ParentDish

Child Cries to Get Her Way - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 11:00:00 EST

Filed under: Behavior: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Behavior: Big Kids

A letter came in from a father recently, and the part that stood out was:

"My wife has a habit of just letting things go where I feel there might be the need to address a situation. This usually ends up with my daughter in my wife's arms in tears and most times getting some sort of treat to calm her down ...

I don't want my daughter to think it's OK to just back away when she's confronted with something a little difficult or awkward ..."

The note also said: "I think we're being played."

Admittedly reading between the lines, I got the picture of a daughter that cries a lot, a mom that tries to console her, and a father who feels fed up with all the crying. A lot of parents mention kids' crying as a major source of agitation, so I called Mommy Adviser Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take on how to help a child who cries when she doesn't get her way. How bad?

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Child is a Little Overweight: How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 11:00:00 EST

Filed under: Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Nutrition: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Big Kids, Nutrition: Tweens, Expert Advice: Tweens

"I have a 10-year-old son that I have concerns about," writes an upset mom, who says that her son is not interested in any sports, and that there's not much physical activity at home.

"He loves the computer and is an advanced student," Mom writes, "But he is also a little overweight and that's my main concern. It doesn't help that his siblings make fun when he runs (they say he runs like a girl)."

Mom writes that she doesn't allow the teasing, but isn't always right by the kids to prevent it, and that there's teasing at school as well. "I don't want his self-esteem hurt! Please help! Any suggestions are welcome!!" She signs off: Worried and Concerned Mom.

To find out "how bad," (and also "what's a Worried and Concerned Mom to do?") I called Mommy Adviser Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take. She had four key suggestions ...

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Parenting + On the Cell = How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 10:00:00 EST

Filed under: Opinions

How often do you see moms talking on the phone while pushing a stroller? Everywhere?

"Is it bad?" asked a friend. "I mean, what if the baby's asleep?"

Well?

To find out, I called my Mommy Advisor Rosanne director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her advice.

"Assuming you're being safe and the child is sleeping? Everyone has to do that once in a while ... " starts Tobey.

Well, okay but ... What about something else often witnessed at the playground: Pushing the child on a swing while chatting on the phone?

This was egging Tobey on a bit because I thought I knew exactly what she'd say. I was wrong ...

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Kids Watching Grownup Cartoons - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:00:00 EST

So, lately I keep overhearing young children at the playground talking about ... The Simpsons. I asked a few friends who revealed they sometimes watch Simpsons and other "for grownups" cartoons with their kids (the children ranged in age from 4 to 9). One mom asked, a little sheepishly, "is that bad?"

To find out, I called Caroline Knorr, Parenting Editor of Common Sense Media, a site which reviews media to help parents decide what may or may not be appropriate for children.

"We have The Simpsons rated at 12-years-old and say it's 'iffy,' which really means you would want to watch it with your child, and to talk about the issues that come up, and to make sure that if something comes up that goes against your own values as a family, you're talking with your kids about that."

It definitely matters how the child is watching, Knorr notes. She adds, "The most important thing for children is to have a close relationship with a loving and caring caregiver. So if the child is having a loving interaction with a parent while watching The Simpsons, that will be remembered by the child. That relationship is going to trump the media messages, especially in the early years. It's different than saying: 'Go in another room and watch on your own.'"

But what about younger children watching?

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Can't Ride a Bike at 8 - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:30:00 EST

Filed under: Gear Guides: Big Kids

"Hi Sabrina," the email began. (Hi! Thanks for writing!) "My 8 year old son has not learned how to ride a bike yet. Is this really bad? I feel guilty that at this age he doesn't know how to ride."

Low bike-skills guilt -- I get it. As moms we are pros at feeling guilty over issues like this. Her note goes on:

"He gets frustrated very easily, and I tried on various occasions last summer to teach him only to have him 'give up' within the first 10 minutes. I didn't want to push him so I just let it go."

