ParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gifParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comen-usCopyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/It's So Hot Outside: Tips on Keeping Kids Safe in the Summer Heathttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/22/its-so-hot-outside-tips-on-keeping-kids-safe-in-the-summer-hea/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/22/its-so-hot-outside-tips-on-keeping-kids-safe-in-the-summer-hea/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/22/its-so-hot-outside-tips-on-keeping-kids-safe-in-the-summer-hea/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Credit: AFP/Getty Images

Yep, we know: It's hot out there. Like, really, really hot. Like, so hot you really don't want to step outside of your air conditioned bubble. But how much TV can you allow your kids to watch before you just break down and decide to brave the heat index and head outside?

Be sure you follow some expert advice on keeping your kids as cool as possible, WGN in Chicago reports.

"Young children are especially vulnerable to heat because they produce more heat at rest, they have a higher body surface area to mass ratio and they absorb more heat," Dr. Karen Sheehan of Children's Memorial Hospital, tells the TV station. "They don't sweat as well as adults. An adult and adolescent who are healthy, it takes about four days to get used to this type of weather, but for a kid it's about two weeks and that puts them at much more risk."

First up: the car. Just don't leave your kids in there. Even for a few minutes as you run into the store.

"We've only had our in-car thermometer in for about 20 minutes, if that," Jessica Choi of Safe Kids Illinois tells WGN. "We've already got a difference of 10 degrees. Its 10 degrees hotter in the car than it is outside."

Next: Keep kids away from open windows, especially on upper level floors.

"If you need to open windows, open from the top down," Amy Hill, injury prevention manager at Children's Memorial, tells WGN. "Also, move furniture away from the windows so kids can't crawl on top and fall out. That's what happens most often, people don't think about the couch being near the window. They crack the window for some circulation and the kid climbs up and falls out. It's a huge problem in Chicago."

And, as always: Don't take your eyes off a child playing in a swimming pool.

"It's important for parents and caregivers to remember that babies and toddlers can drown in one inch of water," Hill tells WGN. "Empty all buckets, containers and wading pools immediately after you are done using them."

Hmmm...Maybe one more episode of "SpongeBob" wouldn't really be that bad.

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]]>child safetydrowningheathot carsopen windowssafety advicesafety tipssummer heatLesley KennedyFri, 22 Jul 2011 12:00:00 ESTMom's Spanking Fuels Toddler's Aggressionhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/11/moms-spanking-fuels-toddlers-aggression/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/11/moms-spanking-fuels-toddlers-aggression/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/11/moms-spanking-fuels-toddlers-aggression/#commentsFiled under: , ,




Dear AdviceMama,

I take care of twin 18-month-olds, a boy and girl. The mom has started "disciplining" them with spanks and timeouts. As a result, the girl frowns and hits -- I feel she is acting out what she sees, and trying to process it, since I don't believe an 18-month-old understands this kind of "discipline." She is also acting aggressively with her brother, which starts the whole "discipline" cycle over again. How can I help this young family find a better way to deal with the twins' growing assertiveness?

Signed,
Concerned

Dear Concerned,

Toddlers are inherently uncivilized, and need to be gently taught what is and isn't appropriate as they learn to interact with the world and with one another. But the word "discipline" actually means "to guide or instruct." True discipline isn't about punishment; it's about teaching children right from wrong with patience and understanding.

Children who are disciplined with anger and force often demonstrate the behaviors you are observing in this little girl. Kids mimic the behavior of adults; if the grownups caring for these toddlers spank or shout when their children don't do what their parents want, their youngsters will behave aggressively when another child isn't doing what they want.

Having worked with thousands of parents and children, I can say with confidence that there are alternatives to using aggression or timeouts to get children to cooperate. Kids want to please parents when they feel lovingly connected. But young kids -- especially toddlers -- have poor impulse control and find it hard to act with restraint when they're agitated or upset.

It would be helpful if the mother of your charges understood some basics about child development. Eighteen-month old children are in an enormous growth spurt as they expand their capabilities while simultaneously dealing with the constant frustration that comes from being restricted in what they can do. By managing her toddlers' encounters with the things they can't do or have, Mom will minimize those moments when frustration (her daughter's and her own) turns into aggression.

Let Mom know that you sympathize with the challenge of raising two active little ones. She'll be more open to your suggestions if she doesn't feel judged, so help her know that you're on her side, rather than criticizing her parenting style.

Ask Mom if she's seen her daughter acting out with aggression. If she hasn't, give her some examples of what you've observed. Find out if she is willing to try a different approach when her daughter's frustration turns into hitting, biting or pushing. Most parents admit to feeling badly about resorting to timeouts and spankings and would use other methods if they were effective.

Offer to work with Mom to experiment with alternatives to timeouts and spankings. One strategy is to avoid problems by making sure this little girl isn't over-stimulated, hungry or tired. Toddlers need plenty of down time, rest, good food and opportunities to experience success; a little one who's wired, worn out or constantly frustrated is more likely to turn aggressive.

Pay attention to how things are going when the children are playing, and use distraction before things get bad. By noticing when this little girl is getting fussy, you and Mom can help avoid her acts of physical aggression by giving her something else to do or engage in. Toddlers usually have very short attention spans. It should be fairly easy to shift her focus onto a snack, book, song or toy before she reaches her melting point.

Also, make sure these twins have time to play alone, so they aren't constantly having to navigate one another's moods and rhythms. You may find this little girl is more out of sorts just before a meal, or right after waking up from a nap. If that's the case, address her need for a quiet, slow wake up or a pre-lunch bite of something nutritious to help prevent her from falling apart.

If your little toddler does hurt her brother, comfort him first, and then take her aside and simply say, "Hitting isn't OK." Show her what she can do when she's mad and help her feel understood: "You wanted that toy. You wanted it. You were mad that he was playing with it." Help her cry, pout, or hit a pillow to get her mad feelings out. But, generally speaking, it is far better to prevent problems with 18-month-olds, than to punish them for impulse control that is beyond their developmental capacity.

Thank you for caring so much for your charges to have asked this question. Please watch for more on the subject of discipline in upcoming columns.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

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]]>babysitterchild disciplinechildrendisciplinespankingtimeoutSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 11 Jul 2011 11:00:00 ESTSetting Screen Limits: Top 3 Tipshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/08/setting-screen-limits/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/08/setting-screen-limits/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/08/setting-screen-limits/#commentsFiled under: , ,

setting tv limits

Credit: Corbis

Not all screens are created equal

* Kids spend nearly 7.5 hours per day with media.
* Balancing media usage is an essential part of growing up.
* When it comes to screen time, both quality and quantity matter.

Setting Screen Limits

Our kids are growing up in front of screens. From smartphones to gaming devices to the ever-present computer, our kids seem mesmerized by them. According to a recent Kaiser Foundation study, kids as young as 8 are spending nearly 7.5 hours per day consuming media. That's not surprising. Video games, Facebook, the Internet, and even TV -- they all seem so much more interesting than, say, doing homework. But studies have shown that all of this screen time can impact everything from kids' health to their school readiness.

