ParentDish http://www.parentdish.com ParentDish http://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gif ParentDish http://www.parentdish.com en-us Copyright 2013 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Am I Too Young to Change My Name?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/24/am-i-too-young-to-change-my-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/24/am-i-too-young-to-change-my-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/24/am-i-too-young-to-change-my-name/#commentsFiled under: ,

I'm a boy, and my dad thought Karmen was a boy's name when I was born. Now I'm called Karmen in all my official statements, school records etc. I really hate it and I get bullied for it. I'm 16. Can I change my name? How?

- Karmen

In the U.S., you can't petition the court for a name change until you're 18. For now, the legal request would have to come from your parents. I understand that it may be hard to ask for their help on this, since they gave you the name in the first place.

Part of me is tempted to refer you to the tag-line of the anti-bullying campaign: It gets better. Readers write to me of "growing into" names, or learning to love unusual names they despised as a teenagers. This is one reason I usually discourage minors from making legal name changes.

Your case, though, is a little different. You've run into an ugly truth about names in America: Gender matters. A lot. And there's a double standard. Parents love to give girls traditionally masculine names, and there's even some research suggesting they give girls a competitive advantage. But it's tough to be a boy with a girl's name, and you're right, Karmen is used overwhelmingly for girls. (It's a form of Carmel, a biblical place name. The Italian name Carmine is one masculine version.)

If you'd like to change your name now, have a conversation with your parents. Be gentle; they chose this name for you and understandably have different feelings about it than you do. Build your case with facts. You can show them baby name data from the Social Security Administration to show them that girls named Karmen (and Carmen) swamp the boys by a rate of more than 25 to 1 in the United States. A Google image search of Karmen works too -- but be sure to select "safe search" or you'll be in for a whole different kind of parental discussion.

You can also give your parents a practical argument. If you know you'll change the name yourself on your 18th birthday, the change will be simpler now before you're issued a driver's license and start applying to jobs or colleges.

If your parents won't go for it, though, take comfort that the decision will soon be in your own hands.

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]]>baby namesBabyNamesThe Name LadyThu, 24 Feb 2011 12:00:00 ESTMy Daughter's Name Matches Her Birthday!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/06/my-daughters-name-matches-her-birthday/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/06/my-daughters-name-matches-her-birthday/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/06/my-daughters-name-matches-her-birthday/#commentsFiled under:

Our favorite girl's name, the only one we can agree on, is June. We picked it before we got pregnant and now we are due in June! Is it too tacky to name your child after the month she is born in?

- June Mom

I've received questions like this many times ... in reverse. The usual refrain is "Can we name our daughter April even if she's born in September?" Parents worry that a mismatched month is confusing, inappropriate or even false advertising.

Yet, here you sit with the happy coincidence of your baby's birth month matching the name you chose. And instead of high-fiving over your good luck, you're worrying that the month match is "tacky."

I do get where you're coming from. You're afraid the name you chose as a gentle classic will come across as a gimmick, instead. Well, you can rest easy. Ninety-nine percent of the people June meets in her lifetime won't know or care when she was born. The coincidence that looms so large as your due date approaches will quickly fade as your daughter grows up.

The key factor is that June really is a classic name. A girl named October or November can expect to be asked about her name's origins for the rest of her life. June, though, sits so comfortably as a name that it requires no explanation. (When you meet a Faith or a Lily do you ask about her parents' religious beliefs or their gardening skills?)

So, choose your favorite name in comfort. I think you'll find that most people will greet the name June as a very pleasant surprise, any time of year.

What did you worry about when you named your babies? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!







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]]>baby namesBabyNameschoosing a baby nameChoosingABabyNamegirls namesGirlsNamesmonth namesMonthNamesThe Name LadyThu, 06 Jan 2011 11:00:00 ESTIs My Favorite Baby Name Too Weird?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/30/is-my-favorite-baby-name-too-weird/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/30/is-my-favorite-baby-name-too-weird/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/30/is-my-favorite-baby-name-too-weird/#commentsFiled under:

I've been having a love affair with the name Calypso since I was 16 years old! I love the name, I love the sound, I love the Greek mythology and I love the nickname Caly to go with it. My husband also loves the name, but neither of us are sure if we should use it. We aren't sure how our families, or friends -- or anyone else -- will react to this name! Do we take a chance? Or should we be looking elsewhere with these doubts?

- Calypso Lover

You want to know how people will react to the name Calypso? I have two syllables for you: Day-O. Most folks who hear the name will think "Harry Belafonte" sooner than "Greek nymph."