The letter mentioned a few other important points: 1) The same issue had arisen when Mom bought her son a skateboard (frustration followed by quitting), and 2) her son is otherwise healthy and active, he enjoys a few sports and loves playing outside.

"Am I worrying over nothing?" she asks at the end. To find out, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take on the situation.

"My first question is, 'How frustrated is this child getting?," Tobey says. "This mother is right in her instincts to want to teach her child and in wanting to try pushing him a little further. And her instinct that they're quitting too soon might be correct also..."

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Sippy Cup Full of Soda -- How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:30:00 EST

Filed under: Opinions, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers

"Is it just me or is every child in a stroller at this mall drinking biggie-sized soft drinks? I mean, it's practically in their sippy cups." Looking around the mall ... my friend seems to be right about this. Hmm... How bad is soda for kids?

To find out, I called Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, who is a board-certified pediatrician and an active member of the American Academy of Pediatrics as an official national media spokesperson (she goes by "Dr. Gwenn").

"The two issues are caffeine and sugar," Dr. Gwenn begins. "Kids who drink any sort of sugary drinks have been linked with childhood obesity because you're adding a lot of calories to a child's day." What about diet soda? Still bad, says Dr. Gwenn, "If it's diet soda, they're drinking that instead of water or milk." She lists other soda-related risks...

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Playing Outside, No Coat - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 11:00:00 EST

Filed under: Expert Advice: Big Kids

"My son refuses to wear a coat," reports a worried mom. "He's 9 years old and it's 20 degrees outside here. How bad is it for him to go out without a coat? Is it unsafe?"

Ah, the old at-the-door, put-on-your-coat drama. Is it dangerous for a child to go out coat-less when it's cold? To find out, I called Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, who is a board-certified pediatrician and an active member of the American Academy of Pediatrics (she goes by "Dr. Gwenn."). "Well, on the good news front," Dr. Gwenn says, "It sounds like this mom is encouraging her child's independence and that's always positive." Oh good, because who among us has never let a child put on their coat outside once they realize they are cold, rather than wrestling it on in the hallway?

"On the bad news front," Dr. Gwenn continues, "This isn't the greatest time to encourage independence, because if it's 20 degrees, a 9-year-old can get cold-related illnesses incredibly quickly."

Like a cold?

"Like cold-related illnesses, such as hypothermia and frostbite," says Dr. Gwenn.

Is this true even if it's not that cold out? What's the cutoff?

"In fact," Dr. Gwenn says, "A child can get hypothermia in 50 degree weather with no jacket. If their body gets chilled and their core temperature drops, it can happen. It's a myth that it has to be below 0 degrees to get hypothermia."

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Revving Up Kids Before Bed - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 10:00:00 EST

Filed under: Feeding & Sleeping, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers

"Oh never mind that," a mom friend yells into the phone, "That's just daddy doing the 'Nightly Bedtime Revving Up of our Children Just Before Sleep.'" She sounds frustrated, yet at our house, I can't help but notice that Daddy manages to run the children screaming all around, then wrap up playtime, brush teeth, sing a little song and say good night once and for all, sending them off into dreamland.

So, maybe some loud-screamy-playtime before bed isn't so bad ... but it seems like such a bad idea. Is it? To find out, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take on the situation.

"Children go to sleep well and consistently when they have a good routine and enough winding down time so they're downshifting from high gear into sleep mode. If you get them really worked up and then try to get them right into bed, they may still feel like 'Hey, it's silly time! Let's party!'"

So it's not a good idea? "Well, it's not necessarily a bad idea, if you're going to have fun play time but you're still leaving enough time for some wind-down in your routine for the night, then you'd probably be okay." So is it all about consistency or all about timing, I ask Tobey. A little of both, she replies. Some things to keep in mind:

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One Sibling Hits Another - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 11:00:00 EST

Filed under: Opinions

"How should a parent take sides when a younger child is hitting his or her older sibling -- and "don't hit" doesn't always work? How can we make sibling hitting stop once and for all?"

