ParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gifParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comen-usCopyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Summer Fun and Games: You Could Be Your Kid's Favorite Toyhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/12/summer-fun-and-games/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/12/summer-fun-and-games/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/12/summer-fun-and-games/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,

Your Kid's Favorite Toy

Most children would do anything to have their busy parents get on the floor and play with them, especially in their early years. Credit: Getty Images


Pop quiz: What toy does your child most want to play with this summer?

It's a trick question.

"Believe it or not, you are your child's favorite play toy," family therapist, blogger and mother of two Amy Wickstrom tells ParentDish.

Wickstrom, a contributor to Working Mother, OC Family and more, also writes the blog More Than a Toy. She tells ParentDish it is important for parents to play with their children, especially during the summer when kids have more time and their hands and are crying out for parental interaction.

"Most children would do anything to have their busy parents get on the floor and play with them, especially in their early years," Wickstrom tells ParentDish. "Take 10 or 15 minutes to give them your undivided attention and interact with them and the toys they are playing with."

Need some suggestions?

"Do a family craft," Wickstrom suggests. "Run to your local craft store and pick out a craft to do with your child (such as building a bird house). Build enthusiasm for it by including your child in choosing what the craft will be, picking out the supplies together, learning about it more (for example, if doing a bird house, research different kinds of birds with your child and find out which birds visit your yard, etc.) and determining the time you will do it (simple crafts can be done in one sitting, but other crafts, such as building a model plane, could be done over several weeks during the summer)."

Some of the simplest games create the most lasting memories, she adds, such as hide-and-go-seek.

"One of my favorite memories as a child was playing kick the can and hide-and-go-seek with the other kids on my street," Wickstrom tells ParentDish. "Sadly, our age of technology often squelches a child's natural tendency to be outside and play with other children. Simple, all-time favorite childhood games are disappearing."

You can help combat that trend with a trip to the library, she says.

"Parents can take their kids to the local library to pick out a book and read it together there," she says. "Many libraries have special rooms just for children that are filled with toys and sometimes a stage with props for story time. This helps engage children in their imagination, have quality time with a parent and develop their reading skills. It also keeps them accustomed to old fashioned books instead of eBooks.

Websites such as FrugalDad.com have some other low-cost ways to build lifelong memories. Here are a few:

1. See a $1 movie. Many theaters offer summer movie programs for kids. If you're not so lucky, consider a movie day at home with a rental or streaming online video.

2. Hold Sprinkler Day. Delay your sprinklers for one day so they come on a little later in the morning. Then everyone can get in their bathing suits and jump through the sprinklers on a hot day. This also conserves water and reduces utility costs.

3. Go fly a kite. Check the 10-day forecast and look for a windy day in the coming week. Pick up a cool kite for the kids.

4. Make homemade Play-Doh. It's basically just water and flour. There are all sorts of recipes available online.

5. Build a "fort" in the living room. You remember this from when you were a kid. All it takes are some cushions and a sofa. If you want to get all fancy, you can use some large boxes and (with parental supervision, of course) some box cutters.

6. Go bowling. Bowling alleys often have special rates for families and will put out the bumpers so kids don't roll gutter balls.

7. Have a water pistol fight. Water pistols are often no more than $2. Pick up a couple and have a duel. If you want to make it a teachable moment, read up on the history and etiquette of dueling and make that part of the experience.

8. Hold Pajama Day. Stay in your pajamas all day.

9. Spend a day volunteering. There are lots of places you can volunteer and teach kids the importance of helping out. One idea might be the local Humane Society.

10. Have your kids come up with their own shirt designs, then have a custom T-shirt printing service print them up.

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]]>child playsummer activitiestoysYour Kids Favorite Summer ToyYour Kids Favorite ToyTom HendersonTue, 12 Jul 2011 13:30:00 ESTIt's Not You, It's Us: Breaking Up With Other Parentshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/29/breaking-up-with-other-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/29/breaking-up-with-other-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/29/breaking-up-with-other-parents/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

Remember dating? And that most awkward of moments, the end of an evening when it was clear not everyone had enjoyed the experience equally?

Your date would ask the question, "What are you doing next weekend?" And, instead of saying "avoiding you," you'd stay pleasantly vague. "Ooh, sorry. I think I'm busy." For that matter, you'd be busy the weekend after that, too. Suddenly, your calendar was just packed.

Marriage is supposed to put all that behind you, right? Not if you have children. For every time your kid makes a new friend, you end up doing the getting-to-know-you-waltz all over again with a new set of parents. It's a little like having a 40-inch yenta stubbornly pushing you toward an endless series of blind dates. And if you think chemistry is hard to predict between two people, just try making it work with four.

One mom we met seemed to like us well enough, but in a very distant way; she would spend entire playdates at our house staring at the grass or looking past our shoulders at some far away thing we couldn't see. Conversation always involved long stretches of cricket-begging silence and we decided she must be shy.

Both of the children loved these meet-ups, nonetheless, so we kept at them for a while, but we did notice we were never invited to the other family's house in return. And then the mom started taking longer and longer to return our calls. Eventually, we got the message: She just wasn't that into us.

We could hardly throw stones; there are plenty of perfectly well-intended parents we haven't exactly developed crushes on ourselves. There was the mom who detailed her sexual history 10 minutes into the first playdate; the dad who yanked out his daughter's not-actually-loose tooth so that she could keep up with her tooth-losing friends; and the mom who treated us like Encyclopedia Homosexualis, lobbing blunt questions our way as if we somehow spoke for the entire species.

All our parent friends have their own similar tales from the grown-up dating trenches. One couple we know had never met the parents of their daughter's best friend in preschool, so they were delighted when the other family suggested they should all spend a day together. This seemed ideal -- at least until the inviting parents planned themselves a getaway for that same weekend, leaving my friends to entertain their child and her nanny for them.

A couple with two boys told us how thrilled they'd been when they'd learned that a new family would be moving to their street with three sons younger than 6. Our friends could just imagine all the years of play ahead, when the boys were all old enough to run from house to house. But that kind liberty started a little too early.

While the new family was still doing major construction on their enormous mansion-to-be, they left their kids (one still in diapers!) completely unsupervised, free to wander among the equipment around the site and toddle off into the road, which is where our friends found them. All visions of bonding between the families evaporated.

If you met someone who bothered you this much in a dating context, you wouldn't hesitate to just ditch the bozo and stop returning his calls or texts. Parent "break-ups" are a little trickier because you know your kids will see their kids in school for, oh, a decade or so, which means a little finesse and tact might be prudent.

But make no mistake: Job number one is keeping your child safe -- not sparing the feelings of other parents whose values put them at risk.

There is no easy exit line in situations like these. We all know that the old chestnut, "It's not you, it's me," actually means "It's me disapproving of you." So The Hubby and I fall back on the kinder, gentler dodge: Suddenly, our weekends are full -- and, depending on who's asking -- they will be for a long, long time.

Veronica Rhodes and David Valdes Greenwood alternate weeks writing the Family Gaytriarchs. Look for them on ParentDish every Wednesday.

