ParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gifParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comen-usCopyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/It's So Hot Outside: Tips on Keeping Kids Safe in the Summer Heathttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/22/its-so-hot-outside-tips-on-keeping-kids-safe-in-the-summer-hea/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/22/its-so-hot-outside-tips-on-keeping-kids-safe-in-the-summer-hea/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/22/its-so-hot-outside-tips-on-keeping-kids-safe-in-the-summer-hea/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Credit: AFP/Getty Images

Yep, we know: It's hot out there. Like, really, really hot. Like, so hot you really don't want to step outside of your air conditioned bubble. But how much TV can you allow your kids to watch before you just break down and decide to brave the heat index and head outside?

Be sure you follow some expert advice on keeping your kids as cool as possible, WGN in Chicago reports.

"Young children are especially vulnerable to heat because they produce more heat at rest, they have a higher body surface area to mass ratio and they absorb more heat," Dr. Karen Sheehan of Children's Memorial Hospital, tells the TV station. "They don't sweat as well as adults. An adult and adolescent who are healthy, it takes about four days to get used to this type of weather, but for a kid it's about two weeks and that puts them at much more risk."

First up: the car. Just don't leave your kids in there. Even for a few minutes as you run into the store.

"We've only had our in-car thermometer in for about 20 minutes, if that," Jessica Choi of Safe Kids Illinois tells WGN. "We've already got a difference of 10 degrees. Its 10 degrees hotter in the car than it is outside."

Next: Keep kids away from open windows, especially on upper level floors.

"If you need to open windows, open from the top down," Amy Hill, injury prevention manager at Children's Memorial, tells WGN. "Also, move furniture away from the windows so kids can't crawl on top and fall out. That's what happens most often, people don't think about the couch being near the window. They crack the window for some circulation and the kid climbs up and falls out. It's a huge problem in Chicago."

And, as always: Don't take your eyes off a child playing in a swimming pool.

"It's important for parents and caregivers to remember that babies and toddlers can drown in one inch of water," Hill tells WGN. "Empty all buckets, containers and wading pools immediately after you are done using them."

Hmmm...Maybe one more episode of "SpongeBob" wouldn't really be that bad.

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]]>child safetydrowningheathot carsopen windowssafety advicesafety tipssummer heatLesley KennedyFri, 22 Jul 2011 12:00:00 ESTSetting Screen Limits: Top 3 Tipshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/08/setting-screen-limits/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/08/setting-screen-limits/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/08/setting-screen-limits/#commentsFiled under: , ,

setting tv limits

Credit: Corbis

Not all screens are created equal

* Kids spend nearly 7.5 hours per day with media.
* Balancing media usage is an essential part of growing up.
* When it comes to screen time, both quality and quantity matter.

Setting Screen Limits

Our kids are growing up in front of screens. From smartphones to gaming devices to the ever-present computer, our kids seem mesmerized by them. According to a recent Kaiser Foundation study, kids as young as 8 are spending nearly 7.5 hours per day consuming media. That's not surprising. Video games, Facebook, the Internet, and even TV -- they all seem so much more interesting than, say, doing homework. But studies have shown that all of this screen time can impact everything from kids' health to their school readiness.

The solution isn't as simple as turning everything off. There's a huge difference between an hour spent playing World of Warcraft and the same amount of time spent learning vocabulary from a smartphone app or composing music online.

So when it comes to screen time, it's important to pay attention to both quality and quantity.

In today's 24/7 digital world, learning to balance media usage has become an essential part of growing up. Just as kids learn not to eat too much candy, they must learn how to manage their media diets. While it helps to start when your kids are young, it's never too late to teach them how to recognize when enough is enough.

As parents, we need to guide our children toward activities that help them learn, stimulate their interests, and express their creativity. The task then becomes separating the mindful from the mindless. Following these simple steps will greatly help you and your kids manage -- and even optimize -- screen time.

Tips for all kids

Set an example. Do you hand your kid a smartphone in restaurants, keep the TV on during dinner, or check your email constantly? It'll be harder to teach your kids how to balance media usage if they don't see you doing the same.

Set limits. Parents can help kids develop self-control by working with them to create a schedule that incorporates all of the things they need to do in a day. Make sure that homework, hobbies, and good learning games come first. And you may want to schedule in some downtime. Childhood development experts say it's good for kids to be idle - and maybe even bored. Those moments allow for introspection and the development of self-awareness.

Get involved. Remember, not all screens are created equal - so make sure you know what your kids are doing. Take the time to sit down and play their favorite game with them or look at their latest digital creation. Once you have a sense of their interests, you can help them make better decisions about what they watch, play, and do. Plus, the more involved you are with your kids' digital lives, the better conversations you can have with them about their media choices.

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]]>how to limit tv watchingkids watching tvsetting screen limitsthe editors at Common Sense MediaFri, 08 Jul 2011 09:00:00 ESTSibling Rivalry? How Parents Can Helphttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/07/sibling-rivalry/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/07/sibling-rivalry/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/07/sibling-rivalry/#commentsFiled under: ,

sibling rivalry

Credit: Getty Images

Parents can help improve relationships between squabbling siblings -- by shipping one to Bolivia and the other to outer Mongolia.

Actually, that only seems like a good idea. A highly motivated little brother will still track his sister across the globe and break all of her crayons.

Children who bully siblings are more likely to bully peers and romantic partners, says researcher Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied family studies at the University of Illinois' Department of Human and Community Development.

In an interview in the quarterly journal Vision, Kramer says parents can teach siblings basic conflict resolution skills to enable them to solve their own problems without parents having to threaten to knock some heads.

"It's based on perspective-taking, but it grows into a problem-solving approach where you can offer a lot of different ways to solve the problem," Kramer tells Vision. "It could be sharing, turn-taking or something else."

"Every day we have countless opportunities to make decisions about the ways we parent our children, all of which may have an impact on how the children get along," she adds.

In an article accompanying Kramer's interview, Vision editors suggest parents also guard against playing favorites. They note it may be difficult for parents to recognize that some of their well-meaning actions reflect bias, but "self-honesty about this destructive influence could mean the difference between a lifetime of camaraderie between their children and a lifetime of suspicion and resentment."

Just think of the Smothers Brothers: "Mom always liked you best!"

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]]>sibling rivalrysiblings fightingSiblings Squabbling Laurie Kramer Brothers Sisters Illinois ConfTom HendersonThu, 07 Jul 2011 16:00:00 ESTMy Son's Tantrums Leave Me Exhausted!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/04/tantrums/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/04/tantrums/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/04/tantrums/#commentsFiled under: ,





Dear AdviceMama,

I have a 9-year-old son, and three and 2-year-old daughters. My son has had a temper since he was a baby. I thought his tantrums would end by 4 years, but they are getting worse. He throws tantrums for everything: He screams, stomps, cries and yells. We've tried time outs, taking things away, reward systems. They don't work. We have now resorted to yelling at him when he gets out of control. I'm beside myself because I feel I have failed him and I don't know what to do. I never envisioned having to deal with this kind of situation. What can we do?