The solution isn't as simple as turning everything off. There's a huge difference between an hour spent playing World of Warcraft and the same amount of time spent learning vocabulary from a smartphone app or composing music online.

So when it comes to screen time, it's important to pay attention to both quality and quantity.

In today's 24/7 digital world, learning to balance media usage has become an essential part of growing up. Just as kids learn not to eat too much candy, they must learn how to manage their media diets. While it helps to start when your kids are young, it's never too late to teach them how to recognize when enough is enough.

As parents, we need to guide our children toward activities that help them learn, stimulate their interests, and express their creativity. The task then becomes separating the mindful from the mindless. Following these simple steps will greatly help you and your kids manage -- and even optimize -- screen time.

Tips for all kids

Set an example. Do you hand your kid a smartphone in restaurants, keep the TV on during dinner, or check your email constantly? It'll be harder to teach your kids how to balance media usage if they don't see you doing the same.

Set limits. Parents can help kids develop self-control by working with them to create a schedule that incorporates all of the things they need to do in a day. Make sure that homework, hobbies, and good learning games come first. And you may want to schedule in some downtime. Childhood development experts say it's good for kids to be idle - and maybe even bored. Those moments allow for introspection and the development of self-awareness.

Get involved. Remember, not all screens are created equal - so make sure you know what your kids are doing. Take the time to sit down and play their favorite game with them or look at their latest digital creation. Once you have a sense of their interests, you can help them make better decisions about what they watch, play, and do. Plus, the more involved you are with your kids' digital lives, the better conversations you can have with them about their media choices.

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]]>how to limit tv watchingkids watching tvsetting screen limitsthe editors at Common Sense MediaFri, 08 Jul 2011 09:00:00 ESTSave Your Kids From Summertime Dangershttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/24/summertime-dangers/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/24/summertime-dangers/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/24/summertime-dangers/#commentsFiled under: ,

Relaxing in the backyard, enjoying the pool and exploring the great outdoors. See what potential dangers lurk around some of our favorite summertime activities, and learn how to prevent a trip to the emergency room.



More Foxnews.com:

Alabama Woman Gives Birth to Sextuplets

Healthiest Celebrity Dads

Study Finds Autistic Toddlers' Brains Out of Sync

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]]>pool safetysummertime dangerssunscreenthe editors at FoxNews.comFri, 24 Jun 2011 15:30:00 EST'What's Eating Your Child' Author Talks Misdiagnosed Mood Disordershttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/23/whats-eating-your-child/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/23/whats-eating-your-child/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/23/whats-eating-your-child/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,

Depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety might not be mood problems after all. As nutritionist Kelly Dorfman tells Dr. Marc Siegel, these conditions could actually be food disorders. Find out which foods could negatively affect your child's mood.



More from Foxnews.com:

Alabama Woman Gives Birth to Sextuplets

Healthiest Celebrity Dads

Study Finds Autistic Toddlers' Brains Out of Sync

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]]>adhdkelly dorfmanmood disorderwhats eating your childthe editors at FoxNews.comThu, 23 Jun 2011 11:30:00 ESTInfants Particularly Vulnerable to the Sunhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/infants-sun-protection/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/infants-sun-protection/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/infants-sun-protection/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Watch Videos Related to Infants and Sunscreen Safety!
Infants Particularly Vulnerable to the Sun

Sure, they're having a ball, but did they remember the sunscreen? Credit: Getty Images


As summer approaches, remember that infants' skin is particularly vulnerable to skin cancer and sun damage.

"The ultimate goal of sun protection is to protect all parts of the skin exposed to the sun by using a variety of techniques, including sunscreen in infants older than 6 months," researchers led by Amy Paller, a dermatologist at the Feinberg School of Medicine of Northwestern University in Chicago, report in the July issue of Pediatrics.

WebMD reports children younger than 6 months should avoid the sun, and older children should avoid the midday sun and wear sun-protective clothing, wide-brimmed hats and sunglasses when they're outside.

"Sunscreens for infants must be non-irritating to the skin and eyes and have aesthetic qualities that encourage effective application by caregivers," the researchers write.

According to WebMD, many parents like sunscreens that leave a temporary film. That way, they can be sure the child is thoroughly coated. That's particularly important for infants.

"Newborns, infants and toddlers have skin that is continuing to develop," New York City dermatologist Doris Day tells WebMD. That's why pigments and moles don't always show up at birth. Their skin is still evolving and maturing and it is really important to protect it."

WebMD reports Day recommends keeping infants and toddlers indoors when the sun is strongest -- usually from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. -- and choosing clothes with built-in ultraviolet protection. And don't spare the sunscreen.

Sunscreens should be heavy on the zinc and/or titanium, she tells WebMD.

"These are more opaque and sit on skin rather than getting absorbed," she says.

Also, WebMD reports, zinc and titanium don't irritate the eyes as much because they tend to stay in place.

"Infant and toddlers' skin barrier protection is quite immature," Roya Samuels, a pediatrician at the Steven and Alexandra Cohen Children's Medical Center of New York in New Hyde Park, tells WebMD. "A child's skin has structural quality that makes it more vulnerable to the effects of UV [ultraviolet] radiation, and this can result in an increased risk of later skin cancer."

When You Can Apply Sunscreen to Your Infant

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]]>infants and suninfants sun protectionskin cancersun protectionsunscreenTom HendersonTue, 07 Jun 2011 13:30:00 ESTHow Can I Get My Child to Sleep in His Own Bed?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/how-can-i-get-my-child-to-sleep-in-his-own-bed/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/how-can-i-get-my-child-to-sleep-in-his-own-bed/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/how-can-i-get-my-child-to-sleep-in-his-own-bed/#commentsFiled under: , ,



Dear AdviceMama,

I am the mother of three children. Our youngest refuses to sleep alone in his own bed. We have tried lying down with him until he falls asleep or letting him lie in our bed until he falls asleep, but as soon as we move or try to move him, he wakes up and the whole process starts all over. I feel like we have tried everything! I'm hoping you have some advice for us.

Signed,
Sleepy Mom

Dear Sleepy Mom,

This is one of the most common questions I'm asked, and probably because a disrupted sleep affects children (and their parents) so significantly. There's nothing quite as rejuvenating as going to bed peacefully and sleeping undisturbed through the night. A child who either can't fall asleep easily, or who requires parents to stay for extended periods of time is affecting their own sleep, as well as their weary parents'.

Get clear. This situation is made worse by sending mixed messages to your child. Do you lecture him about how he has to sleep in his own room, only to cave in when you're tired, tucking him into your bed as you give up ... "just for tonight"? Do you sometimes scold him for creeping into your bedroom in the middle of the night, and other times sweetly make room for him to join you?

Until and unless you're very clear about what you and your husband want your son to do, he's going to push to get what feels best to him. Remember, children are egocentric. As much as you're little boy loves you, he isn't thinking about how tired you might be as you lie there waiting for him to finally fall asleep; he's focused on what feels best to him.