David Valdes Greenwood has written about marriage and parenting for the Boston Globe and in his first book "Homo Domesticus: Notes from a Same-Sex Marriage." The author of three nonfiction books and the creator of the blog "Diva Has Two Daddies," he also finds time to be a kindergarten room parent and Barbie pretend play expert. Read his blog on Red Room.

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]]>break upsgay parentingother parentsplay datesplaydatesDavid Valdes GreenwoodWed, 29 Jun 2011 11:00:00 ESTCharlie Sheen Child Support to Be Docked From Wages, Judge Ordershttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/29/sheen-child-support/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/29/sheen-child-support/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/29/sheen-child-support/#commentsFiled under: , ,

WATCH: When Charlie Sheen's kids were removed.
sheen child support

A judge has ordered Charlie Sheen's former bosses to garnish $55,000 a month for child support. Credit: AP

LOS ANGELES (AP) - A judge has ordered Charlie Sheen's former bosses to garnish $55,000 a month for child support from any payments they make to the former "Two and a Half Men" star.

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Hank Goldberg on Friday approved a request by Brooke Mueller Sheen to garnish any payments Warner Bros. Television makes to her ex-husband.

The former couple was divorced on May 2, about two months after Warner Bros' fired Sheen from "Men." The actor and the studio have been fighting over payments ever since.

The hefty monthly payments are intended to support the Sheens' twin sons and were part of a divorce settlement they reached earlier this year.

The actor's spokesman Larry Solters declined to comment. Brooke Sheen's attorney did not immediately return a phone message.

Copyright 2011 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

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Charlie Sheen Has His Kids Removed

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]]>charlie sheensheen child supportAssociated PressWed, 29 Jun 2011 10:00:00 ESTAwkward! My Daughter Refuses to Hug Her Relativeshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/27/my-daughter-refuses-to-hug-her-relatives/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/27/my-daughter-refuses-to-hug-her-relatives/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/27/my-daughter-refuses-to-hug-her-relatives/#commentsFiled under: ,




Dear AdviceMama,

We're going to be visiting my extended family next month, and one of my children is very resistant to hugging her uncles. I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I don't want to force her. What should I do when my child makes it obvious that she doesn't want to hug a relative?

From,
Confused

Dear Confused,

It's never OK to force a child to hug or kiss someone if they aren't comfortable -- even if that someone is a relative or close family friend. I know this can create some embarrassing moments, but it's vital that children know their boundaries are worthy of respect. Here's my advice:

1. If your daughter seems especially awkward around a particular relative, make sure her resistance isn't based on any inappropriate behavior that may have taken place between her and that relative. Gently ask if her uncles have ever done anything to make her ill at ease. "I notice you don't seem to want to hug Uncle Joe or Uncle Eddie. Have they ever done anything that made you feel yucky or uncomfortable, sweetheart?" Listen in a relaxed way, without making her feel she's being interrogated or about to get into trouble.

2. If you're sure nothing inappropriate is causing your child to resist hugging her uncles, ask her what she doesn't like about hugging them. Do they hug too tightly? Have bad breath or a scratchy beard? Listen to whatever reasons your child might share, and resist the urge to immediately tell your daughter why she should hug Uncle So and So. She needs to know from you that her sensibilities matter.

3. Talk with your brothers-in-law and explain that your daughter finally revealed her reasons for avoiding their affection: "Daisy told me she doesn't like long hugs" or "She confessed that she gets tickled by your beard and doesn't like that feeling." Suggest that she might be more likely to show her affectionate side with them if they try offering a shoulder squeeze, or tousling her hair instead of coming at her with arms stretched wide for a big bear hug.

The best way to empower children to not be a target for inappropriate or abusive behavior by an adult is to teach them to pay attention to their inner voice about what is and isn't OK, and to honor and respect their boundaries.

A wonderful book on this subject is Gavin de Becker's, "Protecting the Gift," in which he makes the case -- strongly -- for encouraging children to trust their instincts. If you know Uncle Joe is harmless but has a vice-grip of a hug, let him know that if he backs off, your child may greet him more warmly. But don't force your daughter to endure an unwelcome touch. It is never in her best interest to be told to ignore what feels OK to her, no matter how awkward it may make things.

Learning to establish boundaries for herself is a skill that will help your daughter throughout her life. Support her, and look for other ways to facilitate a warm greeting with her uncles -- perhaps a secret handshake or a funny dance -- that acknowledges their important role in her life, without compromising her sense of self.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

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]]>relativesshy kidsSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 27 Jun 2011 10:30:00 ESTSurviving a Summer of Shared Custodyhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/10/surviving-a-summer-of-shared-custody/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/10/surviving-a-summer-of-shared-custody/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/10/surviving-a-summer-of-shared-custody/#commentsFiled under: , ,

shared custody

Juggling separate vacations with camp and daycare schedules can throw everyone off-kilter. Credit Getty Images

For divorced moms and dads, sharing custody during summer vacation can be a challenge. Juggling separate vacations with camp and daycare schedules can throw everyone off-kilter -- but these tips can help make sure your custody schedule doesn't put a damper on summer fun.

Plan ahead. Going on vacation? Be sure you and your ex reach an agreement on what your kid needs for the trip -- and who will supply it. (For example, will she need dress clothes during her visit? A new swimsuit?) A checklist in your kid's suitcase is an easy way to keep track of what was sent and what should be returned.

Set up some personal space. If your child doesn't have his own room in both parents' houses, organize space for him before he arrives. If he'll share a room with a full-time kid resident, set aside drawers or closet space for his clothes. This will help him feel like he has his own space -- and the child sharing the room won't feel as intruded upon.

Share important phone numbers. Exchange important contact numbers like your child's doctor, dentist and where you'll be staying if you're going out of town. This is especially important if your child takes regular medication. If you're the non-custodial parent, make sure you're up-to-date on your kid's medications and dosing schedule -- and stick to it. It sounds obvious, but discontinuing meds without consulting your child's doctor may be dangerous to your child's health.

It's okay if they miss home. If your kid complains that she misses her other parent, be supportive -- and know that she's confiding her innermost feelings to you, not necessarily claiming a preference. Look for ways to calm her down and don't take it personally (and definitely don't use it as a license to bad-mouth your ex).

There's company in numbers. Let your kid's friends visit. Allowing older kids to bring their friends along when they visit is a surefire way to guard against boredom -- and keep them grounded when they miss their normal surroundings.

Remember to have fun! Plan activities beforehand to ensure your kid will look forward to her visit. If you're a working parent, day camps are always a big hit. Or, take time off and plan a special trip together.

Think quality, not quantity. By the same token, try not to over-schedule your kid so that every minute is spent doing something. Plan ample time for activities -- but allow time for vegging out and reconnecting, too.

RELATED LINKS:

16 Tips on How to Make Divorce Easier on Kids
15 Free - Or Almost Free - Kid Friendly Summer Activities
Disturbing Kid Videos Around the Web

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]]>shared custodysummer activitiesthe editors at iVillage.comFri, 10 Jun 2011 13:00:00 ESTIs It OK to Be Sad Around Your Kids?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/09/is-it-okay-to-be-sad-around-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/09/is-it-okay-to-be-sad-around-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/09/is-it-okay-to-be-sad-around-your-kids/#commentsFiled under: ,

Is it okay to be sad around your kids? Credit: Corbis

With all the tornadoes and flooding in the news these days, it's no surprise that some of us are feeling pretty down in the dumps. But should we let our kids see our sadness? Or should we just tune out the news and pretend that everything is A-OK?

