ParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gifParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comen-usCopyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Community Warned Its Kids Are Making Explosiveshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/13/kids-making-exposives/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/13/kids-making-exposives/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/13/kids-making-exposives/#commentsFiled under: ,

explosives

Novato School District officials sent emails to parents in the northern California community warning kids are making homemade bombs. Credit: Getty Images

Kids. They're so mischievous, aren't they? You wonder what the little scamps will think of next.

If they're not flinging rubber bands at one another, they're exchanging spit wads. And if it's not rubber bands or spit wads, it's homemade explosives made from drink containers filled with Drano or other household chemicals.

Whoa! We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! The Munchkins are armed with explosives.

KTVU television in Oakland, Calif., reports Novato School District officials sent emails to parents in the northern California community on May 11 to warn them that homemade bombs are becoming increasingly popular.

"I would say it's probably been the past two weeks, two to three weeks, that it's been a pickup in the phone calls to us," Sgt. David Bettin of the Novato Police Department tells the TV stations.

Bettin tells KTVU authorities if someone picks up a bottle bomb to recycle or throw in the trash, he or she could shake it enough to make it explode.

"I think that's pretty alarming and scary, because that's something that a child could pick up," Novato parent Amanda Jacobson tells the TV station.

Bettin tells KTVU no one in Novato has been injured by a bottle bomb so far. However, officers arrested a group of teenagers in January for making and setting off Drano bombs.

The devices are dangerous, he tells the station.

"The fluid is boiling hot and it explodes with great force," Bettin says. "You can actually lose fingers."

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]]>bottle bombsexplosiveskids making explosivesTom HendersonFri, 13 May 2011 16:00:00 ESTHaving Bipolar Parents Can Be (Who Knew?) Stressfulhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/bipolar-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/bipolar-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/bipolar-parents/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

bipolar parents

Imagine dealing with the vacillations and contradictions of someone else's bipolar disorder when you're a kid. Credit: Getty Images

Parents can be stressful. They're really annoying and they go about saying stupid and embarrassing things. Now research suggests kids are even more stressed out when their parents are bipolar.

No, they're not. Yes, they are. No, they're not. Yes! No! YES!

You see the problem.

Imagine dealing with the vacillations and contradictions of someone else's bipolar disorder when you're a kid -- especially when the someone else is your parent.

So the study by researchers at the Concordia University in Montreal linking parents' bipolar disorders to their children's stress may seem like something of a no-brainer.

But according to a press release posted on EurekAlert.com,researchers measured and quantified that stress scientifically. What they found is that cortisol, a stress hormone, shoots up in kids when their parents are bipolar.

"Previous research has shown that children of parents with bipolar disorder are four times as likely to develop mood disorders as those from parents without the condition," senior researcher Mark Ellenbogen, Canada research chair in developmental psychopathology at Concordia, says in the press release.

"The goal of our study was to determine how this is happening," he adds.

Researchers previously measured cortisol levels in kids. In this study, they followed up with the same kids now that that they are in their late teens and early adulthoods.

Their cortisol levels were still elevated. This could mean they'll have emotional problems.

"Our study demonstrates that affected children are biologically more sensitive to the experience of stress in their natural and normal environment compared to their peers," says Ellenbogen in the release. "This higher reactivity to stress might be one explanation of why these offspring end up developing disorders and is a clear risk factor to becoming ill later on.

"We think we might be beginning to understand where we can intervene to actually prevent this increased sensitivity from developing," he adds.

"We believe this sensitivity develops during childhood and our suspicion is that if you could teach both parents and their offspring on how to cope with stress, how to deal with problems before they turn into larger significant stressors and difficulties, this would have a profound impact."

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]]>Bipolar DIsorder Parents Cortisol Stress Children Hormones Reseabipolar parentsbipolar parents with childrenTom HendersonMon, 09 May 2011 16:30:00 ESTKneel Before Zod? Most Parents Aren't That Strict, According to Testhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/strict-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/strict-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/strict-parents/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

strict parents

You may think they're mean but it turns out, most parents aren't that strict. Credit: Getty Images

"Kneel before Zod!"

Say what you will about his plans to kill Superman and take over the world, you have to hand it General Zod. He was very clear about his parenting style.

He's what you may call an "authoritarian" parent. Not like that namby-pamby Jonathan Kent who adopted Superman as infant.

He was the very model of the "permissive" parent, with with all his love, care and praise for young Clark. Maybe what you need is a blend between Jonathan Kent and General Zod.

Like Jor-El.

Superman's birth father clearly loved his son but set boundaries and rules. (None of that interfering with human history or spinning the Earth backwards on its axis.)

This is the "authoritative" style of parenting -- and is possibly the most popular among us earthlings.

Queendom.com of Canada, which offers personality assessments on the Internet, just released the results of its Parenting Style Test. Most parents aspire to be Jor-El. They don't want their children to kneel before them. But they do want them to clean their rooms.

More than 1,000 parents took the style test, and according to a press release posted on PR.com, the vast majority of them said they preferred the authoritative mode of child rearing. This was true across the age spectrum.

It was even true among participants who didn't actually have children. However, those people tended to be a bit delusional, according to the press release. They envisioned themselves as the superhero parents -- buying only expensive organic baby food, staying involved in all their children's activities and shielding them from the influences of pop culture.

"I shall destroy this 'Hannah Montana'!"

Yeah, good luck with that, General Zod.

The survey provides an interesting glimpse into parenting styles and the children they produce, Queendom officials say in the press release.

"Research has shown quite clearly that parenting style can have a significant impact on a child's emotional health," Ilona Jerabek, the president of the company, says in the release.

"Children of authoritative parents tend to be the most socially well-adjusted and to have higher self-esteem," she adds. "Our study revealed that while most parents are happy about their relationship with their children, the least happy group tended to have more authoritarian parents themselves.

"In addition, those who viewed their children as being 'well-behaved' rather than 'mischievous' scored higher on Responsiveness and Team Parenting, and were firmer with their children."

The study also revealed:

· 8 percent of parents would rather give in to their children's desires than risk getting into an argument.
· 8 percent of parents felt that daycare is not appropriate for young children.
· 14 percent of parents want to feed only organic food to their children.
· 21 percent of parents believe that children should be sheltered from any exposure to injustice or others' bad behavior.
· 24 percent of parents consider themselves strict.
· 65 percent of parents will consult with their partner before administering a major punishment.
· 67 percent of parents like the idea of sitting around the dinner table and having their family discuss their day.
· 73 percent of parents said that they trust their children to make the right choices in life.
· 79 percent of parents believe in the old adage, "When you live under my roof, you will live by my rules."
· 91 percent of parents encourage self-expression and individuality in their children.

