ParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gifParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comen-usCopyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Everyday Storage: Organizing Kids Toys, Books and Morehttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/18/organizing-kids-toys/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/18/organizing-kids-toys/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/18/organizing-kids-toys/#commentsFiled under: , ,

organizing kids toys

Use baskets or bins to store toys. Credit: MCT

Clutter follows kids like flies follow a summer picnic. But experts say getting your child's stuff in order doesn't have to be a chore if you develop a system and stay on top of it.

No matter where the problem area in the home exists, tackling clutter is a three-step process, says Cincinnati-based professional organizer Stephanie Denton. Those steps, she tells ParentDish, include:

  1. 1. Clear out: At least once a year, go through everything and toss broken, torn or worn-out items. Move off-season items to the basement or attic.
  2. 2. Contain: Once everything is sorted, set up a storage system.
  3. 3. Maintain: Keep the system going. The system fails if you don't routinely put things in their place.
Denton says it doesn't make any sense to buy organizing tools such as containers until after the clearing out process is complete. At that point, she recommends taking a close look at what's left and figuring out the right sized container for it.

All those little Lego pieces would be lost in a deep toy tub, but they can be stored in mesh drawer systems with ease. Create separate storage for puzzles, doll clothes, race cars, puppets and other toys. A preschool classroom is a good model to look at when you begin to organize a playroom. Think about separate containers for dress-up, board games and reading. Attach a picture or label every drawer and basket to make clean-up time easier.

Stuffed animals, dolls and even winter mittens can be slipped into over-the-door shoe hangers for easy organization. Hang them on the back of a door wherever space is tight, and it adds instant organization, Denton says. For video games, Denton re-purposes bulk CD spindle cases for easy and portable organizing. Put the video game discs on the spindle that has a protective cover and save the instruction booklets in a freezer bag stashed nearby.

If books are taking over, try standing them up in a plastic tub, like those used to wash dishes, so your child can flip through the books easily. Group them by color or subject to help your child put them back in the right place.

"As long as everything does have a place, you don't have to think so much about cleaning up," Denton says.

If you know where something goes, you're not as invested mentally at clean-up time and the whole process goes quickly.

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]]>clutterEvergreeneveryday storageorganizingorganizing kids toysstoragethe-container-storeEllen Rooney MartinMon, 18 Apr 2011 10:00:00 ESTStupid Questions People Ask Adoptive Parents, and Our Smartass Answershttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/30/stupid-questions-people-ask-adoptive-parents-and-our-smartass-a/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/30/stupid-questions-people-ask-adoptive-parents-and-our-smartass-a/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/30/stupid-questions-people-ask-adoptive-parents-and-our-smartass-a/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Adoptive parents

Actually, there is such a thing as a stupid question. Illustration by Dori Hartley


As we say goodbye to National Adoption Month, let's close on a positive note. If you're an adoptive parent, this list will give you great answers to the most ridiculous questions you will ever get. If you're not an adoptive parent, think of this list as a reminder of when to adopt a think-before-you-ask moment.

1. Are those your real children?
*No, they're robots from the planet Mergatroid who landed here overnight. Careful, they may zap you with their bacteria-building laser gun.
*Is that your real brain or a loaner from the moron store?

2. Where is their real mother?
*With your husband.
*Out on parole next month. I'll give her your address.

3. Are they orphans?
*Why yes, didn't you catch their cameos in "Annie?"

4. Are your children related?
*Yes, to your father.
*Yes, they're siblings. You know, like your parents.

5. What do they eat?
*Idiots who ask stupid questions.
*Oh, goodness. Am I supposed to feed them?

6. Why didn't their mother have an abortion?
*Why didn't your mother have an abortion?

7. Can we touch their hair to see what it feels like?
*Sure, for $100.

8. Were they abused?
*Do you consider stupid comments and questions abuse?
*Yes, someone hit them upside the head with a 2-by-4. Here, let me show you how it feels.

9. Did they eat monkey (kid from Africa), rice (kid from China), borscht (kid from Russia), rice and beans (Central/South America)?
*Yes, because they're walking stereotypes of [insert nationality], just like you're a walking stereotype of an American idiot.

10. Where/how did you get them?
*I think it was somewhere in a TSA patdown line.
*On sale at Macy's. Black Friday. Buy one get one free.
*Have you ever heard of the store Buy Buy Baby?
*Ebay.
*On the corner over there. I think there's some left if you want some.
*Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had a few left over, so ...
*From the International Association of None of Your Damn Business.

11. Were they in an orphanage? If so, where and for how long?
*No, they were actually placed in a traveling, government-run circus.
*Yes, it was the hard-knock life for them, 'stead of kisses, they got kicked.
*Only until Fagin taught them how to pick pockets.

