ParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gifParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comen-usCopyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Helping Kids With Credit, From Suze Ormanhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/28/helping-kids-with-credit-from-suze-orman/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/28/helping-kids-with-credit-from-suze-orman/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/28/helping-kids-with-credit-from-suze-orman/#commentsFiled under: ,

Personal finance expert Suze Orman explains one reliable method to ensure solid credit for your children.


Don't Miss from Marlo Thomas:

Smart Investing
Suze hammers on a few simple, reliable guidelines for navigating the complexity of investing.

Negotiating a Salary
Suze Orman responds to a question about salary negotiation in a surprising, shrewdly intelligent, and hugely motivating way.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>marlo thomassuze ormanthe editors at MarloThomas.comThu, 28 Jul 2011 10:00:00 ESTMy 17-Year-Old is Addicted to Video Games!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/25/my-17-year-old-is-addicted-to-video-games/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/25/my-17-year-old-is-addicted-to-video-games/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/25/my-17-year-old-is-addicted-to-video-games/#commentsFiled under:



Dear AdviceMama,

Our family is trapped in video game hell. My son is 17, and the gaming is out of control. It has ruined our relationship, turning him into someone I don't even know who uses language that I can't believe is coming from him. What's more, my husband (his dad) allows it, because he is just as addicted to playing. They will sit and play games for 12-plus hours at a time, ignoring mealtimes and my requests to set a time limit.

Since we aren't in agreement, I'm trying to find a solution on my own. Forget imposing limits or taking the game away; violence begins (doors smashed, etc). I'm to the breaking point and don't even want to be in my own home anymore. I am even considering divorce. Any suggestions?

Signed,
Trapped in Video Hell

Dear Trapped,

I have worked with a number of teenage clients whose addiction to video games resemble what you're describing. What started as an innocent diversion became -- for these young men -- as addictive as drugs. When their parents attempted to manage the behavior by either limiting access or pulling the plug on the credit card that funded the game, their youngsters became frantic, violent, depressed and/or withdrawn.

In some cases, Mom or Dad caved in and removed the restrictions, but, in two families, the parents held their ground. I distinctly remember one of these teens telling me a few months later how dependent they had gotten on the exhilaration the games provided, and how it had served as a diversion from painful adolescent issues that they felt unable to face.

I've long believed that we don't understand how addictive video games can be to some people, and that we need to bring them into our homes more consciously and cautiously. For a teen who is shy, awkward, socially immature or lacking in confidence (and very few teens aren't in that category!), the power and sense of camaraderie that video games offer are compelling.

And, of course, if your son is having some semblance of "bonding time" with his dad as they play together, it can be an almost impossible habit to break.

Frankly, there are two issues in your question; one has to do with video games, and the other -- which I won't address here, but should be explored by you and your husband -- has to do with the shape your marriage is in. If your husband is playing video games non-stop whenever he's home, and has withdrawn from engaging in meals and family activities, I would urge you to seek professional counseling. The marital tension is likely to be spilling over into your son's obsession with video games, and, therefore, the advice I offer will have to include you and your husband at least attempting to heal the rift in your marriage.

As for your son, if he falls apart or becomes violent when you try to limit his gaming, it may be that he is relying on the games to mask other issues. Whether it's depression, social discomfort, anxiety or low self esteem, you'll need to determine what's fueling your son's intense fixation on the games. It's likely that he is using them to numb himself, which is why -- like someone addicted to drugs -- he no longer speaks or behaves like his usual self.

Until you help him deal with whatever challenges he's trying to sweep under the rug by distracting himself with his video games, he is not likely to be agreeable about limiting them.

I wish I had a simpler answer for you, but, frankly, the human brain loves dopamine, and the rush of pleasure and adrenalin that video games provide is intensely compelling. I strongly encourage parents to establish clear-cut guidelines for how many hours a week their youngster can play video games before buying them, and to stick to the plan without negotiating.

Not long ago, a family I worked with told me they were planning to give one of their three young sons a video game system for his birthday. I shared my view that, in some respects, they were about to introduce their kids to heroin (a strong analogy, I know). I cautioned them not to underestimate the affect the games would have on their sons -- or the potential conflict they would create over who got to use them and for how long.

They gifted the system on a Saturday, and came in for a session with me two days later, on Monday. Laughing, they told me they had already packed it up and had it ready to be returned to the store. In less than 24 hours, the behaviors they saw in their boys convinced them to get rid of the video games.

Address these issues at their root, and get professional help if necessary so you can help your son get back on track. While many kids can and do enjoy video gaming as one of their many activities, when it becomes an obsession, parents need to step in.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>gamingparenting advicevideo game addictionvideo gamesSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 25 Jul 2011 11:30:00 ESTMy 14 Year Old is Awful to Her Younger Sister!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/18/my-14-year-old-is-awful-to-her-younger-sister/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/18/my-14-year-old-is-awful-to-her-younger-sister/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/18/my-14-year-old-is-awful-to-her-younger-sister/#commentsFiled under: ,




Dear AdviceMama,

My 14-year-old is always angry with her 11-year-old sister. She is also rude with me. She is very caring to others, especially little children, and is a good friend at school. It is hard for my younger daughter to watch her older sister be so kind to others and so mean to her. We don't like this new, mean teenager. We want the pre-teen back! How can I help her act with civility?

Signed,
Sick of it

Dear Sick of it,

If it's any comfort to you, there are probably thousands of parents reading your question who feel they could have written it themselves. It's painful to watch anyone treat our child unkindly, but it's doubly difficult when one of our own children is inflicting the damage. On top of that, it's awful to see what was once a cheerful youngster transform into someone unrecognizable as she or he moves into the teen years.

Adolescence isn't just tough on the person going through it; the rest of the family suffers as much or even more, as they endure moodiness and bad attitudes! Here's my advice:

Start scheduling regular family meetings, perhaps just after Sunday dinner, or on Saturday mornings before everyone heads out to their separate activities. If possible, gather in a room you don't ordinarily hang out in to create a focused atmosphere.

Begin each meeting by sharing something you appreciated during the week about each member of the family, being as specific as possible. "Sarah, I wanted you to know how relieved I was when I got home from my class on Tuesday and saw that you had already fed the dog." "Claire, it really touched me when you called Grandma, all on your own, to tell her about your audition." Take your time, elaborating with about something positive you observed them doing, and how it affected you.