Signed,
At Wit's End

Dear Wit's End,

I feel for you. Looking after three young children is tough already, but having one who frequently has tantrums will wear down even the saintliest parent. Here's my advice:

  • Pay attention to when your son has tantrums, and what triggers them. It may sound inconvenient, but I would urge you to get a notebook and start writing down the time of day and circumstances that set off your son's upsets. If you do this for a week or so, you're likely to find a pattern. Are his meltdowns typically in the late afternoon, after he's been at school or in a stimulating environment? Do they happen when you've been spending time with his sisters? Are they before a meal? Just before bed? By taking notes about his tantrums, you'll be better able to prevent them.
  • Once you've discovered at least some of the triggers for your son, take steps to address them. If you notice that he falls apart right before dinner, give him a protein snack half an hour earlier. If he starts to ramp up right after a birthday party, try cutting down on the sweets, or fortify him with healthy food. If you see him melting down every time you give special attention to his sister, give him what I call a Sunday Afternoon Act I, where you take him aside -- one on one -- at a relaxed time, and invite him to offload any pent up frustrations he has about his siblings.
  • Yelling at a child who's having a meltdown is understandable; your son's demands and unreasonable behavior is likely to trigger your own frustration. I'm sure you try not to shout, but in the heat of the moment, it's difficult to manage your reactions, especially when you're probably already feeling like you're spread so thin with everyone's demands. But in my counseling work, I've had great success with having parents identify the thought that triggers their anger, and looking at how its opposite might be as true -- or even truer. If you find yourself getting angry because you're thinking, "My son shouldn't demand a new toy just because his sister was given one for her birthday," try looking at how the opposite of that upsetting thought might be true: "My son should demand a new toy when his sister is given one."

Surely you can come up with reasons -- from a child's point of view -- that your son might feel slighted if he sees his sister getting a new toy, even if he rationally understands that on his birthday, his sisters don't get new things. Taking a look at what triggers your son -- from his vantage point -- will help you manage your upset, and shift to a quieter, more calming way of handling him. Here are a few turnarounds:

1. He's a normal, egocentric 6-year-old who likes new toys and doesn't care if it's not his birthday! Nothing unusual about that. He has a short fuse, and an immaturity about him that makes it difficult to express his frustration with words.
2. In the past, when he has had a tantrum about getting a new toy, he's finally been given one to quiet him down. In other words, perhaps he has learned that having meltdowns produces the results he wants.
3. He's tired, hungry or over-stimulated.
4. He needs opportunities to be gently shown how to identify and name his upsetting feelings, and guidance in expressing himself more appropriately. Simply telling an angry child to "use your words" will do nothing but fan the flames of his aggression.

If you try these ideas, you should see some improvement. Do stay tuned as I offer more advice about tantrums in future columns. It's a hot topic for parents, and one that I look forward to addressing further.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

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]]>tantrumstemper tantrumsSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 04 Jul 2011 10:20:00 ESTSurviving a Family Road Trip: Top 5 Tipshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/01/surviving-a-family-road-trip/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/01/surviving-a-family-road-trip/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/01/surviving-a-family-road-trip/#commentsFiled under: , ,

family road trip

Walley World! Credit: Noel Hendrickson, Getty Images

Planning for a family road trip can feel like planning for a major military operation -- all that laundry and packing, plus all those lists and tasks, can make you long for a vacation from your vacation. Not to mention all those small voices whining, "Are we there yet?"

But there are ways to make getting away as a family a less daunting task. We asked parents and experts for their top tips for surviving a family road trip, and, with their help, you really can make getting there half the fun.

1. Prepare, prepare, prepare. Before you even leave the house, make sure you've made your lists and checked them twice -- or even three times. Amy Kossoff Smith, a mom of three boys, all younger than 14, says planning ahead is the best way to stave off any on-the-road hiccups.

"Do everything in advance," the Maryland resident tells ParentDish. "(Have a list) of your itinerary, your snacks, your activities, everything."

She writes everything out to the letter, and says she also includes a back-up plan for the inevitable times when things don't go exactly as planned. Additionally, Smith keeps a separate list of "don't forget" items.

"I'm queen of the Post-It note on the counter for the last-minute items," she says. "There are always things you need the night before but may forget in the morning, so make a list as you pack so you don't forget (like your) toothbrush, contact lens cleaner, etc."

2. It's about the journey. Everyone is eager to get to the final destination, especially when you're headed out for an exciting vacation. But you can make the journey, itself, almost as interesting, says Jill Parvin, a mom of two daughters, ages 18 and 4, from Vista, Calif.

"We did a 2,000-mile road trip last summer, and the most important thing I did was plan stops every three hours to explore," she tells ParentDish.

Parvin adds that she did her best not to drive for more than eight hours at a time, so she and her girls didn't get stir crazy.

Author and father Jeff Siegel agrees. His new book, "RelationTrips," was inspired by a 10-year quest to see every Major League Baseball stadium in the United States with his son, Spence.

"Take the opportunity to explore new destinations along the way," Siegel tells ParentDish. "Pick out two or three new places to stop while in transit, such as a new landmark or roadside restaurant."

3. Let the kids take control. Siegel also advises parents to turn the wheel over to the kids for a day or two. Choose one or two days during your trip, he says, and let the young ones decide how to spend them.

"Let your children research and plan all the activities. Encourage them to create an agenda that includes a theme and soundtrack for the day," he suggests.

Families with more than one child can either make it a joint effort, or assign each kid their own day or a portion of a day to plan.

4. Go for gadgets. When we were kids, entertainment on the road mean counting license plates and playing "I Spy." These days, there are plenty of gadgets to keep the wee ones quiet for at least a few hundred miles.

Parvin made packing her teen's mp3 player -- and a pair of headphones -- a top priority. She also packed a small electronic game for her younger daughter. Even the preschool set has access to hand-held gaming systems these days, along with headphones designed for even the littlest bodies.

If electronics aren't your thing, Coco Peate of Westlake Village, Calif., suggests making a run to the dollar store to get a grab bag of inexpensive toys to surprise your kids with.

"Consider packing a bag for each child where you can hide his surprise toys among his own toys from home, snacks, crayons, coloring books, etc.," she says. "They'll each have their very own goody bag with their own toys and treats, which will hopefully prevent fights and provide hours of fun."

5. Snack attack. Nothing soothes the savage beast like a good snack -- and it prevents meltdowns and unnecessary stops along the way.

"Take more food than you think you'll need," says Lisa Cottrell-Bentley, author of the "Wright on Time" series of children's chapter books about an RV-living, homeschooling family who travels the United States. "Food always gets eaten."

Cottrell-Bentley, a mom of of two from Sahuarita, Ariz., suggests packing non-perishable things such as nuts and fruit leather.

"The more food you take with you, the less you'll need to buy on the road," she tells ParentDish.

Just remember to choose healthy items. The occasional treat is fine, but you don't want to risk getting sick on your vacation by going too far astray from your usual good eating habits.

Cottrell-Bentley also suggests getting your kids to help with the selection.