So don't expect your child to recognize how sleepy you are and tell you to go off to bed. He -- like most children -- prefers your company as he falls asleep. It's normal; humans have been co-sleeping for thousands of years. I'm not telling you to sleep with him, but I am suggesting that you'll need to be crystal clear that the goal is to help him go to sleep in his own bed and stay there before you try the new strategies I will offer you.

If you're certain that you do not want your son to sleep in your room, choose a relaxed time -- not before bedtime -- when you explain the new bedtime plan. Give him the chance to be upset, scared or sad, and help him offload his feelings without trying to convince him of how much he's going to love sleeping alone! He probably isn't, at least at first. So let him express his anger, fear or tears about the fact that you've decided that he cannot sleep in your room anymore.

Proceed in stages. Think of the process as weaning, rather than a cold turkey, all-at-once experience of making him stay in his room. Focus on helping him go to sleep in his own room, rather than moving him after he's fallen asleep in yours (which clearly doesn't work).

Offer distractions. First, give him something interesting to look at or listen to so he doesn't feel bored and alone in the dark. Quiet music, audio books or a projector that shows stars moving across the ceiling can help distract a sleepy child.

Address fears. Charlotte Reznick, author of "The Power of Your Child's Imagination," suggests that if your child is fearful of sleeping in his own bed, engage his imagination for protection. One 9-year-old, initially terrified of break-ins even with a working alarm system, created an enormous white dragon to wrap around her bed and added a tiger at the door (just in case...). It helped her feel safe enough to allow her eyes to close and her body to relax into sleep."

Move across the room. Lie beside your son silently for a while, and then sit across the room from him while you listen to your iPod or read with your itty bitty light without engaging in any conversation. Let him know that, for a while, you're going to stay nearby until he falls asleep, but only to help him get used to being alone. Let him know if he tries to get you to talk, you will go out of the room. (But give him a reminder or two, as this will take some getting used to.)

After a week or so, start leaving for two to three minutes to "go to the bathroom," and be sure to return as promised. This will help him develop greater tolerance for your absence, without causing him to panic.

Usually within a couple of weeks of sticking closely to these guidelines, the parents I have worked with find that their children adjust to sleeping alone. Give it a try, and let me know how it works! And sweet dreams!

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

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]]>child sleepchild to sleep in own bedsleep in own bedsleeping in own bedSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 06 Jun 2011 11:00:00 ESTHead Lice: How to Get Rid of Those Creepy Crawlershttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/03/head-lice-how-to-get-rid-of/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/03/head-lice-how-to-get-rid-of/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/03/head-lice-how-to-get-rid-of/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

When one kid in school gets head lice, you know your kid is likely to be stuck in a hairy situation. It isn't long before your kid is itching and scratching his scalp, too. But, the misery doesn't have to last too long. In this video, pediatrician Dr. Su Laurent explains how to get rid of head lice.

Getting Rid of Head Lice

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]]>Head Licehead lice treatmentliceJessica SamakowFri, 03 Jun 2011 17:00:00 ESTHow to Put Your Teething Baby to Sleephttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/31/how-to-put-your-teething-baby-to-sleep/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/31/how-to-put-your-teething-baby-to-sleep/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/31/how-to-put-your-teething-baby-to-sleep/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Is your teething baby having a hard time sleeping? Sleep-training when teeth start to come in is not an easy task, but it is doable. Follow these simple tips from TheBump.com to make sure your child stays on schedule.


Baby Teething and Sleeping Issues

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]]>sleepingteethingJessica SamakowTue, 31 May 2011 12:30:00 ESTMy Preschooler's Whining Is Making Me Crazy!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/23/my-preschoolers-whining-drives-me-crazy/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/23/my-preschoolers-whining-drives-me-crazy/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/23/my-preschoolers-whining-drives-me-crazy/#commentsFiled under: ,


Dear AdviceMama,

I have a 4-year-old son. What do you recommend when he whines? It drives me crazy, but when I try to get him to stop, he just does it more!

Signed,
Driven Crazy Mom

Dear Driven Crazy Mom,

I feel for you. While parents find many behaviors annoying -- such as hitting or talking back- - there's something about whining that gets under our skin like nothing else can. A child's plaintive, repetitive whimpers can make even the most easy-going parents lose their patience. Here's my advice:

I have a section in my book -- "If Whining is the Answer, What is the Question?" -- where I explore this issue the way you might on "Jeopardy." To put an end to whining, you have to figure out how it is serving the child, and address that need -- or "question" -- in a healthier way.

I recently worked with Lydia*, whose 5-year old, Daisy*, was a chronic whiner. When I watched the two interacting in my office, I saw right away how their dynamic made whining a logical behavior choice for this little girl.

As Lydia and I spoke, Daisy told her mother she was bored. Mom responded by saying she had warned her we'd be talking for a while, and had suggested her daughter bring a few of her favorite toys, which Daisy had refused to do.

Daisy -- a shy little girl -- didn't know what to do with herself, and didn't yet feel comfortable asking to play with the many toys in my office. The easiest "fix" was her mother's attention, and she knew from experience how to get it. She whimpered, flopped on the floor and repeatedly invoked her mommy's name with a desperate moan.

Lydia found it impossible to resist. She scolded Daisy, threatened to withdraw her offer of a trip to the park, and told the little girl her whining was "driving me crazy!"

In other words, Daisy's whining got her the thing she needed: her mother's undivided, focused attention.

Now, the truth is, that isn't exactly what Daisy wanted. What she really wanted was something interesting to do, and she felt too timid to explore the fun things in my office (as she would eventually do with great enthusiasm.) The whining gave Daisy a bit of temporary relief from her feelings of restlessness.

I asked Mom to look for the root of her daughter's behavior so she could understand why it made perfect sense that Daisy had gotten into the habit of whining to get her needs met. I also encouraged her to make sure she didn't reward her daughter by giving her attention -- even negative attention -- when Daisy persisted in demanding it.

I invited Lydia to give me specific reasons that would explain or justify Daisy's whining. She admitted that Daisy tended to whine when she was unstimulated. With nothing to engage her curious mind and a temperament that made her uncomfortable exploring new environments on her own, she whined to find relief from her boredom.

While I don't think parents should establish themselves as their child's source of non-stop fun, Daisy was going to be in a new place (my office) where her mom would be distracted by conversation with a strange lady, leaving the girl to wiggle and squirm. It was a foreseeable problem Mom could have prevented by better planning. I suggested Lydia be more pro-active, bringing along toys in novel situations so her daughter would have something to do until she felt brave enough to explore a new environment her own.

When I asked Lydia to think about any patterns to her daughter's whining-time of day, circumstance or setting, she said one predictable time was about a half an hour before dinner, when Daisy claimed she was "starving." I suggested Lydia give her daughter a protein snack to tide her over, rather than rigidly ignoring her hunger by making her wait till Daddy got home. I also encouraged her to involve her daughter in dinner-making to give her a healthier way to engage with Mommy.

Rather than looking for ways to punish your children for whining, uncover for the payoff they get and address it before they resort to misbehavior to get their needs met. Be the captain of the ship who steers clear of rough waters, rather than scrambles to cope with problems once his ship is in the middle of the storm.

