenting list:

1. Write a letter to my son each year on his birthday, encapsulating the most momentous occasions of that year. Include a photo that best represents each year's passion. Give him the letters on his 16th birthday.

2. Stand at the top of a cliff with my son, looking out at the water in another country.

3. Tell him all about one of his Dad's good traits, at least once a week.

4. Volunteer with my son: work in a soup kitchen, do bottle drives, help at an animal shelter.

5. Bake vanilla cupcakes with coconut icing and distribute them to the nearby senior's home.

6. Establish a summertime tradition: waterskiing together, lemon-aid stands on the sidewalk: anything as long as we do it together, every July, as long as he'll have me beside him.

7. As well as encouraging him in high school, sit down to teach him life's practical lessons: how to balance a checkbook, set up mutual funds, how interest rates and mortgages work.

8. Resolve to relish the ever-dwindling days of his early childhood: inhale and close my eyes more when feeling his hand in mine as we cross the street, in his strange word inflections and giddy zest for life.

9. Learn from Nolan's unabashed friendliness with others: watch him closely and learn to be friendly first.

10. Stop rushing. Sit when he wants to sit on the bench, slow down when he is ambling over pine cones, explain why snails are slimy, patiently, even for the tenth time. Revel in the every day, record the good moments more than the bad.

What's the top thing on your parenting list? Go on, write it.

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Potty training newsletters? Yes.

Kristin Darguzas — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 13:00:00 EST

Filed under: Toddlers Preschoolers, Preschoolers

I have not changed a nuclear toddler-plus diaper in over a week and a half, and I think I am more giddy with excitement, pride and relief than I was on the day I graduated University. I am actually really surprised at how hard and all-consuming potty training has been. Harder than breastfeeding and sleeplessness, for me: a stunningly long and complicated process I kind of didn't expect.

Although I've been half-heartedly trying to get my two-and-a-half year old to use the adult potty for about six months now, progress didn't start in earnest until several weeks ago, when I decided we needed to hunker down in the house for the weekend, naked and focused. Well, he was naked and I was focused and without a diaper on, learning happened very quickly.

But there are still accidents, puddles dripping from pants and sudden anxious shrieking from the backseat, when we're stuck in a traffic jam. Nights are a whole new ball of wax, one I haven't started to burn yet.

So I've been doing more research, and I came across Stephanie Brown's very useful column on the "Don'ts" of potty training. I like the part about not listening to anyone when it comes to potty training and I'm also taking heed on her wise words to not make accidents into a big deal. And I just discovered that About.com actually has a seven day e-course on potty training -- you can get tips delivered daily in your inbox about the complexities of pooping in a toilet. How inspirational!

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When is it OK to take children away from their parents?

Kristin Darguzas — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 12:00:00 EST

Filed under: In The News, Media, That's Entertainment

I've been following the story of the removal of 416 children from an extremist religious compound in Texas with a mixture of shock, horror, and sympathy. And the more I read, the more conflicted I become. In the end, the anguish is with the children, and that's what makes all of this so much more horrifying.

I picked up this week's People magazine with a picture of a young Mother walking with her two children, the weight of the world in her frown lines. 416 children were separated from their Moms because of a cloud of suspicion about the sexual abuse of young girl's.

Well, evidently it was a lot more serious than suspicion. I cannot imagine that a State would take such drastic measures if they did not have solid proof of abuse. But as I read the article in the magazine -- and the allegations by the grieving Mothers that their children were taken in a sweeping motion as a protest of the polygamist lifestyle rather than actual abuse -- I began feeling really awful for them. No matter their lifestyle, they miss their children. No matter what, there are hundreds of young children confused and missing their parents. Should authorities really have taken all of the children away, or did these Moms and their babies deserve to be evaluated on a case by case basis? Was that even possible, given the communal way this religious sect lives?