That's not necessarily a bad thing. Calypso music has made the name familiar, so people will be able to pronounce it. That gives Calypso a big leg-up on fellow nymphs such as Clymene or Oenone. Also, the mythological Calypso had that unfortunate habit of seducing married men and holding them captive. It can't hurt to keep a bit of distance from that image.

So, the name you love is familiar, but decidedly unconventional, with a classic girlish nickname. That's a mighty fashionable recipe. The biggest challenge the name poses is the -o ending, which is a tough sell for girls' names. (Think of the nymph Callisto, who is reflected in the girl's name Calista.)

Now I have a question for you. If you're so concerned about how your family and friends will respond to your favorite name, why are you asking me instead of them? My encouragement won't mean a lot compared to wrinkled noses from the people you love.

If you don't want to give away your secret name choice this early, conceal it with red herrings. Give your friends a list of 10 names you're "considering," from the average to the truly outrageous. That will keep them off the scent, and will make them feel more free to give their real opinions on each name.

How did you handle outside opinions on your name choices? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>baby namesBabyNamesgreek mythologyGreekMythologyunusual namesUnusualNamesweird baby namesWeirdBabyNamesThe Name LadyThu, 30 Dec 2010 11:00:00 ESTDoes My Brother Have Dibs on My Favorite Name?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/23/does-my-brother-have-dibs-on-my-favorite-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/23/does-my-brother-have-dibs-on-my-favorite-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/23/does-my-brother-have-dibs-on-my-favorite-name/#commentsFiled under:

I am having my third child and plan to name the child (if it is a boy) after my father. My older brother has two daughters, and he is recently remarried. He has talked about having more children. My father is the only boy in his generation, as is my brother. Am I allowed to name my child Michael or am I supposed to save it for my brother in case he ever has a boy?

- Mom-to-Be

I suspect that many of my readers will find your question flat-out baffling. Of course a daughter is allowed to honor her father with a namesake grandson, why not? But a few of you are thinking, "Whoa girl, not cool! You'd better get your brother's OK first or you're begging for a family feud."

That's because this question takes us beyond the realm of baby naming rules, into the twisty world of family traditions.

There is no standard etiquette that gives eldest sons first dibs on namesakes for their fathers. If your brother has tried to claim the name out of left field, you can tell him that I said so. But the fact that you even asked the question suggests that somebody in your family believes that your dad's name "belongs" to your brother, making you a name poacher.

A small number of families do have such a custom. In most cases, it's connected to a hereditary name passed down through the generations. Are names in your family handed down like aristocratic titles? Does your brother have Jr. or III after his name? The more the family history is wrapped up in the name choice, the harder it is to buck tradition. In those cases, you risk ruffling feathers of relatives up and down the family tree.

For what it's worth, though, I think it's best for all children to have equal rights to their parents' names. A first-come, first-served policy is not only the most fair, it's also the best way to ensure that beloved relatives are honored. The fact is, your brother may never have a son. You could put the name Michael up on a shelf, waiting for the day your brother gets to take it down and play with it, only to find that day never comes and your father's name passes with him.

Only you know what kinds of waves you'd be making by naming your son Michael. Only you know your brother's feelings about the name -- and your own. But to answer your literal question: Yes, you are allowed to name your son Michael. I hope your brother can come to see it that way, too.

What are your family naming traditions? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>baby name advicebaby name conflictsbaby namesBabyNameAdviceBabyNameConflictsBabyNamesfamily conflictsfamily nameFamilyConflictsFamilyNamenamesakesThe Name LadyThu, 23 Dec 2010 11:00:00 ESTIs My Daughter's Name Too Confusing?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/16/is-my-daughters-name-too-confusing/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/16/is-my-daughters-name-too-confusing/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/16/is-my-daughters-name-too-confusing/#commentsFiled under:

We named our daughter Kennedy for her first name and Devyn for her middle name. We now realize that when just hearing her name, no one knows if she is a boy or girl, because both first and middle names can belong to a girl or a boy. Did we make a mistake? Should we change her name while she is still very young?

- Girl's Mom

You chose two names with a similar style. Most parents do. Our tastes are consistent, and we like the way "matching" names sound together. But as you've discovered, a matching pair can also double up on problem spots like gender confusion.

Does that make your name choice a mistake? That depends on what your goal was when you named your daughter. If your main objective was a fashionable, contemporary name with an androgynous edge, you got it. If your priority was a "can't miss" name that nobody will misspell or misunderstand, then you've gotten a rude wake-up call.

If you do decide that the confusion isn't worth it, the good news is that you only need to change the middle name. That shouldn't ruffle too many feathers. And if you do choose that route, let me make a case for the artful mismatch.