12. Do they come from Haiti? It's good they escaped the earthquake.
*Yes. All the other third-world disaster victims had been snatched up already.

13. Why did you adopt them?
*Because I wanted to gray faster, like you!
*Angelina was busy and Madonna couldn't take the bad publicity.
*Somebody's gotta do the household chores and it's not gonna be me.
*I'm starting a home mail-order business. Free labor!
*It was between them and a Chia pet, and all my plants end up dying.

14. Couldn't you have your own children?
*Sure, but it kinda seemed so ... 2009.
*Sure, but whenever I run into you, for some reason I'm unable to perform in the bedroom.
*What, and wreck this perfect body with saggers and stretch marks like you did? Hello?
*Yes, but God and I agreed that this isn't the right time for another Messiah.

15. Do you know anything about their real parents? Are they alive?
*Nope. I killed them. [Laugh madly.]
*I probably shouldn't say this, but, she's a well-known public figure and he's well, let's just say very important. [Say this in hushed tones.]

16. How much money did they cost?
*Less than the cost of your cosmetic surgery.
*I got the discount ones, so it wasn't too bad actually.
*They were in a basket with a note that said, "Free! Take 'em!"
*I got them for selling subscriptions to Mother Jones.

17. Don't you feel sorry for birth mothers?
*Yes, yours in particular.

18. Do they know who their real parents are?
*Yes, the ringmaster and the bearded lady.
*Honestly, does anyone?
*No, do you?

19. Do you have an open adoption?
*The offer is always open for them to return to the Big Tent.
*Absolutely. We swap children every two years with a sweet family in Ohio.
*Sure, we're going to have a seance tonight.
*Do you have an open marriage? Your husband said it was an open marriage. Gosh, I hope he was telling the truth. I would hate for you to be hurt by someone's boorish insensitivity

20. When will you take them to see their real parents?
*When the circus comes to town again next summer. They've promised us free tickets.
*Not until we're sure we wanna keep them.
*When they realize that we are just impostors, their fake parents.
*Thought you'd never ask. How's next Tuesday?
*Gee, what do you suggest? Did you ever meet your real parents, or were they moved to another zoo?

21. Did you get to "pick" them?
*There wasn't much choice after you eliminated the World's Shortest Man from consideration.
*Yes, we found a pick-your-own baby farm.
*Yep, like lint off your sweater. Here, let me get that for you.
*No, they fell right off the tree.

22. What do they call you? Mom?
*They've already adopted the American practice of, "Hey, you."
*'Mom' seems to have that motherly ring to it, which is kind of cool being that I'm their mom.
*They call me mom for the same reason people call you dumb ass. It just fits.

23. Did they have diseases when they came to America? Do they have diseases now?
*Only one. It's a strange jungle disease only communicable through a high-five. Hey, you didn't happen to ... ? Oh, never mind.
*They have foot-in-mouth disease, which I believe they caught from you.

24. Do any of them have HIV?
*Do you?
*No, you can't have sex with them.

25. Do you feel like you "missed out" on having your own children?
*Yes, morning sickness, extra baby weight and painful labor are all on my Christmas list this year.
*No, these little wonders fill that empty void that was my terrible, unsatisfied life of doom and gloom.
*There are worse fates. Just ask your parents.

26. Why did you wait so long to have children?
*We were too busy drinking, drugging and dancing naked on bar tables.
*Most people don't realize schizophrenia becomes more manageable in middle-age.
*You soured me on the whole concept of humanity until I realized not everyone is an imbecile.

27. Do they speak English?
*Only when they swear.
*Yes. You should try it sometime.

28. When they arrived, did they know how to use the toilet?
*Yes, of course, because it's easier than reaching the faucet. [Pause here so they can think about what you just said.]
*Don't worry. They won't try to flush you. I explained to them the different kinds of turds.

29. Why don't they have birth control in that country?
*They want rich Americans to take their children away. It's a master plan to bring down the United States.

30: Do they still speak (Swahili, Chinese, Spanish, Russian)?
*Only at school. It gets them special ESL accommodations. We're trying to game the system.
*That and five other languages, all fluently.
*Yes, and they're teaching me several new ways to tell you to $#@! off!