"The impact of parenting style on children is far-reaching," Jerabek says in the release. "This isn't to say that if a child has adjustment problems or delinquency problems in the future, it should be blamed solely on the parents. However, parents need to understand that from the very beginning, they will be setting the foundation for their children's future behavior and psychological health."

Or as Jor-El once put it, "The son becomes the father ... and the father, the son."

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]]>arent that strictparentingparents arent that strictQueendom.com Parenting Test Authoritarian Authoritative Permissistrict parentsTom HendersonMon, 09 May 2011 15:00:00 ESTCrying as a Baby May Lead to Lifetime of Behavioral Problemshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/25/crying-baby-behavioral-problems/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/25/crying-baby-behavioral-problems/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/25/crying-baby-behavioral-problems/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Watch Video Related to Calming Crying Babies!
crying babies

Parents should help babies learn to soothe themselves. Credit: Getty Images

Singing "hush little baby, don't you cry" isn't just a sweet way to soothe a cranky newborn. It's a skill you better get down pat, or you may be in for a lifetime of behavioral woes.

New findings suggest that while crying and waking in the middle of the night may be a normal part of a newborn's life, regular wailing episodes that last beyond the first year could signal chronic depression, anxiety and other conduct disorders by the time they're ready for kindergarten, Time magazine reports.

Researchers in England looked at nearly two dozen studies on what developmental experts call regulatory problems, including sleeping, continuous crying and difficulty feeding, reporting their findings in the Archives of Disease in Childhood. They found that infants who consistently cry and wake up past the third month are nearly twice as likely to develop problems such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), depression, anxiety, aggressive behavior or conduct disorders by the time they begin school.

What happens, the experts report, is that the babies never develop the ability to calm themselves down or act appropriately in different social situations, according to Time.

"We found a particularly strong relationship between regulatory problems in infancy and conduct disorders or ADHD, which are problems of under-control, in which children can't regulate their attention, or fly off the handle and can't control their behavior," Dieter Wolke, one of the study co-authors and a professor of developmental psychology at the University of Warwick in England tells Time.

It's not exactly certain what the link is to crying jags and a lifetime of fussy behavior, but there are several possible reasons, Wolke tells Time. What might happen, the experts tell the magazine, is that the babies never develop the ability to calm themselves down or act appropriately in different social situations.

Wolke tells Time the data doesn't support an obvious link between extended crying jags and picky eating during infancy and later behavioral problems, but there are several possibilities. One may be that crying and waking up at night are simply the first signs of behavioral problems involving a lack of self-control.

In addition, Wolke tells Time, some infants may be genetically susceptible to problems regulating their behavior; specifically, scientists have recently identified a version of a gene involved in dopamine function, which governs mood and emotions as well as motor function, that may make some infants more vulnerable to behavioral problems.

The findings suggest that parents should do what they can to help their babies learn to sooth themselves. Parents should learn to establish schedules and not run to pick up babies every time they cry, Wolke tells Time.

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]]>adhdbehaviorbehavorial problemscrying babiescrying babyMary Beth SammonsMon, 25 Apr 2011 13:00:00 ESTFirst-Born Boys Demand More Mommy Timehttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/21/first-born-child/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/21/first-born-child/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/21/first-born-child/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

first born child

Baby boys demand more attention from moms than baby girls. Credit: Getty Images

Women have thought for years that men are really more high maintenance. A new study confirms that this royal highness syndrome starts at birth, as these little princes demand more of mom's time than baby girls. By requiring more of mom's presence, moms of first born sons are working less, the study claims.

British researchers who have keen insight into royal entitlement have released a new study that says "...women whose first child is a boy are less likely to work in a typical week and work fewer hours than women with first-born girls," according to the Wall Street Journal's Real Time Economics blog.

The results, though "statistically significant" and suggesting "quantitatively relevant" losses in lifetime labor income, are nonetheless "a puzzle," the authors write. They say future studies are required to answer the "whys."

But, one reason possibly contributing to the findings, they say, is the desire to have the baby boy.

"A first-born girl reduces substantially the stability of a marriage," thus women are working. It also finds that the divorce rate is four percent higher in families where the first-born is a girl. The first-born boys evidently positively affect the probability that the marriage will survive, so moms aren't racing back to work.

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]]>babiesfirst bornfirst-born childfirst-born sonMary Beth SammonsThu, 21 Apr 2011 17:00:00 EST10 Signs Your Child May Have ADHDhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/19/signs-of-adhd/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/19/signs-of-adhd/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/19/signs-of-adhd/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Watch a video on recognizing signs of ADHD.
ADHD signs

What are the warning signs of ADHD? Credit: Getty Images


Are you alarmed that your daughter constantly misplaces schoolwork and other vital items? Does your son's inattention when you share a story you found fascinating at his age worry you? Does sitting still for more than five seconds seem an impossible feat for your preschooler -- and should you take action?

The three main traits of ADHD, a neurobehavioral disorder that makes it difficult for children to control their behavior, are inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. What child doesn't ever display these "symptoms," you may ask? Since most healthy children struggle with aspects of these behaviors it can be difficult for parents to know when to seek help.

So, how do you distinguish between normal kid behaviors and those that indicate your child may have ADHD, a treatable disorder, that, according to the AAP, affects 4 to 14 percent of children?

There are many overlapping traits, but here are 10 signals that your child's actions may be worrisome. It's when your child exhibits several of these behaviors and they are the rule, rather than the exception, that you may want to pursue a professional diagnosis.

1. Forgetfulness. She often forgets or loses routine items, such as her lunch box or
backpack.

2. Trouble paying attention to details. He doesn't appear to be listening and
struggles with following directions.

3. Overly impulsive. She often acts before thinking, without considering consequences or previously discussed plans.

4. Over-focused on tasks. She may get "stuck" in a routine or behavior and have trouble disengaging.

5. Has trouble shifting focus. This behavior becomes especially noticeable at
school.

6. Doesn't complete tasks. When assigned a project or chore, she finds it hard to finish and is easily distracted by her "more interesting" surroundings.

