ParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gifParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comen-usCopyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Getting Over 'Can't', From Marlo Thomashttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/19/getting-over-cant-from-marlo-thomas/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/19/getting-over-cant-from-marlo-thomas/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/19/getting-over-cant-from-marlo-thomas/#commentsFiled under: ,

We all face those moments when we feel like we just can't do something. How can we learn to keep going? We all have our own ways of doing this, but I have a personal tool that's a little different.



Don't Miss from Marlo Thomas:

Personal Story: The Irone Crone
I love a challenge, so loved this story about a woman who took on a formidable physical challenge at - 58!

Your Turn: Taking Risks for Your Dreams
Sometimes you have to take a risk to accomplish your dreams. Have you ever gone out on a limb so you could get closer to reaching your goal?

Optimism as an Anti-Aging Strategy
Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I've always seen the glass as half full. Phil is just the opposite. He sees the clouds forming while I'm still sunbathing! I asked Dr. Dale Atkins if there's any advantage in being one way or the other. You'll be fascinated by what she said!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>marlo thomasthe editors at MarloThomas.comTue, 19 Jul 2011 10:00:00 ESTWhat to Buy Teachers for an End of the Year School Gifthttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/08/what-to-buy-teachers/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/08/what-to-buy-teachers/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/08/what-to-buy-teachers/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

End of the Year School Gift

What teacher gifts will make the grade? Credit: Getty Images

School is nearly out -- and the annual hunt for the perfect end-of-year teacher gift is on. What do you get that won't collect dust, garner a (private) yawn or duplicate what every other mom buys?

Here's our unofficial guide to teacher-gift giving:

Follow the rules. Does your kid's school have a policy limiting the amount that can be spent on gifts? If so, honor it. It's also smart to check with other parents in your school to find out what they're doing; this helps you avoid feeling sheepish if your gift is out of step with everyone else's. And don't forget to recognize teacher aides with a small token, too.

Consider a group gift. Ask for a small donation ($5 to $10 per family) towards something larger (a massage! a Kindle!) It's an easy, budget-friendly way to gift a nice present while taking the burden off individual parents. If you're coordinating the gift, remember that not everyone can -- or will -- participate. Regardless, include every student's name on the card. It's just classier.

Gift cards are always appreciated. Yes, it's a little impersonal, but you know it's going to get used! Consider a gift certificate towards something the teacher may not splurge on herself -- a manicure, a restaurant, a class, that kind of thing.

"Things" are great -- if you know your teacher's taste. Imagine getting 15 gifts from well-meaning pseudo-strangers. Some you'll love, but most will likely miss the mark. By all means, buy your teacher a monogramed tote bag, an umbrella or a pretty scarf if you're confident you know her taste. But if you don't, stick to the gift certificate or the group gift.

Make the packaging personal. Whatever you gift, include drawings or handwritten notes from the kids! Consider using the drawings as the gift wrap itself.

Finally, remember that no teacher needs a mug/pen/frame with the words No. 1 Teacher on it -- no matter how cute it looks in the store.

More from ivillage:

12 Tips to Keep Your Kids Busy Without TV
Best Family Vacations
Creative Kid's Birthday Cake Ideas

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>End of the Year School Giftgiftsteacher giftsthe editors at iVillage.comWed, 08 Jun 2011 11:30:00 ESTHeirlooms and Traditions from Marlo Thomashttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/08/heirlooms-and-traditions-from-marlo-thomas/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/08/heirlooms-and-traditions-from-marlo-thomas/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/08/heirlooms-and-traditions-from-marlo-thomas/#commentsFiled under: , ,

When I was growing up, my mother had this beautiful big silver punch bowl that she would use whenever there was a special event or holiday.