"Mismatched" names have different styles, but they don't have to clash. Like any great pairing, they can and should create a harmonious sound and a pleasing rhythm. Think of it like composing an outfit. Even a woman wearing the menswear trend won't dress head to toe in clothes from the men's department. It's the combination of effects that makes the impact -- the pinstripe suit matched with a statement necklace or a frilly blouse.

Names can work the same way. An androgynous first name can make a jazzy contrast with a ladylike middle name. A traditional middle name can anchor a a whimsical, offbeat first name. Even a plain-jane, conservative first name can suddenly look like a fashion statement when paired with a middle name that shows a bit of sass.

You might also think of a mismatched name as a kind of dress-up box: it gives your child plenty of room to play around with different identities before settling on the one that suits her best. (One woman who used the variety to her advantage: "To Kill a Mockingbird" author Nelle Lee, who wrote under her middle name Harper.) So if you do decide to make a practical-minded switch, you shouldn't have to sacrifice strength or style in the process.

How did you choose middle names? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>baby namesBabyNameschoosing a baby nameChoosingABabyNamemiddle namesMiddleNamesThe Name LadyThu, 16 Dec 2010 11:00:00 ESTCan I Avoid Nicknames?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/02/can-i-avoid-nicknames/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/02/can-i-avoid-nicknames/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/02/can-i-avoid-nicknames/#commentsFiled under:

I am due in December, and my husband and I like the name William. The problem is our last name, which ends in "ll" as well, rules out the nickname Will. We do not like any of the other popular nicknames for William. How reasonable is it to expect that little William will be called by his full name instead of having family and friends shortening it into a nickname that is either a tongue twister or a name we don't care for?

- No Will, No Way

If you aim for the full William, you won't be alone. More and more families are turning toward the formal today, filling playgrounds with the likes of James-not-Jim and Daniel-not-Dan. The standard nicknames just sound too ordinary for today's parents. After all, it was "every Tom, Dick and Harry" who stood for the everyman, not "every Thomas, Richard and Henry."

But as many Name Lady readers have told me, nicknames have a life of their own. Parental control only goes so far.

The biggest risk factor is length. The longer the name, the more tenacious nicknames are -- especially for boys. Cross the three-syllable boy barrier and shortening is hard to avoid. That's tough news for the mom of a Maximilian or Tobias, but bodes well for your William.

The second source of risk can be hard to imagine from the prenatal present. It's your son himself and his future buddies. At some point between the start of third grade and the senior year sports banquet, a marauding horde of boys is likely to transform your elegant William into a Will (or Billy, or Rocketman).

So, if your surname is truly abominable with Will (Will Call?) and you can't accept the slightest risk of it, William is not for you. Otherwise, make your peace with the possibility of future nicknames and go ahead and choose your favorite name. William is a classic, you and your husband both like it, and you, at least, will always be able to call your son by it.

How do you deal with nicknames? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>Advice columnAdviceColumnbaby namesbaby naming adviceBabyNamesBabyNamingAdvicenicknamesThe Name LadyThu, 02 Dec 2010 15:05:00 ESTI'm the Victim of a Baby Name Thief!http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/25/im-the-victim-of-a-baby-name-thief/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/25/im-the-victim-of-a-baby-name-thief/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/25/im-the-victim-of-a-baby-name-thief/#comments
I had a baby name picked out for about 10 years, and I made the mistake of telling someone about it. Not only did they take the first name, but they took the middle name, too! It's completely uncommon. I know full well that I have no ownership of the name, but whenever I see this person writing their baby's name, I actually feel betrayed. Is this completely insane?

- Confused in NY

Name thieves are the scourge of the baby-naming world. Visit any message board devoted to expectant moms to see how many cousins, colleagues and in-laws are guilty of breaking and entering into personal name storehouses.

When you invest time and dreams in the names you love, it's easy to feel that you do "own" them. It's the law of possession: You've been living with it for so long, it has become yours. How can Miss Sally-Come-Lately have the same claim on it -- especially when you did all the hard work of thinking it up? Surely courtesy demands some request for your OK before she waltzes off with your name.

So no, you are not insane. Your feelings of disappointment, anger and even betrayal are understandable.

And yet, they're not very useful are they? The baby's been named and that name isn't going to change. In other circumstances I might suggest a frank conversation with your friend about why you're upset, but I can't think of a productive way to tell someone that their cherished child has a name he or she doesn't deserve.

That means that the only way to make peace with the situation is to work within yourself. First of all, as hard as this may sound, try to see the compliment in the name burglary. A name that you invented impressed this person enough to choose it for his or her own child. That's a huge vote of confidence in you and your taste. Second, you mention that you see the child's written name but not that you see the child, which leads me to suspect that you're not especially close with the parents. In that case, there should be no obstacle to using the name yourself when your time to have children comes.

