Do Dads Matter?
Jennifer Aniston stepped on a cultural landmine.
"Women are realizing more and more that you don't have to settle, they don't have to fiddle with a man to have that child," the actress said while discussing male sperm donation, a central theme of her recent movie, "The Switch."
Shortly after, Bill O'Reilly, blasted her for "diminishing the role of the dad." These messages, O'Reilly said, are not only hurtful to dads, but also destructive for society.
I agree.
Fatherhood matters, and in our tabloid culture where it has become trendy to "go it alone," there is a real danger that the unique and intended role of fathers in the lives of children is being diminished by popular culture and the celebration of celebrity moms who are touted as heroes and hailed as "empowered" for choosing to parent without a dad. While their baby bumps, designer strollers and adorable baby outfits are closely scrutinized, the effects of a fatherless childhood for their new little bundles barely merits a mention.
There is no substitute for the love of a father. And experienced moms will tell you that no matter how devoted (or wealthy) a mom is, there are certain things that only dads can do for their children.
American Girl Dolls: The Conservative Mom's Dilemma
Toys, Books for Kids, Opinions, Movies
In a culture where wholesome, age-appropriate toys and media are hard to come by, conservative moms face an additional dilemma.
Conservative values are ridiculed and misrepresented too often in "kid culture," while progressive and more liberal ideology is promoted in subtle and not-so subtle ways. For the politically conscious conservative mom, that means double duty work, monitoring for sexual content and political indoctrination in our kid's toys and entertainment.
I happen to be a big fan of the sweet and age-appropriate American Girl dolls. Moms like me are willing to shell out for these pricey dolls in lieu of their slutty (and more affordable) competitor, Bratz dolls. We'll even spring for the furniture, books, movies and the overpriced American Girl café experience in hopes that our daughters will hang on to their fleeting girlhood for just a little bit longer.
In Defense of Chores
There used to be a time when paper routes and babysitting were as a part of the teen experience as pep rallies and Clearasil.
In Arizona, where I grew up and where my parents still live, my mom tells me that the middle class teenagers in her suburban neighborhood don't do the menial jobs that my siblings and I did to earn spending cash.
Gone are the fliers that used to come to her door at the beginning of each summer advertising lawn and babysitting services by entrepreneurial youths. Instead, the teens in her neighborhood have all the spare time and gadgets of their wealthy peers. Like rich kids of another generation, an increasing number of middle class kids also spend their summers free of chores and responsibilities; while they luxuriate by the pool or socialize incessantly on their laptops and cellphones, foreign-born maids clean the house and a team of subcontractors swoops in once a week to the mow the lawn and clean the pool.
Leaving aside the heated debates about illegal immigration and the wage distortions created by cheap labor, I wonder what the long-term impact of all this leisure will be on the resourcefulness and work ethic of America's middle class kids, the demographic our nation has always depended on to power our economy. Are we really doing them a favor by liberating them of work and chores? Or are we setting them up for failure when they enter the cold, competitive global market?
Parents Hate Parenting Because They're Doing it Wrong
Jennifer Senior's recent and much commented on New York Magazine article, "All Joy and No Fun", about why parents hate parenting, caught my attention -- especially since I wrote a book on how to be a happy parent.
According to Senior, the day-to-day grind of parenting sucks and there's plenty of stats to prove it. So why do modern day adults, who have a choice in the matter, put themselves through it? She concludes that it's fear that we might regret not having the parenting experience.
And how does she explain the fact, that despite the dour results of the studies she cites, when asked, parents are decidedly more upbeat about the experience? The mind, she says, plays a "lovely magic trick of the memory," gilding hard times that later provides "intense gratification, nostalgia, delight."
I've been through natural childbirth and there is nothing gilded or lovely about that memory. Unlike natural child birth, parenting and nurturing can be a very pleasurable experience. That too many parents have turned it into a joyless, angst-ridden achievement and an exhaustive competition should not be an indictment on the pleasures of parenting.
Sadly, it's become fashionable to bash parenting and portray those who enjoy it and gain real-time satisfaction from it as intellectually inferior, uninteresting or unsophisticated. To say without irony that you love being a mom, that you think it's fun, is to open yourself up to criticism and suspicion. People quietly wonder whether you're a Stepford wife or worse, they take your maternal contentment as a judgment on them.
And how does she explain the fact, that despite the dour results of the studies she cites, when asked, parents are decidedly more upbeat about the experience? The mind, she says, plays a "lovely magic trick of the memory," gilding hard times that later provides "intense gratification, nostalgia, delight."
I've been through natural childbirth and there is nothing gilded or lovely about that memory. Unlike natural child birth, parenting and nurturing can be a very pleasurable experience. That too many parents have turned it into a joyless, angst-ridden achievement and an exhaustive competition should not be an indictment on the pleasures of parenting.