"Have the kids help pick out the items," she says. "They're more likely to eat what they've helped to purchase."

How do you keep your kids entertained in the car? Join the discussion on Facebook!

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]]>family road triproad tripsroad trips with kidssurviving road tripsAmy HatchFri, 01 Jul 2011 10:00:00 ESTGet Your Child Offline and Outdoorshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/28/get-your-child-offline-and-outdoors/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/28/get-your-child-offline-and-outdoors/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/28/get-your-child-offline-and-outdoors/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , ,

kid playing outside

Summer offers a great time to enjoy your children -- unplugged. Credit: Getty Images

The average American kid practically lives plugged in.

That's not an exaggeration, either. A report by the Kaiser Family Foundation estimates kids ages 8 to 18 spend an average of seven and a half hours a day with cells phones, computers, televisions and other electronic devices.

That means the only things keeping kids away from electronic devices are eating, sleeping and school. And, during the summer months, of course, you can generally remove school from the equation.

So, does that mean we are bequeathing our planet to a race of junior cyborgs who can only appreciate a bird if it's electronic, angry and part of a computer game?

There are ways get kids offline and plugged back into the real world. Dr. Amy Wickstrom, a family therapist, blogger and mother of two, tells ParentDish it sometimes is a matter of if you can't beat them, join them.

"So many kids are becoming eReaders, parents can take their kids to the local library to pick out a book and read it together there," Wickstrom says. "Many libraries have special rooms just for children that are filled with toys and sometimes a stage with props for story time."

Wickstrom tells ParentDish this helps engage children their imaginations, spend quality time with a parent and develop their reading skills. And, there is another purpose in this age when kids are turning their backs to ink on paper to gaze relentlessly at screens.

"It also keeps them accustomed to old fashioned books instead of eBooks," Wickstrom says.

Wickstrom, who has been a contributor to Working Mother, OC Family and more, tells ParentDish it's important to get kids engaged in the real world.

And what do you know? There's an app for that.

The website Kidoff.com offers free software to boot your kid off the computer and say enough is enough. You want your kid to shut "Grand Theft Auto XI: I Kill Your Grandmother" off (don't get excited, kids. It's just a hypothetical game)?

You tell your kid one more minute, but before you know it, hours have gone by. The streets are running red with the blood of virtual grannies. You start yelling. Your kid starts yelling. Everyone is in a bad mood. Ah, but there's this software.

It lets your kids go ahead with their game, but from time to time, you can "talk" to your child's computer from another computer in the house. The kids don't even know. You can see how long they've been using the computer and send warnings to their screen.

And, when their time is up, it evens sends out an audible alarm. "Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!" (Well, maybe not that message.) You can make the computer shut down.

Such power. Feel free to laugh fiendishly.

But what do you do with your kids once you get them offline and outdoors? For that information, turn to the National Wildlife Federation and its "Be Out There" campaign. The effort urges parents to give their children a "green hour" each day.

The means one hour every day outdoors engaged in unstructured play.

One possibility is camping. You don't have to go to Yellowstone, either. You can camp out in your own backyard. The website for the Great American Backyard Campout offers some suggestions.

You've probably already heard of geocaching, where participants use a Global Positioning System (GPS) receiver or mobile device and other navigational techniques to hide and seek containers called "geocaches" or "caches."

Believe it or not, people used to do this sort of thing well before the invention of GPS systems and all the contrapulatronic gizmos of the 21st century. It was called letterboxing. You simply hide an object and challenge others to find it by the use of clues.

Think of it like solving math problems -- without a calculator.

National Wildlife Federation leaders say this is a great way to have fun with kids outdoors, get some exercise and work on skills such as problem solving, map reading and math. They also suggest kids making a nature map of their neighborhood to learn how to define their own special natural places.

Donald Roberts, a Stanford communications professor emeritus and one of the authors of the Kaiser Family Foundation study, tells The New York Times it's important for parents to be more aware of how technology is sucking children away from the real world.

"Parents never knew as much as they thought they did about what their kids are doing," he says. "But now we've created a world where they're removed from us that much more."

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]]>kids outsidekids playoutdoorssummer breaksummer vacationtechnologyunpluggingTom HendersonTue, 28 Jun 2011 10:00:00 ESTSave Your Kids From Summertime Dangershttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/24/summertime-dangers/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/24/summertime-dangers/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/24/summertime-dangers/#commentsFiled under: ,

Relaxing in the backyard, enjoying the pool and exploring the great outdoors. See what potential dangers lurk around some of our favorite summertime activities, and learn how to prevent a trip to the emergency room.



More Foxnews.com:

Alabama Woman Gives Birth to Sextuplets

Healthiest Celebrity Dads

Study Finds Autistic Toddlers' Brains Out of Sync

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]]>pool safetysummertime dangerssunscreenthe editors at FoxNews.comFri, 24 Jun 2011 15:30:00 EST'What's Eating Your Child' Author Talks Misdiagnosed Mood Disordershttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/23/whats-eating-your-child/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/23/whats-eating-your-child/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/23/whats-eating-your-child/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,

Depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety might not be mood problems after all. As nutritionist Kelly Dorfman tells Dr. Marc Siegel, these conditions could actually be food disorders. Find out which foods could negatively affect your child's mood.



More from Foxnews.com:

Alabama Woman Gives Birth to Sextuplets

Healthiest Celebrity Dads

Study Finds Autistic Toddlers' Brains Out of Sync

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]]>adhdkelly dorfmanmood disorderwhats eating your childthe editors at FoxNews.comThu, 23 Jun 2011 11:30:00 ESTMy Kids Fight All the Time! How Do I Stop Sibling Rivalry?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/13/stop-sibling-rivalry/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/13/stop-sibling-rivalry/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/13/stop-sibling-rivalry/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

What can I do about my children's sibling rivalry? They fight all the time!

Signed,
Exasperated Mom


Dear Exasperated,

It's natural for children to feel frustrated when big sister takes the last cookie, or little brother touches their "stuff." Not only do brothers and sisters compete with one another for a parent's attention, they sometimes simply argue out of habit. But when siblings cannot negotiate disagreements without hurting one another -- either physically or emotionally -- parents need to take action. Here's my advice:

1. Establish expectations for behavior so your children clearly know what you will and will not allow. I like the phrase, "Our home is a non-violent home," delivered with authority. While you should explain to your children that it's perfectly normal and OK to be angry, it is not OK to strike out with hurtful behavior or words. And make sure you're sticking to the standards, as well.

2. Try to address the root cause of hurtful remarks. A child who consistently taunts his brother or sister is a) feeling chronically frustrated and misunderstood; b) shaking loose difficult feelings from other situations (like the school playground); or c) "paying back" a sibling for hurting him.

Choose a time when you can give each of your children your undivided attention, and ask leading questions such as, "I notice it's been hard for you to resist hitting your brother when he comes into your room without asking. Tell me what makes you so mad when he does that..." Avoid interrupting with threats or lectures. By listening with care, you may be able to address the underlying causes of your siblings' frustrations with one another.