But if the thought of the earlier-named baby rules out your favorite name forever, take comfort in the fact that anyone with the creativity to come up with one great name has the creativity to come up with another.

Just make sure to keep that one a secret.

Do you feel possessive of your favorite names? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>advicebaby namesBabyNamescreative baby namescreative namesCreativeBabyNamesCreativeNamesetiquettefavorite baby namesFavoriteBabyNamesunique baby namesunique namesUniqueBabyNamesUniqueNamesunusual baby namesUnusualBabyNamesThe Name LadyThu, 25 Nov 2010 11:00:00 ESTDoes My Baby Need a Whole Name?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/18/does-my-baby-need-a-whole-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/18/does-my-baby-need-a-whole-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/18/does-my-baby-need-a-whole-name/#commentsFiled under:

I want to name my baby boy J.R. as his first name. My grandfather was nicknamed J.R. and I want to name my son in honor of him. Since my husband and I can't agree on what the J and R would stand for I'm thinking of just naming him with initials. Do you think it's okay to name a child with just initials? Or do you think we should pick a name and then call him J. R.?

- Initial Decision

Well, that's a creative solution to a naming deadlock: Not choosing a name at all!

I can understand the temptation. You'll call him J.R. regardless, so why go through the agony of hammering out a compromise? But you planned to give him a full name. And there was a reason for that, wasn't there? I don't think it's fair to your son to punt just because the choice is turning out to be tougher than you expected.

A full name on the birth certificate has lots of advantages. It saves the boy a lifetime of having to persuade people that "No, really, it doesn't stand for anything!" It gives him flexibility for formal occasions and affectionate nicknames, too. I'm sure you know a Mike whose wife fondly calls him Michael, for instance.

You should also remember that when it comes to modern paperwork and databases, there's no such name as J.R. Punctuation and capitalization get stripped out. So your son will either be named J, with the middle name R, or Jr. Not only is Jr an awkward name, but it looks like Junior. Time and again, people will read the name "Smith, Jr" on a roster and think the first name is missing.

So I don't think you've found a loophole that gets you out of your naming dilemma. (Nice try, though!) It's time to sit back down with your J and R name lists. The good news is that you actually have it easier than most name-wrestling couples. Knowing that you won't be saying the name a hundred times a day makes the stakes lower. If you need a tie breaker, the fact that you chose J.R. in honor of your grandfather might be reason to give your husband's full-name preferences a little extra say.

Did nicknames factor into your name choices? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>baby name advicebaby name conflictsbaby namesbaby namingBabyNameAdviceBabyNameConflictsBabyNamesBabyNamingchoosing a baby nameChoosingABabyNameinitialsnicknamesThe Name LadyThu, 18 Nov 2010 11:00:00 ESTDo I Have a Boy's Name?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/11/do-i-have-a-boys-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/11/do-i-have-a-boys-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/11/do-i-have-a-boys-name/#commentsFiled under:

My name is Tracy. I have been told by many that it is the male version of the name -- that the female version is supposed to be either Treacy or Tracey. I am a woman. Can you clear this up for me?

- Tracy


Treacy? Oh dear.

You've fallen victim to America's love-hate relationship with androgynous names. Parents of girls flock to unisex surnames and even traditional male names, but then a lot of them edge away. "We thought Aidan would be cool for a girl," they'll say, "but we spelled it Aidynn to make it more feminine." If you wanted something feminine, one might ask, why did you choose a boy's name to begin with?

Now these timid, semi-androgynous names are rebounding on your cross-gender classic.

Let's take a tour through your name's past. Tracy is a surname that came to be considered an elegant first name. At one time, it was also used as a nickname for Theresa. That kept the name's male/female ratio pretty even until the 1900s, when swanky surnames came into vogue for boys (think Sidney and Murray). Then a few decades later the name entered a new style jetstream alongside the likes of Stacy and Kerry. Just as with those names, girls eventually grabbed the Tracy lead. By the late 1960s more than 10,000 American girls were being named Tracy every year, and a couple of thousand boys for good measure.

That's Tracy, T-R-A-C-Y. Some parents did try to make the name more girlish by spelling it Traci or Tracie, but they were the minority. As for the other spellings people have tried to force on you, Tracey is an alternate spelling for both males and females and Treacy is another surname hardly used as a given name at all.

So Tracy, your spelling is the standard one, for women and men alike. Bear it proudly. Extra 'e's, 'i's and 'y's don't make anybody more of woman.