7. Constantly fidgets and squirms. When asked to sit in a chair, he may try to get up and run around or fidget and squirm endlessly.

8. Talks excessively. She routinely interrupts others and doesn't give them a
chance to respond.

9. Can't keep powerful emotions (good or bad) in check. He may over react with outbursts of anger or throw a temper tantrum that seems unwarranted.

10. Has difficulty waiting for her turn. In class, or when playing games, she grows impatient and irritable while waiting.

If you're concerned that your child is displaying some of these signs of ADHD, keep in mind that most children who are diagnosed have some combination of these behaviors. Also, signs and symptoms may be noticeable as early as 2 or 3 years of age, but a school setting often makes symptoms more apparent.

The first step might be to compare notes with your child's teacher, and, if you still have questions, see your pediatrician or family doctor. Your doctor may refer you to a specialist, but it's important to have a medical evaluation first to check for other causes of your child's difficulties.

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]]>ADHDsigns of adhdwarning signs of adhdCarolyn RogalskyTue, 19 Apr 2011 11:30:00 ESTExplaining ADHD to Othershttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/12/explaining-adhd-to-others/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/12/explaining-adhd-to-others/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/12/explaining-adhd-to-others/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

explaining adhd

Credit: Getty Images

Dealing with an ADHD diagnosis can be tough. The complexities of this disorder -- like when your child has a meltdown in the supermarket checkout line -- are not easily understood. You know that it's all part of the disorder, but all around you, eyeballs roll, and you hear judgmental comments like, "Why can't you control him?" or "She just needs to cut back on sugar." If only it were so easy!

Does ADHD define your child? Of course not! So how do you help others see past attention issues and appreciate your whole child? How can you explain your child's disorder to others, without sounding apologetic or preachy?

Not every situation allows you to fend for your child, but among friends and family, it's good to set the record straight and separate the symptoms of ADHD from your child's overall demeanor. As we've all been told: knowledge is the key to understanding.

When possible, inform friends and family of your child's disorder in advance of an encounter. This will sensitize onlookers and help you manage the situation. With its prevalence (the AAP reports that 4.4 million children have been diagnosed with ADHD) many people are already sensitive to its impact.

But for those novices, give them the bare facts:

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a condition of the brain that makes it hard for children to control their behavior. Inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity are the key behaviors of ADHD. Children with ADHD have frequent, severe problems that interfere with their ability to live normal lives. ADHD is usually diagnosed in childhood, although the condition can continue into adult years.

Analogies are another popular and useful way of explaining ADHD to outsiders. But since there are many different ways ADHD controls the brain, there are just as many appropriate analogies. Comparisons have been made to a moth drawn to the brightest light or the brain as a brakeless bike.

One particularly compelling one comes from an ADHD message board:

"When normal people look up at the night sky they see a starry night and they see the stars. They may focus on one particular star but they still see the rest of the sky around it.
When an ADHD person looks up at night, they see a star, then they look at another star, and then another. When they see another star they get distracted and lose their focus on the previous one. They see only single stars without seeing the whole picture."

For those who are deeply interested, or who continue to express skepticism about your child's disorder, invite them to accompany you to a doctor's visit. Check with the doctor first, of course, and then allow the doctor to address concerns and questions. Even though you are the expert on your child, some people need to hear from a professional to get the message!

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]]>adhdCarolyn RogalskyTue, 12 Apr 2011 12:00:00 ESTEmotional First Aid Kit: Q&A With Gerald Koocher, PhDhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/01/emotional-first-aid-kit-qanda-with-gerald-koocher-phd/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/01/emotional-first-aid-kit-qanda-with-gerald-koocher-phd/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/01/emotional-first-aid-kit-qanda-with-gerald-koocher-phd/#commentsFiled under: ,

Parents guide to psychological first aid

Don't forget to stock your emotional first aid kit. Credit: Ciano Design

Most parents have Band-Aids at the ready for the inevitable scrapes of childhood, but what about the inevitable emotional scrapes like a first crush, cyberbullying, step-sibling rivalry? Good news: Two highly revered psychologists have created a psychological first-aid kit.

Gerald Koocher, PhD, and Annette M. La Greca, PhD, compiled a list of the 48 most common stressors today's parents will encounter and solicited those topics' foremost experts to write about them for their new book, "The Parents' Guide to Psychological First Aid: Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Predictable Life Crises."

ParentDish recently spoke with Koocher about the book. An edited version of the conversation follows:

ParentDish: Why did you decide to write this book?
Gerald Koocher: A lot of times today parents need to find one place to go for psychological advice. They can sit around and try to Google it or what we hoped to do is put all this in one place. It [is] an easy read. [Topics] range from toilet training to your kid's college application and teaching your kid to drive. We tried to cover these key stress points so parents will feel, if you will, armed with a first aid kit.

Author Gerald Koocher, PhD

PD: What are some of the stressors that are unique to today's parents?
GK: For one thing, divorce was less prevalent when you were growing up. Another big issue is that there were lots of things that just weren't talked about in families. Things like, for example, having a child who's gay, coming out.

Another, [from] one of my favorite chapters is the one by Carolyn Schroeder, who wrote on "your toddler's masturbation when the neighbors come over." This is something you wouldn't talk about in your mom's generation [and] you certainly didn't talk about it with people outside the family. So that's one of the big differences: raising topics that are OK to talk about now.

PD: You have a chapter on bullying, and I've heard stories about "mean girls" on the kindergarten playground. Is bullying starting even younger now?
GK: I don't think human beings have changed that much. But what I do think has happened is we are now more sensitive to the issue.

We're now calling out socially inappropriate behavior earlier. A generation ago it was just, "Oh, he's just being a boy" when he's bossy or aggressive. Now we can say, "OK, but that's not acceptable behavior in the classroom," or "We expect you to show respect for other people," even in kindergarten and first grade.

PD: Do you think it's harder to raise children now, or is it just the way it's portrayed in the media? Are things more stressful today?
GK: I don't think that it's so much that things are more stressful as it is that people are much more aware of things. One really good example is looking at child abuse. The whole recognition of what was initially known as battered children's syndrome and has come to be known as child abuse. And even child sexual abuse, if you look at the priesthood stories that have come out recently, it's not that abuse didn't exist in the past -- it's that it was covered, it was hidden.