3. Schedule regular family meetings where each member gets to feel heard as they offload annoying issues that fuel discord. Insist that everyone first share something positive about each family member, and then make time for them to voice a complaint or make a request. Allow whoever's talking to have the stage -- some families use a talking stick -- so they get the sense that no matter how old or young, everyone in your family gets to be heard. By teaching your children that they have the right to respectfully make reasonable requests of one another, you will lessen their reliance on verbal or physical aggression to get their needs met.

4. Try not to turn on what I call "Mom TV" when your kids fight. Sometimes bickering happens simply because children are bored, or they want to stir things up and get some drama going with mom. While my approach generally focuses on preventing problems, if your kids are bickering and won't try to work things out, separate them without a lot of discussion until they've cooled down. In other words, don't make your own dramatic reaction a payoff for their misbehavior.

Sibling rivalry is a serious issue, and needs to be managed by cool, calm parenting. By addressing underlying causes, establishing clear guidelines for how to handle disagreements and making sure your children have a chance to feel heard about their upsets, you can minimize the bickering, and establish a more peaceful home.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

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]]>Sibling RivalrySusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 13 Jun 2011 10:00:00 ESTHow Can I Get My Child to Sleep in His Own Bed?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/how-can-i-get-my-child-to-sleep-in-his-own-bed/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/how-can-i-get-my-child-to-sleep-in-his-own-bed/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/how-can-i-get-my-child-to-sleep-in-his-own-bed/#commentsFiled under: , ,



Dear AdviceMama,

I am the mother of three children. Our youngest refuses to sleep alone in his own bed. We have tried lying down with him until he falls asleep or letting him lie in our bed until he falls asleep, but as soon as we move or try to move him, he wakes up and the whole process starts all over. I feel like we have tried everything! I'm hoping you have some advice for us.

Signed,
Sleepy Mom

Dear Sleepy Mom,

This is one of the most common questions I'm asked, and probably because a disrupted sleep affects children (and their parents) so significantly. There's nothing quite as rejuvenating as going to bed peacefully and sleeping undisturbed through the night. A child who either can't fall asleep easily, or who requires parents to stay for extended periods of time is affecting their own sleep, as well as their weary parents'.

Get clear. This situation is made worse by sending mixed messages to your child. Do you lecture him about how he has to sleep in his own room, only to cave in when you're tired, tucking him into your bed as you give up ... "just for tonight"? Do you sometimes scold him for creeping into your bedroom in the middle of the night, and other times sweetly make room for him to join you?

Until and unless you're very clear about what you and your husband want your son to do, he's going to push to get what feels best to him. Remember, children are egocentric. As much as you're little boy loves you, he isn't thinking about how tired you might be as you lie there waiting for him to finally fall asleep; he's focused on what feels best to him.

So don't expect your child to recognize how sleepy you are and tell you to go off to bed. He -- like most children -- prefers your company as he falls asleep. It's normal; humans have been co-sleeping for thousands of years. I'm not telling you to sleep with him, but I am suggesting that you'll need to be crystal clear that the goal is to help him go to sleep in his own bed and stay there before you try the new strategies I will offer you.

If you're certain that you do not want your son to sleep in your room, choose a relaxed time -- not before bedtime -- when you explain the new bedtime plan. Give him the chance to be upset, scared or sad, and help him offload his feelings without trying to convince him of how much he's going to love sleeping alone! He probably isn't, at least at first. So let him express his anger, fear or tears about the fact that you've decided that he cannot sleep in your room anymore.

Proceed in stages. Think of the process as weaning, rather than a cold turkey, all-at-once experience of making him stay in his room. Focus on helping him go to sleep in his own room, rather than moving him after he's fallen asleep in yours (which clearly doesn't work).

Offer distractions. First, give him something interesting to look at or listen to so he doesn't feel bored and alone in the dark. Quiet music, audio books or a projector that shows stars moving across the ceiling can help distract a sleepy child.

Address fears. Charlotte Reznick, author of "The Power of Your Child's Imagination," suggests that if your child is fearful of sleeping in his own bed, engage his imagination for protection. One 9-year-old, initially terrified of break-ins even with a working alarm system, created an enormous white dragon to wrap around her bed and added a tiger at the door (just in case...). It helped her feel safe enough to allow her eyes to close and her body to relax into sleep."

Move across the room. Lie beside your son silently for a while, and then sit across the room from him while you listen to your iPod or read with your itty bitty light without engaging in any conversation. Let him know that, for a while, you're going to stay nearby until he falls asleep, but only to help him get used to being alone. Let him know if he tries to get you to talk, you will go out of the room. (But give him a reminder or two, as this will take some getting used to.)

After a week or so, start leaving for two to three minutes to "go to the bathroom," and be sure to return as promised. This will help him develop greater tolerance for your absence, without causing him to panic.

Usually within a couple of weeks of sticking closely to these guidelines, the parents I have worked with find that their children adjust to sleeping alone. Give it a try, and let me know how it works! And sweet dreams!

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

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]]>child sleepchild to sleep in own bedsleep in own bedsleeping in own bedSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 06 Jun 2011 11:00:00 ESTHead Lice: How to Get Rid of Those Creepy Crawlershttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/03/head-lice-how-to-get-rid-of/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/03/head-lice-how-to-get-rid-of/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/03/head-lice-how-to-get-rid-of/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

When one kid in school gets head lice, you know your kid is likely to be stuck in a hairy situation. It isn't long before your kid is itching and scratching his scalp, too. But, the misery doesn't have to last too long. In this video, pediatrician Dr. Su Laurent explains how to get rid of head lice.

Getting Rid of Head Lice

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]]>Head Licehead lice treatmentliceJessica SamakowFri, 03 Jun 2011 17:00:00 ESTHelping Kids Beat Homesickness at Sleep-Away Camphttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/02/homesickness-sleep-away-camp/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/02/homesickness-sleep-away-camp/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/02/homesickness-sleep-away-camp/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Homesickness

I visited nine sleep-away camps last summer and talked to a lot of children about their experiences of being away from home. What impressed me was how proud kids are of overcoming their homesickness, especially if they had a pretty bad case of it their first week or their first year.

One girl, Jenny, remembering her homesickness at camp said, "I felt like I had a fire in my stomach, and it was burning. ... I didn't know what it was but it terrified me. ... I didn't want my friends to make it better. I just wanted to wallow in my sadness."

Did the staff help her? "People told me that I should get distracted and that would help me, but I just wanted to get my tears out."

I asked whether she had cried all day at camp. "Not all day," she related with a big smile. "There were breaks in there." And how did she manage? "There was a girl here my first year who helped me. ... She told me to think of it in three-day chunks. So I lasted."

The girl who was telling me this was 14 years old, enjoying her fifth summer at residential camp. Early on, she had been one of the most homesick campers. It took her three summers to beat it, and, looking back, she was angry at her mom and dad for letting her leave early that second summer.

When I asked her whether she felt proud of herself, she said, "If it had only been one year, maybe I'd be prouder. ... It was just something that was there, and I learned to do it."

