A good friend told me the best parenting advice she ever got: Your child will let you know what she is ready for. So, don't buy her a bike for her birthday if she hasn't asked for one; wait until she expresses a desire for a bike, then buy the bike.

Last week I co-hosted The View and with Elisabeth Hasselbeck out on maternity leave, I was the lone resident conservative. I arrived a little frazzled because my hotel had failed to give me my wake-up call. As a result, I was 45 minutes late to the meeting that takes place behind-the-scenes during hair and makeup sessions, where the show's Hot Topics are debated and decided.

When I entered the makeup room, I was greeted warmly by Bill Geddie -- the executive producer, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and a staff that appears to have had virtually no turnover since I first appeared on "The View" more than 10 years ago. It was here, during hair and makeup, that I met Whoopi Goldberg for the first time.

Chatty and utterly unassuming as she noshed on a 10 a.m. bag of Doritos, it was easy to see how she so effortlessly inhabits the friendly and down-to-earth characters she portrays in so many of my favorite movies.

Every year around this time, moms of young girls and teens go through a relatively new Halloween ritual: Steering our daughters away from the increasingly sexy costume choices in stores, catalogs and online costume Web sites.

This wasn't always the case. My mom's Halloween challenges involved last minute alterations, bad weather and predictable sugar-induced meltdowns. Of course, moms still wrestle with those Halloween fixtures, but the ghoulish holiday now involves negotiations and discussions our moms were mercifully spared.

When I was a kid, costumes fell into scary or sweet categories. Pop culture had a Halloween presence, but for girls in the seventies, it involved a Princess Leia long white dress and iconic braided hair buns. A few years later, Madonna's suggestive lace outfits were vying for girls' attention, but at least traditional costume themes were still in play. Nowadays, witches, pirates and vampire costumes for girls are no longer scary; in fact, most are down-right sleazy. If your pretween daughter is like mine, she's probably oblivious to the sexualized nature of the costumes she's circling in the annual catalogs, which means there's still a good chance you can successfully steer her toward a more appropriate (and inevitably, more expensive) option.

When President Obama told CBS's 60 Minutes recently that our country is suffering from a lack of civility, most Americans understood that he was talking about Rep. Joe Wilson (the congressman who famously shouted "You Lie!" during his speech), politically heated cable news shows, and of course those "angry mobs" that have been showing up for health care town hall meetings and Tea Party rallies across the country.

The press concurred with the President and threw in the timely headlines about Serena William's foul-mouthed outburst on the tennis court and Kanye West's hijacking of Taylor Swift's MTV award acceptance speech.

"There's a coarsening of the culture," the media has collectively and belatedly declared - as if Republican political discontent started a national trend that spread to hip-hop and tennis stars.

News flash! The culture has been coarsening for at least the last decade or two. Sure, popular culture hasn't helped, but rock stars, sports stars, politicians and angry cable pundits are not the source of the deterioration of civility in the culture.

Parents are!

For evidence of the shortage of good old fashioned parenting in this country, look no further than this video of two unprovoked attacks on a teenager just looking for a place to sit on his school bus. Talk about lack of civility. As the boy takes two separate beatings, lifting his hands only to protect his own head from continuous blows, fellow passengers passively watch, cheer on his attackers and only two kids begrudgingly step in to break it up.

The utter lack of compassion displayed by the students as they witness the humiliation and violence that was perpetrated on a fellow classmate is shocking and depressing.

Unfortunately, in this incident, race is being used to deflect from the real conversation our nation should be having about raising kids with character and a conscience. Since the victim was white and the assailants and passengers were African-American, all kinds of allegations are being tossed around. It's being labeled as a hate crime.

For the record, I don't believe in labeling certain crimes as hate crimes. In my view, all crimes are hate crimes, regardless of the motivation or the color or sexual orientation of the victim. When I saw the video, I can honestly tell you that I did not see race.

What I saw was the very sad results of poor parenting.

In both the attackers and the onlookers, I saw parents who failed miserably to instill compassion, a sense of justice and moral courage in their children. Too many parents are failing their kids, shirking their responsibility and making themselves present in their kids' lives only when it comes time to defend their offspring against the school officials, teachers, police officers and judges left to deal with the aftermath – rude, mean, angry kids.

Parents, step up! Stop waiting for celebrity role models, teachers, coaches or after-school programs to do your job. Civility starts at home.

This is the conversation President Obama, the media and the nation should be having.

Baby Jayden had the misfortune of being born two days too early.