Today, psychological services are much more widely accepted. Getting help for family problems from professionals outside the home has become the norm in many places. You're not stigmatized because you get help, whether it's help in parenting or help for your kid who has a problem.

PD: How can parents tell the difference between normal growing pains or if their child needs professional help?
GK: One of the questions people are always asking themselves is, "Am I normal?" [or] "Is my kid normal?"

Annette and I wrote the chapter ["How to Recognize When Your Child May Need Professional Help"] and we tried to give parents warning signs in terms of things they can recognize and spot and respond to. We also tried to call out signals, like when you have a child who is abusing animals or is getting into trouble on a frequent basis or has suffered a significant weight loss or is engaged in intense social withdrawal. We tried to highlight all of those as kinds of signals so you can at least get a consult from someone.

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]]>annette lagrecaAnnetteLagrecagerald koocherGeraldKoocherJulie Z. RosenbergTue, 01 Feb 2011 13:00:00 ESTChinese Parent Amy Chua Talks Extreme Discipline and Parenting Regretshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/12/amy-chua-chinese-parenting/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/12/amy-chua-chinese-parenting/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/12/amy-chua-chinese-parenting/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

amy chua family picture

Author Amy Chua and her family. Credit: The Penguin Press

Amy Chua is getting a lot of flack these days for her parenting style, which she calls the Chinese way. It revolves around total respect for parents, heavy math and language drills and hours and hours of music lessons (piano or violin only!). Lots of verbal abuse, such as calling your kid garbage if he or she screws up. As for TV, video games and play dates, they don't even register on the child's schedule.

In Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, the Yale law school professor sets out to explain why she thought the Chinese approach to raising kids was superior to the Western way. And why her rebellious daughter is making her regret some of those choices. An edited version of our chat with Chua follows.

ParentDish: What is the Chinese way and how does it differ from Western child rearing?
Amy Chua: I'm using the term "Chinese parent" very loosely -- it's really more of an immigrant mentality. Basically, I'm describing the way that my parents raised me, with a very strong emphasis on academic excellence and fewer choices. I wasn't allowed to do a lot of things when I was little that other people got to do.

PD: There's been a lot of buzz lately that Chinese parents will only accept perfection from their children. True?
AC: I think what the Chinese parent is conveying to the child is not "You have to get an A or I will reject you," but "I believe in you so much that I believe you can be excellent, and I will be in the trenches with you and I'm not going to let you give up." In the end, the Chinese approach is not about A's and achievement, but it's really about helping your child be the best that they can be, and that's usually better than they think.

PD: Did you find it hard to deal with when you were a kid?
AC: In retrospect, my parents having high expectations for me, coupled with love, was the greatest gift that they could give me and it's why I decided to parent my own two children the same way.

PD: What do you reject from Western parenting styles?
AC: For me the biggest difference is that Western parents worry much more about their children's self-esteem whereas Chinese parents don't. They assume strength rather than fragility, and because of that that they behave very differently. A lot of the techniques and things they say seem very harsh to Westerners.

PD: How did your daughters respond?
AC: With my first daughter, Sophia. things went very smoothly, and I think I got a little cocky and I thought, 'Parenting is easy.' Then my second daughter, Lulu, came along; she's a real fireball and I got my comeuppance. From day one, it was always a little bit rocky, but then at 13, Lulu rebelled. It was a real crisis for me, she rebelled against my strictness but also seemingly against everything I stood for.

PD: You write in the book about a big blowup with Lulu, after which you eased up a bit and let her make more of her own choices. If you could go back, would you do things differently?
AC: I would probably do the same thing with minor adjustments. I have many regrets. I wish that I hadn't been so harsh at the time. I wish I hadn't lost my temper. I wish that I'd paid a little more attention to the individual personalities of my two children. I think I would have given my daughters, in retrospect, a little more choice. They have much more freedom now. I'm very, very proud of my girls. They are confident, happy girls with huge personalities.

PD: Did you wind up with a different view of parenting overall?
AC: Very much so. This is still a work in progress. I'm not saying that the Chinese way is the best approach and that it's for everybody. At the end, I wondered if a hybrid approach is better.

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]]>Amy ChuaAmyChuabattle hymn of the tiger motherBattleHymnOfTheTigerMotherChinese ParentingChineseParentingMonique El-FaizyWed, 12 Jan 2011 12:00:00 ESTPicky Eaters: Pathological or Just Particular?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/06/picky-eaters/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/06/picky-eaters/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/06/picky-eaters/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

picky eaters

For picky eaters, there can be no food substitutions. Illustration by Dori Hartley


Harrison Bloom, age 5, will eat macaroni and cheese only if it's Kraft brand. A friend's mom once resorted to pulling the iconic blue and orange box out of the garbage as proof. Relieved, he tucked into the day-glow orange heap with gusto.

"Harrison's a typical picky eater in that the foods he will eat are starch foods [and dairy]," says his mother, Californian Toni Bloom, a registered dietitian (and no, the irony is not lost on her). "So we do lots of grilled cheese, cheese toast, bagels and cream cheese, cheese quesadillas," she says in a phone interview with ParentDish. She also has 3-and-a-half-year-old twin boys.

The morning of the interview Bloom served a new food to her sons: mini bagels from Trader Joe's. This was a departure from the regular-sized bagels she usually serves. Harrison refused to eat one, "because it was a differently shaped bagel," says Bloom.

She admits she bought the mini bagels knowing he'd have an issue with them. Through her own research, she came upon a treatment philosophy that made sense: offer variations of foods the child already eats. "One small tweak," she explains. "A slightly different colored cheese than the Havarti white cheese. It's this painful, thoughtful [process]. You have to think this through. 'Let's see. What's one degree different than that?' And who likes to do this? I'd rather short-order cook."

Bloom is on to something. According to Dr. Brad Riemann, Clinical Director of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Center and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Services at Rogers Hospital in Wisconsin, one of his center's most successful treatments, mirrors Bloom's approach. "We apply strict, graduated exposure therapy to this problem. We spend a lot of time with the child and sometimes their family developing a food hierarchy. We get an idea of what they can eat and then we develop these hypothetical challenges -- exposures -- to try to spread their wings a little bit."