Then have each of your daughters (and your partner, if you have one) do the same for everyone else. It may take time for them to sincerely offer kind words to one another (especially your older daughter) so don't criticize if they're reluctant or sarcastic.

Once you're shared what you appreciate, invite each member of the family to bring up something that has upset or hurt them during the week. Encourage everyone to use "I" statements: "I got sad when I tried to talk with you about the show you were watching and you just glared at me." Or, "When I wanted to borrow your sweater and you said 'No' in a mean way, I got really mad -- and hurt."

Try to show your girls how to express feelings in a way that avoids judging or blaming, which simply puts people on the defensive. Set a time limit so no one is allowed to ramble on and on, and don't require the listener (the one who hurt someone's feelings) to do anything other than listen respectfully.

It will be especially helpful if your daughters are able to express the hurt underneath their anger. While lectures probably won't penetrate your 14-year old's defensive shell, if she hears her younger sister authentically revealing how her unkindness is impacting her heart, she may soften.

Finally, let your girls know what specific behaviors you would like them to work on changing in the coming week. It might be that you want them to speak more politely to one another, or to lend a hand before dinner. By targeting just one shift you want them to make, you'll see more progress.

Now, I am very aware that this may not play out smoothly. Your 14-year old may roll her eyes, or think this is "lame." But try to establish to a weekly family meeting ritual, making it a safe time and place for each member of the family to listen to one another, and to feel heard.

While it's difficult to legislate "niceness" with punishments, families who work to keep the sense of connection strong tend to navigate the adolescent years with more sanity -- and more kindness.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>family timeparentingparenting advicesibling rivalrySusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 18 Jul 2011 10:30:00 ESTGet Your Child Offline and Outdoorshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/28/get-your-child-offline-and-outdoors/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/28/get-your-child-offline-and-outdoors/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/28/get-your-child-offline-and-outdoors/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , ,

kid playing outside

Summer offers a great time to enjoy your children -- unplugged. Credit: Getty Images

The average American kid practically lives plugged in.

That's not an exaggeration, either. A report by the Kaiser Family Foundation estimates kids ages 8 to 18 spend an average of seven and a half hours a day with cells phones, computers, televisions and other electronic devices.

That means the only things keeping kids away from electronic devices are eating, sleeping and school. And, during the summer months, of course, you can generally remove school from the equation.

So, does that mean we are bequeathing our planet to a race of junior cyborgs who can only appreciate a bird if it's electronic, angry and part of a computer game?

There are ways get kids offline and plugged back into the real world. Dr. Amy Wickstrom, a family therapist, blogger and mother of two, tells ParentDish it sometimes is a matter of if you can't beat them, join them.

"So many kids are becoming eReaders, parents can take their kids to the local library to pick out a book and read it together there," Wickstrom says. "Many libraries have special rooms just for children that are filled with toys and sometimes a stage with props for story time."

Wickstrom tells ParentDish this helps engage children their imaginations, spend quality time with a parent and develop their reading skills. And, there is another purpose in this age when kids are turning their backs to ink on paper to gaze relentlessly at screens.

"It also keeps them accustomed to old fashioned books instead of eBooks," Wickstrom says.

Wickstrom, who has been a contributor to Working Mother, OC Family and more, tells ParentDish it's important to get kids engaged in the real world.

And what do you know? There's an app for that.

The website Kidoff.com offers free software to boot your kid off the computer and say enough is enough. You want your kid to shut "Grand Theft Auto XI: I Kill Your Grandmother" off (don't get excited, kids. It's just a hypothetical game)?

You tell your kid one more minute, but before you know it, hours have gone by. The streets are running red with the blood of virtual grannies. You start yelling. Your kid starts yelling. Everyone is in a bad mood. Ah, but there's this software.

It lets your kids go ahead with their game, but from time to time, you can "talk" to your child's computer from another computer in the house. The kids don't even know. You can see how long they've been using the computer and send warnings to their screen.

And, when their time is up, it evens sends out an audible alarm. "Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!" (Well, maybe not that message.) You can make the computer shut down.

Such power. Feel free to laugh fiendishly.

But what do you do with your kids once you get them offline and outdoors? For that information, turn to the National Wildlife Federation and its "Be Out There" campaign. The effort urges parents to give their children a "green hour" each day.

The means one hour every day outdoors engaged in unstructured play.

One possibility is camping. You don't have to go to Yellowstone, either. You can camp out in your own backyard. The website for the Great American Backyard Campout offers some suggestions.

You've probably already heard of geocaching, where participants use a Global Positioning System (GPS) receiver or mobile device and other navigational techniques to hide and seek containers called "geocaches" or "caches."

Believe it or not, people used to do this sort of thing well before the invention of GPS systems and all the contrapulatronic gizmos of the 21st century. It was called letterboxing. You simply hide an object and challenge others to find it by the use of clues.

Think of it like solving math problems -- without a calculator.

National Wildlife Federation leaders say this is a great way to have fun with kids outdoors, get some exercise and work on skills such as problem solving, map reading and math. They also suggest kids making a nature map of their neighborhood to learn how to define their own special natural places.

Donald Roberts, a Stanford communications professor emeritus and one of the authors of the Kaiser Family Foundation study, tells The New York Times it's important for parents to be more aware of how technology is sucking children away from the real world.

"Parents never knew as much as they thought they did about what their kids are doing," he says. "But now we've created a world where they're removed from us that much more."

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>kids outsidekids playoutdoorssummer breaksummer vacationtechnologyunpluggingTom HendersonTue, 28 Jun 2011 10:00:00 EST5 Ways to Unplug on Vacationhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/23/unplug-on-vacation/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/23/unplug-on-vacation/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/23/unplug-on-vacation/#commentsFiled under: ,

unplug on vacation

Vacation is about unplugging and recharging! Credit: Getty Images

What's the biggest challenge facing families this summer? Cancelled flights? Rain delays? Try unplugging from our 24/7 media lives. For kids, that means no texting, no DS, no iPod, no computer. For parents, it means cutting the cord that keeps us connected to work (or Facebook, or our favorite podcast...).


We know it's not easy. And it affects nearly every family, no matter how old your kids are. (Some experts are even saying that mobile apps are the hottest
educational tools for kids!)

But with planning, coaxing, and a major dose of self-control, you can ditch the gadgets and enjoy some family face time.

1. Soften the blow. Call a family meeting to discuss your vacation schedule. Explain that it's going to be a digital-free trip -- and why. Then move quickly to No. 2.

