Rachel Campos-Duffy
Jenny Sanford Puts Her Kids First, the Governor Second
Love & sex, Behaving badly, In the news
Over the weekend, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford confessed, in a rambling live statement to the press, that he has been having an affair with a woman in Argentina. Since her husband's bizarre press conference, the Governor's wife, Jenny, has single handedly changed the rulebook for scorned political wives. Gone is the humiliating moment of standing next to the philandering husband in a show of support, the stoned-face silence, the prerequisite week-long sequester in the family home, and the pathological enabling. Instead, Jenny Sanford is exemplifying dignity in the face of disaster, and is putting her children ahead of her husband's ambitions.
Mrs. Sanford's behavior -- including her refusal to cover for her husband when the press first came to their Sullivans Island summer house inquiring about the governor's whereabouts, and her absence as he has faced the press and calls for his resignation alone -- Mrs. Sanford has inspired a strong response from women across the country. "Team Jenny" merchandise, including mugs, bags and t-shirts with tango dancing silhouettes and the tagline, "Don't cry for me Argentina," is popping up everywhere. Clearly, Mrs. Sanford's behavior is meeting with approval from at least some voters -- and mothers.
Shortly after her husband's rambling, narcissistic press conference, the preppy mother of four boys delivered her own perfectly crafted and heartbreakingly maternal statement (no secret now about who the brain was in that outfit!). In it, she uses sacred scripture to remind her cheating husband of his ingratitude, saying, "sons are a gift from the Lord and children a reward from Him." She goes on to say, "I believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is...the character of [my] children".
Jenny Sanford is a woman who understands exactly what is at stake, and who is not willing to risk "the potential damage to [her] children." When these things happen to families, especially very public families, we all worry about the children. In this case, however, we all somehow know that those boys are going to turn out all right – thanks to Team Jenny.
Mrs. Sanford's behavior -- including her refusal to cover for her husband when the press first came to their Sullivans Island summer house inquiring about the governor's whereabouts, and her absence as he has faced the press and calls for his resignation alone -- Mrs. Sanford has inspired a strong response from women across the country. "Team Jenny" merchandise, including mugs, bags and t-shirts with tango dancing silhouettes and the tagline, "Don't cry for me Argentina," is popping up everywhere. Clearly, Mrs. Sanford's behavior is meeting with approval from at least some voters -- and mothers.
Shortly after her husband's rambling, narcissistic press conference, the preppy mother of four boys delivered her own perfectly crafted and heartbreakingly maternal statement (no secret now about who the brain was in that outfit!). In it, she uses sacred scripture to remind her cheating husband of his ingratitude, saying, "sons are a gift from the Lord and children a reward from Him." She goes on to say, "I believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is...the character of [my] children".
Jenny Sanford is a woman who understands exactly what is at stake, and who is not willing to risk "the potential damage to [her] children." When these things happen to families, especially very public families, we all worry about the children. In this case, however, we all somehow know that those boys are going to turn out all right – thanks to Team Jenny.
Should California Pay Welfare Parents to Stay Home?
Money & work, In the news, Childcare, Education, Single parenting
Should the government pay those on welfare to stay home and care for their kids?
That's the question Los Angeles officials are asking as the number of unemployed rises and California deals with a budget crises that threatens to land the state in bankruptcy. Governor Schwarzenegger wants to eliminate Cal Works, the state's welfare to work program. LA County Supervisors prefer to make deep cuts and save the program. Their goal: Target the most expensive people.
Currently, California "Welfare to Work" recipients are required to find a job or participate in government funded training or school. While fulfilling the program requirements, the government also covers childcare costs of about $500 per child per month.
The only exception to the work and training requirement are welfare recipients with a child under the age of one. One of the easiest ways to save money is to expand the exemption to include those with a baby under two years of age and those with two or more children under age six. In other words, pay more people to stay home with their kids.
Seems like a good idea -- but how do other parents feel?
That's the question Los Angeles officials are asking as the number of unemployed rises and California deals with a budget crises that threatens to land the state in bankruptcy. Governor Schwarzenegger wants to eliminate Cal Works, the state's welfare to work program. LA County Supervisors prefer to make deep cuts and save the program. Their goal: Target the most expensive people.
Currently, California "Welfare to Work" recipients are required to find a job or participate in government funded training or school. While fulfilling the program requirements, the government also covers childcare costs of about $500 per child per month.