There's no official diagnosis called "picky eating," as it's often a symptom of a larger problem, says Riemann in a phone interview with ParentDish. "Some picky eaters we see in our facility have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), meaning they may be concerned for example, about contamination -- who touched my food, who prepared it, what germs might be in it ... Another child may significantly reduce his or her food intake and what they eat, just like this person with OCD, but they don't care about germs at all. They're concerned, say, about the fear of choking. Their fear is so intense they only drink soup broth and malts."

Another cause is Sensory Processing Disorder, which involves sensitivities to texture, smell and sight.

When dealing with a finicky eater, "It's a matter of being flexible," says Long Island mom Cristina O'Keeffe in a phone interview with ParentDish, although she admits to having good days and bad days when dealing with her elder daughter, age 4-and-a-half: "I have times when I'm open and creative ... and there are days when I'm rushing and I'm frustrated and I'm chasing her around and I'm like, 'I'm only asking you to eat three pieces of an apple.'"

How can a parent tell the difference between generic picky eating and something more serious? According to Riemann, "When it interferes with the child's life: Children going over to other people's houses, friends' houses, sleepovers, and they can't eat anything."

"There seems to be a sincere, true, anxiety fear-based problem about how parents" try to address picky eating in the child's early years, says Riemann. "I'm clearly not saying it's the parents' fault by any stretch, but when [picky eating behaviors] start popping up they don't seem to be very significant [so] parents say, 'Well, OK, if Johnny doesn't like that food let's not go there. We'll pick and choose our battles.' So they give up a little bit of ground ... Johnny pushes back a little bit further and they give up a little bit more ground and the next thing you know, you may have a problem on your hand."

Riemann explains why this happens: "Part of it is because we care about our kids, we want our kids to be happy. Part of it is, do we really want to be going to war again at the dinner table? And part of it is that preparing food these days is so much easier."

Yes, convenience foods have made things a lot harder -- for parents of picky eaters that is. Once upon a time parents told their children to eat what's being served or else go to bed hungry. This was before microwaves and two-minute enchiladas made it easy to cater to individual tastes.

O'Keeffe tries not to fall into the trap of preparing separate meals for her two daughters, but does take advantage of prepackaged foods: "I will offer them an easy thing I can grab out of the pantry," she says, listing items like fruit, yogurt, cereal and cheese sticks. "But I won't make them another meal. That's not going to happen."

Riemann's suggestion to parents who suspect their child is a picky eater but without pathology is to be firm but reasonable. He also recommends using rewards when necessary. And no, he doesn't consider that a bribe. "There's a big difference between bribes and reinforcement," he says. "Reinforcing your children and providing rewards can be a key role in this. For example, you can tell your son if he tries a little bit of this cutlet he can have extra time playing video games or an extra book at bedtime. Those kinds of things can be powerful for children and can sway their decision."

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]]>picky eatersPickyEatersJulie Z. RosenbergThu, 06 Jan 2011 12:00:00 ESTMale Anorexia: One Boy's Storyhttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/30/male-anorexia-one-boys-story/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/30/male-anorexia-one-boys-story/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/30/male-anorexia-one-boys-story/#commentsFiled under: , ,

eric ostendorf picture

Eric Ostendorf, left, at age 10, pre-anorexia; Ostendorf, center, at age 15 with full-blown anorexia; Ostendorf at age 17, a recovered anorexic. Courtesy of Becky Ostendorf



Every day, for the first four months of his sophomore year in high school, Eric Ostendorf ate an apple for lunch.

That's it. One apple. And sometimes he didn't even make it to the core.

The summer before, Ostendorf's pediatrician discovered an alarmingly low heart rate during a routine physical and sent the Kentucky teen straight to the hospital. At 15, he was at serious risk for a heart attack.

Ostendorf, now a 17-year-old high school senior, had been starving himself for months while engaging in obsessive-compulsive exercise regimens, he tells ParentDish in a phone interview.

After spending a week in the hospital with feeding tubes down his throat, Ostendorf was released on doctor's orders that his parents closely monitor his eating and with a strict embargo on exercise. However, as many anorexics have proved, there are ways around such restrictions.

"I would wake up a few minutes early, run the shower and then pump out about a hundred push-ups, do some crunches and then get in the shower, get dressed, come downstairs, hide the food (by tossing it down the back of his big sweatshirt when no one was looking), then flush it (down the toilet) when I was going up to brush my teeth," Ostendorf tells ParentDish. "And then I'd pump out some more push-ups."

Unlike anorexic girls his age who focus on whittling their waists to unattainably small sizes, Ostendorf says his focus was on building muscle mass.

"You rarely hear from guys about clothes size. The majority of guys I've treated with anorexia say to me, with a straight face, 'I will gain as much weight as you want me to gain, as long as it's muscle,' " Dr. Ted Weltzein, medical director of eating disorder services at Rogers Memorial Hospital in Wisconsin (where Ostendorf would eventually spend 100 days for inpatient treatment), tells ParentDish in a phone interview.

When he got to school, Ostendorf says, he would ask his teacher if he could use the restroom and then he would "crank out 45 chin-ups on the bar of the bathroom stalls."

He did that every class period, every day, for four months straight. He'd often miss his ride home at the end of the day because he was busy walking laps around the halls with his heavy backpack and doing chin-ups in the boys' bathroom. When he got home and found his mother helping his younger brother with homework, he'd sneak off to do push-ups, crunches, squats and calf raises. Ostendorf wanted biceps that bulged and abs he could bounce quarters off.

His mother, Becky Ostendorf, arranged to have the vice principal casually walk by his table in the cafeteria and discreetly peer into his lunch bag, which he was required to leave open on the table.

It was always empty, save for the remainder of his apple. Yet, his mother packed him a full lunch and neither she nor the principal knew he never ate it.

"I would stop at my locker to get my lunch like I was supposed to, and then I would make a beeline for the bathroom and, if no one was in there, I'd flush (the food) down the toilet. ... All I would have left is an apple because you can't flush an apple down the toilet," he tells ParentDish.

Ostendorf's parents decided to appear on a "Dr. Phil" episode titled "Body Obsessed Boys," which aired Jan. 8, 2009. Becky Ostendorf tells ParentDish in a phone interview that their health insurance had run out, "so I very selfishly said, 'We're doing this show because maybe we'll get some help that's paid for.' I hate to admit that, but that was the point I was at."

"Dr. Phil called me an enabler on national TV," she says. "(Eric's eating disorder) totally consumed our lives day in and day out. It was like nothing else mattered."