2. Be flexible. So no one feels completely out of touch, plan something media-related that you can all do together. Have a family movie night, or schedule time during the day that gives everyone time to check their email or text a friend. (Set a timer!)

3. Unplug yourself. Kids learn more from what we do than from what we say. So say so long to your iPhone or Blackberry.

4. Do your research. Plan off-line activities that relate to where you're going. If you're going to Hawaii, learn about the native culture -- or take hula lessons!

5. Choose the road less traveled. Unplug your GPS, and have the kids navigate using a paper map. Extra credit for those who refold the map correctly.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>Unplug on Vacationvacationthe editors at Common Sense MediaThu, 23 Jun 2011 10:00:00 ESTTeens Need Attention, Appreciation and Affection, From Deepak Choprahttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/21/teens-advice-deepak-chopra/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/21/teens-advice-deepak-chopra/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/21/teens-advice-deepak-chopra/#commentsFiled under: ,

Deepak Chopra explains why teens need attention, appreciation and affection the most.


Don't miss from Marlo Thomas:

Don't Believe Your Prognosis, from Deepak Chopra
Deepak Chopra discusses why you shouldn't always trust your prognosis.

The Health Benefits of Regular Sex, from Deepak Chopra
Deepak Chopra reveals the health benefits of having sex regularly.

Marlo's Weekly Newsletter
Sign up to receive my email newsletter each week - It will keep you up-to-date on upcoming articles, Mondays with Marlo guests, videos, and more!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>deepak chopramarlo thomasthe editors at MarloThomas.comTue, 21 Jun 2011 17:00:00 ESTCan Being Too Perfect a Parent Mess Up Your Kids?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/20/perfect-parent/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/20/perfect-parent/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/20/perfect-parent/#commentsFiled under: , ,



Sometimes, we feel like the official parenting motto should be "I just can't win."

Honestly, you let your children take the reins when it comes to deciding what they want to do, and you're a slacker destined to raise hellion teenagers. You try to plan their activities and get involved at their school and suddenly you're labeled helicopter parent.

Now, experts are warning that if you manage to offer up an idyllic upbringing for your kids, that's actually a bad thing, too.

Author and therapist Lori Gottlieb recently stirred up a little parenting controversy when she penned a story for The Atlantic in which she makes the case that providing your kid with too perfect of a childhood could be harmful to them as they hit adulthood.

"None of the experts I interviewed for my article, "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy," advocate going from over-nurturing to under-nurturing, from over-indulgence to hard-line rigidity," Gottlieb writes on the "Today" website. "Lavishing love and affection on your kids is a good thing, along with healthy nurturing, which means supporting but not fixing, being present without being intrusive, and wanting your kids' happiness but knowing they may need to struggle."

Gottlieb tells "Today" she, like many parents, is challenged by how to make her own kid happy.

"It used to be we wanted our kids to be generally content and now they have to be happy at all times in every way," she tells the news show.

Wendy Mogel, author of "The Blessing of a B Minus," tells "Today" parents who rush to their children's aid for every little thing may, in fact, experience a backlash.

"I think of parents these days as kind of good parents gone bad because we are so devoted and so concerned that we see something like a scraped knee or a skinned knee as the end of the planet as we know it," she tells the news show.

This sense of over-protectiveness extends as kids grow, Gottlieb adds.

"And then, when they get older and they don't get into the school play, we're calling the teachers and we're saying, 'well, can't you find a part for my kid,' " she tells "Today."

Keeping our kids from ever knowing the feeling of rejection or not keeping score during a soccer game so they don't feel the sting of a loss can actually be harmful, the experts say.

"It is causing problems because it's almost as though when they're young we say 'Look at you! You breathed in, then you breathed out!' When they win a Nobel Prize or an Academy Award it's a come-down from childhood," Mogel tells "Today."

So, what's a parent to do?

"If you want your kids to be resilient and function in day-to-day life, they need to experience some challenge, some struggle and some disappointment along the way," Gottlieb tells "Today."

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>childhoodhappy childhoodlori gottliebparentingLesley KennedyMon, 20 Jun 2011 13:00:00 ESTIs Predicting Kids' Athletic Future With At-Home Genetic Testing Possible?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/16/kids-athletic-future/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/16/kids-athletic-future/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/16/kids-athletic-future/#commentsFiled under: , ,

genetic testing

Credit: Getty Images

By Dr. Robert Tozzi

Parents, trainers, coaches and athletes emulate many of our high-profile professional athletes. Unfortunately, more harm than good can come from most of these attempts.

In my last column, I reviewed some of the dangers associated with stimulants and products that contain too little water and too much caffeine, salt, sugar and potassium.

Now I am turning my sights on companies that are misleading the public into believing that there is value in obtaining genetic testing to see what sports may be best for their child. The parent simply swabs the inside of the child's mouth and sends the cotton swab off to the company for analysis.

The following is an excerpt from the website of one of the companies offering the genetic testing:

o. Gives parents and coach's early information on their child's genetic predisposition for success in team or individual speed/power or endurance sports.
o. Genetic predisposition determination can be valuable in outlining training and conditioning programs necessary for athletic and sport development
o. Applies a simple, safe and non-invasive sampling method
o. Safe to use on the youngest of athletes

*Test results may be used later in development with other athletic performance

Are these claims fact or fiction? In my opinion, they are pure fantasy. What makes an athlete is a combination of physical, mental and social attributes.

When evaluating athletes, scholastic as well as professional, there is the occasional individual who must be restricted from sports participation. As you can imagine, this evokes extreme responses.

"I would rather die on the playing field than be restricted," was a response from a Division I athlete I treated. And unfortunately, similar responses can be heard from parents.

The "must-win-at-all-cost" mentality makes for a great story or movie line, but there are many more losers than winners when it comes to these extremes - and even the winners may eventually lose.

For example, aging with life-long back, knee and hip injuries is often the end result of extreme forms of exercise.

Obesity and the probability of heart disease is often an unfortunate outcome of the misguided concept of "bulking up." Rapid weight gain at any age is associated with dramatic increases in abdominal fat, which is linked to diabetes, hypertension and heart disease.

Additionally, the damaging effects of steroids and growth hormones, as well as compounds added to supplements, may all result in damage to the body and cardiovascular system.

We share 96 percent of the same genes with chimps and other animals - yet the abilities of a human are magnitudes greater.