The only exception to the work and training requirement are welfare recipients with a child under the age of one. One of the easiest ways to save money is to expand the exemption to include those with a baby under two years of age and those with two or more children under age six. In other words, pay more people to stay home with their kids.
Seems like a good idea -- but how do other parents feel?
Why You and Your Kids Should See Pixar's 'UP'
Last week, my three oldest kids and I had a date night. We went to a 50s style diner, had hamburgers, fries and milkshakes, and headed to the 7:30 PM show. Not having read any reviews prior, I purchased tickets for Pixar's "Up" fully expecting that I was in for predictable kid's movie fare – you know, sassy animal sidekicks, inside adult jokes that (we hope) go over the kids' heads, and, of course, the prerequisite potty humor.
What I got was a more than a pleasant surprise. "Up" is a rare find. A diamond in a pile of cultural rubbish served up to kids these days. Stripped of much of the cynicism and reliance on bodily functions of so many modern animated films, "Up" is written to respect kids' intelligence and sense of humor. Just as important, it is a first-rate commercial movie that isn't afraid to be wholesome - evidence that films for kids can be highly entertaining and simultaneously reinforce virtues such as love, kindness, empathy, and courage.
What I got was a more than a pleasant surprise. "Up" is a rare find. A diamond in a pile of cultural rubbish served up to kids these days. Stripped of much of the cynicism and reliance on bodily functions of so many modern animated films, "Up" is written to respect kids' intelligence and sense of humor. Just as important, it is a first-rate commercial movie that isn't afraid to be wholesome - evidence that films for kids can be highly entertaining and simultaneously reinforce virtues such as love, kindness, empathy, and courage.
Kids Movies 2009
Earth
Disney's first nature film follows three animal families -- polar bears, elephants, and humpback whales -- on their journey across the planet. And for every ticket sold during the film's opening week, Disney will plant a tree in your family's honor. Have fun and do good.
Disney
Hannah Montana: The Movie
If you have a tween girl in your house, you've probably known about this movie for months. It's essentially a longer version of the Disney Channel TV show, but with new songs and a slightly more complex plot. Your daughter will love it, and you'll be happy you took her. We promise.
Disney
Up
The latest in this year's crop of 3D movies is the improbable story of a crotchety old man and an excitable little boy who fall into the adventure of a lifetime. Kids will love the 3D technology, and parents will appreciate the humor and fast-moving plot.
Disney/Pixar
Coraline
Newbery Award winner Neil Gaiman's magic realist novella comes to the big screen in a mesmerizing, scary adaptation. Coraline's new flat has a secret door in it; on the other side is a world just like hers but seemingly so much better -- until she discovers it's frightening secrets. This is definitely a big kids movie.
Focus Features
Hotel for Dogs
What happens when you combine kindhearted siblings, and empty house, and a pack of stray dogs? Why, the Hotel for Dogs, of course! The perfect film for kids who love dogs (but be prepared for post-movies pleas for a puppy).
Nickelodeon
Inkheart
Meggie's father has a magical power: when he reads aloud, stories come to life. Now Meggie must rescue him from a fictional villain come to life. Brendan Fraser stars as the supercool bibliophile dad in a film guaranteed to get kids interested in reading.
New Line Cinema
Pink Panther Deux
While most parents will roll their eyes at the thought of another Pink Panther Movie, kids will love Steve Martin's slapstick humor and funny mispronunciations. Take the kids and try to remember what it was like to watch the original Pink Panther movies -- you might find yourself laughing at the pratfalls, too.
Sony Pictures
Under the Sea
The first in the year's crop of 3D movies for kids, Under the Sea is a documentary about the costal regions of Southern Australia, New Guinea and the Indo-Pacific. Narrated by Jim Carrey, this is a movie that will thrill and educate the kids.
IMAX
Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
Not willing to take your tween to a Jonas Brothers concert? How about the next best thing -- the 3D concert movie! Earplugs recommended if you're over 16.
Walt Disney Pictures
Race to Witch Mountain
Remember back when kids movies were smart and funny and exciting, like Escape to Witch Mountain? Here's hoping that the sequel will be all of that. But really, any story about a UFO expert and two kids with paranormal powers is the perfect Saturday afternoon matinee, for kids and parents.
Walt Disney Pictures
Were 1950s Moms Happier?