The fact is, it's completely fine to be less than cheery in front of your kiddos every now and then.

"If something happens that makes you sad, it's an honest emotion," says Jan Faull, author of "Amazing Minds: The Science of Nurturing Your Child's Developing Mind with Games, Activities and More." "But you also want your children to see you get over it, and you certainly don't want to burden them with your sadness."

As we all know, things happen in life that bum us out: a grandparent dies, neighbors move away, something you love gets broken.

"Letting them know there are reasons to be sad allows them to witness that emotion, and it helps them understand their own feelings of sadness," Faull says. "You can't put on a happy face on all the time." Doing so can actually be confusing to kids, she adds, because kids can read our body language -- and they know when we're sad. So instead of faking a smile, try the following:

Keep it brief. If your kids ask why you're sad, give a simple, short explanation, such as, "I'm sad because we don't get to go on vacation."

Let them know it's temporary. You can say, "I won't be sad forever, but I'm sad now."

Don't overshare. "The younger the child, the less you reveal," says Faull.

Let your kids know they're not the cause of your sadness. Kids are very ego-centric and might blame themselves.

Seek help. If your sadness turns to depression, see a doctor. If you're not sure, notice if your feelings are getting in the way of your relationship with your child or if her teacher or caregiver notices a change in her mood.


More from iVillage:

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]]>the editors at iVillage.comThu, 09 Jun 2011 10:30:00 ESTJeff Bridges, McDonnell to Launch Program Combating Child Hungerhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/jeff-bridges-child-hunger/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/jeff-bridges-child-hunger/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/jeff-bridges-child-hunger/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

child hunger

No Kid Hungry National Campaign Spokesperson Jeff Bridges attends the launch of the 'No Kid Hungry' Campaign at Figueroa Street Elementary School on March 16, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. Credit: WireImage

ARLINGTON, Va. - Actor Jeff Bridges will join Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell and U.S. Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack in northern Virginia to promote a new initiative to fight childhood hunger.

The three will join other officials Tuesday afternoon at Barcroft Elementary in Arlington to launch Virginia's "No Kid Hungry" campaign. The program will be a public-private partnership to connect low-income kids to federal nutrition programs, like those that provide lunches during summer when school's out.

Currently fewer than 20 percent of kids in Virginia who are eligible for free and reduced price school lunches participate in summer meal programs.

Bridges, who won a best actor Oscar for his role in "Crazy Heart," serves as a national spokesman for the No Kid Hungry campaign.

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]]>child hungerAssociated PressTue, 07 Jun 2011 17:00:00 ESTConnect With Your Child Through Playhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/25/connect-with-your-child-through-play/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/25/connect-with-your-child-through-play/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/25/connect-with-your-child-through-play/#commentsFiled under: , ,

child play

When you think about your own childhood, do you recall times when you and your parents played together? Maybe it was hide-and-seek, or Monopoly or rock-paper-scissors. I remember pretending to be circus performers with my mom and dad, and playing gin rummy with my grandmother.

We used to think of family games as inexpensive entertainment or simple ways to pass the day. Now, with competing demands on everyone's time, the excess of toys marketed to kids and so many electronic diversions, these kinds of activities can seem a bit dated. But they are the stuff memories are made of. They were fun, and they allowed us a chance to feel close to people we love. That's reason enough to play together as a family.

But there are also many other benefits of play -- and research shows its role in children's development.

Play is both a catalyst and context for learning. Through play, children make sense of their experiences, and express their ideas and emotions. Play helps them develop and practice skills underlying success in school and beyond: self-control, working memory, cognitive flexibility, persistence and following rules among others. Playing with others also helps children build relationships.

We also know that, despite evidence of the benefits of play, opportunities to play have diminished. Kids are more likely to be involved in scheduled and structured activities, and plugged into digital devises. To make matters worse, play has largely disappeared from the school day, even in the earliest grades.

So what does this mean for parents? And how does playing with your child fit into the picture?
  1. It is important that your child has uninterrupted play time every day with simple materials that can be used in many different ways.

  2. Resist interrupting or taking over when he's contentedly playing alone or with other kids. But, remember, he also loves and needs to be with you.

  3. When you're busy, you can take advantage of daily routines to play together. You might play peek-a-boo when you're changing your toddler's diaper, a guessing game when you're making breakfast for your preschooler, pretend when you're doing chores with your kindergartner or a license plate game when you're taking your older child to school.

  4. When there's more time, your child will thrive on your undivided attention as you play together. In the process, you'll have many opportunities to tune into his interests, concerns and needs and to support his development and learning.

While you'll find many opportunities to capitalize on teachable moments during play, the key is to do what comes naturally. Playing together shouldn't be a chore or something you feel pressure to do. Enjoy the time you spend with your child. It will pass all too soon! If you don't like card games, ride bikes or dance together. Take cues from what interests your child and follow his lead. Playing together will help you build strong connections that he will rely on as he grows and quite possibly memories that will last a lifetime.

Here are a few more simple activities you and your child or family might enjoy:
  • What's missing?: Take turns lining up several items. One player covers his eyes and the others remove one or more items. The guesser tries to figure out what's missing. This is a great game to play while you're waiting at a restaurant.

  • Surprise Jar: On slips of paper, write messages of things for family members to do. For example, wiggle like a worm, do 20 jumping jacks, empty the trash or try to touch your tongue to your nose. Put these in a jar, and take turns drawing a message from the jar.

  • Sidewalk Games: Use sidewalk chalk to draw paths to follow. For example, draw a long line to make a "tightrope" to walk on or take turns drawing an obstacle course to navigate.

  • Earth Day Play: Go on a scavenger hunt to find interesting leaves or stones, follow ant trails, watch pigeons or collect and release insects. Make a bird feeder or create something beautiful together from discarded materials.

What are some of your favorite family activities?

This article was originally on PBSParents and was written by Ann Barbour.Dr. Ann Barbour is Professor of Early Childhood Education at California State University, Los Angeles, (CSULA) and Series Content Advisor for the Peabody Award winning daily television series A Place of Our Own and Los Niños en Su Casa. These programs are designed to help parents and caregivers nurture the development and enrich the learning experiences of preschool-age children.

More From PBSParents.org:

A Place of Our Own

Why We Should Take Play Seriously

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]]>child playplayplaying with your childplaytimePBSParents.orgWed, 25 May 2011 17:00:00 ESTJapan Approves Plan to Join Child Custody Pacthttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/24/japan-approves-plan-to-join-child-custody-pact/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/24/japan-approves-plan-to-join-child-custody-pact/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/24/japan-approves-plan-to-join-child-custody-pact/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Child Custody Pact

Chris Smith, center, R-N.J. with relatives of American children abducted to Japan, speaks at a news conference on Capitol Hill in Washington, calling for swift passage of a resolution on child abduction to Japan.Credit: AP

TOKYO (AP) - Japan's Cabinet approved a plan to join a global child custody treaty Friday, amid foreign pressure on Tokyo to revise policies some say allow Japanese mothers to too easily take their children away from foreign fathers.