We were misguided to think that once we discovered the human genome sequence that we would be able understand how the human body works, and we would be even crazier to think that knowing a few genes will help shape the future of a child.

Dr. Robert J. Tozzi is the chief of pediatric cardiology and founder of the Pediatric Center for Heart Disease at Hackensack University Medical Center in Hackensack, New Jersey. He is also the director of the Gregory M. Hirsch Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy Center and a Fox News contributor.

More from FoxNews.com:

Doctor's Conclusions About Autism Premature, Dangerous

Prenatal Pesticide Exposure Tied to Birth Size

Babies First Year Important for Pet Allergies

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>dr robert tozzigenetic testingkids and sportsthe editors at FoxNews.comThu, 16 Jun 2011 10:30:00 ESTHelp, My Daughter is Being Cyber-bullied, from Dr. Philhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/16/cyber-bully-dr-phil/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/16/cyber-bully-dr-phil/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/16/cyber-bully-dr-phil/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Dr. Phil reveals the best plan of action for dealing with cyber-bullies.

Also, don't miss from Dr. Phil on MarloThomas:

My Kids Are Asking for Everything, from Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil offers his expert advice to overwhelmed parents.

How to Navigate the Online Dating World, from Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil offers tips for navigating the world of online dating.

Dr. Phil's Advice for Dealing with Bullies
Dr. Phil gives expert advice on how to deal with bullies.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>bullyingCyberBullyingdr philmarlo thomasthe editors at MarloThomas.comThu, 16 Jun 2011 09:00:00 ESTA Soda Substitute for Teens, from Dr. Ozhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/14/soda-substitute-for-teens/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/14/soda-substitute-for-teens/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/14/soda-substitute-for-teens/#commentsFiled under: ,

Dr. Oz reveals a healthy soda substitute for teenagers.



Don't miss from Marlo Thomas and Dr.Oz:

You Don't Need All That Water, from Dr. Oz
How much water should you really be drinking daily? Dr. Oz debunks the eight glasses a day myth!

Vitamin D Fights Cancer, from Dr. Oz
Dr. Oz shares why Vitamin D helps fight cancer - and how to get your daily dose!

Tips for More Sleep, from Dr. Oz
Not catching enough z's? Dr. Oz shares his tips for getting more sleep.

Multi-Vitamins are the Building Blocks of Health
Dr. Oz explains what you should be taking in addition to multi-vitamins.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>Dr. Ozmarlo thomassodathe editors at MarloThomas.comTue, 14 Jun 2011 12:00:00 ESTMy Kids Fight All the Time! How Do I Stop Sibling Rivalry?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/13/stop-sibling-rivalry/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/13/stop-sibling-rivalry/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/13/stop-sibling-rivalry/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


Dear AdviceMama,

What can I do about my children's sibling rivalry? They fight all the time!

Signed,
Exasperated Mom


Dear Exasperated,

It's natural for children to feel frustrated when big sister takes the last cookie, or little brother touches their "stuff." Not only do brothers and sisters compete with one another for a parent's attention, they sometimes simply argue out of habit. But when siblings cannot negotiate disagreements without hurting one another -- either physically or emotionally -- parents need to take action. Here's my advice:

1. Establish expectations for behavior so your children clearly know what you will and will not allow. I like the phrase, "Our home is a non-violent home," delivered with authority. While you should explain to your children that it's perfectly normal and OK to be angry, it is not OK to strike out with hurtful behavior or words. And make sure you're sticking to the standards, as well.

2. Try to address the root cause of hurtful remarks. A child who consistently taunts his brother or sister is a) feeling chronically frustrated and misunderstood; b) shaking loose difficult feelings from other situations (like the school playground); or c) "paying back" a sibling for hurting him.

Choose a time when you can give each of your children your undivided attention, and ask leading questions such as, "I notice it's been hard for you to resist hitting your brother when he comes into your room without asking. Tell me what makes you so mad when he does that..." Avoid interrupting with threats or lectures. By listening with care, you may be able to address the underlying causes of your siblings' frustrations with one another.

3. Schedule regular family meetings where each member gets to feel heard as they offload annoying issues that fuel discord. Insist that everyone first share something positive about each family member, and then make time for them to voice a complaint or make a request. Allow whoever's talking to have the stage -- some families use a talking stick -- so they get the sense that no matter how old or young, everyone in your family gets to be heard. By teaching your children that they have the right to respectfully make reasonable requests of one another, you will lessen their reliance on verbal or physical aggression to get their needs met.

4. Try not to turn on what I call "Mom TV" when your kids fight. Sometimes bickering happens simply because children are bored, or they want to stir things up and get some drama going with mom. While my approach generally focuses on preventing problems, if your kids are bickering and won't try to work things out, separate them without a lot of discussion until they've cooled down. In other words, don't make your own dramatic reaction a payoff for their misbehavior.

Sibling rivalry is a serious issue, and needs to be managed by cool, calm parenting. By addressing underlying causes, establishing clear guidelines for how to handle disagreements and making sure your children have a chance to feel heard about their upsets, you can minimize the bickering, and establish a more peaceful home.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>Sibling RivalrySusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 13 Jun 2011 10:00:00 ESTGetting Braces: When to Bring Kids to the Orthodontisthttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/getting-braces/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/getting-braces/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/getting-braces/#commentsFiled under: ,

Some kids look forward to getting braces; they see it as a sign of growing up and love picking out colored rubber bands. But, after they've been braced for a few months, they're dying to rip them off. So when is the right time for your kid to get braces? Watch this video and find out!

Learn About Getting Braces

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>bracesbringing kids to orthodontistgetting bracesJessica SamakowTue, 07 Jun 2011 11:00:00 ESTThe Most Dangerous Game: Young Athletes Taking Energy Boostershttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/sports-energy-boosters/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/sports-energy-boosters/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/sports-energy-boosters/#commentsFiled under: ,

sports drinks

Boost or bust? Credit: Getty Images

When an 11-year-old patient developed an irregular heartbeat after eating what he told me was "candy" before a soccer game, it occurred to me that there might be something else at play here.

This intelligent and astute patient said his soccer coach had distributed "candy" to the team to give them a boost of energy and help them play better.

Considering that this particular patient had undergone open-heart surgery just months before coming to my office with an arrhythmia, I knew I had to investigate further.