Just for moms, In the news, Single parenting
These days, moms have it all; we can work or stay home or do both. In theory, we should be much happier than our mothers and grandmothers, who had far fewer choices. But that doesn't seem to be the case. In a recent "New York Times" article titled "Liberated And Unhappy," op-ed columnist Ross Douthat attempts to make sense of a new study titled "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness." According to Douthat:
"...all the achievements of the feminist era may have delivered women to greater unhappiness. In the 1960s, when Betty Friedan diagnosed her fellow wives and daughters as the victims of "the problem with no name," American women reported themselves happier, on average, than did men. Today, that gender gap has reversed. Male happiness has inched up, and female happiness has dropped. In postfeminist America, men are happier than women."
The online comments and reaction to both the study and Douthat's analysis is entertaining and thought-provoking reading for anyone interested in the state of women and families in post-feminist America. Several "New York Times" readers attributed the rise in male happiness to their increased involvement in the lives of their children. And while most agreed that the rise in single motherhood and the working moms' "famous second-shift" are indeed major contributors to the decline of female happiness, others make the case that the study is flawed because1950s moms were less inclined to answer questions of happiness honestly.
The subject of female happiness is an issue close to my heart. In fact, I have written a book on the subject ("Stay Home, Stay Happy: 10 Secrets to Loving At-Home Motherhood," due out in September). For the record, I do not believe that a return to the 1950s model is the solution; my education and the freedom I have had to chart my course in life is fundamental to my personal happiness. I feel good about being an at-home mom in large part to the choice I have had in the matter.
In my estimation, stress is central to diagnosing female unhappiness. Whether you are a working mom, a single mom, or an at-home mom, it is hard to feel "happy" when you feel overwhelmed and too many women these days are overwhelmed. Many women work because their families depend on it. Others accept the burden of the second shift as the price of professional fulfillment. Still others are home, struggling to find themselves between the diapers and endless laundry. What all women share is a desire for more balance and meaning in their lives, though we may not know or agree on how to achieve it.
I came to at-home motherhood, and to loving it, rather unexpectedly. I love what I do and over time, I came to understand that my happiness was intimately tied to the happiness of my family. With five kids under the age of ten, it's not hard to understand why we are all much happier and less stressed out with me at home. Technology (especially the internet) and a supportive, helpful and grateful husband have all contributed to making my at-home experience (mostly) joyful. I've been doing it for more than ten years now, and I can honestly say that as an at-home mom I feel both liberated and happy. I wonder what Betty Friedan would think of that?
"...all the achievements of the feminist era may have delivered women to greater unhappiness. In the 1960s, when Betty Friedan diagnosed her fellow wives and daughters as the victims of "the problem with no name," American women reported themselves happier, on average, than did men. Today, that gender gap has reversed. Male happiness has inched up, and female happiness has dropped. In postfeminist America, men are happier than women."
The online comments and reaction to both the study and Douthat's analysis is entertaining and thought-provoking reading for anyone interested in the state of women and families in post-feminist America. Several "New York Times" readers attributed the rise in male happiness to their increased involvement in the lives of their children. And while most agreed that the rise in single motherhood and the working moms' "famous second-shift" are indeed major contributors to the decline of female happiness, others make the case that the study is flawed because1950s moms were less inclined to answer questions of happiness honestly.
The subject of female happiness is an issue close to my heart. In fact, I have written a book on the subject ("Stay Home, Stay Happy: 10 Secrets to Loving At-Home Motherhood," due out in September). For the record, I do not believe that a return to the 1950s model is the solution; my education and the freedom I have had to chart my course in life is fundamental to my personal happiness. I feel good about being an at-home mom in large part to the choice I have had in the matter.
In my estimation, stress is central to diagnosing female unhappiness. Whether you are a working mom, a single mom, or an at-home mom, it is hard to feel "happy" when you feel overwhelmed and too many women these days are overwhelmed. Many women work because their families depend on it. Others accept the burden of the second shift as the price of professional fulfillment. Still others are home, struggling to find themselves between the diapers and endless laundry. What all women share is a desire for more balance and meaning in their lives, though we may not know or agree on how to achieve it.
I came to at-home motherhood, and to loving it, rather unexpectedly. I love what I do and over time, I came to understand that my happiness was intimately tied to the happiness of my family. With five kids under the age of ten, it's not hard to understand why we are all much happier and less stressed out with me at home. Technology (especially the internet) and a supportive, helpful and grateful husband have all contributed to making my at-home experience (mostly) joyful. I've been doing it for more than ten years now, and I can honestly say that as an at-home mom I feel both liberated and happy. I wonder what Betty Friedan would think of that?