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]]>adoptionadoptive familiesAdoptiveFamiliesthe editors at ParentDishTue, 30 Nov 2010 08:00:00 ESTHow Can I Spice Up Life With My Newly-Retired Husband?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/08/how-can-i-spice-up-life-with-my-newly-retired-husband/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/08/how-can-i-spice-up-life-with-my-newly-retired-husband/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/08/how-can-i-spice-up-life-with-my-newly-retired-husband/#commentsFiled under: ,

Dear AdviceMama,

Since he retired, my husband plays a lot of golf, and thinks our social life should consist of taking his mother out for dinner once a week. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Ready for Romance

Dear Ready,

Thanks for your question. In just a few words, you've beautifully summed up what many women -- and men -- long for as their marriages mature; a rekindling of connection, romance and a desire to make the "Retirement" chapter of their lives one that includes creating new, shared discoveries.

On the one hand, your husband may be living out his dream. Playing golf and having few demands on his time may be what he has fantasized about for years, as he put in long hours and "paid his dues" to support his family. You can't fault him for wanting to live the life he imagined.

At the same time, these are also your golden years, and now that your hubby is around more, it's perfectly fair for you to want to have some new experiences with him!

I am going to encourage you to lovingly speak your mind -- or more accurately, your heart. Instead of approaching your husband about how bored and unhappy you are, start by sharing the things you have done together that you enjoy.

Then, let him know what you imagined your retired life together would look like, focusing on two or three specific activities you'd love to do together. Avoid rambling; try to get to the bottom line quickly: "Sweetheart, I love that we've been talking walks in the evening. I really enjoy that time with you. I've been wondering if you'd be willing to try a couple of other new activities, like maybe taking bridge lessons together, or joining a travel club. What do you think?"

The clearer you are about what you want, and the less your words are tinged with resentment and disappointment, the greater your chances are of getting him to step out of his comfort zone so that he wants to offer you more.

In addition, you may also consider taking a stab at golf, since it's clearly something he's passionate about. The goal here is for each of you to come toward the other, exploring current interests you have while making room for things neither of you has yet explored.

By understanding that you each have valid dreams, and emphasizing the positive reasons that you want to forge new paths with your husband -- rather than complaining about how he's been disappointing you -- you may awaken something in him that gets excited about creating new adventures with his gal.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 08 Nov 2010 12:20:00 ESTOrganizing Tip: 10 Minutes and Donehttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/25/organizing-tip-10-minutes-and-done/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/25/organizing-tip-10-minutes-and-done/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/25/organizing-tip-10-minutes-and-done/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Once again, organizing guru Erica Ecker, also known as The Spacialist, has a solid tip for getting on top of the disorganized mess we call home.

"When it's time to put your things back into place, it's time to race the clock," she says. "Pull out your kitchen timer and set it for 10 minutes. Then go, go, go!"

Ecker says when her clients only have 10 minutes a day to resynchronize their systems and get everything squared away, they accomplish much, much more, than had they tried to get it all done without a set time.

And for the procrastinators out there, it's so much easier to start the (dreaded) act of straightening up when you know there's a clear-cut time to stop. When she first started doing this, she says, she was amazed at how much she herself could accomplish in 10 minutes.

Until next time, may your home be organized and hassle-free. Or at least 10 minutes neater.

Click here for more tips from The Spacialist.

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]]>the editors at ParentDishMon, 25 Oct 2010 11:10:00 EST8-Year-Old Painting Prodigy Racks Up $250K in Art Saleshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/14/8-year-old-painting-prodigy-racks-up-250k-in-art-sales/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/14/8-year-old-painting-prodigy-racks-up-250k-in-art-sales/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/14/8-year-old-painting-prodigy-racks-up-250k-in-art-sales/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , ,

PRODUCTION PLAYER! DO NOT DELETE.


Proving that it's never too early to carve out a career niche, an 8-year-old painting prodigy is making big bucks selling her canvasses to grownups.

Autumn de Forest took a break from third grade this morning to fly across the country and appear on "Today" with her mom and dad and her colorful -- and increasingly pricey -- collection of paintings in tow.

Her work, which draws comparisons to artistic masters including Picasso, Warhol, Dali and Matisse, has been sold by the dozens at auction for a total of about $250,000. The highest price paid for one of her paintings is $25,000. It's called "People Are Strange," inspired by The Doors song of the same name, according to "Today."

The Las Vegas grade school student was 4 years old when she brought home an art project from preschool: a watercolor she called "Elephant," she tells Matt Lauer. Mom and Dad say her depiction of the animal was abstract with pronounced brushstrokes that they found very deliberate and "startlingly artistic."

"At first we did think it was a fluke," says Autumn's mother, Katherine, who appeared on "Today" with her daughter. "We were scratching our head and thought it was an anomaly and interesting."

But, when Autumn was 5, her masterpiece moment came when she traded in her kitchen table canvas for big-sized plywood in the garage.

"I turned away," says her dad, Doug, on "Today." "And what seemed like a few moments later, I turned back, and I swear to you it was as if [abstract expressionist painter] Mark Rothko had done some kind of mid-century masterpiece. Certainly, it was simple and abstract, but profound in its simplicity. It was just kind of a wonderful moment."