If whining is the answer, look for the question or the child's need, address it in advance and things will undoubtedly improve.

Yours in parenting support,
AdviceMama

* Not their real names

AdviceMama, Susan Stiffelman, is a licensed and practicing psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in developmental psychology and a Master of Arts in clinical psychology. Her book, Parenting Without Power Struggles, is available on Amazon. Sign up to get Susan's free parenting newsletter.

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]]>parenting advicewhiningSusan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 23 May 2011 10:30:00 ESTHow to Nip Digital Drama in the Budhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/12/digital-drama/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/12/digital-drama/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/12/digital-drama/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

digital drama

Getting your kids away from media shouldn't be an ordeal. Credit: Corbis

"Turn off the TV!" "No more Club Penguin!" "No Facebook 'til you're 14!" Sound familiar? Welcome to the world of digital drama -- where cell phones, TV shows, video games and the Web create a standoff between kids and parents. But it doesn't have to be this way.

How can you avoid a confrontation that can evolve from Elmo to online games to texting at the dinner table faster than you can say OMG? Beginning when your kids are young, you can help reduce the charge these issues have by offering alternatives for stuff you're comfortable with.

Here are the most common media stand-offs at every age -- and how to nip them in the bud.

Solutions for Every Age

Preschool
"Mommy, can I watch another show? Please, please, please?"

Preschoolers love TV -- and love to watch their favorite characters again and again and again. But there's a reason why the American Association of Pediatrics recommends only small daily doses. Too much TV has been linked to a host of negative consequences, including lower school readiness, attention-deficit disorder and obesity.

Try this: If you let your preschooler sit in front of the tube alone, she'll naturally want to watch whatever's coming on next. So watch with your kids, choose quality shows and turn the TV off when the show is over. Then ask your child to draw a picture of what he or she watched. (Also, think about watching shows via DVR or on demand to skip the commercials.)

Elementary School
"Can I get a Club Penguin account? All my friends have one!"

As kids move through the elementary years, friends become more important, and they begin to look to their peers for cues on how to act. Club Penguin and other online worlds provide a fun way for kids to socialize online. But you have to pay a subscription fee to enjoy all the benefits -- and what happens when your kid moves onto another interest?

Try this: Let your kids use the site for free for a while to see how they like it. If you think they'll stick with it, give them a full account for a birthday or holiday present. That's a great way to teach them that virtual worlds cost real money!

Middle School
"I'm getting a Facebook page. I don't care what you say." In middle school, peer influence is strong, and kids begin to make more independent decisions. But Facebook's minimum age is 13 -- and that's to protect kids from marketing come-ons, as well as any dubious social connections.

Try this: Get kids interested in social networks that have a younger minimum age. Also, make sure their privacy settings are set to the strictest circle of friends. Ask that they connect with you on whatever social network they join. Talk to them about responsible online behavior and how their reputation can be affected by questionable posts and photos.

Written by Caroline Knorr.

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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

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]]>club penguindigital dramafacebookkids and tvmediasocial networkingthe editors at Common Sense MediaThu, 12 May 2011 13:30:00 ESTStereotypes in the Mediahttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/05/stereotypes-in-the-media/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/05/stereotypes-in-the-media/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/05/stereotypes-in-the-media/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

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stereotypes in the media

Media is full of economic, gender and ethnic stereotypes. Credit: Corbis

While many argue that it's just human nature to make sweeping generalizations about people, the media certainly takes an active role in reinforcing them. Help undo the damage these generalizations can cause by taking a critical look at what they mean, how they paint so many people unfairly and, most importantly, how they may misinform our kids about the world around them.

What are stereotypes in media?

The media is full of economic, gender and ethnic stereotypes, from the roles of good guys and bad guys in video games to the animated films our youngest children enjoy. White male heroes far outnumber both women and minorities in media portrayals. And, although women have come a long way in how popular culture reflects their status, statistics show women are still most often relegated to roles of love interest, sex object or selfless saint.

The facts

  • In video games, male characters are more likely to be heroes and main characters with big muscles, great power and lots of abilities. Female characters are more often supplemental characters and likely to be shown as sexy, innocent and frequently wearing revealing clothing (Miller and Summers, 2007).
  • In G-rated films there are three male characters to every female character (Dads & Daughters and USC, 2006).
  • Non-white male characters are almost twice as likely to be portrayed as physically aggressive in G-rated movies (Dads & Daughters and USC, 2006).
Why they matter

The images our kids see powerfully inform their sense of what is "normal." When kids see the same class, racial and sexual relations portrayed over and over, it reinforces class, race and gender stereotypes. The characters kids see can become role models -- and kids may want to imitate the behavior they see. They may also form judgments about others based on portrayals in video games, in stories and on TV.

Tips for parents of all kids

  • Start counting. When you're watching TV with your kids or playing games with them, keep a tally of the characters. How many are female? How many are male? How many are white? Do you see any correlation between the characters' race and gender and how they are portrayed? Talk about these observations with your children. These sorts of questions will help your kids build awareness -- and provide you with opportunities to further discuss stereotypes.
  • Find alternatives. Common Sense Media can help you find movies, books and video games that run counter to these portrayals. Check our recommendations for Best Smart Movie Girls or Best Mexican Stories.
  • Don't buy it. Game makers and movie studios keep making products with unfair portrayals because we keep buying them. Remember that you can vote with your dollars. Even better, contact media companies and let them know how you feel about gender or racial stereotypes in their products. When you write or call, company representatives assume there are many other folks who feel the same way you do. This means that when you speak up, you're speaking for both yourself and for many others.
  • Start discussing. Ask your kids about their values. What do they think about gender, racial and economic equality? Then ask what they think of action heroes, sports heroes, and video game and movie villains. What about popular culture's portrayals reflects their values? What doesn't?
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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

The Virtue of Stereotypes

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]]>mediastereotypesstereotypes in the mediatype castingthe editors at Common Sense MediaThu, 05 May 2011 16:00:00 ESTGaming and Your Kidshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/04/gaming-and-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/04/gaming-and-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/04/gaming-and-your-kids/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

gaming and kids

Kids love getting their game on. Credit: Getty Images

Never before have kids spent so much time (and money) gaming. Some gaming encourages creativity in wonderful ways -- using music and art -- while other gaming can help deepen a child's interest in science and history.

But most of the favorites consist of kill-or-be-killed action. It's tough not to feel like an outsider when you watch your kids play some of the more advanced games.

What is gaming?

Games come from all directions. There are the hand-held devices such as Gameboy, the Nintendo DS, and PlayStation Portable, as well as consoles including Xbox 360, PlayStations 2 and 3 and Wii. Of course, online games can be found on kids' favorite websites, and there are downloadable games for the PC, iPhone, iPad and smartphones.

So, how do you know if games are OK for your kids to play? Hand-held and console video games carry age ratings from the Entertainment Software Ratings Board, as do online games that require a software installation. But online games with no software remain unrated. Multi-player online games involve communicating with other people -- which raises the risk of inappropriate contact. The age ratings at the App Store can be unreliable, so use Common Sense App ratings instead.