Prime Minister Naoto Kan's Cabinet endorsed the move, which would spur changes in Japanese laws to bring them in line with the 1980 Hague Convention on international abduction, said Yusuke Asakura, an official at the Cabinet Office.

Japan is the only Group of Seven nation that hasn't signed the Hague pact. Asakura said the Cabinet plan must be approved by parliament for it to take effect, and it could face resistance there.

The United States, Britain, France and other countries have repeatedly urged Japan to join the convention.

Japanese law allows only one parent to have custody of children in cases of divorce - nearly always the mother. That's kept some foreign fathers and many Japanese fathers from seeing their children until they are grown. Activists say Japan's court system is tilted against fathers and foreigners.

The Hague convention seeks to ensure that custody decisions are made by the courts in a child's original country of residence and that the rights of access of both parents are protected.

The issue gained attention in 2009, when American Christopher Savoie was arrested in Japan after his Japanese ex-wife accused him of abducting their two children as they walked to school. His ex-wife Noriko Savoie had violated a U.S. court's custody decision by taking the children from Tennessee to Japan.

Japanese prosecutors eventually dropped the case against Savoie.

Last year, the U.S. House of Representatives turned up the pressure on Japan by voting overwhelmingly for a nonbinding resolution that "condemns the abduction and retention" of children held in Japan "in violation of their human rights and United States and international law."

Steve Christie, a 51-year-old Californian who works in Tokyo as a university instructor, said he viewed the move as a positive step, but was skeptical anything would change.

"I'm not holding my breath. I'll believe it when it's actually a done deal and I see it," said Christie, whose wife took his 10-year-old son with her when she left him about six years ago. For three years, he didn't know where his son was.

Now Christie, who has since divorced, manages to see his teenage son occasionally, but is still pushing for Japan to allow joint custody and greater visitation rights.

"I see some major improvement under Justice Minister (Satsuki) Eda, but I still suspect there are deeply entrenched bureaucrats still with the old mindset, sort of like, 'What's the problem? There is no problem,'" he said.

According to the U.S. State Department, there were more than 100 active cases involving 140 children "abducted to or wrongfully retained in Japan as of January 2011."

The U.S. Embassy in Tokyo said there were an additional 31 cases in which both parents and the child or children live in Japan where one parent has been denied access to the kids.

Copyright 2011 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. This article was written by SHINO YUASA, Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

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]]>Child Custody PactAssociated PressTue, 24 May 2011 16:00:00 ESTRaising Kids to Be Less Stuff-Centeredhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/raising-kids-to-be-less-stuff-centered/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/raising-kids-to-be-less-stuff-centered/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/raising-kids-to-be-less-stuff-centered/#commentsFiled under: , ,

stuff

Since launching "The Story of Stuff" film and book, some people have accused me of being against stuff. I'm not; in fact I consider myself pro-stuff!

I want people to appreciate their stuff more. I want us to think about the resources and energy that went into making our stuff, to respect and care for it and make it last as long as possible, rather than mindlessly buying, using, tossing and replacing it as such a frenzied pace.

I'm certainly not advocating we stop consuming stuff altogether; I'm advocating that we have a more aware, more balanced relationship with stuff. Too often, we turn to acquiring stuff to meet our emotional, social, recreational and other needs. This consumer-mania isn't good for our resource-stressed planet, isn't good for our family budgets and ultimately doesn't work.

We have more stuff than previous generations could have dreamed of, but we also have less leisure time, fewer friends and spend less time with our kids. There is a better way.



One of the toughest places to combat excessive consumerism is with today's kids. Advertisers spend millions of dollars and employ teams of child psychologists to convince our children to constantly want more stuff. Some youth advertisers actually call parents "gatekeepers" whom they must circumvent to reach the kids. Of course we're gatekeepers! We're parents! It's our job to protect and nurture and help our children grow into healthy, confident and caring adults. Fortunately, there are many ways to do this even in our stuff-focused culture.

Here are some tips I've gathered from my own experience in parenting, as well as from the thousands of parents who have emailed "The Story of Stuff Project" to share ideas.
  1. Model it. Raising kids to be less stuff-centered must be integrated into the overall way we live and work and play. Develop family traditions around creative time together, rather than buying stuff. Encourage homemade gifts rather than store bought, board games rather than commercial television, outings with friends and family to parks and museums rather than shopping malls. The more that choosing community and creativity over stuff is a part of who we are, the more natural and fun it becomes.

  2. Create Community. Seek out other families that value people based on their character rather than their stuff. Befriend neighbors and find parents at your child's school with similar values, It's a harder sell to preach consumer restraint if all your kid's friends have the latest electronic gadgets or wear only brand name clothes.

  3. Nurture non-product based identities. Most kids want some kind of group-based identifier. We can help them develop identities that aren't based on the logos they wear or the type of cell phone they own. Sports teams, theater groups, musical ensembles, hobby groups and cultural clubs all offer healthy non-commercial group identities.

  4. Bring back sharing. With parents working longer hours than previous generations, we spend less time getting to know our neighbors. One result is the erosion of the traditional networks for sharing. We don't all need our own wheelbarrow, bundt pan and glue gun! Sharing is good for our budgets, battling clutter in our homes, and good for building community since we have to talk to share. I've heard from families who've launched toy sharing circles so kids can have access to a variety toys without buying each and every one. My neighborhood has an annual book swap brunch for kids to swap books they've finished for new ones to read. The Sharing Solution has lots of tips for ramping up sharing in your community.

  5. Talk about it. Cultivating a resistance to the constant barrage of commercial messages takes awareness. Make it fun. Kids don't like being duped; explain how advertisers try to trick people into associating products with status and success and make a game of deciphering the techniques you see. My daughter and I play a game when we see a commercial: who can be the first to guess what the product is that's actually being sold. Whenever the commercial starts with a picture of an untouched green forest, she shouts out "new car!" Naming the tricks advertisers use is a great way to eliminate their ability to influence us.

  6. Protect commercial free zones, especially for kids. We simply must reclaim our physical and mental landscape from the constant barrage of messages telling us that we will be happier, more successful and more loved if we buy more stuff. If we want our kids to develop a sense of self beyond being consumers, some places simply have to be off limits for commercial messages. Join a group to keep commercial messages out of schools. Watch public commercial-free TV.
Combating the constant messages encouraging kids to buy stuff can be hard, but it also can be fun and can make our families, and our communities, stronger and healthier. And remember, you're not alone. There are great organizations, including the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, The Story of Stuff and, of course PBS KIDS, which promote a less stuff-focused culture.

And, speaking of PBS KIDS, I worked with WGBH to create age-appropriate videos that get kids thinking about their stuff. You can check them out on Loop Scoops.

This article was originally on PBSParents and was written by Annie Leonard. Annie Leonard is the Director of the Story of Stuff Project and author of the book, The Story of Stuff (Free Press, March 2010).

More From PBSParents.org:

Child Development Tracker

Expert Q&A

Activity Search

Kitchen Explorers

The Parent Show

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]]>stuffteaching kids to be less stuff-centeredPBSParents.orgFri, 20 May 2011 17:00:00 ESTKneel Before Zod? Most Parents Aren't That Strict, According to Testhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/strict-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/strict-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/strict-parents/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

strict parents

You may think they're mean but it turns out, most parents aren't that strict. Credit: Getty Images

"Kneel before Zod!"