She sounded matter-of-fact, but I could tell she felt victorious.

Ninety-five percent of children experience at least a bit of homesick feelings when they are away from their parents at summer camp. Homesickness is completely normal. If a child loves his or her parents and has a good home, why wouldn't he or she feel some longing for Mom, for Dad, for the dog or for home cooking? The paradoxical thing about camp is that even though children sometimes report painful levels of homesickness, they often rate themselves as very happy in the activities of the day.

The parents' problem is figuring out whether their child is happy or miserable at camp. It's tough to judge from a distance, especially if your child is one of those campers who sends notes like this:

Dear Dad/Mom,

I'm still not feeling good. I have thrown up four times since I got here. I'm having no fun and just really want to come home and see my doctor to figure out what is going on with me. I hate Windy, it is worse than Camp Sunset. My cabin is OK, but I haven't slept a full
night yet.

Throwing up? Not sleeping? Reading this note, the conscientious mother has grabbed her car keys and is half-way out the door, heading for camp to rescue her child. But wait ... the letter continues:

My fave person in my cabin is our AC Lisa (AC is assistant counselor) she is really great.... I even miss Ben & Johnny. At least this week has kind of gone by sort of kind of fast... Well, tell the cats hello for me...

Love you, Miss you & Want to come home,

Haley

This letter makes me laugh because it was written by the daughter of a camp director in Minnesota who had sent her to a residential camp in Massachusetts, where, a decade later, she is now a long-term member of the staff.

The research tells us that even though almost all children will have some "homesick feelings," only one in five campers -- like Jenny -- experience real distress. And only 8 percent of children develop such severe homesickness that they're unable to beat it. For those children, homesickness remains high throughout the camp session, dipping only in the last few days when they know their caretakers will be arriving soon.

What can you do to help your child beat homesickness at camp?

  • Do some preparation. Tell your child homesickness is normal, that it means he or she has a home that he or she loves.
  • Empathize with your child's fears, but do not get infected by them.
  • Express confidence in your child's resilience and admiration for his or her courage in going to camp.
  • Tell your child you are sure he or she will get help from counselors and friends when needed.
  • And, please, tell your children you want them to have fun. Children need to go off to camp with your blessing, not your anxiety.
If your child's been to sleep-away camp before, was his homesickness manageable? If this will be your child's first overnight camp experience, are you overly concerned about how she'll fair?

This article originally appeared on PBSParents and was written by Michael Thompson. Michael Thompson, Ph.D. is a consultant, author and psychologist specializing in children and families. He is Senior Advisor to the PBS Parents Guide to Raising Boys and the host of the PBS documentary Raising Cain

He and his coauthor, Dan Kindlon, wrote the New York Times bestseller, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, in 1999. Most recently, he has published a comprehensive guide for raising boys entitled, It's a Boy! Your Son's Development from Birth to Eighteen (Ballantine, 2008). Michael Thompson has appeared on The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, 20/20, 60 Minutes, The Early Show and Good Morning America. He is the clinical consultant to The Belmont Hill School and has worked in more than two hundred fifty schools across the United States, as well as in international schools in Central America, Europe and Asia. He is the father of Joanna, 24, and Will, 19.

More From PBSParents.org:

Child Development Tracker

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]]>campHomesicknesssleepaway campSleepawayCampsummer campPBSParents.orgThu, 02 Jun 2011 17:00:00 ESTAnnoyed Your Kids Don't Get Along With Your Best Friend's Offspring? Here's How to Make It Work!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/getting-kids-to-get-along/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/getting-kids-to-get-along/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/getting-kids-to-get-along/#commentsFiled under: ,

kids playing

Isn't it nice when we all just get along? Credit: Getty Images

It's hard enough to find cool people to hang out with, let alone cool people who happen to have kids your kid's age and who have the same Saturday afternoon free that you do. (Adult conversation! In your very own home!)

But instead of relaxing in the backyard over glasses of wine while the kids swarm the swing set, you keep having to get up and police.

Grrrr. Why can't they just get along?! Can't they see Mommy is socializing???

The good news is if you invest some time teaching the kids how to work things out, you may be able to get your dream afternoon back -- at some point in the future, says developmental psychologist Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D and founder of Peaceful Parenting Inc.

Her advice:

Make a playdate plan with your child in advance.
"Ask her to imagine it and tell you the story of how it will go, so she has a sense of creating the plan," Buck says. "Ask, 'how shall we handle it if there's a disagreement?' Listen to her idea, and if it's too 'magical' give her a reasonable solution."

You should also go over the rules, and ask your child if she has it in her to follow those rules at the playdate.

"If she says no, believe her and don't go," Buck advises.

Agree to connect with your child.
"She may need to know she can come snuggle on your lap for a few minutes," Buck says. "Let her know she can come get Mommy if she needs your help working something out with the other kids."

Give it a few months.
Not working? Give it some time.

"Every six months, kids alternate between a cooperative stage (where fun and love are the strongest needs) and a competitive phase (where power and freedom drive needs)," Buck says.

Two kids in a competitive phase equals rough going; one kid in each stage is workable; and two cooperative kids (not surprisingly) will be easiest.

A favorite trick of ours? Let your kid quarantine a toy or two before a playmate comes over -- especially if fights are erupting over sharing.

Finally, remember that just because you and the other mom are besties, it doesn't mean your kids have to be, too. They simply need to learn to tolerate each other enough so that you and yours can sip Merlot in peace.

More from iVillage:

Nude Pregnant Celebrity Cover Shots -- So Gorgeous!

The Duggars Know Best: Parenting Lessons From America's Biggest TV Family

12 Things No One Told You About Raising a Toddler

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]]>friendsgetting alongparentingthe editors at iVillage.comFri, 20 May 2011 11:30:00 ESTVideo Chatting and Your Kidshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/video-chatting-and-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/video-chatting-and-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/video-chatting-and-your-kids/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Watch a related video!
video chatting

Unlike regular IM, where kids sometimes talk a big game, you can't be anonymous with video chatting. Credit: AFP/Getty Images

We live in a connected world where it's easy to feel as if our far-away friends are right next door. Nothing makes this more true than having a face-to-face conversation with someone on the other side of the world. Video chatting is gaining in popularity and may bring up some sticky situations for parents.

What is video chatting?

It's not enough anymore for kids to type text messages to one another. They want a visual. Video chatting allows you to see and hear whom you're talking to. All you need is a webcam and a computer with an Internet connection. You log into your IM or social network and enable the video chatting feature -- or use a program like Skype, Windows Live Messenger, or TokBox.

The facts

  • Video chatting -- basically Instant Message (IM) with video -- has become totally accessible to anyone with an Internet connection and a webcam.
  • All of the major IM programs support video chatting.
  • Video chatting is integrated into social networks like Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter.
  • Most U.S. households with computers have webcams.
  • Video chat rooms are easy to find on the Internet and are very often sex-related.
Why it matters

Unlike regular IM, where kids sometimes talk a big game, you can't be anonymous with video chatting. The fact that your face is right there for all to see might inhibit kids from the rudeness or dishonesty that sometimes invades online interactions. But it's not just your kid's face that's on show. Anything else can be, too. Kids love an audience, and they sometimes get bold and act out when they have one. That means that some behavior -- and some body parts -- that you don't want your kids exhibiting could end up on display.