It turns out the "candy" my patient was referring to are Black Cherry CLIF SHOT BLOKS, made by CLIF Bar & Company, and marketed as a nutritional supplement to replace carbohydrates and electrolytes during activity.

One serving contains 50 mg of caffeine, which is about the equivalent of half a cup of coffee or one shot of espresso.

Yes, it is true that this patient was at increased risk because of his heart surgery to close a hole in the wall of the lower heart chamber -- a common heart defect that only occasionally requires surgical repair.

But children with a history of heart disease are not the only ones at risk for the occurrence of a cardiac event while taking stimulants. Some children have undiagnosed heart conditions, making them more vulnerable to the effects of exercise and stimulants.

CLIF SHOT BLOKS are targeted towards endurance athletes, like cyclists and marathon runners that need to replace nutrients lost during physical activity and get a little boost of energy to keep them going. The small amount of caffeine they contain may seem safe, but in the wrong hands, these chewy treats can be confused with candy -- as evident with my young patient.

What concerns me most about this kind of confusion is the potential for children to unknowingly consume multiple servings. Exposure to excessive amounts of caffeine can be toxic, and can result in arrhythmias, seizures and even death.

CLIF SHOT BLOKS not only deliver the stimulant, they also contain undiluted sugar, salt and potassium, so the manufacturer suggests taking them with enough water to prevent dehydration.

A healthier alternative for kids, such as Gatorade or Powerade, contains salt, sugar and potassium in safe concentrations. But these drinks should be consumed only to replenish fluid lost during physical activity.

Sports drinks contain large amounts of sugar, so using them in place of daily water consumption can increase the risk of dental problems and help fuel the obesity epidemic.

According to a recent report published in the journal Pediatrics, experts are urging kids and teens to avoid energy drinks and only consume sports drinks in limited amounts.

The researchers from the American Academy of Pediatrics say that children should never drink energy drinks because they contain caffeine and other stimulants that put stress on the body.

Most energy drinks and supplements also contain vitamins and herbal extracts that are not well researched or regulated, and we just don't know enough about the potential side effects.

From soda to energy drinks to caffeine-laced chews, our children are being exposed to exceptionally high levels of stimulants, all in an attempt to improve performance.

The reality is, when these products are consumed during physical activity, they can be extremely dangerous. The combination of a stimulant in the face of dehydration is a recipe for disaster.

I thought I was asking all the right questions when a child presents with palpitations: Are you on any prescription stimulants, any weight-loss medications, protein or supplement drinks? Do you drink coffee, soda or energy drinks?

It never occurred to me that my interview must now include seemingly innocent "candy."

This article was originally published by FoxNews.com by Dr. Robert J. Tozzi. Dr. Robert J. Tozzi is the chief of pediatric cardiology and founder of the Pediatric Center for Heart Disease at Hackensack University Medical Center in Hackensack, New Jersey. He is also the director of the Gregory M. Hirsch Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy Center and a Fox News contributor.

More from FoxNews:

School Allegedly Said Diabetic Kid Couldn't Attend

Vision Problems in Preschoolers Need Treatment

Should Babies Be Screened for Untreatable Diseases?

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>Energyenergy drinkssports drinkssports energy foodyoung athletesthe editors at FoxNews.comMon, 06 Jun 2011 18:00:00 ESTTeach Your Kids How to Use Creative Media Tools Responsiblyhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/01/teach-your-kids-how-to-use-creative-media-tools-responsibly/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/01/teach-your-kids-how-to-use-creative-media-tools-responsibly/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/01/teach-your-kids-how-to-use-creative-media-tools-responsibly/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Creative Media Tools

Even if kids think what they post is private, nothing is guaranteed. Credit: Getty Images

Great technology not only gives kids tools to create, but it also empowers and inspires them. Digital creation covers anything from filming a video with a cell phone and posting it online to composing music on Garage Band to creating a blog or photo album and sharing it with friends and family.

The combination of easy-to-use tools that now come pre-installed on most computers and the easy ways to share videos, music, writing and photography online mean our kids can create just about anything.

Why digital creation matters

Like everything else in our kids' digital lives, using these new powerful tools comes with new responsibilities. We want kids to create and share their music, movies, words and images. But we also want to be sure they realize that whatever gets sent into the digital world can ultimately be captured or seen or sent around by anyone. Even if kids think what they post is private, nothing is guaranteed.

In short, the moment people share their creations online, they lose control over them. Another thing to keep on your kids' radar: Just because they can do something doesn't mean they should. (See our advice for budding digital photographers.) The promise of an audience and instant recognition can inspire kids to use these tools in inappropriate ways. Videos of fights, sexually revealing images, speech that's hateful or simply cruel all are far too common in the digital world.

The facts

  • Twenty-seven percent of all 9- to 17-year-olds are practiced online producers, maintaining blogs, pages or other online spaces at least three times a week (Grunwald Associates, 2007).
  • Most computers now come with basic photo editing software built in.
  • Anyone older than 13 can post a YouTube video.
  • Social networks such as MySpace have become showcases for teen-created music, videos and photos.
  • Some fan fiction sites give kids a forum to write their own stories about their favorite books or movies.
Tips for parents of all kids

  • Pick age-appropriate tools. There are great programs for elementary kids to draw, make birthday cards, create digibooks and more. For older kids, check that their new technology isn't too complicated or advanced for them. For example, a middle-school student might not make good choices when it comes to using the webcam on her new computer.
  • Assess the level of technical difficulty before your kids dive in. If they aren't ready for it, trying to do something will frustrate them -- and you.
  • Know how programs work. You don't have to know how to make a video or create a music mash-up, but you do have to know enough to have the talk with your children about using programs responsibly. Not sure where to begin? Ask your kids how they use the tools or programs they love.
  • Using someone else's work without approval is a huge no-no. It's called plagiarism or piracy or copyright violation. Any way you look at it, the idea is for kids to create something, not rip off something else.
  • Talk about what's appropriate. You've given them the tools, now teach kids how to use them responsibly.
  • Once something is posted, anyone can see it, share it, re-use it and/or comment on it. So, it should be something that your kids are willing to have anyone at the dinner table see.
  • Don't let money -- or the lack of it -- stand in your child's way. Encourage collaboration with other kids and community programs.
  • Most importantly, encourage and motivate your child. The creative avenues are there, the positive possibilities are endless. How you guide your child through all the choices can make all the difference. Steer kids toward sites and activities that fit their interests -- and your values as a family.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>Creative Media Toolscreative toolsmediatoolsthe editors at Common Sense MediaWed, 01 Jun 2011 16:00:00 ESTVideo Chatting and Your Kidshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/video-chatting-and-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/video-chatting-and-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/20/video-chatting-and-your-kids/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Watch a related video!
video chatting

Unlike regular IM, where kids sometimes talk a big game, you can't be anonymous with video chatting. Credit: AFP/Getty Images

We live in a connected world where it's easy to feel as if our far-away friends are right next door. Nothing makes this more true than having a face-to-face conversation with someone on the other side of the world. Video chatting is gaining in popularity and may bring up some sticky situations for parents.