Even though he was born at 21 weeks and 5 days into his mother's pregnancy, the preemie had a strong heartbeat and was moving his arms and legs upon delivery. But according to his mother in an interview with the Daily Mail, Jayden's doctors refused to offer him medical attention or access to intensive care because little Jayden was just two days shy of the 22-week cutoff date for treating premature babies established in the British national healthcare guidelines.

Unbelievably, the desperate pleas of Jayden's mother, Sarah Capewell, to help her still-breathing child were ignored. Capewell claims that she told the NHS doctor, "If he's born alive you have to help him." According to the story, Capewell said the doctor, following guidelines for British state hospitals for treating premature babies, responded, "No, we don't."

In England babies born prior to 22 weeks are not even legally recognized as babies and therefore are not issued birth certificates; Capewell had to fight to get both a birth and death certificate for her "fetus."

According to the Daily Mail, Capewell's midwife told her, "They won't come and help, sweetie. Make the best of the time you have with him." Indeed. Baby Jayden survived another two hours before he died in his mother's arms.

When Sarah Capewell entered James Paget Hospital in Norfolk, England she was not expecting to deliver a healthy -- or even live -- baby. She had gone into early labor, but was denied injections to try to stop the labor because she was not yet at 22 weeks of gestation. She was also denied steroid injections to help strengthen her baby's lungs for the same reason.

"When I went into labor I was told he would be born dead, disabled and his skin would most likely be peeling off," she recounts on her Web site, Justice for Jayden. Her doctor's advice was for her to treat the birth as a miscarriage, since her child was likely to be stillborn.

But that's not what happened. According Capewell, "he put out his arms and legs and pushed himself over" upon delivery and despite his doctor's grim prediction, his mother writes that "in actual fact [Jayden] was perfect." According to the Daily Mail, the midwife present at delivery described Jayden as a "little fighter."

Amellia Sonja Taylor was also a "little fighter." The 21-week-old Florida preemie who only weighed 10 ounces at birth defied odds and just celebrated her second birthday despite her doctors' pessimistic prognosis for survival.

So did Heather Pope. Though she was 23 weeks old, she was only 1.5 pounds and was given a mere 10 percent chance of survival. Heather's mother told the BBC that, "The doctors initially told us they would not do anything, but we insisted they at least try, and thankfully they came round." Heather is now a healthy and happy grade-schooler.

Sadly, Jayden Capewell was never given the chance to prove his doctors wrong. He was treated as a number, not a patient. And now the mother is asking why and waging a campaign to change England's national guidelines.

But Capewell is discovering that her noble crusade is tied up in her nation's ugly abortion politics. In England, there is genuine concern that lowering the viability age of a fetus would trigger another national debate over abortion limits as it did in 1990 when scientific evidence of fetus viability outside of the womb was the reason politicians lowered abortion limits from 28 to 24 weeks.

The good news for pro-lifers, like myself, is that if viability remains a benchmark for public acceptance of abortion, science is on our side. If only the battle to change Britain's guidelines didn't come at the expense of Jayden's life.

Thirteen years ago, I survived a head-on collision after the driver of an oncoming vehicle fell asleep at the wheel. The accident was gruesome. My boyfriend and his friend, the driver of our rental car, died in the accident. I was ejected out of the passenger-side window and sustained very serious injuries to my right leg that still affect me today (I have arthritis, a limp and difficulty running).

That's why I was conflicted about viewing the much-debated British public service announcement depicting the very realistic and graphic scene of an accident caused by a group of teenage girls texting while driving. When the CNN newscaster gave a warning to viewers, I almost changed the channel for fear it would provoke flashbacks to my own nightmare.

I watched it; and it did. But if it prevents even one person from texting, talking on the cell or falling asleep at the wheel, it's worth it. PSAs have always relied on shock value -- this one just ups the ante for a generation that's seen it all.

There's a good reason PSAs employ the use of shock and searing images. It's simple. Most PSAs are directed at young people and most young people think they're invincible. I did. My own life is divided into two parts. Before and after my accident. Before my accident, I took a lot more chances, like getting a ride home from someone who had been drinking, or riding on the back of a motorcycle without a helmet.

My own accident was not the fault of anyone in my car. Nonetheless, the tragic aftermath had a life-changing affect. After my accident, I understood mortality, pain, loss and tragedy. These are hard lessons to learn at the tender age of 24. As someone who has been in a head-on crash, I encourage you to show your teen the texting PSA. I know it's hard to watch, but believe me, there are far more painful ways of learning the lesson.