Tips for parents of all kids

  • Set age limits. Just because a laptop comes with a camera doesn't mean your kid has to use it. Make sure that any chatting with grandparents or a traveling parent takes place under your watch. And keep young kids away from any unaccompanied chatting.
  • Understand the technology. Open an account yourself, and get your whole family connected. If your kid views the program as a way of staying in touch with family, there might be less risk of misuse with friends.
  • Model good video chat behavior. Show kids how to be polite and respectful, and let them know that's the behavior you expect when they're video chatting with their friends.
  • Use privacy settings. Just like other communication tools like Facebook and Yahoo Messenger, most video chat programs come with privacy settings. TokBox, for example, has three settings -- all of which your kids should enable. You can set it to allow only contacts from your existing friend list. You can also hide yourself from searches so that no one can search your name and contact you. And you can hide your friend list, which protects your friends' identities. That said, nothing keeps your children perfectly safe, so you need to keep an eye on their video chatting activities by allowing video chatting only in public rooms
  • No sexy stuff. Video chatting is widely used on the Internet for sexual purposes. Once your webcam and account are set up, it's easy to stumble onto these sites. You can user browers controls to restrict what sites your kids can visit, and you can educate them about never going there. Internet sex laws are being enacted all over the country; you don't want your kid subject to them.
  • Be careful. A lot of kids use video chatting as an innocent way to hang out with friends, but it can be a slippery slope. Kids shouldn't post anything that could get them into trouble. Video programs allow you to record short videos, and once something is captured on video, it can last forever -- and can be broadcast and viewed by vast anonymous audiences. Steer clear of instant video-chatting sites like chatroulette, which instantly connect you with strangers (who are typically trolling for sexual encounters).
  • Set time limits. Video chat can be a time sucker, so, as with much online activity, be sure to get your children to agree on how long they will spend video chatting.
Focus on the positives

  • Learning together. Kids can use video chat to work with other kids on school projects, puzzle out homework assignments, and, if their classroom is equipped, log in on sick days to learn long distance. (Check out our tips for using Facebook for homework.) These sessions can drag on, though, so set time limits before kids log on.
  • Hello mudda, hello fadda. Believe it or not, summer camps are beginning to use video chat to stave off homesickness (and maybe to keep parents away). For long-distance travel or the summer-camp blues, video chat can help families stay in touch when they miss each other.
  • Birds of a feather. Video chat allows clubs to get together to share news without having to leave home. If your kid is in a club, they can share photos and videos and refer others to Web sites that relate to the club. Social networking sites like Ning let you create a circle of friends interested in the same subject.

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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

How to Use Video Chat in Gmail

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]]>video chattingvideo chatting and your kidsthe editors at Common Sense MediaFri, 20 May 2011 08:00:00 ESTAlcohol in the Mediahttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/10/alcohol-in-the-media/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/10/alcohol-in-the-media/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/10/alcohol-in-the-media/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

alcohol in the media

Advertisements leave an impression on your children. Credit: Getty Images

Don't people have fun in alcohol ads? And they make a big impression on your kids. Alcohol ads have become entertainment in their own right. One of the most popular plot lines for teen movies is scoring alcohol for a party. There are even mobile apps centered on drinking. It's nearly impossible to undo all this influence, but you can try to balance it with honest discussions about drinking and by keeping an eye on what's influencing your kids.

What is alcohol advertising?

Your kids and teens get all sorts of messages about drinking and drugs from the media. And mostly what they see is that it's fun and exciting and it's what celebrities and popular people do. Not only do they see alcohol ads on TV, but also drinking and drunkenness on shows and movies targeting teens.

Alcohol companies also target teens by using new media that's interactive, including social networks, viral videos, mobile cell phone updates, and downloadable apps. The viral nature of the Web allows advertisers to reach kids directly with an addictive game or funny video -- and in ways that kids may not recognize as advertising.

The facts

  • The alcohol industry is allowed by regulators to advertise on TV shows only where 70 percent of the audience is older than 21.
  • Alcohol producers spent $991 million on television advertising in 2002 - 60 percent of it on sports programming (Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth, 2003).
  • Online games, group pages on social media sites, and banner ads on popular sites for teens are some new ways that alcohol producers are promoting their products. The producers of Southern Comfort now pour their entire advertising budget into social media sites like Facebook (Ad Age, 2009).
  • Several studies point to the power of product placements for alcohol in TV and movies - for example, characters drinking a specific type of beer - to influence when kids start drinking as well as what and how much they drink (Marin Institute, 2008).
  • Kids whose parents restrict R-rated movies drink less alcohol and start drinking later than peers whose parents put no restrictions on movies (Dartmouth, 2010).
Why it matters

There is a direct link between role models and advertising, and the effect that both have on your kids' behavior. Alcohol companies know this, and that's why they go after your kids. The more alcohol ads young people see, the more they drink. According to one 2006 study, each additional dollar alcohol companies spend on advertising raises the number of drinks youths consume by 3 percent.

Studies have shown that the more kids drink before their brains are fully developed (in their early 20s), the more likely they are to develop lifelong alcohol dependencies. In fact, kids who start drinking before they turn 15 are four times more likely to become alcoholics than adults who begin drinking at 21. But parents can mitigate these statistics. A 2010 study by Dartmouth Medical School showed that parents who restrict R-rated movies (where alcohol is often part of the story) actually counteract the peer pressure on their kids to start drinking.

Parent tips for elementary school kids

  • Keep them away from alcohol ads. Mute the ads when they come on. Especially the funny ones because the kids remember them and repeat them. One recent study showed that elementary kids could name almost all the alcohol brands showed to them but could only identify two past presidents.
Parent tips for middle and high school kids

  • Spell it out. Let your kids know about marketing and that alcohol advertisers are trying to hook them on their brands - just to get more money in their pockets. Help your children decode ads' messages: What kind of lifestyle are they selling? Do these ads tell the whole story - or do they leave something out (such as DUIs, addiction, liver disease, etc.)?
  • Moderate alcohol on TV. You have a right to say no to programs that seem to celebrate teen drinking or show too many alcohol ads. This goes for movies, radio stations, magazines, and websites, too. Check out our reviews to see how a program portrays alcohol, then set your own rules.
  • Look for teachable moments. If you're watching a TV show, and there's a scene featuring teen drinking, or you read about a celebrity arrested for doing drugs, check in with your kids. Ask them about if their peers are using alcohol, or if they have any anxieties or questions about drinking. Take time to share your opinions - and expectations - about teens and drinking.
  • Watch your messages. Be a good role model by not being drunk in front of your kids or by not using alcohol to escape problems. Make sure that you don't glamorize alcohol or drugs by sharing stories about "wild days" in your past.
  • Keep an eye on alcohol ads embedded in new media. You don't want your kids to follow Smirnoff on Facebook or Twitter, download the latest Budweiser mobile app, or be influenced by other ways that alcohol companies are embedding their messages.