What is video chatting?

It's not enough anymore for kids to type text messages to one another. They want a visual. Video chatting allows you to see and hear whom you're talking to. All you need is a webcam and a computer with an Internet connection. You log into your IM or social network and enable the video chatting feature -- or use a program like Skype, Windows Live Messenger, or TokBox.

The facts

  • Video chatting -- basically Instant Message (IM) with video -- has become totally accessible to anyone with an Internet connection and a webcam.
  • All of the major IM programs support video chatting.
  • Video chatting is integrated into social networks like Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter.
  • Most U.S. households with computers have webcams.
  • Video chat rooms are easy to find on the Internet and are very often sex-related.
Why it matters

Unlike regular IM, where kids sometimes talk a big game, you can't be anonymous with video chatting. The fact that your face is right there for all to see might inhibit kids from the rudeness or dishonesty that sometimes invades online interactions. But it's not just your kid's face that's on show. Anything else can be, too. Kids love an audience, and they sometimes get bold and act out when they have one. That means that some behavior -- and some body parts -- that you don't want your kids exhibiting could end up on display.

Tips for parents of all kids

  • Set age limits. Just because a laptop comes with a camera doesn't mean your kid has to use it. Make sure that any chatting with grandparents or a traveling parent takes place under your watch. And keep young kids away from any unaccompanied chatting.
  • Understand the technology. Open an account yourself, and get your whole family connected. If your kid views the program as a way of staying in touch with family, there might be less risk of misuse with friends.
  • Model good video chat behavior. Show kids how to be polite and respectful, and let them know that's the behavior you expect when they're video chatting with their friends.
  • Use privacy settings. Just like other communication tools like Facebook and Yahoo Messenger, most video chat programs come with privacy settings. TokBox, for example, has three settings -- all of which your kids should enable. You can set it to allow only contacts from your existing friend list. You can also hide yourself from searches so that no one can search your name and contact you. And you can hide your friend list, which protects your friends' identities. That said, nothing keeps your children perfectly safe, so you need to keep an eye on their video chatting activities by allowing video chatting only in public rooms
  • No sexy stuff. Video chatting is widely used on the Internet for sexual purposes. Once your webcam and account are set up, it's easy to stumble onto these sites. You can user browers controls to restrict what sites your kids can visit, and you can educate them about never going there. Internet sex laws are being enacted all over the country; you don't want your kid subject to them.
  • Be careful. A lot of kids use video chatting as an innocent way to hang out with friends, but it can be a slippery slope. Kids shouldn't post anything that could get them into trouble. Video programs allow you to record short videos, and once something is captured on video, it can last forever -- and can be broadcast and viewed by vast anonymous audiences. Steer clear of instant video-chatting sites like chatroulette, which instantly connect you with strangers (who are typically trolling for sexual encounters).
  • Set time limits. Video chat can be a time sucker, so, as with much online activity, be sure to get your children to agree on how long they will spend video chatting.
Focus on the positives

  • Learning together. Kids can use video chat to work with other kids on school projects, puzzle out homework assignments, and, if their classroom is equipped, log in on sick days to learn long distance. (Check out our tips for using Facebook for homework.) These sessions can drag on, though, so set time limits before kids log on.
  • Hello mudda, hello fadda. Believe it or not, summer camps are beginning to use video chat to stave off homesickness (and maybe to keep parents away). For long-distance travel or the summer-camp blues, video chat can help families stay in touch when they miss each other.
  • Birds of a feather. Video chat allows clubs to get together to share news without having to leave home. If your kid is in a club, they can share photos and videos and refer others to Web sites that relate to the club. Social networking sites like Ning let you create a circle of friends interested in the same subject.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

How to Use Video Chat in Gmail

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>video chattingvideo chatting and your kidsthe editors at Common Sense MediaFri, 20 May 2011 08:00:00 ESTCheating Goes High Techhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/19/cheating-goes-high-tech/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/19/cheating-goes-high-tech/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/19/cheating-goes-high-tech/#commentsFiled under: , ,

cheating

Fifty-two percent of 13- to 17-year-olds admit to some form of cheating involving the Internet. Credit: Jose Luis Pelaez Inc, Getty Images

Personal technologies have been real game-changers for schoolwork. Information has never been easier to access, and computers provide powerful tools for presentation, collaboration and creativity. Many people believe the mobile phone also has potential as a learning tool.

But an unintended consequence of these versatile technologies is that they've made cheating easier. Although cheating has been going on for years, cell phones and the Internet offer new opportunities for unethical behavior.

Some kids use mobile phones to store notes. Some text friends about answers during quizzes or tests. Others take pictures of test questions, which can be forwarded to students who haven't yet taken the test. Kids with smartphones can even search the Internet for answers. Some kids say they don't even realize they're taking shortcuts when they copy and paste material they find online and present it as their own work.

The facts

  • 83 percent of 13- to 17-year-olds have cell phones; 53 percent have had them since they were 12 or younger.
  • More than 35 percent admitted to using their cell phones to cheat.
  • 52 percent admitted to some form of cheating involving the Internet.
  • 38 percent said they copied text from websites and turned it in as their own work.
  • 65 percent of students with cell phones say they use them at school, but only 23 percent of parents think their children use cell phones during school hours.
  • 69 percent of schools have policies that don't permit cell phone use, but more than half of all kids ignore them.
  • (All of the above refer to teens 13 to 17 and stats are from Common Sense Media, 2009.)
Why digital cheating matters

Our kids are the pioneers in a new world that has few rules. We want our children to grow up knowing right from wrong, no matter where they are. We need to be sure they know personal responsibility is as real in cyberspace as it is in the classroom.

Digital life -- particularly the Internet and mobile phones -- operates in new ways. Much of what kids do is anonymous, which can sever consequences from actions. Anything they post or create can be seen by a vast invisible audience. Their work can be copied, pasted, altered and sent to countless people. They also can copy and paste others' work in a split second.