Last week, a Utah elementary school principal apologized to parents after screening a video, "I Pledge," to students during a school assembly. You might recall the video; it went viral shortly after President Barack Obama's inauguration. Produced by actors Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and featuring a wide range of hip celebrities, it was as popular with liberals as it was with conservatives, who saw it as more proof of the heights of Obama-mania.

Among innocuous celebrity pledges such as, "I pledge to smile more," are more controversial ones such as, "I pledge to support stem cell research," and a creepy pledge by Demi Moore who says: "I pledge to be a servant of the President." Not exactly a ringing endorsement of the democratic ethic that our president serve us. American civics aside, parents complained that the whole thing wreaked of lopsided propaganda and the school principal now claims to have not seen the video prior to the event (Teaching 101: Screen everything prior to showing to kids).

Now, the President has planned a speech for America's school children on Sept. 8th at noon, complete with pre- and post-speech worksheets and ideas developed by the Department of Education in conjunction with the White House. Questions include, "How does the President inspire you?" and "What is the President asking me to do?"

Frankly, I would have less of a problem with these leading questions if I thought that there was any sense of historical equality here. Could you imagine if the Bush Administration had planned a speech for kids in school at the peak of the Iraq war controversy and encouraged teachers to ask kids to write an essay about how they could help the President? Could you imagine teachers going along with it? It's inconceivable.

This summer we've witnessed a resurgence of a very healthy distrust of government among Americans. I believe that the outrage among many parents over the government-generated worksheets is an extension of this discontent.

Parents are now pressuring schools to cancel the event and are opting to keep their kids home if they don't.

Is it an overreaction to what could be a unique educational opportunity for kids to hear directly from their President? Perhaps. But sadly, the incident in Utah is hardly isolated. There are plenty of documented cases that point to teacher bias in the classroom and in textbooks. Fair-minded parents are wise to maintain a healthy suspicion about whether the President's address is more about the marketing of the president and less about education.

Recent video of a woman from Gaylesville, Georgia dragging her son through a Verizon store has sparked heated online debates about what constitutes appropriate punishment and the challenges of exercising discipline in public.

Melissa Catherine Smith-Means, 37, the mother caught on the store security camera, was arrested for the incident and charged with felony first-degree cruelty to a child. To date, no one is quite sure if she dragged her child because he refused to walk or if she did it with the child's consent as part of a game, as her attorney asserts.

Regardless, parents coast to coast are sounding off on the issue because no matter what side you come out on, the side of the mom, the child, the appalled store employees, or the arresting officer, parents universally relate to the age-old public discipline dilemma. We've all been there, surrounded by strangers, face to face with a naughty, stubborn child and the choice to either give in to his/her demands, or follow through with our disciplinary threat, despite the disapproving stares of onlookers.

Melissa Smith-Means has not publicly clarified the context of the video, presumably because the charges are still pending. I, for one, will reserve judgment until I hear from her directly – for a lot of reasons.

One, as a former reality-TV show participant, I know first-hand that video can be deceptive when taken out of context. Second, as an at-home mom who is on the front lines of discipline with my five kids all day long, I know that a ten-second video clip of my worst mommy moment is not an accurate portrait of who I am as a parent or the kind of loving home I work so hard to build for my children.

To be honest, I've been burned before for not taking the time to walk in another mother's shoes before judging her choice of disciplinary tactics. Readers might recall a column I once wrote about, Bertreice Dixon, a mom who punished her 12 year-old son for bullying and stealing a fellow classmate's iPod. Dixon forced her son, Montavious Lewis, to stand on a busy corner, wearing a hat with the letter "D" for "dumb" and a sandwich board stating what he had done to his classmate. He also carried a bell he was expected to ring so he could attract the attention of cars and pedestrians at the busy intersection where his mother made him stand. And attract attention he did, including a local news camera crew who captured him shuffling back and forth and looking both bored and understandably embarrassed. They even interviewed Montavious, who seemed to me to be holding back tears. I couldn't help but feel for the kid.

In my column, I acknowledged Bertreice's intentions as good, and even loving, but I rejected her choice of discipline, which I called "humiliating" and probably "unproductive". I received more than 700 comments on that column, and virtually all of them disagreed with me and more importantly, challenged me to consider the unique set of problems Bertreice faced raising her son in a gang-prone environment. After reading all the comments, I came to the conclusion that despite my sympathy for Montavious, Bertreice was, indeed, a far better judge than I of what her son would respond to and more importantly, of the dangers she was trying to protect him from. Lesson learned!

Talk to any grandparent these days and they'll tell you that today's kids lack discipline. Talk to anybody older than 35 and they'll tell you that their parents might very well have been reported for "child abuse" by today's time-out, talk-it-out approach to parenting.