Sadly, it's become fashionable to bash parenting and portray those who enjoy it and gain real-time satisfaction from it as intellectually inferior, uninteresting or unsophisticated. To say without irony that you love being a mom, that you think it's fun, is to open yourself up to criticism and suspicion. People quietly wonder whether you're a Stepford wife or worse, they take your maternal contentment as a judgment on them.
This Summer, Give Your Kids the Gift of Boredom
Opinions, Kids' Games, Activities Toddlers Preschoolers, Activities Big Kids, Activities Family Time
During the last few weeks of school my kids brought home piles of flyers for summer camps and activities. The pressure on parents to fill those once-lazy-summer-days with organized and expensive activities is tremendous.
After all, they all sound so educational and fun -- we'd hate for our kids to miss out. Plus, the kids want to be with their friends. As my husband and I struggle to narrow the list, coordinate the schedule and somehow fit it into the family budget, we actually worry: If we don't sign them up for something, does that make us bad parents?
My First Child is Off to Summer Camp (and I Never Got to Go)
I never went to summer camp.
In fifth grade, Girl Scout camp presented me with my first opportunity, but my Spanish-born mom who was unfamiliar with and somewhat suspicious of this all-American summer tradition, surmised it was an unnecessary risk to send me away with strangers for a week. Despite my relentless pleading and insistence that everyone else was going, she refused to let me go.
Thus my only experience with summer camp was through movies, most of which involved boy-crazed girls daring each other to lose their virginity before the end of summer or worse, pot-smoking teens killed in inventive ways by masked, deranged killers. Little did I know that these images would haunt me years later when my husband, Sean, and I put our 8-year-old on a yellow school bus for her first trip to Girl Scout camp.
Plenty of Lessons in Congressman Bob Etheridge's YouTube Moment
The video of Democratic Congressman Bob Etheridge grabbing a young student who approached him on the street for an on-the-fly interview has gone viral and will likely mar the North Carolina representative's career in Congress. But is this type of guerrilla interview style fair game for politicians? And should we encourage kids to "get answers" to their political questions by engaging in this type of reporting?
The answer to the first question, in my opinion is yes, this is fair game. Constituents have a right to access their representatives and many voters are rightfully frustrated by representatives who have refused to hold town hall meetings or return their calls. Citizens and journalists who are tired of form letters, sound bites and other "phony" communication techniques employed by career politicians will resort to these tactics.
That said, nobody enjoys a microphone being shoved in their face as they stroll to work -- especially if the reporter refuses to identify who he is. It's unnerving and annoying.
Have We Become Too Casual? Why I Dress My Kids Up for Church
A quick glance around your church or synagogue and you'll notice that the majority of kids are sporting t-shirts, shorts and Crocs more fitting of a day at the park than an hour in God's house. It's not at all unusual to see kids looking like they just rolled out of bed with uncombed, tangled hair. Equally common are the teens in revealing tank tops and ill-fitting hip huggers that expose thong straps every time they kneel.
"Sunday best" has lost its meaning and fewer and fewer parents spend Saturday night scrubbing down kids in the bath and laying out clothes for the morning. The modern family is just too busy and "casual" for this kind of ritual.
But have parents become too casual? Perhaps the better question is why should parents go through the trouble of dressing kids up for church?
Who Says There's Nothing Good on TV?
I often write about the sad state of television these days, but recently my mom told me about a story she saw on 60 Minutes that was uplifting, inspirational, educational, and entertaining for the whole family. I went to the show's Web site to see for myself. My mom was right. At a time when even Barbara Walters says she's bored silly of celebrity interviews, this profile will not disappoint.
It's the story of Derek Paravicini, a 30-year-old who was born three months premature, physically disabled (he can't button his own shirt), blind, and severely autistic.
Yet, through sheer luck and coincidence, his family discovered when Derek was 3 that he had a remarkable musical talent.
Derek can hear any musical composition one time and play it perfectly on the piano.
That's right. He only has to hear it once.
It's the story of Derek Paravicini, a 30-year-old who was born three months premature, physically disabled (he can't button his own shirt), blind, and severely autistic.
Yet, through sheer luck and coincidence, his family discovered when Derek was 3 that he had a remarkable musical talent.
Derek can hear any musical composition one time and play it perfectly on the piano.
That's right. He only has to hear it once.
Vengeful Dad Baptizes Jewish Daughter
When Joseph Reyes baptized his three-year old daughter Catholic, his soon to be ex-wife , Rebecca, dragged him before a judge.
You see, Reyes converted to Judaism and their daughter was being raised and schooled in the Jewish faith. The judge agreed with his wife that baptizing the child and taking her to church without her mother's consent was wrong and issued a court order prevented Reyes from "exposing his daughter to any other religion than the Jewish religion. ...", which would obviously include not taking her to Mass.
Reyes, however, violated the court order and was recently arraigned on a charge of indirect criminal contempt. He may face jail time.