Say what you will about his plans to kill Superman and take over the world, you have to hand it General Zod. He was very clear about his parenting style.

He's what you may call an "authoritarian" parent. Not like that namby-pamby Jonathan Kent who adopted Superman as infant.

He was the very model of the "permissive" parent, with with all his love, care and praise for young Clark. Maybe what you need is a blend between Jonathan Kent and General Zod.

Like Jor-El.

Superman's birth father clearly loved his son but set boundaries and rules. (None of that interfering with human history or spinning the Earth backwards on its axis.)

This is the "authoritative" style of parenting -- and is possibly the most popular among us earthlings.

Queendom.com of Canada, which offers personality assessments on the Internet, just released the results of its Parenting Style Test. Most parents aspire to be Jor-El. They don't want their children to kneel before them. But they do want them to clean their rooms.

More than 1,000 parents took the style test, and according to a press release posted on PR.com, the vast majority of them said they preferred the authoritative mode of child rearing. This was true across the age spectrum.

It was even true among participants who didn't actually have children. However, those people tended to be a bit delusional, according to the press release. They envisioned themselves as the superhero parents -- buying only expensive organic baby food, staying involved in all their children's activities and shielding them from the influences of pop culture.

"I shall destroy this 'Hannah Montana'!"

Yeah, good luck with that, General Zod.

The survey provides an interesting glimpse into parenting styles and the children they produce, Queendom officials say in the press release.

"Research has shown quite clearly that parenting style can have a significant impact on a child's emotional health," Ilona Jerabek, the president of the company, says in the release.

"Children of authoritative parents tend to be the most socially well-adjusted and to have higher self-esteem," she adds. "Our study revealed that while most parents are happy about their relationship with their children, the least happy group tended to have more authoritarian parents themselves.

"In addition, those who viewed their children as being 'well-behaved' rather than 'mischievous' scored higher on Responsiveness and Team Parenting, and were firmer with their children."

The study also revealed:

· 8 percent of parents would rather give in to their children's desires than risk getting into an argument.
· 8 percent of parents felt that daycare is not appropriate for young children.
· 14 percent of parents want to feed only organic food to their children.
· 21 percent of parents believe that children should be sheltered from any exposure to injustice or others' bad behavior.
· 24 percent of parents consider themselves strict.
· 65 percent of parents will consult with their partner before administering a major punishment.
· 67 percent of parents like the idea of sitting around the dinner table and having their family discuss their day.
· 73 percent of parents said that they trust their children to make the right choices in life.
· 79 percent of parents believe in the old adage, "When you live under my roof, you will live by my rules."
· 91 percent of parents encourage self-expression and individuality in their children.

"The impact of parenting style on children is far-reaching," Jerabek says in the release. "This isn't to say that if a child has adjustment problems or delinquency problems in the future, it should be blamed solely on the parents. However, parents need to understand that from the very beginning, they will be setting the foundation for their children's future behavior and psychological health."

Or as Jor-El once put it, "The son becomes the father ... and the father, the son."

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]]>arent that strictparentingparents arent that strictQueendom.com Parenting Test Authoritarian Authoritative Permissistrict parentsTom HendersonMon, 09 May 2011 15:00:00 ESTDay Care Centers Cut Off Babies From Breast Milkhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/day-care-centers-breast-milk/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/day-care-centers-breast-milk/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/09/day-care-centers-breast-milk/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Watch a videos on weening your child from breast-feeding.
day-care breast milk

A lot of day care centers don't provide overnight refrigerated storage. Credit: Getty Images

"No breast milk? What do you mean no breast milk? Come, Marjorie, we're leaving!"

Oh, if only your baby could talk. He or she would be appalled by a report on how few establishments offer breast milk. After all, babies are supposed to get breast milk for at least a year.

Yet, BusinessWeek reports a small study by researchers in Cincinnati suggests too few day care centers, at least in that city, are set up for moms to nurse their babies.

BusinessWeek reports doctors at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center found only 12 percent of infants enrolled in area centers received mother's milk, even though 96 percent of the center directors said they're comfortable allowing moms to nurse.

"We were surprised to find that despite the high staff comfort levels in feeding human milk, only a small percentage of infants were being fed human milk," lead researcher Kristen Copeland, an assistant professor of pediatrics at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center, tells BusinessWeek.

Of course, moms don't need to nurse their babies. They can pump their breast milk and refrigerate it for ... what's that? A lot of centers don't provide overnight refrigerated storage? That's a problem, Copeland says.

"We know that centers that allow pumped milk to be stored overnight make it easier for women to provide a constant supply of milk for their babies," Copeland tells BusinessWeek, "so if more centers offered overnight storage, it might increase the number of infants who are fed human milk."

According to the Ohio doctors, this is a big deal. About half the infants in the United States are in child care, and 18 percent are in centers.

Researchers called the directors of 167 day care centers, and asked them how many infants at the centers received pumped breast milk, how comfortable the centers' employees were with feeding pumped breast milk and if the center provided a refrigerator or freezer where moms could store pumped breast milk overnight.

Your odds of being able to provide your baby with breast milk increases in centers with the smallest proportion of babies receiving subsidized tuition. It also helps if the babies at the center are predominantly white.

Copeland tells BusinessWeek non-white mothers might not have the chance to pump their breast milk, especially at work.

"The findings speak to the tremendous challenges women face in being able to successfully breast-feed their babies," breast-feeding researcher Dr. Alison Stuebe, an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine in Chapel Hill, tells BusinessWeek.

Day care centers can help, she adds.

"For instance, there should also be a comfortable place where mothers can sit down and nurse their babies, either at lunchtime or when they come to pick them up at the end of the day," she tells BusinessWeek.

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How to Wean Your Child from Breast Feeding

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]]>breastfeedingbreastmilkday careday-care breast milkpumping at workTom HendersonMon, 09 May 2011 13:00:00 ESTCo-Sleeping: Is a Family Bed Worth the Safety Concerns?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/11/co-sleeping/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/11/co-sleeping/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/11/co-sleeping/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Watch a video on co-sleeping.
samantha van vleet cosleeping with baby picture

Samantha Van Vleet cuddles with her 6-week-old baby, Averly. Credit: Samantha Van Vleet

Sleeping is a group activity for the Van Vleet family -- all five of them.

Nothing can match the sense of security children Madison,4, Daniel, 2, and 6-week-old Averly feel when they cuddle with Mom, Dad and each other all night, every night, mom Samantha Van Vleet tells ParentDish.

"It places less stress on the baby because I'm able to hear her stir and wake up and can feed her before she cries," Van Vleet of Sterling, Alaska, says.

Van Vleet says Madison and Daniel now have their own beds, but most nights they only start there and race to the family bed, or often to each other's.

The Van Vleets are among a growing number of families aligning themselves on the family bed side of a heated controversy over whether young kids should sleep with Mom and Dad or in their own beds or cribs.