Do people harp on your name? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>Androgynousandrogynycreative namesCreativeNamessurnamesunisexThe Name LadyThu, 11 Nov 2010 11:30:00 ESTHow Can We Compromise on Baby Names?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/04/how-can-we-compromise-on-baby-names/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/04/how-can-we-compromise-on-baby-names/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/04/how-can-we-compromise-on-baby-names/#commentsFiled under:

I'm currently in my second trimester with twins, a boy and a girl. We settled on our son's name easily, Nathaniel James. However, we can't seem to find the perfect girl's name. I would like to find a name that matches our son's. I'm in love with old names like Agatha and Celina, but she's more into modern names like Ariel or Harper. Any suggestions as to where we can find a good compromise?

- Mom of Nathaniel +1

Compromise is a tricky word when it comes to baby names. What's the midpoint between Agatha and Harper -- Agaper? Harpatha? To find real middle ground, you have to understand the styles on each side.

Your question shows just how hard defining baby name style can be. Ariel strikes you as modern, even though it's straight out of the Bible and Shakespeare. Meanwhile one of your "old names," Celina, hit its all-time peak in the 1990s. Placing names on the style map is complicated. So rather than finding middle ground, most parents just look for a name that one of them likes and the other doesn't totally hate. Worse yet, compromise often gives way to a contest of wills.

You, though, say you want a real compromise. This seems like a good time to take up a challenge from our sister site, BabyNameWizard.com. They invited me to put some new name-finding tools to my toughest test. I entered the names Nathaniel, Ariel and Harper into their "Name MatchMaker" and dared it to find not-too-common sister suggestions that bring the three styles together.

Here are some of the MatchMaker's top suggestions; the comments are my own.

Naomi - A biblical classic, but quirky and individual because of it's distinctive look and sound. A cute match with Nathaniel, without being too cutesy.

Scarlett - Bolder than Nathaniel, like a brassier, more feminine Harper.

Juliet - Like Ariel, this is a Shakespearean classic that somehow sounds fresh and new. Great balance.

Camilla - Perhaps a bit frilly for the Harper fan, but it walks the contemporary/traditional line quite neatly. Would the nickname Cam help?

Felicity - We have enough distance from the TV series by now that this name gets to be a name again. It stands up well to Nathaniel, but it's a mouthful.

Piper - A clever choice, as the one occupational surname that even traditionalists love. A tougher pairing with Nathaniel, though ... unless you call him Nate, in which case it's perfect.



The fascinating thing to me is that those names, taken together, do seem to share a style -- but I dare you to pin down what that style is. All we can say for sure is that it sits at the center of Nathaniel, Agatha and Harper. To my eyes, the names look a very appealing stylistic compromise, traditional, but fresh and lively. Perhaps a contest of wills isn't inevitable after all.

How do you deal with different tastes? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!



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]]>baby name advicebaby namesBabyNameAdviceBabyNameschoosing a nameChoosingANamehow to choose a baby nameHowToChooseABabyNameThe Name LadyThu, 04 Nov 2010 11:00:00 ESTCan I Give My Daughters the "Same" Name?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/28/can-i-give-my-daughters-the-same-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/28/can-i-give-my-daughters-the-same-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/28/can-i-give-my-daughters-the-same-name/#commentsFiled under:


My 2-year-old daughter's name is Elizabeth. Since Isabella is the Spanish version of the name Elizabeth, should I not name my new baby Isabella? The two names sound and look completely different to me, but will this create a lifelong problem for my two daughters?

- Isabella Lover

Don't we all create lifelong problems for our children? Luckily, choosing the names Elizabeth and Isabella ranks low on the scale of Ways To Give Your Kids Complexes. I'd say it comes in just above making them wait until high school to get their ears pierced.

That's not to say I'd recommend it. I've weighed in against other close sibling pairings, like naming John's little brother Jack. Sibling rivalry can be a powerful thing, and discovering that you and your sister have variations of the same name could strike some uncomfortable chords. With so many names in the world, why risk it?

On the other hand, as you point out, Elizabeth and Isabella look and sound very different. And unlike John and Jack, neither is a nickname of the other. You can also give the girls some extra personal space with distinctive nicknames like Liza and Bella, rather than Lizzie and Izzie. So while the pair wouldn't be my first (or second) choice, I doubt that your daughters will suffer identity crises.

Part of parenting is giving your children positive emotional tools to negotiate the world. I think it's a good sign that you're already considering the potential implications of your name choice. Tackle this head on. Make it clear that you chose each name because it was beautiful and you loved it on its own, but don't try to hide the connection. Call it a secret bond for your daughters to share.

That positive attitude will be important in facing down another challenge, too: Name-knowledgeable busybodies pointing out to you that your daughters "have the same name." Don't rise to the bait and get defensive. Respond with your warmest smile, and explain that the names are simply lovely relations. "They started with the same roots but grew into two complete individuals -- just as siblings do!"