So, the proud parents bought her canvasses and supplies "to see what would happen," Doug says.

Autumn, who turns 9 this month, has never taken formal instruction, although her parents believe she would benefit from it and would like her to start, they say on the show. So far, her work is the result of pure intuition, imagination and inspiration. She painted "The Messenger," depicting a fetus attached to its umbilical cord, after going to an exhibition with her mother at age 5, and becoming fascinated with a display of a pregnant woman.

Though her parents are in creative fields, neither is a visual artist. Doug is a musician, Katherine an actress. There are, however, several accomplished and collected painters in Doug's family: Lockwood de Forest (1850-1932), George de Forest (1855-1941) and Roy de Forest (1930-2007), who was part of California's "funk art" movement, the family says on "Today."

Despite her success, Autumn is modest about her talent and isn't squandering her earnings, which the family is saving for college.

"I love my paintings, but I'm not the bragger of my paintings," she tells Lauer. "If someone is going to pay a huge amount of money to buy my painting and if they know I'm going to spend it to buy a bunch of Barbie dolls, they know you're going to waste your money on something not important. But people know the money is going into my education, maybe even art school."

These days, she says painting is a daily ritual.

"I do it every day," Autumn says. "I try to do as much as I can ... I do my best."

But it looks like Autumn has some male competition on the painting prodigy front from across the pond. Kieron Williamson, 8, has been called a mini-Monet by the British press. The Norfolk, England, youth's deft brush strokes, like those of a seasoned artist, have been hailed for their likeness to the French impressionist.

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]]>child artchild artistChildArtChildArtistyoung artistyoung painterYoungArtistYoungPainterMary Beth SammonsThu, 14 Oct 2010 14:00:00 ESTWho Counts As Family? Some Americans Rank Same-Sex Partners Lower Than the Doghttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/01/who-counts-as-family-some-americans-rank-same-sex-partners-lowe/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/01/who-counts-as-family-some-americans-rank-same-sex-partners-lowe/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/01/who-counts-as-family-some-americans-rank-same-sex-partners-lowe/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , ,

same sex couple picture

Erick Sosa, left, and Mark Kibby enjoy a day of fun with their sons, Cole and Parker Sosa-Kibby. Credit: Dave Ouano Photography

Despite a growing acceptance of gay and lesbian couples, 30 percent of Americans still think pets rank higher than a gay partner as a family member.

Unmarried same-sex couples with children, as well as married gay and lesbian couples with kids, are quickly gaining acceptance as families by Americans, according to a recent study. But, when children are not involved, same-sex married partners rank lower than the family dog in the 'who is family, who is not' category.

"There's been an increasing receptiveness to include same-sex couples in people's definitions of family," study co-author Brian Powell tells ParentDish. A sociology professor at Indiana University in Bloomington, his findings are reported in his new book, "Counted Out: Same-Sex Relations and Americans' Definitions of Family," published this month by the Russell Sage Foundation.

"But, it comes down to the fact that people believe that only if there is a child, there is a family," he says. "A child connotes permanence, and we discovered that even if a family breaks up, we still consider them a family when there is a child."

Between 2003 and 2010, three surveys conducted by Powell's team showed a significant shift toward counting same-sex couples with children as family -- from 54 percent of respondents in 2003 to 68 percent in 2010. In all, more than 2,300 people were surveyed. Powell links the changing attitudes to a 10 percent rise between 2003 and 2010 in the share of survey respondents who reported having a gay friend or relative.

In their most recent 2010 telephone survey of 830 people, Americans were almost equally divided on same-sex marriage.

"I don't think people are ready to embrace it, but people are ready to accept it," Powell says.

In 2006, when asked if gay couples and pets count as family, 30 percent said pets count but not gay couples. In the 2010 survey, 83 percent of the respondents said they perceived unmarried heterosexual couples with children as a family; 40 percent extended that recognition to unmarried straight couples without children.

But Powell is quick to point out the disparity in what is defined as "family," which evolves around the legality of a marriage license, religious views and/or taking care of a child.

"I like to use the pun, 'this should give us paws,' but fact that gay couples are given less status than pets should be something we should think strongly about," he says.

Powell compares the positive shift in the view of same-sex families to the gradual acceptance of interracial marriage in the 1960s.

"People are definitely expanding their definition of what is family," he says.

Erik Sosa, a Kenosha, Wisc. stay-at-home dad who parents two young boys with his partner Mark Kibby, says he's seen a positive change in the way people perceive the couple in the last three years since they adopted the boys, both now 4.