Those who support babies sleeping separately believe sleep is a regimen that needs to be taught to kids on the other side of the bedroom wall, maintaining that kids need to learn to soothe themselves to sleep. Family bed parents, meanwhile, feel co-sleeping will engender a sense of security in the child.

Co-sleeping has gotten a bad rap these days, due, in part, to the number of infants who have been injured or killed when a parent rolls over on them or they become entrapped or suffocated. Major organizations have spoken out against co-sleeping, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), which says in a warning to parents that the practice should be avoided to reduce the number of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) cases.

"We strongly frown upon co-sleeping," the group states, recommending babies sleep in cribs.

And many experts say the risks surrounding co-sleeping far outweigh any emotional benefits.

"Co-sleeping is not recommended," Candace Smith-King, a pediatrician at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids, Mich., tells ParentDish."There are multiple risks and reasons it's not a safe practice. Many advocates for co-sleeping say it increases and supports breast-feeding. While breast-feeding is beneficial, co-sleeping is not a way to promote breast-feeding. Mothers are likely to fall asleep while feeding their baby and roll over on the newborn. It's just not worth the convenience."

Still, many parents and health care experts continue to support co-sleeping.

Children who sleep with their parents may experience less stress, Dr, Margot Sunderland, director of education and training at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London, states in her book "The Science of Parenting." She recommends kids sleep with their parents until they are 5.

Yvonne Quiones Syto co-slept with both of her children -- now 3 and 5, until they were 1, and credits co-sleeping for breast-feeding success and helping her get more sleep while she was nursing.

"I slept better when they were nursing than when they were weaned," Syto tells ParentDish. "My children now sleep in their own beds without any difficulty and have good, quality sleep, yet know they can come to us if needed."

Family therapist Barbara Chamberlin warns, however, that co-sleeping can have prolonged negative effects on a child's ability to soothe himself to sleep.

"While it can be a great bonding experience for parent and infant, I see many moms in my practice who cannot get their 9- and 10-year-olds out of their beds," Chamberlin tells ParentDish. "For these parents, every bedtime is a prolonged nightmare with kids refusing to go to bed without Mom or Dad lying down with them."

Denaye Barahona, a clinical psychologist, tells ParentDish although it is vital to provide a significant amount of interaction, touch and attention to your baby, it's by no means necessary to do so via co-sleeping.

"Parents often become consumed with the idea that they need to have a child in their arms every minute of the day to have a healthy bond, and this simply is not true," she says. "I caution parents to reflect on whether they are satisfying a need of their child, or satisfying their own needs and anxieties by co-sleeping."

Barahona also cautions that co-sleeping can cause issues in a marriage.

"I have seen many cases where a couple is experiencing marital strife, and placing a child in the bed creates an avenue to avoid intimacy and facing current issues," she tells ParentDish.

For those who really want to give co-sleeping a try, however, tips to minimize the risks include:

  • Using an arms-reach co-sleeper or bassinet placed next to the bed
  • Keeping the baby in a bed with just a light sheet, no pillows and a firm top mattress
  • Abstaining from drugs, sleeping pills or alcohol before retiring with baby
  • Not allowing other adults to sleep next to the baby
  • Keeping other children and pets out of the bed
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]]>co-sleepingfamily bedfamily sleepsleepMary Beth SammonsMon, 11 Apr 2011 13:00:00 ESTChildren Raised by Grandparents Facing Health Insurance Crisishttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/01/children-raised-by-grandparents-facing-health-insurance-crisis/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/01/children-raised-by-grandparents-facing-health-insurance-crisis/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/01/children-raised-by-grandparents-facing-health-insurance-crisis/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Grandparents raising their grandchildren are facing a new challenge in obtaining child-only health insurance. Credit: Corbis

With the passage of last year's federal health care overhaul, many families breathed a sigh of relief because it meant their children could no longer be denied health coverage because of pre-existing conditions.

Yet, however well-intentioned the pre-existing condition provision was, it has actually produced an unforeseen fatality: The child-only insurance policy.

Instead of extending additional coverage to all children under 19 who were deemed previously uninsurable, health insurance companies throughout the country are now refusing to cover children who are not covered by a family-member's policy, the Texas Tribune reports.

One of the groups being hit hard by the elimination of the child-only insurance policy are children who are being raised by their grandparents, when they're not poor enough to qualify for Medicaid and have no insurance from an employer or a family policy to give them coverage.

Both approaching 65 and the switchover to Medicare -- federally-funded health coverage for seniors -- Phillip and Diann Green, of Forney, Texas, face the staggering problem of finding health coverage for their 12-year-old granddaughter, Aria, whom they have been raising since she was 7 months old.

"Raising a child - finding her health insurance - it's certainly not something you expect at our age," Green tells the Tribune. "But everybody has come up with an excuse for not taking her."

The Greens never suspected that reaching the age of retirement would lead to problems finding health insurance for Aria, who is currently insured under Diann Green's policy from her employer, Walmart. But, ultimately, each of the health insurers operating in Texas turned them down because they no longer had child-only policies, the Tribune reports.

So, Aria is left with few choices, as the Greens' income level does not qualify her for the state-federal Children's Health Insurance Program; and, she is not eligible for a federal high-risk insurance pool because it requires a child to have a pre-existing condition -- which Aria does not -- and a formal denial from a private insurer. But insurers don't have to issue a denial when there is no plan offered.

At this point, Aria's only option for coverage when her grandmother retires is to move to the Cobra plan for her current policy from Wal-Mart, which costs $550 per month and will only cover her for 18 months.

While there is no way to calculate how many children are affected by the elimination of child-only health plans, the Tribune estimates that there are thousands in Texas alone.

Jared Wolfe, executive director of the Texas Association of Health Plans, tells the newspaper that the child-only plans aren't being pulled because insurance companies don't want to cover children, but because the pre-existing condition clause has created an "unworkable financial scenario" for insurance companies. Since the provision has been interpreted to mean insurance companies have to cover any child who applies, Wolfe says it effectively ensures only sick children will apply for coverage.

In some states, like Texas, lawmakers have turned to legislation to battle the insurance companies and to force insurers who cover individuals to extend coverage for children under 19. The Texas bill is similar to laws already passed in California, Kentucky, New Hampshire and Washington; yet it's doubtful that the bill will pass in Texas, where the Republican majority in the state Legislature believes that the child-only insurance market should "work itself out," the Tribune reports.

The Tribune reports that the Texas Department of Insurance is searching for ways to "entice" insurers into offering child-only coverage, while some insurers say they are looking for a compromise.

But none of this means anything for Aria right now.

"Everyone I talk to about this, their response is, 'What would you like for us to do about this?'" Phillip Green says. "I just want them to fix it."

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]]>grandparentsgrandparents raising grandchildrenhealth carehealth care reformhealth insuranceHoney BerkFri, 01 Apr 2011 18:45:00 ESTUse Online Tools to Find Baby Sitter Jobshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/25/babysitter-jobs/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/25/babysitter-jobs/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/25/babysitter-jobs/#commentsFiled under: ,

Mother's helper. Credit: Getty Images

Babysitting ain't what it used to be.