How did you choose sibling names? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>baby namesBabyNamessibling rivalrySiblingRivalrysiblingssistersThe Name LadyThu, 28 Oct 2010 12:16:00 ESTWill This Name Doom My Baby?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/21/will-this-name-doom-my-baby/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/21/will-this-name-doom-my-baby/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/21/will-this-name-doom-my-baby/#comments
After years of trying, we are thrilled to be expecting a baby girl. I didn't think the naming would be hard ... I've always liked "Mallory" because it's cute, but not that common. But while looking up name meanings I was horrified to discover that it means "ill-fated young woman." Now I'm a little unsure.

- Ill-Fated Mom

Let's talk for a minute about the meaning of meanings.

Of course, none of us want our kids' names to mean something awful. But where did this idea come from that a name's "meaning" is some obscure Latin root you track down via twists and turns through Middle English and French?

What you're talking about isn't a meaning, it's a derivation. Mallory may derive from a French word meaning "unlucky" (nobody's quite certain). Unless that origin is part of our current language, though -- as in names like Destiny and Rose -- it's just a scholarly curiosity.

Think of it this way: If you look up the word "jerk" in the dictionary you might find it comes from an Old English word meaning "prepare." But if somebody calls you a jerk, that doesn't mean they think you're well prepared, does it? Now try asking the next dozen people you meet what the name Mallory means. My guess is you'll get more blank stares and references to the old sitcom "Family Ties" than derivations from Norman French.

So what does Mallory really "mean?" Well, it's a familiar English surname that used to be a rare male given name. Then starting around the 1940s, the soaring popularity of Valerie rubbed off a little on the rhyming name Mallory, tilting it to the girl's side. The name had sitcom exposure in the '80s, when other surname crossovers like Ashley, Courtney and Lindsay were also taking off. Yet Mallory never approached the popularity of those hits.

Today, that leaves Mallory in an enviable style spot. It's familiar, but not common. It feels classically feminine enough for traditionalists, but contemporary enough for more creative namers. People really like this name. That, to me, is more important than any scholarly derivation.

What do names mean to you? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>baby namesBabyNameschoosing a baby nameChoosingABabyNameFamily TiesFamilyTiesname meaningsname originsNameMeaningsNameOriginssitcomThe Name LadyThu, 21 Oct 2010 11:00:00 ESTHelp! My Favorite Baby Name is Getting Popular!http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/14/help-my-favorite-baby-name-is-getting-popular/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/14/help-my-favorite-baby-name-is-getting-popular/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/14/help-my-favorite-baby-name-is-getting-popular/#comments
My husband and I have been holding onto the name Archer for a few years now, so no discussion was needed when we found out we were having a boy -- we could use our favorite name. However, on the NameVoyager and elsewhere, it seems like Archer is surging in popularity. We want to avoid bestowing a trendy name, so now we are rethinking our #2 choice, Adlai. We love the name and it will never be trendy, but, everyone we've mentioned it to thinks it's a girl name! What do you think?

- A's Mom

I can imagine your feelings watching your favorite name rise up the popularity charts. Archer's uniqueness was part of what drew you to it. Now you feel a loss, as if your special name has been robbed of its specialness. That's a natural emotional reaction, but don't let it become an over-reaction. If you confuse a run up the charts with true popularity, you might just talk yourself out of the perfect name.

Let me see if I can help bring you and Archer back together. Take another look at that scary graph that shows the number of baby Archers suddenly shooting skyward. Tear your eyes away from the upward spike and look at the number on the right-hand side. That's the number of Archers you'll find out of a million babies born in America.

Now try typing the name Jacob instead. Or try John or Michael and look at the peaks of those graphs. What looks like a mountainous popularity surge on the Archer graph is just a tiny bump in the great naming landscape. The percentage of babies named Archer is still minuscule: 0.0086 percent. It's less common than Prince, Ireland, Zechariah and Sincere.

Yes, Archer will rise some, but it should never be truly "trendy." It's also handsome, easy to spell and pronounce, and miraculously sounds both antique and modern. Everybody you talk to likes it better than Adlai -- even, you might recall, you. Do you really want to give up your perfect name just because one in 6,000 babies shares it?

Is popularity a factor in your name choices? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>choosing a nameChoosingANameNameVoyagerpopular baby namespopular namesPopularBabyNamesPopularNamesThe Name LadyThu, 14 Oct 2010 11:00:00 ESTCan I Name My Baby After the Bad Guy?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/07/can-i-name-my-baby-after-the-bad-guy/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/07/can-i-name-my-baby-after-the-bad-guy/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/07/can-i-name-my-baby-after-the-bad-guy/#commentsIf a rare name is well known for being a bad character in legend, mythology or a story, does it mean you can't use it?