The Timeless Influence of Nancy Drew
Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens
Supreme court nominee Sonia Sotomayor says Nancy Drew was her girlhood hero. So do Sandra Day O'Connor, Hillary Clinton, and Laura Bush. I also grew up reading Nancy Drew and can easily say that I was profoundly influenced by the brainy, courageous and beautiful "titian haired" detective. I'm also fairly certain that the purchase of my first car, a used black convertible Volkswagen Cabriolet, was inspired by images of Nancy in her convertible driving around Riverside solving mysteries with her loyal friends, George and Bess.
So who are today's girlhood role models and influences? Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Vanessa Hudgens, the cast of MTV's The Hills? What about Bratz Dolls or even Disney's G-rated, but nonetheless vapid Cheetah Girls? What are the chances that these role models will spawn our next Supreme Court justice, Pulitzer winning journalist, or concerned citizen, the way Nancy and her friends did?
The dearth of smart and positive role models is a sad reality for today's girls and teens and a source of frustration for their moms. And there seems to be no reprieve. Just when moms were rejoicing over the end of MTV's shockingly crass "My Super Sweet 16," Bravo rolls out a disturbing new teen reality show this summer called "NYC Prep" that glorifies superficiality, rampant consumerism, and deplorable teen behavior (think "The Real Housewives" franchise for teens). Sadly, too many kids are unsupervised because their parents don't care or are unaware or resigned to what Hollywood dishes out. And it's not just teens. Children as young as 6 and 7 are left to make sense of these images on their own. This is bad news for all of us – even for those of us who do monitor our children's media consumption.
Now that I am a mom who reads Nancy Drew to my own kids, I am more keenly aware of the enduring virtues of the brave detective in this All-American and beloved series. They go beyond her commitment to truth and justice. Nancy and her friends made being square (as in having integrity and being polite, thoughtful and kind) seem cool. What girl doesn't want to be Nancy? Her values are not quaint or outmoded. They are timeless ideals that that we should pass on to our daughters (and sons).
If you haven't done so already, uncover your old collection and lovingly pass it on to your daughter, granddaughter or niece, whatever her age. Bravo is competing for her attention this summer. She deserves better.
So who are today's girlhood role models and influences? Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Vanessa Hudgens, the cast of MTV's The Hills? What about Bratz Dolls or even Disney's G-rated, but nonetheless vapid Cheetah Girls? What are the chances that these role models will spawn our next Supreme Court justice, Pulitzer winning journalist, or concerned citizen, the way Nancy and her friends did?
The dearth of smart and positive role models is a sad reality for today's girls and teens and a source of frustration for their moms. And there seems to be no reprieve. Just when moms were rejoicing over the end of MTV's shockingly crass "My Super Sweet 16," Bravo rolls out a disturbing new teen reality show this summer called "NYC Prep" that glorifies superficiality, rampant consumerism, and deplorable teen behavior (think "The Real Housewives" franchise for teens). Sadly, too many kids are unsupervised because their parents don't care or are unaware or resigned to what Hollywood dishes out. And it's not just teens. Children as young as 6 and 7 are left to make sense of these images on their own. This is bad news for all of us – even for those of us who do monitor our children's media consumption.
Now that I am a mom who reads Nancy Drew to my own kids, I am more keenly aware of the enduring virtues of the brave detective in this All-American and beloved series. They go beyond her commitment to truth and justice. Nancy and her friends made being square (as in having integrity and being polite, thoughtful and kind) seem cool. What girl doesn't want to be Nancy? Her values are not quaint or outmoded. They are timeless ideals that that we should pass on to our daughters (and sons).
If you haven't done so already, uncover your old collection and lovingly pass it on to your daughter, granddaughter or niece, whatever her age. Bravo is competing for her attention this summer. She deserves better.
Jon and Kate and the Elephant in the Room
Celeb parenting, Behaving badly, In the news
Season five of TLC's hit reality show "Jon & Kate Plus Eight" promises to give more insight into the bizarre celebrity turn the Gosselin's lives have taken. Finally, the cameras are turned around so the viewers can see the world as Jon, Kate and the kids see it. From zealous fans at Kate's book signings to front-page tabloid stories and daily run-ins with the paparazzi – even during a mundane trip to purchase birthday party supplies – the show is finally addressing the elephant in the room.