When siblings are hitting each other, the mom feels punched, too. To find out what to do in this situation, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service. Here's what she recommends:

Step Pre-One: Anticipate. Sometimes a mom can hear a situation ramping up but for some reason it can be hard to react until after things really start to go downhill. Tobey suggests keeping a close ear and springing into action to interrupt the hitting before it starts. "When you hear things getting heated, get in between your children and change the topic," and the mood. Now, to be realistic, Tobey admits, this is not always possible, such as when you're driving on the freeway and everyone is trapped in seat belts. For those times when prevention isn't possible, try these steps...

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Mom Tricking Her Husband into Having Another Baby: How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:00:00 EST

Filed under: Opinions

Overheard at the playground:

Mom 1: "I want another baby but my husband's not into the idea."
Mom 2: "Why are you talking to him about it? He'll be happy once you have the baby. Just have it."

Um, really? Would most marriages survive that? To find out, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take on the situation.

"Well," Tobey says, "first of all, it's so not guaranteed that 'he'll just be happy once they have it.'"

"I hear this discussion a lot when couples are thinking about adding another child, for instance, going from two to three children," Tobey adds. "And the hard part about just going for another one without getting your husband on board with the idea," Tobey continues, is that you can't guarantee anything about the future."

For instance: What is she planning to do if her husband doesn't adjust? In other words: What's the plan if her husband is not happy once the child comes?

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A Childhood Without Sports: How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:00:00 EST

Filed under: Opinions

"Sports are not for every child," says a mom next to me on the playground bench, as her son watches a ball whiz past him and roll to a stop in the sandbox. "What if a child is simply disinclined to be competitive? And why..." she leaned in closer and switched to a stage-whisper, "do his other relatives act like this is a betrayal against the boy's very core?"

Besides, the mom confesses, she was concerned that not being good at sports would make him feel ashamed on the field. Truth be told, she doesn't want him to play. But sports teach children so much about teamwork, sportsmanship ... is it bad if a mom really doesn't want her child to participate? And if so ... how bad?

To find out, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take on the situation.

"I think there's a real value in playing sports," Tobey says. "If you have an active child, recreational sports can be a great way for them to expend all that energy."

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Missing a Child's Big Event - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:00:00 EST

Filed under: Day Care & Education, Opinions, Relationships, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Tweens, Expert Advice: Teens

How bad is it to get stuck at work and miss your child's big event? Credit: jupiterimages

Back-to-school night just passed and some mom friends were talking about how special these nights are... and how awful it is if a parent has to miss it. But sometimes missing a big event really, truly, can't be avoided. So if a parent just can't make it to the play, or choir recital or open school night... how bad?

To find out, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take on the situation.

"This is a tough one," she started. "How a parent handles it depends on how big a moment it is for the child. If it's a really big moment, like the first day of kindergarten, of course it's going to feel worse for the child."

But for other important events, like a school play that a parent just can't make it to, it's still not ideal to miss them, but there may be ways you can mitigate the damage, Tobey said.

"For instance, I know a mom who just had surgery and couldn't go to back-to-school night..."

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Caffeinated Tea Party: How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 08:00:00 EST

Filed under: Nutrition: Health, Mealtime, Birthdays, Opinions, Nutrition: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Health & Safety: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Activities: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Health & Safety: Big Kids, Nutrition: Big Kids, Activities: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Big Kids, Activities: Family Time

Using caffeinated tea at your children's tea parties is just fine. Credit: Rick Takagi, Flickr

What 5-year-old doesn't love a tea party? But there is caffeine in tea ... which seems like an iffy idea for little ones. No?

Hmmm, well ... is a little spot of tea for children bad, and if so, how bad? To find out, I phoned Mommy Advisor Christine Palumbo, a nutritionist in private practice in a Chicago suburb, who's an adjunct faculty member at Benedictine University.

"Weak [caffeinated] tea is fine," said Palumbo, "Or, if a mother is concerned about caffeine she can always purchase decaffeinated tea." Palumbo had other ideas to get the nutritional nod of approval.