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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

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]]>advertismentsalcoholalcohol in the mediamediathe editors at Common Sense MediaTue, 10 May 2011 17:00:00 ESTTips for a Healthy Media Diethttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/03/tips-for-a-healthy-media-diet/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/03/tips-for-a-healthy-media-diet/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/03/tips-for-a-healthy-media-diet/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Watch Videos Related to a Healthy Media Diet!
media and kids

Help kids connect what they learn in the media to events and other activities in which they're involved. Credit: Getty Images

Whenever you can, watch, play, listen and surf the Internet with your kids. Talk about the content. When you can't be there, ask them about the media they've used.

Help kids question and analyze media messages and share your own values. Let them know how you feel about solving problems with violence, stereotyping people, selling products using sex or cartoon characters or advertising to kids in schools or movie theaters.

Help kids connect what they learn in the media to events and other activities in which they're involved, such as playing sports and creating art, in order to broaden their understanding of the world.

The facts
  • Forty-three percent of children younger than 2 watch TV every day, according to a 2007 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation.
  • Kids 8 to 18 spend more than an hour a day on the computer, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation.
  • Kids who watch more TV than their peers during middle and high school years have less healthy diets five years later, according to a 2009 study by the University of Minnesota.
  • Girls with a heavy sexual media diet engage in sexual activity younger than their peers, according to a 2007 poll by Harris Interactive.
  • Children who watch between two and four hours of TV a day are two-and-a-half times more likely to have high blood pressure, according to a 2007 study by the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.
Be a role model

When kids are around, set an example by using media the way you want them to use it. Don't bring cell phones and BlackBerries to the dinner table, turn the TV off when it's not actively being watched. Use a VCR or TiVo to record shows that may be inappropriate for your kids to watch -- even the news -- and watch them at a later time when kids are not around.

Keep an eye on the clock

Media is fun and our kids love it, but kids can have too much of a good thing. Keep an eye on how long kids spend online, in front of the TV, watching movies or playing video games. The secret to healthy media use is to establish time limits and stick to them -- before your kids turn on and tune in.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

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]]>healthy media dietkids and mediamediamedia contentthe editors at Common Sense MediaTue, 03 May 2011 17:00:00 ESTAutism Questions Answered by Doctorhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/29/autism-questions-answered-by-doctor/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/29/autism-questions-answered-by-doctor/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/29/autism-questions-answered-by-doctor/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,

Watch a video on detecting signs and symptoms of autism.
autism questions

Parenting a child with autism raises many questions. Credit: Corbis

As a doctor and a parent of a child with autism, I get a lot of questions in my practice (and in my email inbox) from other parents of children who have been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. I wanted to take this opportunity to let you all know that I have been reading and giving careful thought to each of your concerns. Here are a few of the latest questions that have been sent to me.

Q: I have twins and one is standing on his own and the other one stands, but not on his own. How would I know if that's the first sign of autism? You said on the news you saw your son was acting different. What did he do or not do? When do these signs start? What should I look for? -Amber

A: Amber, I understand your concern. However, just on the basis of your description that one of your twins is having some delay in standing, it does not appear he meets the criteria for autistic disorders. Many infants at the age of 8 months have variable delays in walking, and that work up should be followed with your pediatrician in regards to his motor strength.

Autism, on the other hand, relates more in delay of speech, attention to surroundings and interaction within the family. I welcome you to check out the rest of the Fox News Health section for more information. I am glad that you're asking questions so early on in your child's life because I do believe that parents are the first ones to sense that there may be something wrong with their children -- and the earlier you intervene -- the better the outcome will be.

Q: Dear Doc, I am a police detective here in New Jersey, and I have a son with autism. We have been in early intervention for about a year now, but he turns 3 this June so as you know he is headed to my local district's pre-school program. My son sounds a lot like how you described your son. He has a lot of eye contact with us and a few tics but the worst part is he doesn't talk. I love my son so much, and I just don't know if we are making the right choices for him. It drives this tough detective to tears many nights. I just feel lost in the sea of information. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. -Clint

A: Clint, I empathize with you. But you know, I always try to look at the glass half full. Early intervention is important, and home tutoring is vital. I don't know exactly where you live in New Jersey, but the Valley Program in Bergen County is one of the best. This program is run in many towns in Bergen County and as a resident of Jersey you have the right to have your child in the best program that fits his needs, even if your own school district offers similar services.

Q: Hi Dr. Manny, I live in Australia and have four boys. My second son, now 27 years old, has autism and an intellectual handicap. Danny lives with us at home and will do so until I can no longer care for him. He is affectionate to me but has self-injurious behavior quite often, and this totally determines the course of his life and limits his horizons. We've tried various medications including antidepressants and Risperidone, but he actually does much better med-free and has been so for several years now. Please let me know if you come across any techniques or methods to control or decrease his self-injurious behavior. - Mandy

A: Mandy, thanks for your question. I hope and pray that your son finds the peace he needs. I know that you have tried Risperidone; however, I prefer Abilify because it controls the hyperactive phase of psychological irritability much better. I advise you to consult with your family doctor for more information on Abilify to decide whether or not it's the right choice for you.

Q: Last Saturday my brother-in-law came to talk to me about how good you are and that you have an Autistic son just like mine. My son Lucas was diagnosed with autism last year, and I wanted to ask you what your opinion is on ABA therapy versus the Son-Rise method. Thank you so much, and like always, you are the best! - Marta

A: Marta, thank you for your kind words. I have to say that I believe ABA therapy has had the best success in treating autistic children, especially very early on. ABA, short for applied behavior analysis, encourages and improves social behaviors by using experimentation to identify variables that will cause changes in behavior. In a 2007 report, the American Academy of Pediatrics said the benefit of ABA-based interventions in autism spectrum disorders has been well documented and that "children who receive early intensive behavioral treatment have been shown to make substantial, sustained gains in IQ, language, academic performance, and adaptive behavior as well as some measures of social behavior." Overall, I believe the data on ABA is quite strong, and the majority of doctors around the country who work with autistic children are more experienced with ABA therapy.

The Son-Rise method, for those who are interested, is more focused on relationships and creating a calming, accepting environment for autistic children, where parents mirror the child's repetitive behaviors such as rocking, spinning or hand-flapping.

For more answers to your health-related questions, please email drmanny@foxnews.com.

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]]>autismautism questionsthe editors at FoxNews.comFri, 29 Apr 2011 18:00:00 ESTHow to Keep a Lid on Kid Clutterhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/26/keeping-a-lid-on-kid-clutter/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/26/keeping-a-lid-on-kid-clutter/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/26/keeping-a-lid-on-kid-clutter/#commentsFiled under: ,


Our new motto: Always be de-cluttering.

Everyone can agree that less clutter makes for a happier household. "I have the tendency to feel claustrophobic, stressed and anxious when there is 'stuff' everywhere," says Sherri Kruger, co-creator of the blog, Zen Family Habits. "When I'm stressed I'm not happy and you know what they say: If mom's not happy ..."