- Notorious Mom


One challenge of writing a baby name advice column is that you can't change names to protect the innocent. If you're wondering whether Mathilda is too old fashioned, you have to say Mathilda. Similarly, if you're wondering if your favorite name is too evil, you have to spell it out. Because when it comes to names, bad is sometimes bad, sometimes good, and sometimes downright cruel to children. It all depends on the individual name.

How can bad be good? I wrote about one way in my column, "Is My Nephew the Spawn of Satan?" An appearance as a demon child in a horror movie has launched hit names from Adrian to Gage. If the evilness doesn't take the name over too completely, it leaves behind a fashionably dark gleam. The same dark magic can work for stylish adult villains, like Lucius in the Harry Potter series, Circe in Greek mythology and even Delilah in the bible.

When the bad guy isn't stylish though, things get ugly fast. Harry Potter's cousin Dudley has effectively killed off that name. Star Wars' Jabba the Hutt has no namesakes at all. Ditto for Rumpelstiltskin, the Grinch, and Medusa. (Medusa actually has some flair, but that snake hairdo is just too much.)

More seriously, there are limits to the villainy a name can handle. The name Delilah may have shaken off its bad associations, but Jezebel is still borderline and Lucifer well over the line. Though believe it or not, nine American boys were named Lucifer last year, proof of the rehabilitative powers of fashion.

To judge the evil-tinged name on your short list, try placing it in one of the categories above. Then consider: Are there positive associations with the name as well? Will the other kids in school be familiar with the evildoer? When you suggest the name to friends, do they laugh, in the sincere belief that you're joking? And, above all, imagine introducing yourself by this name. Do you feel proud and confident, or nervous about what will come next?

What associations does your name have? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>baby namesBabyNamesbad baby namesbad guysBadBabyNamesBadGuysbible namesBibleNamesbiblical namesBiblicalNamesharry potterHarryPottervillainsThe Name LadyThu, 07 Oct 2010 11:00:00 ESTIs My Favorite Baby Name Really Off Limits?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/30/is-my-favorite-baby-name-really-off-limits/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/30/is-my-favorite-baby-name-really-off-limits/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/30/is-my-favorite-baby-name-really-off-limits/#commentsFiled under: ,


My last name is Ritz. My husband and I really like the name London but every time I make a name poll, everyone scoffs at the combination because they say it sounds like a hotel. Would this be something you really think she would be teased about in life, and would it be so bad?

- Mrs. Ritz


With the surname Ritz, you have a lot to be thankful for. Your name is short and easy to spell and pronounce. It's flexible to match with many name styles. It has positive associations. The many families with names like Crumpacker, Slutz and Pincock dream of being in your shoes. But the one thing you can't go puttin' on the Ritz is a place name.

Tough love time: everyone says London Ritz sounds like a hotel because it is a hotel. (Their afternoon tea is legendary.) I'm sorry. I know you've come to me hoping that my expert opinion will override those nameless poll respondents. No matter what I say, though, they're giving you a realistic preview of how the world would greet a little London Ritz.

Yes, dear readers, I do hear you yelling "But what about Paris Hilton? Isn't that the same thing?" It is, but sadly Ms. Hilton only makes matters worse for this name. It's all too easy to picture a female impersonator doing a Paris sendup under the stage name London Ritz.

Mrs. Ritz, your snappy little surname will be a great match for many other names with a sound and feeling similar to London. (Try Linden, Alden and Logan for a start.) Name teasing may not be the end of the world, but why invite it if you don't have to?


Has a surname cramped your style? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!

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]]>baby namesBabyNamesParis HiltonParisHiltonsurnamesweird baby namesWeirdBabyNamesThe Name LadyThu, 30 Sep 2010 11:40:00 ESTCan Your Name Seal Your Fate?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/23/can-your-name-seal-your-fate/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/23/can-your-name-seal-your-fate/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/23/can-your-name-seal-your-fate/#comments Parents obsess over baby name choices, but do those choices really matter? Can the names we give our children really affect their life paths?

That question is ostensibly asked by this promotional video for the new film "Freakonomics" (NSFW). Unfortunately, the video doesn't seem interested in the answer. It's too busy dreaming up nasty stereotypes and giggling about them to actually talk name science. (For more on the way name stories are used to promote racial stereotypes, check out this series of posts from the Name Lady's sister site, BabyNameWizard.com.)