The facts

  • Seventy-eight percent of teens play online games (Pew, 2009).
  • More Americans play video games than go to movies (NPD Group, 2009).
  • In 2009, females comprised 28 percent of console-game players (NPD Group, 2009).
  • National retailers enforced their store policies by refusing to sell M-rated video games to minors 80 percent of the time (Federal Trade Commission, 2008).
  • Teens who played games with more civic learning opportunities are more likely to give or raise money for charity and to volunteer (Pew and Mills College, 2008).
Why it matters

Your kids love gaming -- it's likely one of their favorite pastimes, and it brings them together with friends to play. Electronic games grow more creative and sophisticated every year, but you should pay attention for two big reasons: violence and addiction.

As kids get older, games get more violent. They put young people behind the trigger and encourage them to cause as much damage as possible. The new Wii controllers work by motion sensor so your children actually make a stabbing or slicing motion to spear or slice someone on screen. This violent interaction affects kids. Studies have shown playing violent games increases aggression and decreases sensitivity to others.

Also, kids don't have "off" switches in their heads until their late teens, so they can -- and will -- play games for hours without stopping. Gaming addiction is very real and can harm kids' health, school performance and social maturity.

If that's not enough, gaming is not a cheap pastime. Online games have subscriptions (or lots of ads), and console and handheld games can cost up to $60 per game.

Tips for all kids

  • Make sure games are age-appropriate. Know the content of what your kids play, both at home and at friends' houses.
  • Establish limits. Be firm from the beginning about how much time kids can play. Some parents set an overall daily media usage time and let kids decide which of the many forms of media they wish to use on a given day. Of course, be very clear about what games your kids can play.
  • Find good stuff. While it might seem like kids' video games are all about shooting, you can find games that provide rich, engaging experiences that broaden kids' horizons. Common Sense Media is a great place to start finding these games.
  • Be aware of multi-player options. Games often involve some form of player interaction, multi-player gaming, or player-generated content that kids can upload and download. Watch out for open chat and user-generated content that isn't monitored.
  • Talk about online ads. Most online games offer lots of free giveaways and downloads that are often full of spyware and malware and will crash your computer sooner or later.
  • Get screen savvy. Games are available on every device that has a screen -- including phones. And screens are everywhere. Count that screen time toward your kids' total game playing for the day.
Tips for preschoolers and elementary school kids

  • Choose wisely. Look for games that are educational and stimulating.
  • Be there for preschoolers. Sit alongside your preschoolers to help guide them and explain what the game is asking them to do.
  • Restrict online communications. Many games for elementary-aged kids offer online components like chat. We don't recommend these features for young children. If they are offered, you can usually disable them.
  • Carefully consider game site subscription fees. Many online games charge a fee instead of showing ads. There are pros and cons to paying, but either way your kids will beg to join if their friends use the site. It's your money, so check out the site yourself to see if it's worth the price.
Tips for middle school kids

  • Set multi-player controls you're comfortable with. Preteen and teen games offer additional player interaction, multi-player action, or player-generated content that kids can upload and download. But these features can be controlled by the player, so set the controls you are comfortable with.
  • Watch language. The language in multi-player games can get pretty intense. If you aren't comfortable with what you hear, use the parental controls that disable online play.
  • Be on the lookout for violence. Violence ramps up quickly in these games. Check what your kids are playing and limit those games that you feel are excessively violent.
Tips for high school kids

  • Be aware of highly addictive games. Games like "Halo 3" allow kids to play against others anywhere in cyberspace. They are designed to take up tons of time, and it's up to you to curb it. As with any battle you may have with your children, you have your work cut out for you.
  • Stay involved. Continue to talk to teens about their gaming lives and look for games that help reinforce your family's values.
  • Watch spending. Games are expensive, and many offer in-game purchases. Talk to your teens about how much money they're spending on gaming, and whether that money could be better spent elsewhere.

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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

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]]>computer gamesgaminggaming and your kidsvideo gamesthe editors at Common Sense MediaWed, 04 May 2011 16:30:00 ESTTips for a Healthy Media Diethttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/03/tips-for-a-healthy-media-diet/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/03/tips-for-a-healthy-media-diet/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/03/tips-for-a-healthy-media-diet/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Watch Videos Related to a Healthy Media Diet!
media and kids

Help kids connect what they learn in the media to events and other activities in which they're involved. Credit: Getty Images

Whenever you can, watch, play, listen and surf the Internet with your kids. Talk about the content. When you can't be there, ask them about the media they've used.

Help kids question and analyze media messages and share your own values. Let them know how you feel about solving problems with violence, stereotyping people, selling products using sex or cartoon characters or advertising to kids in schools or movie theaters.

Help kids connect what they learn in the media to events and other activities in which they're involved, such as playing sports and creating art, in order to broaden their understanding of the world.

The facts
  • Forty-three percent of children younger than 2 watch TV every day, according to a 2007 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation.
  • Kids 8 to 18 spend more than an hour a day on the computer, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation.
  • Kids who watch more TV than their peers during middle and high school years have less healthy diets five years later, according to a 2009 study by the University of Minnesota.
  • Girls with a heavy sexual media diet engage in sexual activity younger than their peers, according to a 2007 poll by Harris Interactive.
  • Children who watch between two and four hours of TV a day are two-and-a-half times more likely to have high blood pressure, according to a 2007 study by the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.
Be a role model

When kids are around, set an example by using media the way you want them to use it. Don't bring cell phones and BlackBerries to the dinner table, turn the TV off when it's not actively being watched. Use a VCR or TiVo to record shows that may be inappropriate for your kids to watch -- even the news -- and watch them at a later time when kids are not around.

Keep an eye on the clock

Media is fun and our kids love it, but kids can have too much of a good thing. Keep an eye on how long kids spend online, in front of the TV, watching movies or playing video games. The secret to healthy media use is to establish time limits and stick to them -- before your kids turn on and tune in.

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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

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]]>healthy media dietkids and mediamediamedia contentthe editors at Common Sense MediaTue, 03 May 2011 17:00:00 ESTAutism Questions Answered by Doctorhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/29/autism-questions-answered-by-doctor/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/29/autism-questions-answered-by-doctor/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/29/autism-questions-answered-by-doctor/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,

Watch a video on detecting signs and symptoms of autism.
autism questions

Parenting a child with autism raises many questions. Credit: Corbis

As a doctor and a parent of a child with autism, I get a lot of questions in my practice (and in my email inbox) from other parents of children who have been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. I wanted to take this opportunity to let you all know that I have been reading and giving careful thought to each of your concerns. Here are a few of the latest questions that have been sent to me.

Q: I have twins and one is standing on his own and the other one stands, but not on his own. How would I know if that's the first sign of autism? You said on the news you saw your son was acting different. What did he do or not do? When do these signs start? What should I look for? -Amber

A: Amber, I understand your concern. However, just on the basis of your description that one of your twins is having some delay in standing, it does not appear he meets the criteria for autistic disorders. Many infants at the age of 8 months have variable delays in walking, and that work up should be followed with your pediatrician in regards to his motor strength.