Though kids have a bad reputation for being stuff-mongers, ultimately they're happier in an orderly house. "Even if they don't seem to notice," says Meagan Francis, mother of five and blogger at TheHappiestMom.com, "they play better when their things are easy to find and not buried under non-essentials."

There are some obvious tips when it comes to managing kids' clutter. The first? Stop over-consuming. Don't shop out of boredom or frustration -- shop with a clear purpose in mind. "If you go to Target once a week and grab two things you don't really need but aren't able to pass up -- by the end of the year you'll have an extra 100 things you otherwise might never have purchased," Francis points out. It adds up. She also makes a point of not bringing her kids with her when she absolutely has to visit stores with extensive, and very tempting, toy, gear, or electronic sections.

Of course, stuff always seems to find its way into the house anyway (blame grandma and grandpa), so here are some ideas from bloggers, a personal organizer, and a storage-solution expert on how to keep a lid on it.

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]]>How-Tokids-roomsthe editors at ShelterPopTue, 26 Apr 2011 10:30:00 ESTComputer and Video Games Make My Boys Forget Homework and Even Dinner!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/25/computer-and-video-games/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/25/computer-and-video-games/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/25/computer-and-video-games/#commentsFiled under: , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

Once my sons are on the computer or video game, I can't get them to come to dinner or do their homework. They say they aren't hungry, or that they have to use the computer to do their homework. What can I do?

Signed,
Tech's Taken Over

Dear Tech,

I often equate the adrenalin rush and enjoyment of video games (or their close cousins, the computer and Internet) to a heroin drip. Dramatic, I know. But despite the many wonderful things that technology has given us, there are addictive elements to it that are causing profound disconnection in families. Here's my advice:

o. You may not like hearing it, but the solution to this problem begins with you, the parents. If your kids see you glued to your BlackBerry or iPad, they will think it's OK to mimic your behavior. Are they watching you engage in conversation without stealing a side glance at your smartphone? Do you take time to play music or read, or are you on your computer at every spare moment? I often say, "Live like your kids are watching ... because they are." Take an honest look at how hooked in you've become to your devices, and take steps to unplug.

o. Schedule a family meeting and tell your kids that if you have to call them more than twice for dinner, or argue about starting homework, the next day they won't be allowed to use whatever device made them late. Create guidelines that you're willing to stick to (that means no negotiations) and be prepared for tears.

o. Have a family "Unplugged" night once a week where no one uses their devices after 6 or 7 p.m. (This means any computer-related homework need to be finished early.) Have leisurely dinners with extended conversations. Play board games with your kids. Listen to them share their hopes, dreams or the mundane matters of their day. Or just curl up in the living room with books, reading aloud now and again. It sounds terribly old-fashioned, but one of the best ways to teach kids to become less device-dependent is to promote family activities that don't require electricity.

Don't be afraid to pull the plug on video games or computers if your kids get so hooked that they don't know how to hit the "off" button when it's time for dinner or homework. It's OK for kids to be upset (they probably will be), but it's better than having them forget how to live life unplugged. Most of all, model a healthy balance in your own lives with technology, while you create rituals that teach your kids that there are ways to have fun without being plugged in.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

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]]>computersparenting advicevideo gamesSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 25 Apr 2011 11:00:00 ESTDoes It Have to Be a Chore to Get My Daughter to Do Chores?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/18/getting-kids-to-do-chores/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/18/getting-kids-to-do-chores/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/18/getting-kids-to-do-chores/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Dear AdviceMama,

How do I get my 7-year old daughter to stop trying to get out of chores? I have tried everything except spanking. I do not believe in physical punishment at all for any reason. Thanks.

Signed,
Wanting Help!

Dear Wanting,

Having just finished up tax season, allow me to ask you a question: Did you start working on your taxes well in advance, or was there a bit of procrastination involved?

Did you work on your taxes with enthusiasm, or did you put off the task as long as possible, choosing to watch a good movie or chat with a friend instead of organizing your paperwork?

In other words, did you avoid doing your taxes for as long as possible so you could do things that were more ... fun?

Unless you're a passionate accountant or a lover of numbers, it's likely that when faced with something unpleasant, such as tax preparation, you find yourself struggling to motivate yourself to get to work. Similarly, when your daughter is presented with the option of cleaning her room or playing with her toys, chances are she'll choose playing with those toys.

Just as adults tend to put off unpleasant tasks, most children don't like chores and will do whatever they can to squirm out of having to do them. While there are ways to make them a bit more fun, it's wise to recognize that your child isn't naughty for not wanting to do chores; she's normal.

If you scold or lecture your daughter in an effort to convince her that she should care about tidying up the bathroom or sweeping the patio, you're not likely to get a cheerful response. Similarly, if you use sarcasm or a voice full of criticism, it's unlikely that she'll want to be helpful. You can resort to bribes or threats, of course, but there are better ways. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Write 10 things that need to be done onto slips of paper and drop them into a hat. When it's chore time, invite her to reach into the hat to find out what she's responsible for doing this week.
  • Creating rituals is important; in my house chore-time was Saturday morning; by the time my son was 16, he had two hours of chores to take care of before he set out on his day. By establishing this as a ritual when he was younger -- starting with 20 minutes when he was 5 or 6 -- he came to see it as non-negotiable.
  • Give your daughter a clipboard and let her walk around the house to write down things that need to be fixed, cleaned or organized. By encouraging her to develop the eyes to see what's needed in keeping the apartment or house in good shape, you'll be helping her develop important life skills.
  • Allow her to vent about how "unfair" it is that she has to do chores, or how she's "the only one of her friends" who has to help out around the house. Don't engage in long-winded explanations about her complaints. Simply let her offload her frustration with what I call "Act I" responses: "It sounds like you're pretty mad that you're having to clear the table." Or, "I guess it seems unfair that Julie and Carrie don't have to help out, and you do." Resist the urge to justify your requests. Allow your daughter to express her upset, and let her know that you hear and understand her feelings.
  • Create a bit of fun when it's chore time. Play loud music and have your daughter tidy up the living room for the duration of one or two songs. Or make a contest where you give everyone in the family a paper bag to toss in trash or items that need to be put away. Whoever has the fullest bag after 10 minutes can be crowned the Triumphant Trash-Nabber!
I appreciate your frustration -- parents do things endlessly for their children, and it's easy to feel shortchanged when they resist helping out. But I commend you for recognizing the importance of teaching your daughter to take responsibility for helping maintain the family home. And I'm especially glad that you understand how terribly harmful physical punishments are to a child's sense of safety, connection and self-esteem.

Make requests of your daughter in a friendly tone, create rituals for household tasks, rotate what you ask her to do and allow your daughter to be mad without negotiating or engaging in power struggles. Once she sees that doing chores is part of life, she'll come around. Just don't expect her to like it any more than you like doing those taxes!

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

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]]>choreskids to do choresteensSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 18 Apr 2011 09:00:00 EST