The opening scene of the much-anticipated season premiere shrewdly addressed the salacious rumors of Jon Gosselin's infidelity head on. During an interview on last night's show, Jon said: "I never cheated on Kate. I don't care who believes me. I only know what I know." While it appears that Kate believes him, they are nonetheless separated and considering divorce.
We also finally get the first real admission from the couple that documenting their family has turned into a lucrative business -- a business that threatens to destroy their marriage and the family they once were. Jon admits resentment over quitting his job for the show. Though he says he enjoys spending more time with the kids, he complains about taking care of them while Kate travels extensively on book tours. Kate is quick to note that Jon has "help" when she is gone, but nonetheless felt guilty when one of her kids called her by the babysitter's name after a long trip away.
This season, the couple no longer conducts their narrative interviews together on the couch – they do so individually. And in this first episode, Kate makes birthday party preparations alone because Jon, "wanted to take the weekend off." When Jon shows up for the party, Kate insists that the family pose for a picture. Later, she tears up wondering if that photo might be the last time they have a picture all together.
Kate's new look is also on full display this season and her makeover and accompanying cost of upkeep is the source a lot of blog and tabloid gossip. US Magazine ran an unflattering before and after photo on the cover and even did a story tallying up the cost of her manicures, tanning, and haircuts. Please! Clearly, it is unfair to suggest these are extravagant expenses, for any at-home mom. Moreover, it is the height of hypocrisy for tabloids that incessantly promote and celebrate celebrity moms and their consumption on the one hand to feign outrage when an at-home mom, especially one with a hit television show and best-selling book, succumbs to the cultural pressure.
In my estimation, both Jon and Kate deserve a different kind of criticism – one that belies their insistence throughout last night's show that despite their marriage difficulties, "they always put the kids first." If that were true, then they would put their marriage first because an intact family is the best gift they can give their children. Instead of dishing their troubles and complaints about each other for the show, they ought to shut down the cameras, put the book tour on hold and hole themselves up on their new sprawling estate to do the hard work of saving their marriage! That, Jon and Kate, is putting the kids first. Perhaps, in the end, they will come to the same conclusion -- that they are better off separated. But how can they really be sure while the cameras are still rolling?
The opening scene of the much-anticipated season premiere shrewdly addressed the salacious rumors of Jon Gosselin's infidelity head on. During an interview on last night's show, Jon said: "I never cheated on Kate. I don't care who believes me. I only know what I know." While it appears that Kate believes him, they are nonetheless separated and considering divorce.
We also finally get the first real admission from the couple that documenting their family has turned into a lucrative business -- a business that threatens to destroy their marriage and the family they once were. Jon admits resentment over quitting his job for the show. Though he says he enjoys spending more time with the kids, he complains about taking care of them while Kate travels extensively on book tours. Kate is quick to note that Jon has "help" when she is gone, but nonetheless felt guilty when one of her kids called her by the babysitter's name after a long trip away.
This season, the couple no longer conducts their narrative interviews together on the couch – they do so individually. And in this first episode, Kate makes birthday party preparations alone because Jon, "wanted to take the weekend off." When Jon shows up for the party, Kate insists that the family pose for a picture. Later, she tears up wondering if that photo might be the last time they have a picture all together.
Kate's new look is also on full display this season and her makeover and accompanying cost of upkeep is the source a lot of blog and tabloid gossip. US Magazine ran an unflattering before and after photo on the cover and even did a story tallying up the cost of her manicures, tanning, and haircuts. Please! Clearly, it is unfair to suggest these are extravagant expenses, for any at-home mom. Moreover, it is the height of hypocrisy for tabloids that incessantly promote and celebrate celebrity moms and their consumption on the one hand to feign outrage when an at-home mom, especially one with a hit television show and best-selling book, succumbs to the cultural pressure.
In my estimation, both Jon and Kate deserve a different kind of criticism – one that belies their insistence throughout last night's show that despite their marriage difficulties, "they always put the kids first." If that were true, then they would put their marriage first because an intact family is the best gift they can give their children. Instead of dishing their troubles and complaints about each other for the show, they ought to shut down the cameras, put the book tour on hold and hole themselves up on their new sprawling estate to do the hard work of saving their marriage! That, Jon and Kate, is putting the kids first. Perhaps, in the end, they will come to the same conclusion -- that they are better off separated. But how can they really be sure while the cameras are still rolling?
Recession Brings Back Modest Kid Fashion
In the news, Shopping & recalls
With the end of the school year looming, moms are shopping for summer clothes for the kids. But here's something I'll bet you didn't think about when you were picking out sundresses and t-shirts: According to a report in Time magazine, $1.6 million was spent on thong underwear for 7 to 12 year old girls in 2002. Imagine what that figure is today!