"When we first moved in, it took the neighbors a little while to accept us as family," says Sosa, who is called "Papa" by the boys and is not married to Kibby, who is called "Daddy."

The couple moved to the suburban town when they adopted Cole and Parker Sosa-Kibby from Guatamala when the boys were 5 months old.

"What is really interesting to me is how much people see the commonalities in what I do and the other housewives on the block are doing every day," Sosa says. "Basically, we all have the same struggles as parents and all of us believe that the children come first and we come second. Families aren't about sex, they're about parenting and the definition is revolving to mean people who love each other and want to create a life together. "

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]]>gay parentingGayParentingsame sex marriageSameSexMarriageMary Beth SammonsFri, 01 Oct 2010 17:30:00 ESTShould I Keep Loaning Money to My Adult Daughter?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/20/should-i-keep-loaning-money-to-my-adult-daughter/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/20/should-i-keep-loaning-money-to-my-adult-daughter/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/09/20/should-i-keep-loaning-money-to-my-adult-daughter/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

I've loaned $5,000 to my grown daughter (she's in her 40s). She has also borrowed money from her sister and stepmother in the last year and a half. She has two homes, one that she and her family live in and a vacation home in the mountains. They had their motor home repossessed and are having a hard time making car and mortgage payments. I am about to retire and I really don't want to give them what I have saved towards retirement. Also, I think it wouldn't solve the problem -- it would just be a temporary fix. Of course, she's not too happy with me right now (she has hinted at needing another loan) and I feel bad. Thanks for your input.

Signed,
Reluctant ATM

Dear Reluctant ATM,

I'm sure you've heard this many times, but it's true: Don't lend money to relatives unless you're in a position to part with it forever. While I'm sure there are exceptions, I can't count the number of conflicts I've seen between family members over borrowing -- and repaying -- money. The loaner says, "You told me you'd repay me in February and it's August!" while their adult son replies, "Well you obviously you don't care about your whether your granddaughter gets to go to preschool!" And on it goes ...

Continue reading Should I Keep Loaning Money to My Adult Daughter?

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 20 Sep 2010 11:00:00 EST10 Things You Never Thought of to Combat Summer Boredomhttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/07/13/10-things-you-never-thought-of-to-combat-summer-boredom/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/07/13/10-things-you-never-thought-of-to-combat-summer-boredom/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/07/13/10-things-you-never-thought-of-to-combat-summer-boredom/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , ,

girl with flowers

Beat the summertime blues with some fresh ideas. Credit: Getty Images


Ah, summertime. Those long, lazy days of sleeping in, lounging around and generally taking it easy. Who doesn't look forward to the end of the school year and the beginning of day upon day of doing absolutely nothing?

But as much as we enjoy the summer months, they can sometimes find us woefully unprepared for the inevitable moment when the sweet taste of freedom takes on the bitter taste of boredom. All those unstructured hours stretching out ahead can incite panic in a parent without a plan.

Don't let this happen to you. Once the novelty of wearing pajamas all day has worn off, be prepared with our list of 10 things you never thought of to combat summer boredom. Whether you're staying home or traveling far and wide, keep this list handy and you just might make it to fall with your sanity intact.

Continue reading 10 Things You Never Thought of to Combat Summer Boredom

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]]>car gamesCarGamesfamily reunionsFamilyReunionskids activitiesKidsActivitiessummer activitiessummer fumsummer ideasSummerActivitiesSummerFumSummerIdeasSandy MapleTue, 13 Jul 2010 16:00:00 ESTHas My Ex-Husband's Alcoholism Ruined My Daughter's Life?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/07/05/has-my-ex-husbands-alcoholism-ruined-my-daughters-life/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/07/05/has-my-ex-husbands-alcoholism-ruined-my-daughters-life/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/07/05/has-my-ex-husbands-alcoholism-ruined-my-daughters-life/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

My soon to be ex-husband has struggled with alcoholism for many years. My 16-year-old daughter does not want to have any contact with her dad and has nightmares of him showing up drunk and out of control at one of her athletic events. I am worried that she will have trouble trusting people or males in general because of the deceitful environment she has been exposed to. What can I do to help her form healthy relationships?

Signed,
Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned,

Sadly, your daughter is not alone in having been raised in an alcoholic household. According to the National Clearinghouse for Drug and Alcohol Addiction, nearly one in five adult Americans (18 percent) lived with an alcoholic while growing up. There are an estimated 26.8 million children of alcoholics (COAs) in the United States, 11 million of which are under the age of 18.

Continue reading Has My Ex-Husband's Alcoholism Ruined My Daughter's Life?