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Non-Natural Peanut Butter: How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 13:00:00 EST

Filed under: Nutrition: Health, Feeding & Sleeping, Mealtime, Opinions, Nutrition: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Nutrition: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Big Kids

Natural peanut butter isn't the only option for your child. Credit: Wendy Andrews, Flickr

The peanut-butter aisle used to be a simple place. In fact it wasn't an aisle, there were just a few jars -- the kind Mom used to use, and the other kind. But now there's a panoply of peanut (and other nut-) butters, none of which my regular-peanut-butter-loving children will eat.

And if we're telling the truth, does anyone relish the separated kind of peanut butter where the oil floats on top and gets all over your hands as you try in vain to stir it without having it run down the side of the jar? But the natural kind looks so ... healthy. It seems like the peanut butter that gets you an A+ in lunch-making.

But is it wrong to give the kids what they want, which incidentally is the same brand Mom used to buy?

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Forcing an Apology: How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 05:21:00 EST

Filed under: Opinions, Behavior, Development: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Behavior: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers

Should you force your child to apologize? Credit: Photodisc

At the playground recently, a tussle over sand toys ended with one mom demanding her child apologize. He wouldn't. The wronged child stood there for five minutes while the parent of the offender repeated "Apologize! Apologize!"

Hmm... Is forcing an apology simply enforcing good manners, or does it get away from the original intention of an apology? How bad is it to force kids to apologize? To find out, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take on the situation.

"It's good that this mother is worried about teaching her child empathy and manners," said Tobey. "But when a child has accidentally whacked another kid and now they feel terrible and they're burying their face in Mom's legs and she's saying 'Johnny, apologize! Johnny apologize!,' it can be kind of overwhelming for everyone and I'm not sure the right lesson is getting through. Clearly, Johnny feels terrible already."

So what's a mom supposed to do? Tobey had some good ideas.

Apologize for your child. A mom can go over to the hurt child with her child and say something like, "We're sorry you were hurt. Here's your toy back." This way, Tobey said, "the mother is modeling good behavior and setting a good example for her child -- it's a great way to quickly resolve the issue."

Practice apologizing during fun times. "It's important that children learn the skill of apologizing, and showing empathy," said Tobey. "Practice with role playing. Pretend she hits you or you hit her, and show each other different ways to say you're sorry." You can have fun with it and she'll still get the message.

Don't make a federal case about it. "If he doesn't say he's sorry, say it for him, then talk later about what his feelings were and why he didn't apologize," said Tobey. Making a huge deal out of the actual apology on spot might just make this an ongoing issue.

Teach children feeling words. "Starting at four years old, you can teach children feeling words. You can get a feeling faces chart and have them point at the face they were feeling and teach them the feeling words," said Tobey. "You're teaching your child how to identify his feelings and how to empathize with other people's feelings as well."

Have you had a less-than-perfect parenting moment and that has left you wondering, "How bad?" Send it to Sabrina at PrincessLPink9@aol.com. She'll try to answer as many as she can.

Sabrina Weill is the founder of the pink and princess-y gift site: PrincessLovesPink. Many of the Mommy Advisors in this column are the writer's personal or professional friends.

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No United Front - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:13:00 EST

Filed under: Development/Milestones: Babies, Opinions, Relationships, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Big Kids

Should you and your spouse at least appear to agree? Credit: mynameismarsha, Flickr

How many times have we heard how how important it is for parents to present a united front to the kids? But really: Must parents always agree? Or is it really so bad if one parent is more strict and the other is more lenient about certain issues? Hmm.

To find out the truth about this, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service.

Tobey felt pretty strongly about this one. "This is a bad one," Tobey stated. "Presenting a united front is important. You've got to be on the same page when you're parenting."

But what if you don't agree? "Even if you don't agree," Tobey stressed, "you need to appear to agree."

But why?

"Because," Tobey said patiently, "If you often don't agree, the kids will soon figure out they can divide and conquer you. It's confusing if they get one message from one parent and a different message from the other. You end up with children thinking they have one good parent and one bad parent."