Autism, on the other hand, relates more in delay of speech, attention to surroundings and interaction within the family. I welcome you to check out the rest of the Fox News Health section for more information. I am glad that you're asking questions so early on in your child's life because I do believe that parents are the first ones to sense that there may be something wrong with their children -- and the earlier you intervene -- the better the outcome will be.

Q: Dear Doc, I am a police detective here in New Jersey, and I have a son with autism. We have been in early intervention for about a year now, but he turns 3 this June so as you know he is headed to my local district's pre-school program. My son sounds a lot like how you described your son. He has a lot of eye contact with us and a few tics but the worst part is he doesn't talk. I love my son so much, and I just don't know if we are making the right choices for him. It drives this tough detective to tears many nights. I just feel lost in the sea of information. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. -Clint

A: Clint, I empathize with you. But you know, I always try to look at the glass half full. Early intervention is important, and home tutoring is vital. I don't know exactly where you live in New Jersey, but the Valley Program in Bergen County is one of the best. This program is run in many towns in Bergen County and as a resident of Jersey you have the right to have your child in the best program that fits his needs, even if your own school district offers similar services.

Q: Hi Dr. Manny, I live in Australia and have four boys. My second son, now 27 years old, has autism and an intellectual handicap. Danny lives with us at home and will do so until I can no longer care for him. He is affectionate to me but has self-injurious behavior quite often, and this totally determines the course of his life and limits his horizons. We've tried various medications including antidepressants and Risperidone, but he actually does much better med-free and has been so for several years now. Please let me know if you come across any techniques or methods to control or decrease his self-injurious behavior. - Mandy

A: Mandy, thanks for your question. I hope and pray that your son finds the peace he needs. I know that you have tried Risperidone; however, I prefer Abilify because it controls the hyperactive phase of psychological irritability much better. I advise you to consult with your family doctor for more information on Abilify to decide whether or not it's the right choice for you.

Q: Last Saturday my brother-in-law came to talk to me about how good you are and that you have an Autistic son just like mine. My son Lucas was diagnosed with autism last year, and I wanted to ask you what your opinion is on ABA therapy versus the Son-Rise method. Thank you so much, and like always, you are the best! - Marta

A: Marta, thank you for your kind words. I have to say that I believe ABA therapy has had the best success in treating autistic children, especially very early on. ABA, short for applied behavior analysis, encourages and improves social behaviors by using experimentation to identify variables that will cause changes in behavior. In a 2007 report, the American Academy of Pediatrics said the benefit of ABA-based interventions in autism spectrum disorders has been well documented and that "children who receive early intensive behavioral treatment have been shown to make substantial, sustained gains in IQ, language, academic performance, and adaptive behavior as well as some measures of social behavior." Overall, I believe the data on ABA is quite strong, and the majority of doctors around the country who work with autistic children are more experienced with ABA therapy.

The Son-Rise method, for those who are interested, is more focused on relationships and creating a calming, accepting environment for autistic children, where parents mirror the child's repetitive behaviors such as rocking, spinning or hand-flapping.

For more answers to your health-related questions, please email drmanny@foxnews.com.

More from FoxNews.com:

New, Glittery Feminine Products Introduces Menstruation to Tweens

Girl, 7, Has Plastic Surgery to Avoid Being Bullied

Um, Uh ... Speech Stumbles Help Toddlers Learn New Words

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]]>autismautism questionsthe editors at FoxNews.comFri, 29 Apr 2011 18:00:00 ESTMy Neighbor's Child Often Hits My Daughter! Help!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/11/violent-behavior/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/11/violent-behavior/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/11/violent-behavior/#commentsFiled under: ,


Dear AdviceMama,

My 3-year-old loves to play with our neighbor's child, but things often fall apart when the other child hits my daughter. What should I do?

Signed,
Mom who wants a bruise-less kid

Dear Mom,

When our child is threatened or harmed by anyone, our instinct is to take action, and that's a good thing. Even if the threat comes from a 3-year-old, we instinctively know we need to do something.

Here's my advice:

Approach the parent of the other child to see if he or she is willing to collaboratively problem solve. In other words, find out if the hitting child's parents recognize the problem already, or are in denial.

If they are already aware of their youngster's aggressive tendencies, then you can work with them to arrange more supervision at playdates, or perhaps simply take a break from having the children play together until they can figure out what's behind their child's aggression.

If they are in denial, then they will tell you that their child doesn't ever hit other children (suggesting it's your daughter's fault) or that "all kids hit." They may even try to convince you that your daughter is the one provoking things, and that their innocent little one was merely acting in self-defense.

If the other child's parents are unwilling to work with you to solve the problem, then, as disappointing as that may be, you will at least know that it's probably best to reserve their play time -- if it happens at all -- to your home, so you can keep a closer eye on what's going on.

If your daughter generally enjoys playing with the other child and you're comfortable having the children play at your house, here are a few things to keep in mind to help minimize opportunities for the hitting to take place.

  • Make sure the playdates aren't more than an hour or so in length; in other words, build on success. At the end of the hour, walk the other youngster home and commend him or her on how well things went. End on a happy and positive note.
  • Make sure both kids are rested and well-nourished. Children become frustrated as a matter of course. That frustration turns into aggression more easily when they're hungry, tired, over-stimulated or running on lots of sugar.
  • Stay involved. Only arrange times for these kids to play together -- at least for now -- when you can be involved in their activities, or at least in the same room.
All children experience frustration. But for some, their inability to cope with not getting what they want unleashes aggression. Take these tips to heart, and see if things improve. If not, I would recommend that you avoid having your daughter play with this child for a little while, and then try again in a month or two.

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]]>Susan Stiffelman, MFTMon, 11 Apr 2011 11:00:00 ESTNursery Style Ideas That Don't Cost a Fortunehttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/04/nursery-ideas/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/04/nursery-ideas/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/04/nursery-ideas/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , ,

removable wall art

Removable wall art lends versatility to a nursery's decor. Credit: Kenziepoo, Flickr

Decorating a stylish nursery doesn't have to require dipping into your child's college tuition fund. To help keep costs low, but style high, ParentDish asked some design pros for a few secrets to create a contemporary look for your baby's room.

First, think about color, which has gotten more sophisticated in recent years. Pink and blue have been replaced by silvery greens, pale yellows, grayish lavenders and even straight gray tones.

"It used to be more cutesy or gender specific," says Esther Sadowsky, owner of Manhattan's Charm & Whimsy. "Now parents want things to go with the rest of the apartment."

Los Angeles designer Sarah Barnard says parents are more fashionable than ever before.

"They're probably not going to be satisfied with a cartoon theme," she says.

One way to jazz up the walls without making a long-term commitment is to use stick-on art such as Wall Pops. Designers, including Sadowsky, love this type of wall art because it can add instant interest and color to a wall and then be peeled right off in a couple of years when you or your child gets tired of it.

