I don't want to speak in absolutes, but I can say with reasonable certainty that there aren't more than a handful of children who actually like doing homework.

Kids are wired to enjoy the moment, and generally speaking, answering questions about Saturn or writing paragraphs about Woodrow Wilson is tedious, time-consuming and robs children of the precious opportunity to do really important things -- like watching TV or chasing the dog.

Still, if your children go to school, chances are they have homework. And while the little ones (yes, most schools now give homework to kindergartners) might actually enjoy pasting kidney beans onto pretty yellow construction paper for their "science project," for most parents, it's takes a Herculean effort to simply get little Ethan or Delilah to locate that "missing" math worksheet and get started.

Once children have accepted their fate and are at least sitting at the table with the worksheet and a functioning pencil, you have to inspire the reluctant scholar to activate a few of his or her brain cells to at least attempt to do a decent job on the assignment.

Whew! Getting a child to even start their homework can be fairly exhausting, can't it? And then we have to get them to try their best! Seems impossible!

Dear AdviceMama,

My 8-year-old daughter has not seen her father for over three years. After our divorce he just picked up and moved across the country. He only calls my daughter on her birthday and Christmas. She is hurt and very angry with her dad. She often cries and tells me how mad she is at him. How can I help her deal with her feelings?
Thank you,

Heartbreak

Dear Heartbreak,

When parents divorce, it is their responsibility to do everything possible to help their children manage the fallout of such a monumental upheaval. Being a mother or father means giving up the luxury of living without concern for one's children, and stretching beyond what's comfortable to soften the blow on the innocent bystanders that their children become when a marriage ends.

That is, in an ideal situation.

As the new school year begins, more than a few children are struggling with first day jitters. Some may go so far as to dig in their heels, refusing to even get on the bus when the dreaded day arrives, leading to escalating punishments and bribes from Mom and Dad.

One parent may threaten, "If you don't get on the bus this minute, young man, you're going to be grounded for a month!" while another offers cash if their youngster will just cooperate.

Some kids are simply playing their parents, hoping to delay the inevitable or make some pocket money by pitching a fit. But there are others who are genuinely terrified to step back onto the schoolyard after having endured an awful year at the hands of bullies. For children who have been the victims of taunting and teasing in the past, the thought of heading into another school year can be unbearable, regardless of Mom and Dad's well-meaning pep talks, or their promises that this year will be different.

Some children naturally embrace change, eagerly weaving new people into their lives. But many kids form attachments slowly and cautiously, making the challenge of bonding with a new teacher an additional stressor when the school year begins.

Every teacher has his/her unique teaching style, personality and classroom rules, requiring time and effort for children to figure out how to sync up and feel at ease in their classroom. For many kids, the process generates a great deal of anxiety.

Here are six tips that will help your child adjust to a new teacher:

1. Visit school before the new school year begins, when the teacher is setting up the classroom and he/she and your child can get to know one another in a more relaxed way. If that isn't possible, offer to help the teacher before or after school with your child in tow so there's a chance for conversation without the distraction of other children.

2. Create a list of "My Favorite Things" for your child and his teacher to complete. It might include things like, "Favorite movie", "Best dessert in the world", and "Coolest birthday ever". This will allow your child and his teacher to discover shared interests, an important step in forging genuine attachment.

3. Conspire with your child's teacher so your son or daughter "accidentally" hears him/her (the teacher) gossiping about your child in a good way. When a child believes the teacher likes who they are as a person (often made more believable when it's overheard), it fosters an authentic sense of connection.

Dear AdviceMama,

My 7-year-old is very cranky most of the time. Time outs and taking things away from her don't seem to work. She got kicked off the school bus and sometimes has to sit in the school office at recess. I had her treated for ADHD and she is on meds. They work for a few hours and then we're back to square one. What else can I do to help her make better choices and do better not only at home but school as well?

Worried Mom


Dear Worried,

I appreciate the caring tone in your question; you come across as wanting to help your daughter with her impulse issues, rather than angrily trying to figure out how to force her to behave herself. Indeed, children with ADHD can have significant challenges managing their behavior. It takes a strong and understanding parent to help them learn the skills to -- as you say, make better choices.

Dear AdviceMama,

My youngest of four daughters is heading off to college for her second year. I cannot tell you how happy it makes me that my husband and I will have the house to ourselves again. When she came home in May I thought I was going to die. The drama, the constant need for money, rides and teenagers in my house at night (when we were trying to sleep since we had work in the morning) was driving us crazy! Are we horrible for not enjoying this time when she is home?

Signed,
Missing My Empty Nest

Dear Empty Nest,

Your question left me chuckling for a long time. I love how honest you are, and how you're -- appropriately -- claiming your own space and life after giving so much of both to raising your girls.

Dear AdviceMama,

My almost-8-year-old and I butt heads a lot. She acts like she is the boss and I feel like I am always yelling at her. How do I get her off her pedestal? How do I let her know I'm the boss -- not her?

- I'm the Boss

Dear Boss,

"You're not the boss of me!" was the theme song on a popular TV show a few years ago, and it struck a chord with every parent who's had a child proclaim their position as ruler of the roost. Kids easily become little emperors or empresses, and once they've tasted power, they aren't easily talked out of wanting more.

Dear AdviceMama,

How do you set boundaries for high school teens (partying, late curfews) when one parent sets limits and the other parent doesn't? My son moved in with his father because he can keep doing what he wants and can get away with it. I can't set consequences because my son knows he doesn't have to follow since his dad doesn't enforce any consequences I try to set.

Signed,
Feeling Helpless

Dear Helpless,

Your situation is shared by many parents who feel powerless to set limits with their children or teens because the other parent undermines their authority. I wish there was an easy answer, but there isn't. (I assume the custody arrangement is not something you can change.) There are, however, things you can do to help your son make better choices, even if his father isn't on the same page.

Some children welcome the adventure of a new school year, eagerly heading off to explore the classroom and make friends, and barely noticing as you say goodbye. But for other children, every school day begins with tummy aches, frantic tears, and desperate drama.

If you have a child who struggles with separation anxiety, here are some tips for helping them successfully manage a new school year:

Develop a bond with your child's new teacher
During the school day, your child's teacher becomes her source of security and comfort. Visit the classroom before school begins and help your child forge a special connection with her new teacher. Look for common interests, and help the teacher begin to take a personal interest in your child, to strengthen a natural attachment between them.

One of the greatest gifts that children bring to us is their passion for enjoying life with wholehearted gusto.

Kids are driven by a desire to have fun 24 hours a day (if at all possible), and that thirst brings joy to the lives of everyone they touch.

That all works very well, except when it comes to motivating youngsters to do things that aren't fun -- like waking up for school, sitting obediently in a classroom, or doing homework. There isn't a parent alive who hasn't faced the challenge of trying to convince a free-spirited child to sit down and focus on her homework, or get a reluctant sleepyhead out of bed in time for class.

Helping children transition back to the grind of school begins, then, with recognizing the fact that doing unpleasant things is not in a child's nature. Discipline is a developed skill, not something children are born having. When parents approach the task of motivating youngsters by coming alongside them -- naturally engaging their cooperation -- rather than at them, which prompts them to dig in their heels, they have a much easier time getting them to buckle down and do things they don't enjoy.