So, what if one of you is consistently more strict than the other? Here are Tobey's tips for what to do when you're not on the same page as your partner:

Discuss it away from the kids. "You have to get to a place where you agree, and it has to happen outside of earshot of the kids."

Find some common ground. "Let's say you agree a child committed a crime but you disagree on the penalty. Tell the child you both don't like what she did, and work the penalty out privately so you're on the same page."

What if you both feel really strongly about your positions?

"You have to be grown ups--which means someone will probably have to concede."

Trust your partner. "Be open to the fact that your way is not the only way. Parenting doesn't always work best the way you think it will." You may think a heavy disciplinary approach is best, and then you discover that your children do better when you let them help make decisions. "Being open to other parenting styles allows you to find out."

Side benefit: If you're open to the notion that your spouse might have a good idea, you'll get to common ground faster, and avoid fights. "That's what most parents fight about," confirmed Tobey. "Each parent wants to be right and to have it their way all the time"

Talk about general parenting philosophy with your spouse. "We're all human, and sometimes you or your spouse will do something that will cause the other parent to say, 'Hey, lighten up,' and that's normal," said Tobey. If you talk in advance about certain child behaviors that you both agree are intolerable, then you're set up to support each other.

So, how bad is it to not present a united front? "It's not good," admonished Tobey. "Your child needs to see both parents as respectable authority figures. Ideally, you're parenting as a partnership, and trusting each others' judgment in addition to your own."

Have you had a less-than-perfect parenting moment and you're wondering, "How bad"? Send it to Sabrina at PrincessLPink9@aol.com. She'll try to answer as many as she can.

Sabrina Weill is the founder of the pink and princess-y gift site: PrincessLovesPink. Many of the Mommy Advisors in this column are the writer's personal or professional friends.

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Leaving a Child Out - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 10:00:00 EST

Filed under: Siblings, Opinions, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Tweens

Do siblings always have to do the same things? Credit: AshD23, Flickr

"How bad is it to leave one child out?," a mommy blogger wrote via email. "I have many friends that won't have play-dates or sleep overs for one without making plans for the other. I think it works against them, because the kids get so coddled and learn that everything has to be even."

Does everything always have to be even among siblings? To find out, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service.

"I agree with this mom," Tobey said. "There's not necessarily anything wrong with trying to keep things equal when they're too young to understand. Otherwise you're going to end up with constant tantrums. But by kindergarten or first grade, kids can start to understand that the world isn't even all the time."

Here are Tobey's tips on how to keep the peace when things aren't equal:

Have special time with the "left-out" child. When one sibling gets invited to a party and the other doesn't, try to make time to focus on that child so she feels special. But Tobey warns, don't oversell your at-home activities -- as in, "We'll have the most fun at-home day ever!" -- or you'll be setting yourself up for failure.

Explain the situation in terms that make sense to a child. "Tell your child that she wasn't invited because she isn't in the birthday girl's class or isn't her age, not because they aren't friends, which can hurt your child's feelings."

Sympathize with your child. "It's okay to say, 'I can see you're disappointed. I would be, too. What can we do that's fun together?'" Make sure you don't trivialize her feelings. Allow her be sad about it. "If your child is sad or angry about not being invited, that's okay." She's learning that life isn't always fair, which isn't a fun lesson.

Encourage siblings to develop separate friends. They will come to expect that they won't always be invited to the same parties. "They'll learn to develop a little independence from their sibling."

So is it bad to leave one child out if the other sibling gets invited to a party?
It's okay to let her feel disappointed and to help her work through those feelings. "I don't think it's terrible to keep things even," added Tobey. "But if you keep trying to make everything perfectly even, as the kids get older, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of "gotcha" from the kids; they'll always find a way to think things are uneven." Instead, help your kids develop by experiencing the disappointment, recovering from it and developing resilience.

Have you had a less-than-perfect parenting moment and you're wondering, "How bad"? Send it to Sabrina at PrincessLPink9@aol.com. She'll try to answer as many as she can.