Check out craft stores like Michaels and even Home Depot for supplies. Wall Pops come in funky, vintage prints and bright colors that can be combined in many nursery-friendly ways.

When it comes to furniture, think long-term. As hard as it is to imagine, your baby will be out of diapers and moving from a crib to a bed before you know it.

"My opinion is that it's very expensive if you have to buy two rooms of furniture for the same child," says Northbrook, Ill.-based designer Jeff Smoler. "I try to do to it so all the furniture has a dual function."

He recommends a chest of drawers with a detachable changing table and a crib that converts to a youth bed.

Barnard says many parents now want their nursery to be environmentally friendly, too. She recommends second hand furniture, low VOC paints, natural bedding supplies (such as organic cotton sheets and blankets) and even natural latex crib mattresses for nurseries because she believes natural products are healthier for babies. She doesn't want anything that gives off that "new car smell" in a baby's room.

If you insist on buying new furniture, Barnard suggests spending a little extra and buying something well-made that can be passed down to a future generation.

Related: Making your child's room unique

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]]>baby styleBabyStyledecorevergreenideas for nurseryNurserynursery beddingnursery ideasNurseryDecorEllen Rooney MartinMon, 04 Apr 2011 11:30:00 ESTManaging Exposure to Violent Mediahttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/11/managing-exposure-to-violent-media/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/11/managing-exposure-to-violent-media/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/11/managing-exposure-to-violent-media/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

kids and media violence exposure

Not everything they watch contains sunshine and giggles. Credit: Getty Images

Ask your kids to tell you about a violent scene in a TV show or a movie. Ask them why they remember it and what they felt like when they saw it. See if they can figure out what about the scene made it stick in their head. What did they say to themselves when they saw it? Were they scared? Did they have to remind themselves it was fictional?

Were the scenes important to the show or movie's plot? If not, why do your kids think the producers and directors included the scene?

Point out that violence is often used to "sell" something, since gory images get people's attention. Remind your kids that TV shows have their own popularity contests. Those with the biggest audiences make the most money because they have the most advertisers paying top dollar to reach the viewers. Two surefire ways to get big audiences are by showing scenes with lots of sex and/or violence. Ask your kids to come up with some examples of shows they like or movies they enjoyed that had a sex scene or violent episode that wasn't necessary to tell the story.

Arm yourself with the facts about the impact of media violence. The studies don't lie. Lots of violence affects kids' behavior. Period. When kids marinate in media steeped in acts of aggression, it can increase antisocial activity and bullying and decrease empathy for victims of violence. The more aggressive behavior kids see, the more it becomes an acceptable way to settle conflicts. Movies with scary images, intense peril, loud noises, and -- above all -- blood and gore, create all sorts of disturbances, including increased anxiety, sleep disruption, and nightmares. And those first-person-shooter video games? The intimacy of the mayhem and murder pack such a huge emotional punch that they alter brain chemistry.

  • Nearly two out of three TV programs contain violence, averaging six violent acts per hour.
  • The average child who watches two hours of cartoons per day may see more than 10,000 violent acts a year.
  • There are more than twice as many violent incidents in children's programming than in other types of programming.
  • Teens who watch more than one hour of television per day are four times more likely than other teens to commit aggressive acts in adulthood.
  • In a study of third and fourth graders, reducing television and video game consumption to less than one hour per day decreased verbal aggression by 50% and physical aggression by 40%.
  • According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, violence is a leading cause of death for children, adolescents, and young adults -- more prevalent than disease, cancer, or congenital disorders.
  • By the time kids enter middle school, they will have seen 8,000 murders and 100,000 more acts of violence on broadcast television alone.
  • Younger kids are particularly vulnerable to the health effects of media violence -- especially those under 7 who can't easily distinguish between fantasy and reality.
  • The younger kids are when they see a violent or scary movie or TV show, the longer-lasting the effects -- particularly in nightmares and increased anxiety.
Common Sense Says:

Explain consequences. What parent hasn't heard "but there's no blood" as the justification for seeing a movie or playing a video game? Explain the true physical consequences of violence. Point out how unrealistic it is for people to get away with the kind of mayhem modeled in media. Explain how games, in particular, actually encourage and reward violent acts (how else can you win?).
Teach conflict resolution. Kids know that clocking someone on the head isn't the way to solve a disagreement, but verbal cruelty is also violent. Teach kids how to disengage, use their words, and stand up for themselves without throwing a punch.
Don't let kids immerse themselves in violent content. Keep an eye on the clock. The more time spent with violent content, the greater its impact and influence.

Be age appropriate:

Kids ages 2-4 often see cartoon violence. But keep them away from anything that shows physical aggression as a means of conflict resolution, because they'll imitate what they see.
For 5- to 7-year-olds, cartoon rough-and-tumble, slapstick, and fantasy violence are OK, but violence that would reasonably result in death or serious injury is too scary.
8- to 10-year-olds can handle action-hero sword fighting or gunplay as long as there's no gore. Violence should have consequences.
For 11- to 12-year-old tweens, historical action is OK, including battles, fantasy clashes, and duels. But close-ups of gore or graphic violence (alone or combined with sexual situations) aren't recommended.
Kids ages 13-17 can and will see shoot 'em ups, blow 'em ups, high-tech violence, accidents with disfigurement, or death, anger, and gang fighting (and with HDTV, they'll really see things!). Point out that the violence portrayed is hurtful and causes suffering. And limit time exposure to violence, especially in video games.
No M-rated games for kids younger than 16 or 17. Sure, the kid down the street has the latest cop-killer game. But these games are ultra-violent and often sexually violent. That's not good for developing brains and social development.

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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

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]]>the editors at Common Sense MediaFri, 11 Mar 2011 15:00:00 ESTTV Violence and Your Kidshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/03/tv-violence-and-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/03/tv-violence-and-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/03/tv-violence-and-your-kids/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

TV violence kids

The more violent or aggressive behavior kids see, the more normal it becomes. Credit: Getty Images

Every family has a different definition of what constitutes violence. Is an anvil falling on the Road Runner's head violence? How about dangerous reality TV challenges? At the end of the day, it all matters. Because even if kids know that something is make-believe, their brains still process the information as if it were real. The more kids take in, the more it affects them. And it seems that the yuck factor keeps increasing on TV shows. Finding age-appropriate shows, limiting the amount of TV violence kids are exposed to, and talking to your kids when they've viewed something violent can lessen the impact.

Why it matters

It makes sense (and studies prove) that the more violent or aggressive behavior kids see, the more normal it becomes. With all the gore that fills the TV screen, violence can become an acceptable way to settle conflicts. Studies show that repeated exposure can lead to harmful acts and bullying. And they also show that kids become less empathetic to victims of violence. Kids younger than 7 are particularly vulnerable, since they don't easily distinguish fantasy from reality. They're also in the process of separating from their parents; that budding independence can bring normal insecurities and anxieties. When a child sees another child harmed on television, the impact is huge psychologically. So it's not surprising that the younger kids are, the longer-lasting the effects of TV violence can be, including nightmares and increased worry that the world is a dangerous place.