If the fact that thong underwear is marketed and sold to girls as young as second grade (or that parents are dumb enough to buy it) makes your blood boil, you may also be seeing the silver lining in the current economic slump. According to a recent article in USA Today, as consumers become more frugal, they are also becoming more discriminating, eschewing trendy clothes for more classic pieces with longer fashion shelf life. And since trendy clothes for girls, tweens, and teens have been increasingly sexy, the recession reaction of designers and retailers is to offer less skin and more value – giving moms something to cheer about in these lean times.
Teens are very susceptible to societal pressures and as trendsetters and magazines promote more tasteful options, they want them too. Inevitably, teen trends trickle down to the younger set. And let's not forget about the Obama factor: The cute and classic styles of our First Daughters are bringing back kid fashions that many parents once feared would be lost forever.
But another factor not discussed in the article is the role of parents. As family budgets tighten, kids have less disposable income to make clothing decisions independent of their parents. Have you noticed that there are fewer unaccompanied kids trolling the malls on the weekends? I believe that more moms are joining their tweens and teens at the mall, checking for quality and along the way, directing their girls away from trampier styles.
Unfortunately, experts predict that when the economy bounces back, more revealing fashion will come back too. For our girls' sake, let's hope that's not the case.
What are you buying for your kids this summer? And are you shopping with them, or sending them to the mall to pick out their own clothes?
If the fact that thong underwear is marketed and sold to girls as young as second grade (or that parents are dumb enough to buy it) makes your blood boil, you may also be seeing the silver lining in the current economic slump. According to a recent article in USA Today, as consumers become more frugal, they are also becoming more discriminating, eschewing trendy clothes for more classic pieces with longer fashion shelf life. And since trendy clothes for girls, tweens, and teens have been increasingly sexy, the recession reaction of designers and retailers is to offer less skin and more value – giving moms something to cheer about in these lean times.
Teens are very susceptible to societal pressures and as trendsetters and magazines promote more tasteful options, they want them too. Inevitably, teen trends trickle down to the younger set. And let's not forget about the Obama factor: The cute and classic styles of our First Daughters are bringing back kid fashions that many parents once feared would be lost forever.
But another factor not discussed in the article is the role of parents. As family budgets tighten, kids have less disposable income to make clothing decisions independent of their parents. Have you noticed that there are fewer unaccompanied kids trolling the malls on the weekends? I believe that more moms are joining their tweens and teens at the mall, checking for quality and along the way, directing their girls away from trampier styles.
Unfortunately, experts predict that when the economy bounces back, more revealing fashion will come back too. For our girls' sake, let's hope that's not the case.
What are you buying for your kids this summer? And are you shopping with them, or sending them to the mall to pick out their own clothes?
Food, Sex, and the American Teen
Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, Eating & nutrition, Mealtime
My oldest daughter is nine years old and like so many other moms of nine year olds, I spend a lot of my time trying to protect her from a culture that beckons her to prematurely abandon her American Girl dolls for a preternatural sexiness. In my quest to preserve her girlhood by monitoring her television, clothing, and yes, even her friendships, I have occasionally been asked to consider if I am being too controlling.
Likewise, last week when I appeared on CNN.com to discuss the recent FDA decision to make the morning after pill available to 17-year-olds without a prescription or parental permission, I was accused of being too controlling. After all, my opponent contended, it's not my business. Conservatives, he argued, are hypocrites who want the government out of everything but sex. Right back at you, I thought, liberals try to regulate everything but sex.
That is why a recent and thoughtful essay by Mary Eberstadt, titled "Is Food the New Sex?" caught my attention. In it, Eberstadt makes the case that over the last fifty years our culture "has taken long standing morality about sex, and substituted it onto food. The all-you-can-eat buffet is now stigmatized; the sexual smorgasbord is not."
How many parents feel perfectly comfortable moralizing about "good" foods and "bad" foods with their kids, but are uneasy discussing the moral component of sex? These days, Eberstadt notes insightfully, the word "guilt" is more likely to be used in conjunction with a missed workout than with premarital sex.
Likewise, last week when I appeared on CNN.com to discuss the recent FDA decision to make the morning after pill available to 17-year-olds without a prescription or parental permission, I was accused of being too controlling. After all, my opponent contended, it's not my business. Conservatives, he argued, are hypocrites who want the government out of everything but sex. Right back at you, I thought, liberals try to regulate everything but sex.