I just finished watching a video (below) of Meredith Viera interviewing three of the sect's women, accompanied by their lawyer. The deadness in these women's eyes, and the strangeness of their words and actions dully affirms for me that the authorities did the right thing. This is not a normal situation that can be assessed on an individual family basis, because these families are all in it together. I don't think the authorities had any choice but to remove all of the children in light of the hesitancy and strangeness about providing forthright information.

I am so sad for them all.

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Oldest person in the world turns 115

Kristin Darguzas — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:00:00 EST

Filed under: Just For Moms, Relatives, Media

Edna Parker has five grandchildren, 13 great-grandchildren and 13 great-great grandchildren. She has outlived both of her sons, and is one of 75 human beings in the world who have lived past the age of 110 years. Yesterday, she became the oldest living person in the world, celebrating her 115th birthday with a red rose and new white shoes.

Edna's extended family were at her side at her birthday party at her nursing home over the weekend, and Associated Press photos show fascinating photos: gnarled, age-pocked hands intertwined with the youth of her great-great-grandchild, a legacy she created. It must be an amazing thing, to sit in her shoes.

Medical experts say that longevity is in family genes, and the fact that Edna's two sisters lived to be 88 and 99 seem to support this. But doctors admit that they do not know exactly what allows some people to live to such ripe age, but note that it is a combination of genes and environment - as well as attitude.

Notably: the very old "seem to manage their stress better than the rest of us." I'm going to try to remember that: I would rather like to meet my son's grandchildren, too.

Happy Birthday, Edna -- may you see several more!

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How to halt bedtime delay tactics

Kristin Darguzas — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:00:00 EST

Filed under: Toddlers Preschoolers, Preschoolers, Development/Milestones: Babies, Bedtime

I think it's easy to underestimate the manipulation tactics of a two-and-a-half year old. After all, most of them can't properly form their words, they are unabashed by wicked knarled tangles on the back of their heads, they would wear pyjama pants and one brown sock in public if you let them.

But for any parent who's witnessed the brilliant finesse of their small child's delay tactics at bedtime, it's easy to understand: these tiny people are much more cunning than they appear.

I've become used to the regular strategy, which starts at about 7:30 PM.

"After I line up dis car!" my son cries, and slowly, agonizingly brings the red fire truck up behind the police car. Then he needs his three stories, and then just one more, one more, I promit, DEN bed. And he's a rotten promise-keeper -- so he wants one more, and who am I to deny him a book? Then he wants his water, then a snack (a firm no to that one, teeth have been brushed) Lately, though, he's been successfully potty training and he has morphed this new development into his own nefarious purposes. Last night, he had to GO TOIWET four times before bed. It was strictly a delay tactic and I knew this, but was reluctant to tell him no -- as he managed to dribble some out each time and I am so grateful for the effort that I don't want to discourage it in any way. Even if I knew I was being manipulated, and the clock crept up to 8:30.

There's an article on CNN that has some great tips to circumvent bedtime delay tactics by children, and though it's a few years old, it provides some gems that I hadn't considered. A few of my favorites:

1. Make a chart. Check off all the boxes: when your child has put on pyjamas, brushed teeth, combed hair, etc. When the tasks are all complete, bedtime is non-negotiable. I like that this establishes routine and encourages participation.

2. Read at other times. This is one I hadn't considered, but one that I'm going to think about. Book reading can be drawn out a very long time at our house, so perhaps it's worthwhile to consider reading at naptime or during the day.

There are a lot more useful hints here.

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A dissection of insane commenters on a YouTube video

Kristin Darguzas — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 14:01:00 EST

Filed under: Playground Bureau, Weird But True, That's Entertainment

What could possibly be more innocent than a laughing baby? According to YouTube commenters, apparently, an awful lot.

Slate has a fairly awesome article about this fabulously wheezy Swedish baby who gained Internet notoriety after his father posted a benign video of his son laughing uproariously at a "blong!" noise his father was making. The video has garnered over 45 million views, and over 58,000 comments -- and as the Slate columnist writes, many of them are not just the sweet "lol" and "cute baby!" variety.