Once upon a time, you watched the neighborhood kids and got paid a few bucks for it. Now, it's more like a competitive sport. Preparation, skill and knowledge are at the core of getting and keeping business. Certificates in CPR, first aid and the Heimlich maneuver are de rigueur these days, all of which are easily acquired through neighborhood organizations such as your local Red Cross or YMCA.

And don't be surprised if your potential employer asks for your Social Security number in order to do a background check. That, too, has become par for the course.

A lot has changed in the past five to 10 years, due in part to the proliferation of the Internet. Genevieve Thiers, credited for creating a new industry when she launched Sittercity, in 2001, tells ParentDish the Internet is like the town employer, and says baby sitters seeking work would be remiss not to use it to their advantage.

There are numerous sites on which to advertise baby-sitting services, as well as find available jobs, including Sittercity.com, care.com and 4sitters.com.

It's wise to arrive at any interview armed with a list of questions. For starters, ask about the kids' likes and dislikes, any medical conditions or allergies and house rules, such as bedtime and TV or computer use. Sittercity has a comprehensive list of questions in its Baby-sitting Library.

Now, what to charge? That's a difficult subject for most people. Thiers tells ParentDish in a phone interview that it's good to have data before you disclose your rate. For example, what's the going rate in your neighborhood for someone your age and with similar experience?

Also, are you in or near a metro area? If so, that affects the rate, as well. A great resource is Sittercity's rate calculator, which asks for your ZIP code, number of children, age of the sitter and years of experience. Advanced features take additional factors into consideration, such as the age of the children, whether it's an overnight job or if a child has special needs.
Caregiver profiles on Sittercity start at age 18. If you're between the ages of 12 and 18, Thiers recommends you find work by talking to your parents' friends, as well as seeking out other personal networks such as church, synagogue or even your school's PTA. You can also create fliers and post them wherever local parents spend time: coffee shops, fitness centers, grocery stores, etc.

If you've never baby-sat before, you might want to start out as a mother's helper. Thiers describes it as a young sitter-in-training, where you watch the kids while the child's parent is also there.
If you have strong skills in a particular subject such as math or science, be sure to advertise them, as you can parlay them into a hybrid position of babysitter/tutor, which will enable you to charge a higher hourly rate.

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]]>Babysitterevergreennanniesnannysitterycity.comJulie Z. RosenbergFri, 25 Mar 2011 10:30:00 ESTMilitary Families With Young Kids Face Mounting Child Care Challenges, Study Findshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/09/military-families-child-care-study/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/09/military-families-child-care-study/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/09/military-families-child-care-study/#commentsFiled under: ,

military families

Military families struggle with early child care, a new survey finds. Credit: Getty

It's one thing for most working parents to try to orchestrate child care from 9 to 5, but imagine dealing with the nanny coming down with the flu and other scheduling woes when you're stationed in Iraq.

Juggling the work/family balance requires the skills of a military strategist, but that doesn't make it any easier for parents in the armed services, deployed or stationed at home, who say stressing over early care for their kids tops their daily to-do lists, according to a study by Pre-K Now, a campaign of the Pew Center on the States.

"On the Home Front: Early Care and Education a Top Priority for Military Families" finds the cost and long waiting lists for military-provided child care leave military families struggling with the challenge of finding child care, parenting classes and high-quality pre-kindergarten services, a Pew press release states.

The survey tapped 500 military families in all branches of service with children younger than 10 -- including those on active duty, in the National Guard and Reserve personnel, the release says.

Adding stress to the child care juggle are frequent relocations, the cycle of deployment, preparation, separation and all the disruptions that come with the duties of the job, which can have "profound emotional and educational consequences for children in military households," according to the release.

Families who make it through the long waiting lines and are able to utilize the Department of Defense's (DOD) Child Care Development Centers (CDCs) are satisfied with the care offered to their families.

However, only half of eligible families take advantage of the services because of obstacles such as long lines and costs, the report finds.

"Military parents need reliable access to high-quality early care and education to reduce worry and minimize the disruption caused by frequent and repeated deployment," retired Army Maj. Gen. James W. Comstock, who serves on the executive advisory committee of Mission: Readiness, a national security nonprofit group of 200 retired generals and admirals, says in the release. "Policy makers need to provide increased access to early childhood education to prepare military children for success in school and in life."

Almost 90 percent of military families surveyed say they overwhelmingly support free, voluntary and high-quality pre-k programs for all children, the release says.

"The children of our nation's military personnel experience a unique set of social, emotional and educational challenges," Marci Young, director of Pre-K Now, says in the release. "High-quality pre-k programs can provide stability and foster the skills these children need to cope with change and prepare them for kindergarten."

Efforts to help military families already are underway. Last December, the National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies (NACCRRA) announced The Military Child Care Liaison Initiative, a two-year pilot program with the Department of Defense to expand the availability of quality and affordable community-based child care for military families.

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]]>child careChildCareearly child careEarlyChildCaremilitarymilitary familiesMilitaryFamiliespre-kMary Beth SammonsWed, 09 Mar 2011 13:00:00 ESTHow to Find or Start Playgroupshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/02/playgroups/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/02/playgroups/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/02/playgroups/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Playgroups can help cure a case of cabin fever. Credit: Getty Images

Think you might lose it if your little one asks you to play Candy Land one more time? Was your last trip out of the house a visit to your child's pediatrician ... more than three weeks ago? Are you simply craving a little adult interaction?

Cabin fever, going stir crazy -- whatever you call it -- can be a recipe for disastrous parenting. What you need is a playgroup, because, let's be honest, they're as much for the parents as they are for the kids.

Luckily, there are many existing playgroups and new ones are being started all the time, so there's a good chance you'll find one that suits you. Seek them out at your local library, place of worship, school, pediatrician's office or coffee shop. You can find online sites devoted to playgroups: Playgroups USA, Mommy & Me, Raising Them and Mothers & More are some of the bigger ones. But don't forget Craigslist, Meetup or any other local parent-centric listservs or groups, as they may be even better targeted to your area.

Things to consider while you search:
  • Location: How far are you willing to travel?
  • Frequency: How often can you attend?
  • Time: Weekdays or weekends? Mornings or afternoons?
  • Children's ages: Is there at least one other child within six months of your child's age.
  • Activities: What types of activities they do? Do they go on outings?
Do a trial visit to see how you both feel about the group. Do you feel like you can be yourself? Do you feel a sense of camaraderie or kinship with any of the other parents? Does your child gravitate towards any of the kids? Although your parenting philosophies don't have to match perfectly, you still need to feel comfortable and respected. Go with your gut.

If you're interested in starting your own group, you can recruit other parents to join in the same places mentioned above. Hanging fliers at local establishments frequented by parents can elicit a good response, as can posting on any of the aforementioned online entities.

Establish the particulars such as date and time, frequency and location. If you can be somewhat flexible to accommodate the needs and quirks of others, that can only help in terms of getting your group off the ground. As the group's founder, you are the assumed leader, but feel free to enlist the help of other parents when needed.

Both you and your child stand to gain a lot through participating in a playgroup. You get the much-needed sanity break, support, advice and camaraderie, while your child learns how to interact with others, share, communicate and problem-solve.