Because kids have unfiltered access to information, the temptation to use other people's work and call it their own can be profound. And since so much of the cyber world happens distantly, plagiarizing or cheating can seem like a victimless crime. Kids think they can "get away with it" because they believe their teachers, parents and the people whose work they've cribbed won't discover what they've done.

What parents can do

  • Be aware that when you hand your children phones, you're giving them communication superpowers. Gone are the days when kids used cell phones just to talk. They text, take pictures and videos and sometimes access the Internet.
  • Do your homework. It's up to you to kn,ow what your kids are doing with the technology they have. So make sure you understand what that technology is capable of doing. Make restrictions when you feel they're important. For example, just because their friends have phones that can search the Internet doesn't mean your kids have to have the same capabilities.
  • Don't assume your children automatically know what's right and wrong. The digital world operates with different rules -- that is, wherever rules even exist. Establish rules about use right from the start. Make sure kids have cited their material, clearly indicating where they found that statistic, that insight, that map. Be explicit about what is and isn't acceptable behavior. Don't assume they know. And make sure you have real consequences for breaking the rules. (Hint: Taking the phone away works every time.)
  • If you suspect your child is cheating, consider checking the phone. A look at the pictures and the text messages will let you know if something's going on. But be aware that this is big-league snooping. Establish some expectations with your children ahead of time by letting them know that if you think something's amiss, you're going to check it out.
  • Review school policies. Most schools have clearly established consequences for anyone caught plagiarizing or cheating. In fact, many schools have software that can tell if someone's "lifted" material and presented it as their own. Tell your children you expect them to live by the established rules. Review the school consequences -- from having to redo a paper to expulsion -- and set up some additional home consequences for any violations.
  • Even if you think they would never cheat, have the talk. You can ask your kids if they know of anyone who's cheated (they'll be more likely to talk about others than themselves). Ask them why they think anyone would cheat and what they get out of it in the long term. It never hurts to reinforce that digital cheating is still cheating.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>cheatingdigital cheatinghigh tech cheatingthe editors at Common Sense MediaThu, 19 May 2011 12:00:00 ESTSetting Computer Limits for Kidshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/18/setting-computer-limits-for-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/18/setting-computer-limits-for-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/18/setting-computer-limits-for-kids/#commentsFiled under: , ,

setting limits

Can your child enjoy himself -- and all those things that aren't online -- when he's away from the computer? Credit: Getty Images

If your children spend a large amount of time at the computer, you may wonder, are they addicted, or do they simply enjoy being online? Perhaps it's easier to frame it like this: Can your child enjoy himself -- and all those things that aren't online -- when he's away from the computer? If you're not sure, start observing his computer habits and moods.

What is computer addiction?

All kids have trouble turning off the computer. Instant messaging with friends seems so important, and games such as "World of Warcraft" capture players' attention and time -- a lot of it. Virtual worlds like Club Penguin or Teen Second Life can be equally engrossing.

But some kids go beyond procrastinating -- they just can't turn off the computer. Pay attention to how your child acts when the computer is taken away. If he becomes withdrawn, moody and uncommunicative -- and the mood goes away when he's back online -- it might be time to enforce some time limits.

The facts

  • 77 percent of 8- to 15-year-olds said they'd rather give up TV than give up the Internet (Pangea Media and YPulse, 2009).
  • Most parents in the United States estimate their children spend about two hours a month on the Internet, but, in reality, kids and teens are spending upwards of 20 hours a month surfing the Web (Center for Media Research, 2009).
  • About 41 percent of U.S. teens claim their parents have no idea what they are looking at online (Center for Media Research, 2009).
  • 76 percent of parents think the Internet helps their kids learn about other cultures and ideas (Common Sense Media and the Joan Ganz Cooney Center, 2008).
Why it matters

The "off switches" in kids' brains aren't fully developed until kids reach their early 20s.That means they need rules and structure to help them turn off the computer. Developing children need to be able to have real lives independent of their cyber ones to develop socially, emotionally and even physically. While some kids may blossom in the freedom and anonymity of online lives, they also need the interpersonal skills that online life can't provide.

Computer dependency also can mask problems kids are having in the real world. Dr. Maressa Hecht Orzack, director of the Computer Addiction Study Center at Boston's McLean Hospital, says she sees concerned parents -- and their kids, mostly boys ages 11 to 19 -- who think their kids are addicted to computers. She finds many of these kids aren't developing the coping mechanisms they will need to live life happily and successfully.

Tips for parents of all kids

  • Establish good habits early. Kids need guidelines and rules about what is a good amount of time to spend on the computer. A good rule of thumb for elementary kids is no more than an hour a day during the week. Allotting computer time in 15- or 30-minute increments gives you a chance to check in and suggest that it's time for a break.
  • Stress homework before computer work. Make sure your kids know homework must be finished before they look at YouTube videos or instant message the latest gossip.
  • Limit multitasking. Media multitasking is when kids are chatting online, watching TV, playing a game, checking out Facebook or listening to music -- and trying to do homework at the same time. It's not really known what affect this has on how kids learn, but experts do know it takes longer to do tasks like homework when other activities are going on at the same time. And that increases daily screen time.
  • Determine if your child has an addiction or if he or she is simply spending too much time online. What happens when your children are away from the computer? Are they argumentative, depressed? Is there a marked change when they are online?
  • If you suspect a dependency, have a heart-to-heart. Have a real discussion with your kids about your concerns. This, plus some serious guidelines, may normalize the behavior. If the problem continues, or you think the computer time is masking depression or anxiety, see your child's doctor for advice. Also, check in with the school counselor and see if there is something going on at school.
  • Don't take away the computer. This may seem like the best solution, but it can be very damaging to addicted players, who may feel playing online games is the only thing that brings them any enjoyment. Removing the computer can make them depressed, and possibly, even violent. It can also affect the level of your child's trust in you.
  • Don't hesitate to get professional help. Addictions are hard to break, and dependencies can often be a child's only coping skill. You may need someone else to help you solve this problem.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>computer addictioncomputer limitscomputersfacebooksetting limitsthe editors at Common Sense MediaWed, 18 May 2011 13:30:00 ESTWhat's Better for Kids: Computers, TV or Video Games?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/17/computers-tv-or-video-games/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/17/computers-tv-or-video-games/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/17/computers-tv-or-video-games/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Computers, TV, or Games

How does a parent choose which media to allow their kids to spend time with? Credit: Getty Images

It's a daily dilemma: If you allow a certain amount of screen time per day -- whether it's TV, the computer or a video game -- which one is the best way for kids to spend their time?