Weltzein also appeared on the show and offered Ostendorf a full evaluation and treatment at the eating disorder facility at Rogers, known for its rare all-male unit.

According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), about 10 percent of people with eating disorders are male. However, they are less likely to seek treatment because of the perception that they are "women's diseases."

"Our uniqueness," Weltzein says, "is that the males are with the males, not with the females. The staff is used to working with the males, which is different. (There's) a lot more 'Guitar Hero' on the male floor."

Ostendorf's birthday was on the 70th day of his 100 days in treatment at Rogers. He shared this journal entry, which was part of the treatment process, from that day:
March 9, 2009

Today's my 16th birthday. I'm not home, I'm not at school; I'm at a mental hospital. I'm not going to get my temporary driving license today. I'm going to group therapy. To me it's just a normal day in the fight against my eating disorder. This is a great reason to get pissed at my eating disorder. MY ED (Eating Disorder) took my 16th birthday away from me.

Because of him, I'm seven hours away from home right now, away from my family and friends. All of this is motivation. I'm going to kick his butt. I'm going to get my life back. He is no longer going to control me. Starting today, he will no longer make me feel like a piece of crap. No longer will he suppress my personality. No longer will he hinder my confidence. No longer will he make me lie.

I neither want nor need him. As far as I'm concerned he can go #%@& himself. Eric is back and here to stay.

Ostendorf is now in full recovery. He hopes to study pre-med at college next year so he can help kids with eating disorders.

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]]>anorexiaeating disordersEatingDisordersmale anorexiaMaleAnorexiaJulie Z. RosenbergThu, 30 Dec 2010 13:00:00 ESTKim Stagliano, Author of 'All I Can Handle: I'm No Mother Teresa,' on Raising 3 Kids With Autismhttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/27/kim-stagliano-author-of-all-i-can-handle-im-no-mother-teresa/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/27/kim-stagliano-author-of-all-i-can-handle-im-no-mother-teresa/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/27/kim-stagliano-author-of-all-i-can-handle-im-no-mother-teresa/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


Jacket design by Adam Bozarth

It's a known fact that boys are affected by autism more than girls are -- the oft-quoted statistic is four to one. So it's shocking to many, including the mom herself, that Kim Stagliano has three daughters with autism, and they're not triplets.

Her eldest, Mia, is nearly 16; Gianna is 14 and Bella is 10. The managing editor of the website Age of Autism and a vocal advocate in the autism community, Stagliano's newest book, a memoir that she jokingly refers to as her "Kimoir," is called All I Can Handle: I'm No Mother Teresa. ParentDish spoke with Stagliano about her new book. An edited version of the conversation follows.

ParentDish: There are a lot of people who are going to read your book who don't have children with autism. What do you hope they'll get out of it?
Kim Stagliano: That's really who I want to reach. We're really pretty isolated. We don't really fit into the traditional "special needs" model.

PD: Why is that?
KS: First, this epidemic is new. Autism is 25 years old with these numbers [an average of one in 110 U.S. children have autism.] It existed, but it was nothing like what it is today. For instance, a child with Down syndrome smiles, typically speaks, is typically extremely social -- maybe even more social than the average child -- and that invites an embrace, whereas with autism, you have behaviors. And kids with autism can have the appearance of being prickly because they might not like to be touched. They might not want you to look at them. They might not be able to converse with you. You see Down syndrome and you know you have a set of expectations and you relax. You see my girls, they look perfectly typical; Mia will be 16 next week, and then suddenly you'll see her pop her thumb into her mouth. And your first reaction will be, 'Huh!?!' So the initial engagement sometimes is awkward.

[Second], we don't get insurance coverage. We're not considered medical; we're considered psychiatric. We're trying hard to change that.

PD: So none of the therapies you get are covered?
KS: They are not covered, no. I saw an ad on Monster.com: $50,000 [is what] a family in Concord, Massachusetts will pay for private ABA [Applied Behavior Analysis]. There are insurance mandates being passed in various states around the country, but they're really weak. They cover only some of the straight behavioral therapy. The loophole is so large you can drive a Mack truck through it. Autism is expensive. So you get the financial stress on top of the familial stress, which is why some people crack.

This is serious business, autism. And we're normalizing it. And that's a real concern for me. When we hear about something so often, it starts to become routine. And what goes on behind closed doors is nothing normal. And yet we're starting to feel like, "Oh, autism, that's being really smart, isn't it? I thought autism meant being really good at getting swishes on the basketball court." Uh, no.

Author Kim Stagliano

PD: Mia is about to turn 16 and is becoming a young woman. How do you deal with her period and other womanly things?
KS: Mia got her period at 9, uh, hello? ... Twenty percent of fifth grade girls have their periods. That's the recent stat. When I was a kid it was like 8th grade. Mia wasn't potty trained at 9, so, gallows humor, [my husband] Mark and I would joke that "Oh great, we'll be changing period pads and wiping poop at the same time." And then when it happened, it wasn't so funny.

PD: You mention in the book that you believe things happen in threes; you have three daughters. I'm wondering if this is the first book in a Kimoir trilogy?
KS: Wow. A trilogy! How many crapisodes must I go through to write another book?

PD: But surely you have so much more to say?
KS: I do have more to say. But I'm actually writing a young adult [novel] right now; the main character does not have autism, but her brother does. It's going to be about the aging-out process and the responsibility that she fears and doesn't want to face because she knows what's coming down the pike for her when her parents are old. She knows she's going to have the responsibility for her older brother and she doesn't want it.

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]]>autismJulie Z. RosenbergMon, 27 Dec 2010 12:00:00 ESTSurvey: When it Comes to Punishment, Parents Start to See TV, Internet the Samehttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/17/punishment/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/17/punishment/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/17/punishment/#commentsFiled under: ,

punishment

The percentage of parents who limit Internet access as a form of punishment has nearly doubled in the last decade. Credit: Getty Images

NEW YORK (AP) - No TV for a week, the time-honored punishment for misbehaving children, has been enhanced. Now, parents are also withholding Internet access to punish their kids, further sign that the Web has become as important to families as television.

As the two mediums converge, parents are quickly coming to see TV and the Internet in similar ways and are seeking to limit their kids' access to both, according to a report out this week from researchers at the University of Southern California.