The facts

  • 30 years of research and more than 1000 studies confirm that violent television creates fear and anxiety in young children
  • Repeated exposure can impact kids' readiness for school
  • Televised violence increases feelings of hostility and can decrease empathy for human suffering
  • By the time our kids reach middle school, they've seen more than 8,000 televised murders. By age 18, that number escalates to 40,000 (and over 200,000 total violent acts)
  • "CSI," "24," and "Law & Order: SVU" are regularly watched by elementary school kids
  • The nightly news is among the most violent TV that kids watch
  • Violent TV promos are completely unregulated.

Know what kids can handle at each age.

  • Kids ages 2-4 often see cartoon violence. But keep them away from anything that shows physical aggression as a means of conflict resolution, because they'll imitate what they see.
  • For 5- to 7-year-olds, cartoon rough-and-tumble, slapstick, and fantasy violence are okay, but violence that would reasonably result in death or serious injury is too scary.
  • 8- to 10-year-olds can handle action-hero sword fighting or gunplay as long as there's no gore. Violence should have consequences.
  • For 11- to 12-year-olds, historical action is OK, including battles, fantasy clashes, and duels. But close-ups of gore or graphic violence (alone or combined with sexual situations) aren't recommended.
  • Kids ages 13-17 can and will see shoot-'em-ups, blow-'em-ups, high-tech violence, accidents with disfigurement or death, anger, and gang fighting. Point out that the violence portrayed on screen hurts and causes suffering. And limit exposure time -- the studies don't lie. Ultra-violent behavior, often combined with sexual images, isn't good for developing teen brains.
Check out shows before your kids do. Don't assume that everything broadcast during daylight or early evening hours is OK. Read reviews, check out content, and pre-screen shows.

Get the TV out of the bedroom. It will cut down on the hours watched, and you'll have a better handle on what your kids are watching.

Talk to your young kids about the cartoon violence they see. Tell them it isn't realistic and that it's no way to solve problems.

Manage TV time with digital video recorders (DVRs). If you have one, fill it with nonviolent, age-appropriate shows that kids can watch on demand.

Watch with them. Talk to your kids about what they're seeing. With younger kids, ask them whether there's a better way to solve problems. With older kids, see whether you can start a discussion about violence in their schools or communities to see where their heads are. Then put in your two cents.

Be a role model. Don't watch violent shows when your kids are around. Sure, we all grew up with violent television. And, yes, we came out OK. But we didn't live in our kids' culture where the violence is so much gorier and the time they spend with violent media dwarfs anything we grew up with. Violence is everywhere now -- on TV shows, in movies, in video games, and on the Internet.

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]]>violence on televisionViolenceOnTelevisionthe editors at Common Sense MediaThu, 03 Mar 2011 17:00:00 ESTScary Movies and Your Kidshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/25/scary-movies-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/25/scary-movies-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/25/scary-movies-kids/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

kids and scary movies

Kids love scary films. The trick is finding movies with age-appropriate thrills. Credit: Sony

Your 9-year-old is clambering for a scary movie at the video store. Not just any scary movie, but one where people are cut up with a hacksaw. Is it OK for her to be scared silly by something so gory? Or will she have nightmares for a month? (Will you?) It's good to know what works for kids by age, so you can keep the frights within the fun zone.

What are scary movies?

Kids love scary films. The trick is finding movies with age-appropriate thrills. Something that terrifies kids at 5 (ghosts, evil characters, major peril) will be a non-issue at 15. Scariness comes from fear of the unknown, from surprise, and from fears about the loss of a loved one. Depending on where your kids are in their emotional development, different things will affect them differently. Young kids are frightened more by creatures that older children know don't exist. Abrupt noises, eerie sounds, and music create tension in both younger and older children. Psychological suspense, with its threats of impending doom, can terrify your middle-school kids.

The facts

  • The younger kids are when they see a scary movie or TV show, the longer-lasting the effects will be.
  • Kids who watch scary material often have nightmares or anxiety.
  • Kids ages 2 to 7 often can't distinguish between fantasy and reality.
Why they matter

Movies with scary images, intense danger, loud noises, and -- above all -- blood and gore, can create all sorts of disturbances. Among them are anxiety, sleep disruption, and fears about possible situations. Children younger than 7 can't easily distinguish between fantasy and reality -- even if you tell them "it's not real." You will know if your kids have become too frightened when they start having sleep problems, irrational fears, and obsessions with things like zombies. Scary and disturbing images and sounds can affect vulnerable kids for years.

Tips for parents of all kids

  • Know what they're watching -- and whether it's appropriate. Check out Common Sense Media reviews, which offer age recommendations and provide age-appropriate selections.
  • Practice your poker face. Some research suggests that kids will become more scared if they see that you are scared by something in a movie or on TV.
Tips for parents of young kids

  • Choose media with care. Kids under 7 will believe what they see. When picking media, nothing should be more startling than "Boo!" Kids over 5 may like haunted houses, mysteries, and things popping out everywhere, but stick to animation, which helps them realize that it's fantasy. Be careful with monsters, skeletons, aliens, and zombies. Avoid any dangerous material involving characters near their age.
  • Be prepared for when things do go bump in the night. If your child is frightened, give him physical comfort, a glass of water, or a distraction. Kids 2 to 7 respond well to magical remedies and nightly rituals, such as cleaning the monsters out of the closet.
  • Don't be surprised if your kids suddenly like a little scary stuff. Kids who are 8-to-10 years old can handle being scared for longer periods of time -- in fact, they love it. Bring on the phantoms and ghoulish faces, but continue to choose films without gore or physical harm. Some intense moments are fun as long as the resolution involves a happy ending.
Tips for parents of middle school kids


  • Pushing boundaries may be OK. Some kids of this age are ready to be scared silly. You still should be mindful of blood and gore, but in general skeletons, monsters, and aliens are okay. Even so, stick to movies that have humor mixed in, or those with safe-and-sound endings.
  • Give reassurance when necessary. Other kids still scare easily. Middle school is when scary movies start being a big part of sleepovers and movie outings with friends. Even if your child isn't ready for the scarier stuff, it can be hard for her to tell that to friends who want to see the latest zombie flick. Let your children know that it's OK to be scared and to tell their friends they'd rather watch something else.
Tips for parents of high school kids

  • They may be ready for more than you think. Developmentally, teens can handle dramatic and psychological suspense, but kids under 16 still shouldn't see slasher horrors, especially those that feature kids in dire danger or that have lots of gore.
  • Mind the messages. Many scary movies now pair horrific graphic violence with sexual situations -- not a great combination for kids exploring newfound sexuality. Be sure to talk with them about the content of the movie they're seeing and the messages it may convey. Check Common Sense Media's reviews for conversation starters.
  • Dig into the vault. If you like scary movies too, try introducing your teens to some of the horror and suspense classics. Just make sure that any younger siblings are already tucked in bed.

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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

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]]>the editors at Common Sense MediaFri, 25 Feb 2011 15:50:00 EST