That is why a recent and thoughtful essay by Mary Eberstadt, titled "Is Food the New Sex?" caught my attention. In it, Eberstadt makes the case that over the last fifty years our culture "has taken long standing morality about sex, and substituted it onto food. The all-you-can-eat buffet is now stigmatized; the sexual smorgasbord is not."
How many parents feel perfectly comfortable moralizing about "good" foods and "bad" foods with their kids, but are uneasy discussing the moral component of sex? These days, Eberstadt notes insightfully, the word "guilt" is more likely to be used in conjunction with a missed workout than with premarital sex.
Jon and Kate Will "Weather the Storm" - But at What Cost?
Jon Gosselin has been in the news recently, but not for anything his kids will be proud of. The reality TV father of eight was caught leaving a night club with a much younger woman, while his wife, Kate, was thousands of miles away promoting her new book. Jon has denied that there was anything inappropriate going on, and yesterday Kate Gosselin, in a decidedly subdued interview, told the "Today" show's Meredith Viera that she and Jon will "weather the storm." Nonetheless, I am left wondering what the toll will be, both on their family and their marriage.
The news of Jon Gosselin's infidelity hit home for me. Not the alleged infidelity, but the obvious strain reality television stardom is having on his marriage and family. You see, not long ago, my husband and I were approached to do a reality show about our made–on-the-Real World marriage, five kids and life in a small, rural Wisconsin town. No strangers to reality TV, we initially tossed the idea around, but in the end, decided not to do it. We have never regretted our decision, though I confess to complaining, "Look what we missed out on!" when I first saw their sprawling Pennsylvania home with adjoining farmhouse in US Magazine.
Our reason for saying no is that in reality television contracts, it is impossible to get a one-season deal; networks and production companies want the option of multiple seasons should they happily find themselves with a hit show on their hands.
The news of Jon Gosselin's infidelity hit home for me. Not the alleged infidelity, but the obvious strain reality television stardom is having on his marriage and family. You see, not long ago, my husband and I were approached to do a reality show about our made–on-the-Real World marriage, five kids and life in a small, rural Wisconsin town. No strangers to reality TV, we initially tossed the idea around, but in the end, decided not to do it. We have never regretted our decision, though I confess to complaining, "Look what we missed out on!" when I first saw their sprawling Pennsylvania home with adjoining farmhouse in US Magazine.
Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had one more child? How about two more? How about SIX more?
Four years ago, Jon and Kate Gosselin went from being parents of two to parents of eight, and their lives have never been the same.
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Today we all have a window into that life on TLC's Jon and Kate Plus 8. And of course, part of peeking into someone else's life is hypothesizing how we might do things differently or better, because it's always easy to imagine what you would do in someone else's shoes.
What is harder to imagine is what it would really be like to walk in those other shoes -- what's it like to wake up every morning and be Kate Gosselin? ParentDish had a chance to ask her just that recently.
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In a normal week, the Gosselins have a television crew in their house about half the time, which is a lot, if you think about it. And while they will occasionally opt out of filming specific moments with their kids, the Gosselins have no editorial control over the show -- what you see is what you get, packaged by a team of folks at Discovery and TLC. But, Kate says, this is reality TV, and it accurately reflects life at the Gosselin house; nothing is pre-planned or made up. "We don't have time to memorize scripts," she jokes.
I believe that.
"We set out to show the truth," Kate says, "I couldn't watch it if it weren't true." What you see, in every televised moment, is precisely what is happening -- no stage directions or do-overs. This is life at the Gosselin house.
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Kate Gosselin has gotten quite a bit of flak, both from the media and from viewers, for the way she treats her husband; the two are often shown bickering during the show. Kate says the criticisms don't bother her; she doesn't Google herself or make a practice of reading about herself on or off line. "Everyone has an opinion," she says, "and I'm only paying attention to my own." But she does admit that the way the show is edited affects how people see her family and her marriage. "If Jon and I have three spats over a two day period, they're going to edit it to make it look like those happened in the 22 minute period." The show is just a small slice of her family's life, after all.
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Kate is clearly focused not on what goes on outside her family but on her children. Her goal, she says, is to treat each child like an only child -- a hard thing to do when you're the mom of eight. "I hold myself to a very high standard," she says. At the same time, though, she's not trying to be perfect, or even to appear perfect to viewers of the show. She's just living her life.