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]]>cabin-feverevergreenplay groupsPlaygroupplaygroupsJulie Z. RosenbergTue, 02 Nov 2010 16:00:00 ESTThe Milkmen Are Coming: In Spain, Breast-Feeding Leave Not Just for Womenhttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/12/the-milkmen-are-coming-breast-feeding-leave-not-just-for-women/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/12/the-milkmen-are-coming-breast-feeding-leave-not-just-for-women/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/12/the-milkmen-are-coming-breast-feeding-leave-not-just-for-women/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,

breast feeding dad picture

Some European countries allow men to take breast-feeding breaks. Credit: Getty Images

Do real men change diapers and breast-feed?

In Spain, apparently, the biological argument doesn't matter so much, as new dads get to check out of the office for lunch or shave 30 minutes off the clock to head home early for breast-feeding duties.

The Luxembourg high court has ruled that for the first 9 months of a baby's life, dads can take 30-minute "breastfeeding leaves" during their work day, London's Daily Telegraph reports.

"It's not fair to extend breast-feeding benefits only to women," says the European Union Court of Justice, calling it "unjustified discrimination on grounds of sex, " the newspaper says.

The ruling came when Spanish pop Pedro Manuel Roca Alvarez challenged a law that permits dads to request breast-feeding leave only if their wife, the mom, is working full time, according to the Daily Telegraph. The mother of Alvarez's child is self-employed.

The top court ruled such a refusal could have the effect of forcing self-employed mothers to limit their work because the father cannot share the parenting burden, the newspaper reports.

Not giving dads the same right as moms "is liable to ... keep men in a role subsidiary to that of women in relation to the exercise of their parental duties," the court ruled.

So, do dads really breast-feed? That's not the issue, according to the Daily Telegraph. Rather, the ruling is intended to make early infancy less stressful for both Mom and Dad, the newspaper says, adding that even though it's called breast-feeding leave, the court ruled it should really be thought of as "time purely devoted to the child."

The ruling underscores more progressive equal roles for moms and dads in child-rearing in Europe. In Sweden, according to The New York Times, 85 percent of fathers currently take paternity leave.

The United States, however, continues to lag on the national parental policy front, where states continue to lead the fight for expansions in parental leave policies, according to a report by Columbia University's Clearinghouse on International Developments in Child, Youth and Family Policies.

According to the report, some job-protected maternity leave is provided in 20 states, and 10 states and the District of Columbia have laws that give at least some male workers the right to job-protected paternity leave. The length of leave varies from four to 18 weeks and coverage is not universal, according to the report.

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]]>breast-feedingchild careChildCarematernity leaveMaternityLeavepaternity leavePaternityLeaveMary Beth SammonsTue, 12 Oct 2010 12:06:00 ESTDealing With Separation Issues at Daycare Drop-Offhttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/11/dealing-with-separation-issues-at-daycare-drop-off/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/11/dealing-with-separation-issues-at-daycare-drop-off/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/11/dealing-with-separation-issues-at-daycare-drop-off/#commentsFiled under: , ,

child screaming picture

Be strong when your child starts crying. Credit: Getty Images

You're out of the house on time, with the whole family fed and dressed for the day. Now comes the hard part: Saying goodbye at daycare as a tearful toddler begs you not to go.

"It's pretty typical for children under the age of 2 to have separation issues during drop-off," says Erin Boyd-Soisson, associate professor of family science at Pennsylvania's Messiah College. But that actually can be "a good sign that they have a good attachment with their parents," she says.

Kids are usually fine within minutes of a parent's departure, but the experience can still be horribly guilt-inducing. Here's advice on minimizing the pain from Boyd-Soisson and Diane Strangis, child development specialist and assistant professor at Meredith College in North Carolina:

Create a routine. Kids are comforted by ritual, so plan a routine for your goodbye and stick to it. Maybe you'll read one short book, then hug goodbye. Or hug goodbye, then have the child wave from a window as you leave the building. "In some cases, a child walks the parent to the door and pushes them out, not shoving them, but patting them on the back, and gives them a little wave," Boyd-Soisson says. "It gives them control."

Don't rush, but don't linger. Some days, you're running late and drop-off is unavoidably rushed. When possible, take five minutes to let your ritual play out calmly. But there's a tipping point: Leave within 10 minutes.

Don't go back. It's tempting. But once you've said goodbye, returning reinforces the idea that crying brings you back. And don't sneak out: Strangis says the child may believe you're hiding and spend the morning anxiously searching for you.

Use familiar objects. Strangis suggests bringing something from home (family photos, a recording of a parent's voice). If the child is moving to a new room, try having an item on hand from her previous room at the daycare center. Bringing a favorite toy from home can work, but be sure to bring it home each night to avoid tears at bedtime.

Ease into transitions. If your child is starting at a new school or moving to a new room within his old school, visit the new space with him more than once. If he can spend time in the new room with you, he may feel more comfortable.

Separation issues may subside, then surface again periodically through age 4 or even 5, especially when stress pops up (sick grandparents, a parent out of town, etc.). With time, they'll subside permanently.

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]]>cryingdaycareDaycareWoesdrop-offevergreenpreschoolseparation-anxietyMelissa RayworthMon, 11 Oct 2010 17:03:00 ESTAre Tweens Really Ready to Babysit?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/tweens-babysit/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/tweens-babysit/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/tweens-babysit/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

tween babysitting picture

Even if they have training, are tweens really ready to watch your baby? Credit: Getty Images

Thrilled that your neighbor's kid is finally old enough to babysit? Sorry to throw a monkey wrench into date night, but your tween babysitter actually may be putting your little one at risk.

Forty percent of younger babysitters report they had left children unattended while babysitting, and 20 percent say they opened the door to strangers, according to research presented this weekend at the American Academy of Pediatrics conference.

The good news? Nearly all (98 percent) of 11- to 13-year-old babysitters know who to contact in the event of an intruder or if a child is sick or injured (96 percent), and the vast majority know who to contact if a child is poisoned (85 percent).

Researchers surveyed 727 tweens who have cared for a younger infant or child as a babysitter, reporting their results in the study, "Babysitter Safety Training: Are Children Aged 11-13 Years Prepared to Deal with Emergencies While Caring for Younger Children?"

About half of the tweens interviewed had gone through some professional training: 51 percent had taken a first aid training class; 47 percent had taken a CPR class and 19 percent had taken the American Red Cross or other babysitter preparedness class, the researchers report.

In other findings, 92 percent of preteen babysitters were familiar with the location of first aid supplies and 64 percent knew where to find a fire extinguisher. Ten percent of the young babysitters reported having a personal experience with an emergency requiring a call to 911; 10 called 911 after a child sustained injuries from a significant fall, eight due to a house fire, six because a child had profuse bleeding from a laceration and six because of a significant head trauma.

The study provides a snapshot of preteen babysitter strengths and weaknesses, lead study author Dr. Nicole M. Hackman, of Penn State Hershey Children's Hospital, reported at the conference.

"By identifying the unsafe behaviors, we have the opportunity to design specific educational programs to prepare preteen babysitters to safely respond to common emergency situations," she says.

For more information on babysitting preparedness, visit the American Red Cross website.

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]]>babysitterbabysittingresearchtween babysittersTweenBabysittersHoney BerkTue, 05 Oct 2010 08:00:00 EST