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 05 Jul 2010 11:00:00 ESTHelp! I Lost Our Home and I'm Feeling Overwhelmed!http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/21/help-i-lost-our-home-and-im-feeling-overwhelmed/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/21/help-i-lost-our-home-and-im-feeling-overwhelmed/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/21/help-i-lost-our-home-and-im-feeling-overwhelmed/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

How do you keep the upper hand when you are a single parent raising three kids in today's economy? I lost my house and we had to move back in with my parents (that is an entirely different issue), but I sometimes feel like I am losing at every turn. I work full time, and then only see my kids for two or three hours before bedtime. After that, I have to figure out cleaning, laundry and relaxing. Everyone says it should be easy, but it isn't. Any suggestions? Thank you!

Signed,
Hard Times

Dear Hard Times,

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your house, and have had to navigate the many challenges that have come with that. You -- and many parents in your difficult situation -- have had to stretch well beyond what you probably imagined when you started your family. Pat yourself on the back for taking care of yourself and your children in the midst of such difficult times.

Continue reading Help! I Lost Our Home and I'm Feeling Overwhelmed!

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 21 Jun 2010 11:00:00 ESTHelp! My Sister's Wild Kids Are Coming to Visit!http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/14/help-my-sisters-wild-kids-are-coming-to-visit/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/14/help-my-sisters-wild-kids-are-coming-to-visit/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/14/help-my-sisters-wild-kids-are-coming-to-visit/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

My sister, a single mom, is coming to visit this summer for 10 days, and her children are really a handful. They have awful table manners, don't clean up after themselves, and monopolize every dinner conversation. I love my sister, but she lets her kids get away with everything, and it wears me out just thinking about them being here!

Signed,
Already Annoyed

Dear Already Annoyed,

Just because people are related doesn't mean they have the same parenting style, or that their children have similar temperaments. And with the baggage of old hurts and grievances that most of us drag around, it can be especially easy for a relative's behavior to get under our skin or rub us the wrong way.

Continue reading Help! My Sister's Wild Kids Are Coming to Visit!

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 14 Jun 2010 11:00:00 ESTShould My Ex's Fiancee Post Photos of My Daughter on Her Facebook?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/07/should-exs-fiance-post-photos-of-my-daughter-on-her-facebook/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/07/should-exs-fiance-post-photos-of-my-daughter-on-her-facebook/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/06/07/should-exs-fiance-post-photos-of-my-daughter-on-her-facebook/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

I am a newly divorced mom with custody of my child. My daughter rarely sees her dad, so she was happy to have shared the weekend with his new fiancée and her children. Following the weekend, his fiancée posted pictures of our daughter on her social networking site. This makes me very uncomfortable and I struggle with whether or not this is an issue that should be confronted. Should his future wife have the freedom to post pictures of my child on her social networking sites?

Signed,

Momma Bear

Dear Momma Bear,

You have raised a question that wouldn't have even existed a few short years ago. But nowadays, many parents share your concerns, as we all try to figure out how to safely navigate the world of the Internet that's so rapidly becoming part of our parenting lives.

Continue reading Should My Ex's Fiancee Post Photos of My Daughter on Her Facebook?

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 07 Jun 2010 11:00:00 ESTDr. Jeff Gardere Helps Soon-To-Be Fathers Shape Up on 'Dad Camp'http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/26/dr-jeff-gardere-helps-soon-to-be-fathers-shape-up-on-dad-camp/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/26/dr-jeff-gardere-helps-soon-to-be-fathers-shape-up-on-dad-camp/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/26/dr-jeff-gardere-helps-soon-to-be-fathers-shape-up-on-dad-camp/#commentsFiled under: , ,

"America's psychologist" Dr. Jeff Gardere is turning slacker guys into responsible dads. Credit: VH1


How do you turn dudes into dads?

Take a crash course in fatherhood with Dr. Jeff Gardere on VH1's new reality show, "Dad Camp," in which six soon-to-be fathers and their baby mamas prepare for parenthood.

Gardere tells ParentDish that even though the show deals with serious issues, it doesn't skimp on entertainment.

"Finally, we can see something that fulfills all of the guilty pleasures of the trashy kind of stuff we love to see on reality TV, yet at the same time this is something that's going to really change lives and make an impact," he says.

"Dad Camp" premieres May 31 at 10:30 p.m. EST on VH1. An edited version of our conversation with Gardere follows.

ParentDish: We've heard that "Dad Camp" was inspired by President Barack Obama. Is this true?
Jeff Gardere: Yes, it is. I believe it was a speech he gave on Father's Day. He was talking about an epidemic in the black community with all these single parent homes and fathers not being present for their children.