Sabrina Weill is the founder of the pink, princess-y gift site: PrincessLovesPink. Many of the Mommy Advisors in this column are the writer's personal or professional friends.

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White Bread, No Crust - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 12:00:00 EST

Filed under: Nutrition: Health, Opinions, Nutrition: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Expert Advice: Toddlers & Preschoolers, Nutrition: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Big Kids

Are you spoiling your kids by cutting off their crusts? Credit: left-hand, Flickr

"During my daughter's refusal-to-eat-most-foods stage (which to be honest, is ongoing), I figured out that if I cut her sandwiches into cute shapes, she'll eat them.

"But as I pack her 25th camp sandwich, I'm thinking: That's a lot of white bread. I envy friends who pack hearty 22-grain sandwiches for their kids. Is white bread with no crusts as bad as it seems and if so... how bad?"

To find out, I called up Mommy Advisor Christine Palumbo, R.D., a nutritionist in private practice in a Chicago suburb, who's an adjunct faculty member at Benedictine University.

"Cutting off the crusts, are you?" I was hopeful at her jokey tone, which implied: This isn't a big deal. "Moms cutting crusts off goes back many generations," she continued.

"This is a situation where picking your battles is the best way to go. When you cut crusts off you're missing out on some of the nutrition in the bread, but it's not enough to worry about.

"Most kids like white bread because it's soft," she added. And delicious! But wait, isn't all that soft deliciousness bad for them.

Palumbo stands by her, "this isn't so bad" philosophy, and has some thoughts about how to make the healthiest bread choices that children will like.

Try white-wheat. "Look for one of the newer white whole-wheat breads and serve that to your children -- don't make a big deal about it; just serve it. That way, the child gets some of the benefits of whole-wheat bread but it's still white and soft and will be appealing to them."

Avoid high-sugar breads. "Oftentimes, breads marketed toward children will have more sugar, so experiment to see what a child will eat." Sugars (including sugar by other names like sucrose and high fructose corn syrup) shouldn't be first or second on the ingredient list. Compare labels and pick a bread with lower grams of sugar on the nutrition facts panel.

Look for a short ingredient list. "If the list is short and includes mostly ingredients that you can easily pronounce and spell, that's a good sign," said Palumbo.

Get bread that's perishable. "Look for a bread that says on the label 'store in icebox' -- it most likely was made with fresh ingredients and without a lot of preservatives."

Try the bakery. "At a chain bread store or a grocery's bakery, those breads are so delicious because they are baked fresh with fresh ingredients."

Bottom line: How bad is it to feed a child white bread sandwiches with the crusts cut off? "This is not important at all," said Palumbo. Go forth and trim crusts.

Have you had a less-than-perfect parenting moment and you're wondering, "How bad"? Send it to Sabrina at PrincessLPink9@aol.com. She'll try to answer as many as she can.

Sabrina Weill is the founder of the pink, princess-y gift site: PrincessLovesPink. Many of the Mommy Advisors in this column are the writer's personal or professional friends.

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Kids Addicted to TV - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 10:00:00 EST

Filed under: Media, Bedtime, Opinions, Activities: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Big Kids, Activities: Tweens, Expert Advice: Tweens, Activities: Teens, Expert Advice: Teens

Having a hard time prying the kids away from the TV? Credit: Getty Images

"It's not like they watch a ton of TV. It's just that they love it so much. My kids are allowed to watch one hour a night, from 7 to 8 p.m.," said a mom of two elementary-school-aged kids.

"But from the minute they come in the door after camp, they start asking: 'Is it seven? Is it seven now?' They might as well be watching for four hours a day because even when they're not watching, they're spending all their energy pining for TV. Is this normal?"

To find out, I called my friend and Mommy Advisor Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service.

"I don't think this mom is doing anything bad here, per se," Tobey said. "Letting them watch a little bit of TV is a choice, but what I would recommend is, if they're going to watch it, put the TV time where it works best for the mom."

Meaning what exactly?

"Meaning: Let them watch it when they first walk in the door," explained Tobey.