Is it video games? After all, they're interactive, have teaching potential and there's the possibility they could help your kid develop quick reflexes.

What about time online? Lots of parents value what their kids can do on the Internet -- like get help with their homework and learn facts from wiki sites.

And how about the good ol' tube? There are so many educational shows that expose kids to the wonders of the world. Plus, TV watching can be family time.

There's no magic formula. As long as you limit the total screen time and choose age-appropriate shows, games and websites, a screen is a screen is a screen. Also, the lines between each type of screen are blurring. Kids are watching TV online, downloading movies to the Wii and playing games on their phone. It's all screen time. What's important, is how you manage whatever screen happens to be calling out to your kid.

How to Figure Out What's Best for Your Kid

Know your kid: What kind of mood is your kid in today? You may want her to spend some quality time on the computer with Math Missions, but it won't be productive if she's tired. Consider letting her watch a show such as "Crashbox," which has challenging but fun interactive games that stimulate young minds.

Maintain balance: Lots of TV time this week? Even an educational immersion in Shark Week can make kids' eyes glaze over and their muscles atrophy. Ease them over to an active game like Wii Sports. Sure, it's still screen time, but at least they're moving.

Choose wisely: What they're watching, playing and interacting with does matter. Help kids make age-appropriate choices so that the content is in sync with where they are developmentally.

Relax: Don't feel guilty for letting your kid blow off some steam with Bejeweled or vegging out in front of iCarly. TV, computer and video games can all be great educational resources to tap into when you need them, but kids don't need to be drilled all of the time in order to learn.

Written by Caroline Knorr.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>computer gamesComputersor GamestelevisionTVtv showsvideo gamesthe editors at Common Sense MediaTue, 17 May 2011 15:00:00 ESTMy Teen's Grades are Dropping and College is Around the Corner!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/16/my-teens-grades-are-dropping-and-college-is-around-the-corner/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/16/my-teens-grades-are-dropping-and-college-is-around-the-corner/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/16/my-teens-grades-are-dropping-and-college-is-around-the-corner/#commentsFiled under: ,



Dear AdviceMama,

My teenage son's grades have been going downhill all year. His last report card was all Ds, a few Cs and one A. The main reason seems to be that he doesn't study enough and has been missing assignments. If I say anything to him he tells me that he's trying and I need to get off his back. He's actually a very smart kid and he's really hurting himself because he does want to go to college. Can you give me some advice?

Signed,
Dragging Uphill

Dear Dragging Uphill,

I have seen this situation many times in my private practice, and watched parents debate whether to intervene when a teen stops making effort in school, or leave him to suffer the consequences of his actions.

It is my belief that many teens lack the ability to envision a long-term picture of their lives that would allow them to make a connection between not turning in homework today, and the resulting impact on their ability to get into college in a year or two.

When parents stop encouraging their teens to see the value in working hard in school, they are not serving them. I've spoken with many discouraged young adults whose parents gave up on helping them buckle down with their schoolwork -- resulting in diminished academic or job opportunities.

So, don't turn a blind eye to your son's poor academic performance. Instead, help him know that you're on his side. Acknowledge that you understand that he doesn't enjoy doing his homework, and that you can relate to how difficult it can be to put aside things that are immediately gratifying in order to work on school assignments that aren't much fun.

Help him better experience the payoff for doing his work. One reason kids start sliding downhill academically is that they don't see any immediate benefit. In other words, while there is a carrot at the end of the stick -- college -- the stick is so long that for all practical purposes, your son can't see the carrot!

Take him to one or two college campuses and let him walk around, visit the student union or sit in on classes to make college real, and make a connection between the effort he makes on schoolwork today, and a tangible reward in the near future. Buy something at the bookstore with his favorite school's logo that he can display in his room as a reminder of where he's headed.

I would also suggest you rule out any learning challenges that might be making it difficult for him to handle the workload. Many times, a teen appears to be unmotivated when, in fact, he's drowning academically but doesn't want to ask for help.

Is his reading up to par? He could have 20/20 vision, but still need a workup with a developmental optometrist to make sure his eyes are tracking together. Does he have focusing and attention problems? It may be that he needs strategies for getting started on assignments to "kick start" his brain when the subject matter is inherently uninteresting to him.

You might also consider reducing Internet, video games and television time, so that your son has fewer things to distract him from doing his work. Some kids need more structure than others, and it may be that you'll have to limit the diversions available to your son that are causing him to avoid tackling his schoolwork.

It may be helpful to hire a college kid to work with your teen for a few hours a week. While your son may be resistant to your help with homework, he may benefit from the influence of a serious college student who can help fire up his motivation, and mentor him toward better study habits.

When you come at an adolescent with unwanted advice, there's a very good chance that it will not be acted upon. Kids are hard-wired to resist our input, especially when it's delivered with judgment, shaming or long lectures.

Come alongside your son with support, and help him onto a better track by following these tips. He'll thank you when he's a little further down the road, if all goes well!

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>bad gradescollege admissionsparenting adviceteen collegeSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 16 May 2011 11:00:00 ESTShould You Give Condoms to Your Teen? From Dr. Drewhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/13/should-you-give-condoms-to-your-teen-from-dr-drew/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/13/should-you-give-condoms-to-your-teen-from-dr-drew/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/13/should-you-give-condoms-to-your-teen-from-dr-drew/#commentsFiled under: , ,

A conflicted mother asks sex and addiction expert Dr. Drew whether or not she should supply condoms to your sexually active teenager. Watch the video to see what Dr. Drew advises!


Don't miss on MarloThomas.com:

Why is My Teenage Son Overeating?
Dr. Drew responds to a concerned mother's question about her teenage son's unhealthy eating habits.
See the clip

Forget the Hook-Ups!
Dr. Drew strongly encourages young people to "cultivate dating" and to abandon the "hook-up culture" that is so prevalent today.
See the clip

Shopping - Is It an Addiction?
A lot of my friends wonder about whether you can be addicted to shopping. Dr. Drew says yes.
See the clip

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>condomsdr drewteen sexteensthe editors at MarloThomas.comFri, 13 May 2011 17:00:00 EST