It's a good thing that our culture has a greater awareness of child abuse and encourages adults to respect the dignity of children. But is our culture sending parents mixed messages? On the one hand, we decry a near epidemic lack of discipline in children that has eroded manners and self-control once taken for granted in kids a mere generation ago. From grandparents, teachers and even President Obama, there's a cry for parents to take more responsibility for their kids' behavior. On the other hand, when parents do, or rather, when we see them doing it, we are quick to judge.

Child abuse is flat out wrong, but where's the line between abuse and non-traditional forms of punishment that an individual parent deems effective?

For those interested in talking about this topic on TV, Dr. Phil is looking for you. Click here to leave him a comment. I will be appearing on an upcoming Dr. Phil episode to discuss this very controversial issue.

Rachel Campos-Duffy is the author of Stay Home, Stay Happy: 10 Secrets to Loving At-Home Motherhood.

Is tweeting during labor the ultimate in mommy multi-tasking?

Sara Williams, wife of Twitter CEO, Evan Williams, tweeted updates for her followers while in labor all the way up to finally getting her epidural shot. Dad took over to tweet the birth. OK, maybe Sara had a small publicity motive, but she's not the only mom out there tweeting through contractions. CNN did a story on the trend and one mom described demanding her blackberry between contractions. She explained her need to put her pain "out there" in the universe, so other people could feel it along with her.

In the same CNN story, a New York dad, Kyle Monson, said,"We were on our iPhone and Blackberry right up until the point when my wife started pushing, and then we had to put those phones down."

I can see why moms with parents and friends who live far away say that these up-to-the-minute tweets help to shrink the miles between them, but I also understand why others say it's too much 411. Especially since most people tweet to a list of followers that includes casual acquaintances and even strangers.

Psychologist Renana Brooks told CNN that she's concerned with the trend and the idea of couples texting rather than being focused on each other.

"One of the few rituals we have in terms of giving each other undivided attention, is that time in a delivery room," she said. "To be spending time writing to someone else destroys the whole ritual."

I agree and that's why you would never catch me tweeting during labor. I can barely force myself to be nice to the people around me (including my husband) in the birthing room, let alone think of something uncensored to tweet to my friends and family in cyberworld.

I can, however, very easily imagine my husband tweeting during my labor. After all, I've seen him chat up the doctor about real estate while I was in the middle of a painful contraction, and even take unflattering pictures of me pushing, which I later discovered he later posted along with a picture of our new daughter on our family website, much to my absolute horror.

My husband has enough trouble dealing with a crabby wife in pain who doesn't seem to think he can do anything right in the labor room. Tweeting would just one more thing to annoy me.

Are you with me on this?

Bebé Gloten, a new breastfeeding doll from a Spanish toy company, is stirring up a lot of controversy. Parents and experts are wondering whether the benefits of playing "breastfeeding mommy" outweigh the age-appropriateness of a doll that requires girls to wear a vest with plastic flowers that lay over their nipples and creates a sucking sound when the doll is next to the area. If you're curious, view this brief YouTube demonstration provided by the manufacturer.

FOX News managing health editor Dr. Manny Alvarez is not a fan. He believes Bebé Gloten may unnaturally speed up maternal desires in young girls.

"It's like introducing sex education in first grade instead of seventh or eighth grade," said Dr. Alvarez. "Or, it could inadvertently lead little girls to become traumatized. You never know the effects this could have until she's older."

Dr. Alvarez's analysis is downright silly, especially from a medical authority. One wonders just how much time the doctor spends with young children. As a breast-feeding mom of five, I can tell you that all of my kids, including my boys, have used dolls to imitate me while I breastfed. It's ridiculous to think that this kind of play could "inadvertently" traumatize them or lead to early sexual activity.

It strikes me that desexualizing breastfeeding is precisely the goal of Bebé Gloten and that the more casual and public we are about the need for babies to nurse, the more quickly our society will adopt a normal attitude toward a very normal human function.

While I think Bebé Gloten is harmless, I sympathize with those moms who say that the vest contraption is a little creepy. Both toy companies and parents are guilty of interfering in the magical, imaginative world of children and far too many toys these days are focused on instructing and entertaining, rather than sparking the creativity children naturally possess. Little girls don't really need battery-operated sucking sounds to learn the virtues of breastfeeding (witness this YouTube clip of a toddler nursing an old-fashion babydoll).They just need to see moms, aunts and grown-up friends who breastfeed.Their God-given imaginations will do the rest.