And yes, she's living it with television cameras in her house, but it's still her real life. Kate says that while the experience of being on television has changed her life, it hasn't changed who she is. She says the same about having eight children -- "It's hard to live through what we have lived through and not change. We are the same -- it's how people treat us" that is different.
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One of the hardest things about her family, Kate says, is the noise; there are days when the older girls, Cara and Mady, come home from school and their reports about what they have done are drowned out by the noise of the sextuplets. More than anything, she says, she longs for peace and quiet -- otherwise, she would not change a thing about her life.
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Kate finds the humor in her life -- recently, she partnered with P&G to help promote some of their brands, including Bounty paper towels, which she refers to as "my weapon of choice." She also laughs about the end of nap time at the Gosselin house; the sextuplets are four now and no one, Kate says, naps any more. But it's a rare night that the family gets through dinner without someone dozing off at the table. Recently, Jon said, "I think we can kiss goodbye ever having a family dinner again." A good night, Kate said, is when the kids push their plates out of the way before they fall asleep.
You have to laugh about that, and Kate Gosselin does.
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The Gosselins have a strong faith in God; they are often seen on the show wearing t-shirts with scripture on them and attending church. But despite the fact that the show doesn't highlight their faith, the Gosselins see it as an opportunity to share what they believe. Their website, The Gosselin 10, includes prayers and devotionals, and Jon and Kate travel around speaking to various churches and groups about their life and faith. The show, Kate says, has given them this opportunity to share what they believe.
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And for the Gosselins, being on television is about opportunity, not fame. The show has opened a variety of doors for them; Kate and Jon both work from home, which makes their life as parnents of eight more manageable. But it's not easy by any means -- there are days, Kate says, when she and Jon work until midnight.
Kate has three pieces of advice for other parents. "Every morning, before my feet hit the floor," she says, "I pray for strength, just enough to get through that day." She reminds parents that a sense of humor can get you through nearly everything -- laugh, she says, don't cry. And finally, the most important lesson of all: "Always remember that bedtime comes, every single day."
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Our reason for saying no is that in reality television contracts, it is impossible to get a one-season deal; networks and production companies want the option of multiple seasons should they happily find themselves with a hit show on their hands.
Hired Help - How Much is Too Much?
Life & style, Childcare, Birthdays
One of my closest friends lives in Dubai, the Middle East city famous for being a playground for the rich and famous. On any given weekend, America's A-list stars and athletes can be found partying on the man-made palm-shaped islands for which Dubai is renowned. What non-residents might not know is that Dubai's thriving economy is largely fueled by an enormous influx of cheap labor from countries such as India, Bangladesh, and the Philippines, and the presence of these immigrants has significant implications for the family life of its residents – including the families of the many American and European expats who work in Dubai.
Let me explain: At a recent children's birthday party my friend attended with her three year-old daughter, she was the only mom who didn't come with her housekeeper/nanny in tow. As she described it, the hired help sat with the children at the "children's table," where they coaxed their little charges to eat, cleaned up their spills, chased after them, and transitioned them from birthday cake to magician show while the moms (some dressed in heels and glittery nightclub attire – but that's another topic!) socialized and noshed on adult fare and cocktails. According to my friend this was not a unique situation; in Dubai, hired help commonly accompany moms wherever they and their children go.
I have to admit that on the day she told me this story I was rather intrigued, if not envious. I had just had one of those really hard mommy weeks – you know, sick kids, long waits at the doctor's office, unwashed hair, and very, very distant memories of my last adult social outing. The thought of a responsibility-free party accompanied by a full-time "wife," frankly, sounded delightful.
Let me explain: At a recent children's birthday party my friend attended with her three year-old daughter, she was the only mom who didn't come with her housekeeper/nanny in tow. As she described it, the hired help sat with the children at the "children's table," where they coaxed their little charges to eat, cleaned up their spills, chased after them, and transitioned them from birthday cake to magician show while the moms (some dressed in heels and glittery nightclub attire – but that's another topic!) socialized and noshed on adult fare and cocktails. According to my friend this was not a unique situation; in Dubai, hired help commonly accompany moms wherever they and their children go.
I have to admit that on the day she told me this story I was rather intrigued, if not envious. I had just had one of those really hard mommy weeks – you know, sick kids, long waits at the doctor's office, unwashed hair, and very, very distant memories of my last adult social outing. The thought of a responsibility-free party accompanied by a full-time "wife," frankly, sounded delightful.