The survey from the USC Annenberg Center for the Digital Future found that two-thirds of parents say they restrict their kids' access to TV as punishment, a number that has barely budged over the past 10 years. But the percentage of parents who limit Internet access as a form of punishment has nearly doubled in the last decade.

Among parents surveyed this spring, 57 percent said they withheld Web access to punish their kids. That is up from 32 percent in 2000.

Michael Gilbert, a senior fellow at the center, said parents are starting to not see a big distinction between TV watching and Internet use. Even so, parents are still more comfortable with the amount of time kids spend on the Internet - 71 percent said it was "just about right" compared with just 51 percent for TV.

Earlier surveys by the center have shown that families are spending less time together than they used to, a decline that has coincided with the explosive growth of social networks in the past few years.

Now, parents are saying Internet access at home is also reducing the time their children spend with their friends face-to-face. Gilbert called this a worrisome trend, though noted that the number of parents to report this is still small - 11 percent in 2010 compared with 7 percent in 2000.

Of course, the Internet and social networks also make it easier to communicate and they help families stay in touch with loved ones.

"The answer is never about technology. It's always about parental responsibility," Gilbert said. But he noted that the explosive growth of digital technology has made it increasingly difficult for parents to monitor what their kids are doing.

The 2010 survey was conducted in April among about 2,000 Americans over the age of 12. It has a margin of error of plus or minus 2 percentage points.

Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

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]]>Associated PressFri, 17 Dec 2010 11:30:00 ESTConfessions of a Childhood Bullyhttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/26/confessions-of-a-childhood-bully/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/26/confessions-of-a-childhood-bully/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/26/confessions-of-a-childhood-bully/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , ,

childhood bully picture

Do bullying wounds ever heal? Illustration by Christopher Healy

My sister was three years younger than me and small for her age. She had a pixie haircut and a dark complexion that set her apart from the rest of our fair-skinned family. Strangers often mistook her for a boy or a foreign-born adoptee.

I rarely dared to hurt her physically, not because she was younger and painfully thin, but because what she lacked in strength she made up for in ferociousness. When she was a toddler, I'd impulsively slap or pinch her and keep walking -- until the time I felt her teeth sink into my back. From then on, I kept my distance.

Instead, I assaulted her with words, calling her a mistake, mutant, slob, loser. I glared at her across the dinner table, or pretended she wasn't there as I talked to my parents and brothers, everyone but her. I snorted in contempt when she brought up her achievements in kindergarten, and laughed when she shared a bad day. She stayed silent as our mother gave her meaningful looks, as if to say, "Remember what we talked about." Mom repeatedly ordered me to stop being nasty and leave her alone, to no avail. I was bursting with irrational hatred.

Now I read articles about bullying and cringe. Victims I have never met reopen decades-old memories of my little sister, my scapegoat. Together, their awful helplessness weighs me down like a load of bricks; it kicks me in the gut and knocks the air out of me. I fantasize about saving just one child from a bully, as if to wipe my own slate clean.

But my sympathy also extends, guiltily, to the perpetrators. I wonder if someone is insulting and domineering those kids, too, or if they have witnessed someone they love being tormented. Will anyone even think to investigate? I imagine staging an intervention and holding a mirror to a bully's seething insides. But after he faces the awful truth, then what? I've treated the symptom, not the disease. There's no happy ending to that scenario.

I know now that when I bullied my sister, I was fighting somebody else. She was an arbitrary enemy on whom I would practice my revenge. My real target was a babysitter, an adult relative who frequently abused me verbally. Although I stood up for myself and talked back, it had no effect.

My sister reacted to my tongue lashings the way I wished my harasser would've. Her silence was my reward. After I hurt her, I would feel energized and hopeful, like I could take on any threat. But in that moment of relief, a nagging voice whispered that my sister didn't deserve such treatment any more than I did. Unable to handle the guilt, I would quickly rationalize my behavior: "My sister made me feel like this. She did deserve it."

Today, we live on opposite coasts and see each other once a year or so. I shower her young daughter with gifts. I try to talk to my sister about the past and forge a closer relationship. Once or twice she's confided in me about weathering tough times as an adult, but it's been several years since we really connected. Her poker face reveals nothing to me of her feelings or opinions. Our mother says that's just the way she is.

I hope my mother is wrong. I want to believe my sister is guarded only around me. I can't bear to think she is aloof with strangers and close friends alike, and that I helped make her that way.

My sister enjoys watching her only child play tea party with her stuffed animals. At 5, my niece is happy and self-sufficient and fearless.

My sister turned out stronger than her bully. She treats others the way she should have been treated, not the way she was treated by me. I'm proud of her. And, I am truly sorry.

Jo Parente is the ParentDish nom de plume, a pen name, used by our editorial team when we want to spill our dirty little secrets but still keep our dignity, and families, intact.

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]]>Jo ParenteTue, 26 Oct 2010 14:00:00 ESTMy 7-Year-Old is Getting Kicked Off the School Bus for Misbehavior!http://www.parentdish.com/2010/08/23/my-7-year-old-is-getting-kicked-off-the-school-bus-for-misbehavi/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/08/23/my-7-year-old-is-getting-kicked-off-the-school-bus-for-misbehavi/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/08/23/my-7-year-old-is-getting-kicked-off-the-school-bus-for-misbehavi/#commentsFiled under: , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

My 7-year-old is very cranky most of the time. Time outs and taking things away from her don't seem to work. She got kicked off the school bus and sometimes has to sit in the school office at recess. I had her treated for ADHD and she is on meds. They work for a few hours and then we're back to square one. What else can I do to help her make better choices and do better not only at home but school as well?

Signed,
Worried Mom

Dear Worried,

I appreciate the caring tone in your question; you come across as wanting to help your daughter with her impulse issues, rather than angrily trying to figure out how to force her to behave herself. Indeed, children with ADHD can have significant challenges managing their behavior. It takes a strong and understanding parent to help them learn the skills to -- as you say, make better choices.

Continue reading My 7-Year-Old is Getting Kicked Off the School Bus for Misbehavior!

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 23 Aug 2010 11:00:00 ESTHeavier Twin May Have More Behavior Problems, Study Findshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/03/heavier-twin-may-have-more-behavior-problems-study-finds/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/03/heavier-twin-may-have-more-behavior-problems-study-finds/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/03/heavier-twin-may-have-more-behavior-problems-study-finds/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

Same appearance, different experiences. Credit: Getty Images

That chubby little baby may be cute and cuddly, but if she's a twin she's more likely to have behavioral problems later on, according to a new study.