PD: There's a wide range of ages and lengths of time that the couples on the show have been together. Was that on purpose?
JG: I think the goal in casting the show was simply looking for couples that were having real issues with the pregnancy -- not just getting young people who perhaps didn't know what they were getting into, but finding couples that had real emotional issues around the preparation for the baby as well having their couple's issues.

PD: As nice as it would be to have all of these couples happy and staying together, is that the goal of the show?
JG: The goal of the show was never to have the couples fall in love again, or fall in love in the first place, because some of them were not in love to begin with -- they were just together out of convenience or out of sex. It was not the goal to get them married. But what we saw developing through the show was that, as these guys became more responsible fathers-to-be, there was a positive correlation to the respect that they started developing for their females, for their girlfriends. There will be some surprises there for you to see.

Continue reading Dr. Jeff Gardere Helps Soon-To-Be Fathers Shape Up on 'Dad Camp'

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]]>dad campDadCampColleen EganWed, 26 May 2010 12:30:00 ESTMy ADD Son Fights With His Brother All the Timehttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/24/son-with-adds-fights-creating-too-much-drama/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/24/son-with-adds-fights-creating-too-much-drama/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/24/son-with-adds-fights-creating-too-much-drama/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

My wife and I have two boys, 5 and 7. Our younger son -- who is on meds for ADHD -- argues and fights with his brother over anything and everything. This really irritates both of us, we lose control and my wife starts yelling at me, which causes our sons to start defending me against her. What can we do to stop this horrible cycle in our home? I don't want our children to suffer any long-term effects from our behavior.

Please help so I can have some confidence back in my life and keep my marriage together, as I love my wife and boys!

Signed,
Swimming in Chaos

Dear Swimming,

I'm not a big fan of the ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) label for many reasons, (though I don't discount the reality of the many difficulties that accompany the diagnosis.) People with the ADD or ADHD diagnosis don't have a deficit or lack of attention as much as an inflexibility of attention. They can focus perfectly well when they're engaged; it's reining in their wandering attention when they aren't interested in the subject matter that is the problem.

Continue reading My ADD Son Fights With His Brother All the Time

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 24 May 2010 13:38:00 ESTShould My Ex Have His Girlfriend Around Our Children?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/03/should-my-ex-have-his-girlfriend-around-our-children/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/03/should-my-ex-have-his-girlfriend-around-our-children/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/05/03/should-my-ex-have-his-girlfriend-around-our-children/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , ,

Dear AdviceMama,

My husband and I are currently in the divorce process and have two young children together. My ex is still seeing the last woman he had an affair with. Is it appropriate for him to have our children around this woman (who coincidentally is recently divorced) when we haven't even finalized the divorce? I can try to set aside my own personal feelings about this, but still want to be sure there are no negative effects on the kids. Thanks.

Signed,
Concerned for the Kids

Dear Concerned,

Going through a divorce is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do.

Coming to terms with infidelity, and then adjusting to the reality of a partner's new relationship makes the experience even more difficult. This is especially difficult as you try to navigate the minefield of helping your children adjust, while you attempt to do the same.

Congratulations for keeping your head above water.

Continue reading Should My Ex Have His Girlfriend Around Our Children?

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 03 May 2010 11:00:00 ESTOur 9-Year-Old Daughter Screams, 'You All Hate Me!'http://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/22/our-9-year-old-daughter-screams-you-all-hate-me/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/22/our-9-year-old-daughter-screams-you-all-hate-me/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/22/our-9-year-old-daughter-screams-you-all-hate-me/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Dear AdviceMama,

Our 9-year-old daughter is the picture of sweetness and light when she visits other homes, but at home constantly screams, "Everybody in this family hates me!"

We tell her every day how much she is loved, she has her own room, plenty of toys etc. What's the best way to help her?

Signed,
Upset Mom

Dear Upset,

As wonderful as it is to tell your daughter that she's loved and provide her with her own room and lots of toys, children feel loved when they know that they are cherished and appreciated for who they are.

Whatever words or material comforts you offer your daughter cannot convey the sense of connection with you that helps her know she is cherished. Feeling loved is intangible, fueled by a child's sense that who they are -- as is -- lights up our hearts.

Continue reading Our 9-Year-Old Daughter Screams, 'You All Hate Me!'

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 22 Mar 2010 11:00:00 ESTHow Can I Get My Husband to Help?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/08/how-can-i-get-my-husband-to-help/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/08/how-can-i-get-my-husband-to-help/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/03/08/how-can-i-get-my-husband-to-help/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Dear AdviceMama,

My husband and I both work long days. After work, four nights a week, I go to school so I don't come home until about 9 pm. That leaves my husband picking up the kids from school. On my day off I do any running around that's needed, cleaning that has been missed around the house and I give my husband a break from picking up the kids. Since my husband has a lot more free time than I do, how can I get him to help with the children's homework and clean up on a regular basis, and not just when I ask him?