As someone who has logged over four years writing on the Internet, I am uncomfortably aware that even the most banal blog subject matter can be twisted into nefarious accusation. But YouTube commenters are an especially unwieldy sort; able to morph even the most benign subject matter into something precarious and highly controversial. The Slate author pokes fun at the adversarial nature of online video commenters, dissecting the laughing baby video commentary into categories: everything from armchair pediatricians to sell-out advice to pure, unadulterated insanity.

It's a refreshing read, especially for heavy social media users. And it reiterates once again, that Internet advice should be taken with a very weighty chunk of salt.

As the Slate author asks: are we laughing at the laughing baby, or is he laughing at us? I tend to believe it's the latter.

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Playing tag is no longer a benign sport

Kristin Darguzas — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:00:00 EST

Filed under: Activities: Babies, In The News

There have been frequent reports in the media of schools banning the game of "tag" at recess, and now there's yet another elementary school who has blown the whistle on the classic schoolyard game.

Kent Gardens Elementary school in Virginia has decreed that students may no longer play tag after deciding that the game of chasing and yelling had "gotten out of hand." The school's principal explained to concerned parents that tag had become a very aggressive, dangerous game -- and that the well-being of children was at stake while engaged in it.

Many parents of young children remember tag as being a benign game of running and adrenaline - an innocent rite of passage for many young folk who needed fresh air and exercise to thrive at school. But modern tag, say many modern school administrators, is not nearly so innocent.

Kent Garden's principal calls the new, more aggressive game "noveau tag" and says that the play now involves kids who may not know they are playing -- that kids "pyramid" and "tower" and pile on each other -- sometimes dubbing the act "jailhouse" because a child is forced to break free of an unwanted hold.

Concerned parents congregated at the school to hear more about the ban, many of them expressing dismay that prohibiting tag "robs the children" of a special, unique childhood experience.

I know that aggression shouldn't be encouraged in children. But I can't help but think that banning normal childhood activities is just a little bit sad.

Gallery: Are most sports violent?

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Twitter alerted world to student's arrest

Kristin Darguzas — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:00:00 EST

Filed under: In The News, Weird But True, Day Care & Education, That's Entertainment

Do you know Twitter?

I didn't, either, really until a few weeks ago. I'd heard rumblings about it, of course -- anecdotal evidence of its totally addictive nature. Twitter is like mini blogging: a way of keeping friends in the loop on what you're doing, at all times if you're so inclined. You can tell your friends that your baby has just vomited, that the vacuum is clogged, and that you might have mouse poop under your kitchen sink. I know, it's unfathomable: who would want to know that crap? But believe me: people do. And they don't know why.

Until I actually signed myself up, I didn't know what the fuss was, But now I'm at least 60% addicted, especially to the most banal, ordinary thoughts of people I know through the blogging world.

I didn't know there might actually be a positive useful use for Twitter until I read a news article yesterday about a University Student's twitter post (called a "tweet") that saved him from jail in Egypt.

23-year-old UC Berkely graduate student James Karl Buck was photographing a noisy left wing anti-government demonstration in Egypt when he was arrested by Egyptian officials and thrown in jail. Buck used his cell phone to tweet one word to his vast network of friends on Twitter: ARRESTED. His friends and family quickly sprung into action, notifying Berkely, the Associated Press, the International Herald Tribune and other media -- who pressured the Egyptian authorities. Buck was subsequently released from jail on Friday and returned home on Sunday.

Even as immersed as I am in the new Internet, I am still continually amazed by the way social media is evolving, shaping our world and crossing boundaries in ways that couldn't even be fathomed ten years ago.

I love to think that my son will be able to tweet me from a world away if he's ever in trouble. And I love to think that even Twitter will seem old school to him by the time he's old enough to be in graduate school: undoubtedly, there will be something even better.

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