Let's take the question back from the fantasy world where naming a girl Temptress seals her fate as a floozy -- or where the name Angel guarantees a baby will sleep through the night. If only.

Continue reading Can Your Name Seal Your Fate?

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]]>baby namesBabyNameschoosing a baby namechoosing a nameChoosingABabyNameChoosingANameFreakonomicsFreakonomics movieFreakonomicsMoviemovie trailersMovieTrailersracismracistweird baby namesweird namesWeirdBabyNamesWeirdNamesThe Name LadyThu, 23 Sep 2010 11:00:00 ESTShould We Use Two Middle Names to Keep the Peace?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/16/should-we-use-two-middle-names-to-keep-the-peace/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/16/should-we-use-two-middle-names-to-keep-the-peace/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/16/should-we-use-two-middle-names-to-keep-the-peace/#commentsFiled under: ,

What are your thoughts on using two middle names? I have two boys who would both like to select the middle name for their new brother. Of course, they can't agree!

- Compromising Mom

This is a new twist on an extra middle name. Most parents who choose to double up are making some nod to tradition. In some cases, the family has always used two middle names, such as the grandfathers on both sides of the family. Other families want to honor prominent ancestors or proud lineages.

Continue reading Should We Use Two Middle Names to Keep the Peace?

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]]>family traditionsFamilyTraditionsmiddle namemiddle namesMiddleNameMiddleNamessibling bondingSiblingBondingThe Name LadyThu, 16 Sep 2010 16:10:00 ESTCan I Make My Family Accept My Baby's Name?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/09/can-i-make-my-family-accept-my-babys-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/09/can-i-make-my-family-accept-my-babys-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/09/can-i-make-my-family-accept-my-babys-name/#commentsFiled under: , ,

My husband and I are expecting a boy this November. Before we conceived him, we both fell in love with the name Bodhi. Now that we have informed our families of his name, everyone on both sides have expressed their distaste. How do we politely tell our family that we will not be caving on our son's name?

- Bodhi's Mom-to-Be


Congratulations on taking this rejection so well. It's easy for hard feelings to grow when your joyous name announcement is met with grimaces.

Continue reading Can I Make My Family Accept My Baby's Name?

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]]>baby namingBabyNamingBodhigrandparentsnaming conflictsNamingConflictsThe Name LadyThu, 09 Sep 2010 09:00:00 ESTMiley Cyrus Ruined My Daughter's Namehttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/02/miley-cyrus-ruined-my-daughters-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/02/miley-cyrus-ruined-my-daughters-name/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/02/miley-cyrus-ruined-my-daughters-name/#commentsFiled under:

In 1994, my husband and I had a daughter and named her Miley Elizabeth. Even though she was named way before people even heard of Miley Cyrus, people keep insisting that she was named after her and call her mean names because they do not like the Cyrus kid. My daughter hates her name now and wants to change it. I suggested we call her by her middle name but in our area there are a lot of girls named Elizabeth and pretty much any nickname for Elizabeth has been taken. She wants to change her name to Zarya because no one has that name and it means princess. Should we let her? I personally do not like the name Zarya and the name Miley Elizabeth means so much to my husband and me.

- Miley's Mom

Ah, your poor daughter! There she was, all set with a creative, unusual name that put a smile on people's faces, when a celebrity came along and stole it right out from under her.

Continue reading Miley Cyrus Ruined My Daughter's Name

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]]>celebrity baby namescelebrity namesCelebrityBabyNamesCelebrityNameschanging your nameChangingYourNamemiley cyrusMileyCyrusname changeNameChangeThe Name LadyThu, 02 Sep 2010 11:00:00 ESTShould the Child Who Inherited My Name Inherit Everything Else?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/08/26/should-the-child-who-inherited-my-name-inherit-everything-else/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/08/26/should-the-child-who-inherited-my-name-inherit-everything-else/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/08/26/should-the-child-who-inherited-my-name-inherit-everything-else/#commentsFiled under:


Each of my grandchildren have been given a family name for their middle names, two from the mother's family and two from the father's side. One of the children's middle name is my maiden name, which will not be continued other than with this child. Is it proper for me to leave this child, and only this child, with property from that family? I can leave other equally valuable items for the other children, but they will not be of ancestral value.

- Grandmother

Names are my profession, and my obsession. So when I say this, I don't say it lightly: you're placing much too much importance on the children's names.

Continue reading Should the Child Who Inherited My Name Inherit Everything Else?

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]]>family heirloomsfamily namefamily traditionsFamilyHeirloomsFamilyNameFamilyTraditionsgrandchildrengrandkidsgrandparentsinheritancenamesakeswillsThe Name LadyThu, 26 Aug 2010 11:00:00 EST