Signed,
Help!

Dear Help,

While women tend to be instinctively good at multitasking, most men are wired to focus on one thing at a time. Rather than taking his behavior personally, and criticizing him for not doing more, acknowledge the many things he does do, and let him know the relief it brings you at the end of your busy day. Regardless of the fact that he is jointly responsible for your children and household, appreciating him for his support will go a long way toward motivating him to stretch further.

Continue reading How Can I Get My Husband to Help?

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 08 Mar 2010 11:00:00 ESTHow to Talk to Your Kids About Money Troubleshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/01/31/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-money-troubles/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/01/31/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-money-troubles/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/01/31/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-money-troubles/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

Be honest and open when discussing financial hardships. Credit: pfala, Flickr


Very few families are immune to the problems that come with a difficult economic climate. Job loss and cutbacks are making it harder and harder for some parents to make ends meet, and experts say talking to your kids about financial troubles is important to their future relationship with money.

Rick Kahler is a fee-only financial planner and co-author of "The Financial Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge: 5 Principles to Transform Your Relationships with Money." He says being honest with your children when money troubles strike will pay dividends in the future.

"Parents need to understand that what individuals think, feel and believe about money -- 'money scripts' -- influence the financial choices they make every day," Kahler says. "Money scripts are tied to past experiences around money, often starting in childhood. During tough economic times, children can develop fearful money scripts that may keep them from managing money successfully as adults and lead to destructive financial behaviors such as over-spending, excessive debt or financial infidelity."

Continue reading How to Talk to Your Kids About Money Troubles

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]]>evergreenjob-lossmoneyrecessiontalking-financesAmy HatchSun, 31 Jan 2010 14:00:00 ESTDeli Meats: Safe or Scary?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/01/06/deli-meats-safe-or-scary/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/01/06/deli-meats-safe-or-scary/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/01/06/deli-meats-safe-or-scary/#commentsFiled under: ,

Does deli meat make a good lunch? Credit: stu spivack, Flickr


Deli meats are not only a staple in most kids' lunchboxes, they're also now thought of as "diet food" by many, thanks to the Subway ads touting the weight Jared Fogle lost while eating the chain's sandwiches. Is there something magical about cold cuts that will lead to weight loss?

Absolutely not -- Jared simply reduced his caloric intake to drop the weight, and chose to do it by eating no breakfast, and then a sandwich for lunch and dinner. But are deli meats like bologna, salami, roast beef, and turkey good for you and your kids?

VERDICT ...

Bologna: Bologna is one of the dreaded "processed meats," meaning it contains the carcinogen sodium nitrite. The amount of processed meat considered safe to eat, according to the American Institute for Cancer Research? None. Plus, some brands also contain the neurotoxin MSG (monosodium glutamate).

Continue reading Deli Meats: Safe or Scary?

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]]>bolognacold cutsdeli meatsDeliMeatsJared FoglesalamiSubwayturkeyJennifer SchonbornWed, 06 Jan 2010 10:46:00 ESTTrim the Tree, Trim Your Budget: 10 Tips For Saving Money During the Holidayshttp://www.parentdish.com/2009/11/11/trim-the-tree-trim-your-budget-10-tips-for-saving-money-during/http://www.parentdish.com/2009/11/11/trim-the-tree-trim-your-budget-10-tips-for-saving-money-during/http://www.parentdish.com/2009/11/11/trim-the-tree-trim-your-budget-10-tips-for-saving-money-during/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

The holidays are here, but you don't have to spend a lot to have enjoy the season. Credit: Getty Images


Are you worried that holiday spending will put you in the red this year?

To alleviate the potential pain of an expensive season, we asked three experts -- Evelyn Prasse, economics instructor at the University of Illinois; Cynthia Townley Ewer, editor of www.organizedchristmas.com; and Jodi Levine, editorial director at Martha Stewart Living -- for their best tips to save money while keeping the holidays joyous.

Here's what they had to say:

1. Make new family traditions. If you can't afford the annual ski trip, find a new way to celebrate. Spend the day building snowmen at the local park or attending a free holiday festival or concert. You could even volunteer together.

Continue reading Trim the Tree, Trim Your Budget: 10 Tips For Saving Money During the Holidays

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]]>expire-images:2010-11-11holiday budgetholiday shoppingHolidayBudgetTipshow to save money during the holidaysHowToSaveMoneyDuringTheHolidayssaving money during the holidaysSavingMoneyDuringTheHolidaysMelissa Kossler DuttonWed, 11 Nov 2009 09:00:00 EST