Twins who were at least 20 percent heavier than their sibling at birth were more likely to have conduct problems by the time they were 3 or 4 years old, an article published in the May issue of the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, says. That finding was more true of fraternal twins than of identical twins.

Researchers at Hadassah Hebrew University Hospital in Jerusalem identified 112 families with twins born at unequal weights in 2004 and 2005. They gave the mothers a widely used screening questionnaire in which the mother rated the applicability of statements to her child, including things such as "often fights with other children or bullies them," "often lies and cheats," and items referring to stealing, temper tantrums and defiance.

Continue reading Heavier Twin May Have More Behavior Problems, Study Finds

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]]>BehaviortwinsTwinStudiesMonique El-FaizyMon, 03 May 2010 17:00:00 ESTDon't Let Public Temper Tantrums Give You Fitshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/23/dont-let-public-temper-tantrums-give-you-fits/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/23/dont-let-public-temper-tantrums-give-you-fits/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/23/dont-let-public-temper-tantrums-give-you-fits/#commentsFiled under: , ,


Stay calm when your child melts down in public. Credit: Felipe Pimentel, Flickr

Tantrums are a normal part of childhood, but that doesn't make them pleasant for parents -- especially when they happen in public places.

Still, there are things parents can do to minimize the stress of the situation.

First, don't be embarrassed by your child's fits, says psychologist Aletha Solter, author of Tears and Tantrums: What to Do When Babies and Children Cry.

"It's normal," sayas Solter, who runs the Aware Parenting Institute in Goleta, Calif.

Solter believes in letting tantrums run their course but, if possible, move the child to a quiet corner of the store or take him or her to the car. Don't punish children or give them what they want in an attempt to quiet them, she says.

"It's OK if she has a meltdown," she says. "You don't have to give in. You don't have to buy the candy."

Continue reading Don't Let Public Temper Tantrums Give You Fits

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]]>evergreenfitstemper tantrumsTemperTantrumstimeoutsMelissa Kossler DuttonTue, 23 Mar 2010 15:34:00 ESTAuthoritative Parenting Creates Warmthhttp://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/29/authoritative-parenting-creates-warmth/http://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/29/authoritative-parenting-creates-warmth/http://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/29/authoritative-parenting-creates-warmth/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

Authoritative parenting is a style of child rearing that strives to create a close and nurturing relationship with children, while maintaining a firm set of rules and high expectations. Authoritative parents are high in control but also high in warmth.

Authoritative parents recognize that flexibility is sometimes called for but expect their children to follow their clear and consistent guidelines for behavior. Demanding yet responsive, authoritative parents use disciplinary methods that are supportive rather than punitive and expect their children to be cooperative, respectful and self-regulated. Authoritative parents lead by example and are willing to apologize and admit mistakes when necessary.

Authoritative parents encourage responsibility and freedom within well-defined boundaries and expectations. Considered the most balanced of child-rearing styles, authoritative parenting is said to produce level-headed, socially responsible and independent children.

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]]>authoritative parentingauthoritative parentsAuthoritativeParentingAuthoritativeParentschild rearingchild rearing stylesChildRearingChildRearingStylesdisciplineparentingparenting stylesParentingStylesSandy MapleThu, 29 Oct 2009 17:45:00 ESTCyber Bullying and How to Stop ithttp://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/20/cyber-bullying-and-how-to-stop-it/http://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/20/cyber-bullying-and-how-to-stop-it/http://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/20/cyber-bullying-and-how-to-stop-it/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cyber bullying is abuse that takes place through the use of information and communication technologies. Cyber bullies use social networking sites, chat rooms, cell phones, text, email and more to threaten, abuse and bully their victims. A victim of cyber bullying often feels shame, embarrassment, anger, depression and withdrawal.

Surveys have shown that despite the fact that one third of teens feel they have been the victim of cyber bullying, most of them never report it. They are often ashamed or fear that parental involvement will make things worse. Kids also hesitate to talk to their parents about cyber bullying out of concerns that they will lose their cell phone or Internet privileges.

One way parents can help their children avoid becoming silent victims of cyber bullying is by educating themselves and working to raise awareness of the issue. By bringing cyber bullying out into the open, victims will be more likely to report abuse and the cyber bullies more likely to face consequences.

For more information on cyber bullying and how to stop it, visit Cyberbullying Research Center. There you will find facts and statistics as well as helpful tips for educators, parents and teens.

Learn More About Cyber Bullying and Bullying from ParentDish:

Burger King Ad Encourages Cyber Bullying

How Bad Is Telling Your Kid to Hit the Bully Back?

One Dad's Campaign Against Bullying

Bullied to Death

Bullying News and Updates

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]]>abusebulliesbullyingcell phoneCellPhonecyber bullyingCyberBullyinginternetonline bullyingOnlineBullyingtechnologyteens onlineTeensOnlinetext messagingTextMessagingSandy MapleTue, 20 Oct 2009 09:40:00 ESTBus Bullying: Should I Intervene?http://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/19/bus-bullying-should-i-intervene/http://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/19/bus-bullying-should-i-intervene/http://www.parentdish.com/2009/10/19/bus-bullying-should-i-intervene/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

Dear AdviceMama:

I have a 6-year-old son who is in first grade. Another child is being mean to him on the bus. My son stood up to the bully, but was crying at home when he recounted the story to me. This is not the first incident and I have spoken with the mother of the boy, but there has been no change in his behavior; in fact it has gotten worse. Would it be appropriate to call the principal and/or the bus supervisor now? I want to know the best way to handle these situations without being overbearing, but at the same time keeping my son safe physically and emotionally.

Signed,
Caring Mom


Dear Caring Mom,

Thanks for this important question. I'm very glad you wrote. Here's my answer: Yes, yes, yes. Call the principal; your 6-year-old son should not have to endure bus bullying, and needs to know that it's not his job to make it stop.

I'm not one to advocate fixing each problem or challenge a child encounters. I believe good parenting includes helping children develop resilience by enduring frustration and difficulties, within reason.

But bullying is another matter.

Continue reading Bus Bullying: Should I Intervene?

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]]>bullyingbus bulliesBusBulliescryingparental involvementParentalInvolvementschool bulliesSchoolBulliesSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 19 Oct 2009 08:00:00 EST