Brilliant. That way they're not clamoring for it all evening. Makes sense. "And she needs to stick to her guns about the one-hour limit," Tobey warned.

Here are Tobey's other tips for keeping kids' TV-related whining in check:

Be clear about the deal up front. Tell the kids that you're changing the TV rules and explain clearly what the game plan will be going forward. Turn off the TV while telling them the rules so they hear you.

Set consequences for deal-breaking. "If the kids whine when you turn off the TV," Tobey said, "give them a warning, then say, 'If you fight me on this, no TV tomorrow.' And you have to follow through on that." Tobey concedes that "tomorrow" would, in this case, be an extremely long day.

No TV right before bed. It's been well-documented that watching TV too close to bedtime can interfere with sleep -- keeping this rule consistent will make it easier to enforce.

Bottom line: How bad is it if the kids pine and whine for TV time? Letting them watch an hour a day is not bad, Tobey said, especially if a mom is not giving into whining but rather setting limits and sticking to them. Even better, make that hour a mom-convenient time that offers a chance to get things done, or just regroup.

Have you had a less-than-perfect parenting moment and you're wondering, "How bad"? Send it to Sabrina at PrincessLPink9@aol.com. She'll try to answer as many as she can.

Sabrina Weill is the founder of the pink and princess-y gift site: PrincessLovesPink. Many of the Mommy Advisors in this column are the writer's personal or professional friends.

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Texting While Parenting - How Bad?

Sabrina Weill — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 17:50:00 EST

Filed under: Work Life, Media, Gadgets, Opinions, Expert Advice: Big Kids, Expert Advice: Tweens

Do you check e-mail while parenting? Credit: me and the sysop, Flickr

"The BlackBerry gives me freedom, for sure," a mom-friend confided. "But I sometimes wonder how bad it is that I answer the call of the BlackBerry when I'm with my kids."

Turns out, her tween covered up her mom's BlackBerry screen, mid-text, saying something like, "If you're not going to be with me, don't be with me. But if you are going to be with me, please be with me, and put this thing away."

Don't you just love that amazing kid-clarity? But still, there's a nagging push-and-pull here: The magical ability to get e-mail anytime, anywhere, allows parents to spend more time with their kids instead of being chained to the office. But do those interruptions, even when brief, make kids feel like they're playing second banana to a machine?

To find out, I called my friend Rosanne Tobey, director of Calm and Sense Therapy, a counseling service, for her take on the issue.

"I think a mom needs to be honest with herself, and ask herself, 'How important is this message?,'"she said. "'How important is it that it get answered right now?'"

On some days, Tobey concedes, there will be e-mail emergencies and phone calls that can't wait. "But then you need to ask yourself, 'Is today the day that I should be out to dinner with my child?'"

Here are more tips for separating work-time from parenting-time:

Try not to multitask. "No parent can pay attention to her e-mail and her child," says Tobey. If you need to answer an e-mail, tell the child you need to take a break. Note the time so you don't end up making her wait too long.

Set boundaries. If you can, do it with colleagues, and if at all possible, with your boss as well. The majority of e-mails can wait a few hours. If it will help, put an auto-response on your e-mail saying you're away from your desk but will be back at 7:30 p.m. to respond.

Practice. If you're used to answering e-mails the second they come in, it will take practice and discipline to ignore them for a few hours at a time. Give yourself time to feel uncomfortable and know that this is an adjustment period.

Bottom Line: How bad is it to answer work calls and e-mails while you're with your child? It's not ideal, Tobey says. Doing this consistently can be tough on your relationship. "Being with your child and not engaging...is like holding out an ice cream cone and saying, 'You can't have this.' It's not fair."

Have you had a less-than-perfect parenting moment and that has left you wondering, "How bad?" Send it to Sabrina at PrincessLPink9@aol.com. She'll try to answer as many as she can.

Sabrina Weill is the founder of the pink and princess-y gift site: PrincessLovesPink. Many of the Mommy Advisors in this column are the writer's personal or professional friends.

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