What about you? Has anything been past down in your family? Join the conversation and post a comment below. To contribute, sign in using your screen name from AOL, AIM, Yahoo, Facebook, or Google. If you don't have a screen name, create one now: it's fast, it's free, and it's safe!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>Heirlooms and Traditionsthe editors at MarloThomas.comWed, 08 Jun 2011 09:00:00 ESTDr. Phil on Mondays with Marlohttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/mondays-with-marlo-dr-phil/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/mondays-with-marlo-dr-phil/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/mondays-with-marlo-dr-phil/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Psychologist and hit talk show host Dr. Phil stopped by to chat with Marlo Thomas about relationships, bullying, parenting, and more!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>bullyingmarlo thomasrelationshipsthe editors at MarloThomas.comTue, 07 Jun 2011 10:00:00 ESTYou May As Well Laugh: A Conversation With Judith Viorsthttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/03/judith-viorst/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/03/judith-viorst/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/03/judith-viorst/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Judith Viorst's newest book is "Unexpectedly Eighty."

By Marlo Thomas

I've been a huge fan of Judith Viorst for ages. Her writings have continued to amuse, inform and delight audiences, especially her "decade" books. The latest is "Unexpectedly Eighty" - and the minute I heard it had been published I wanted to chat with my old friend about it.

Judith, your new book "Unexpectedly Eighty" continues a series you started with "When Did I Stop Being Twenty and Other Injustices." When you wrote that one, did you ever imagine you'd still be writing these so many years later?

I never actually planned to write decade books, but by the time I was writing about my 40s, I realized that I was, in fact, able to pinpoint certain experiences/challenges/qualities that seemed to characterize each decade for me -- and for other women of my generation, and even, to a surprising degree, for women of younger generations. In my 40s, however, it was still unimaginable that I'd ever be 80, still be writing at 80, and still finding things to laugh about at 80.

If you were to tell us a lesson you learned in each decade of your life, what would those be?

Wow! I can better describe the challenges of each decade.

  • 30s: Dealing with the shocks of married life as romantic illusion collides with messy reality.
  • 40s: Struggling to come to terms with the fact that there are limits - that I'll never be a ballerina or brain surgeon, and that I'm probably not going to be the first immortal.
  • 50s: Becoming pretty clear on who I am and what I am and am not good at, and feeling really comfortable in my own skin.
  • 60s: Except ... Just when I thought I finally had it all nailed down, I'm facing a whole new set of difficult truths, and preferring a good report on my next bone density test to a night of wild rapture with Denzel Washington.
  • 70s: So here I've been expecting the worst, but despite the losses and limits of the 70s, everyone I know is busy working on staying fit, and trying to make the world a better place, and finding plenty to please both body and soul.
  • 80s: Not the new 60s - no way. More and more of the people we care about succumb to awful illnesses; many of them die. But sharing Metamucil and grandchildren with the man I've loved for over 50 years is pretty damn sweet.
Has there been a favorite decade so far?

My favorite decade has been my 50s, when I felt at peace with my options, proud of my capabilities and no longer as self-absorbed, as self-pitying, as just plain dumb as I used to be. But what I didn't have in my 50s, and what is lighting up my life in the decades since, are Miranda, Brandeis, Olivia, Isaac, Toby, Nathaniel and Benjamin, my practically perfect - no, totally perfect - grandchildren.

These books are life stories, written in poetic verse. How did that concept of storytelling begin for you?

My first writings were poetry, which always felt to me like a quite natural way of expressing what was in my heart and my mind.

"Unexpectedly Eighty: And Other Adaptations"

But these decade books are just one part of a very full career. You've written fiction, non-fiction and a series of children's books. The "Alexander" series is based on your son Alexander and includes your other two sons, Anthony and Nick. How did that series come about?

My Alexander books began when I noticed that my real-life Alexander seemed to be having more than his share of bad days. So to cheer him up I wrote about another (sort of fictional) Alexander's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Though I never spell this out, of course, I see "bad day" as a helpful container concept-not limitless misery but a period of time that has a beginning and END. The book also makes the point (again, not explicitly) that all of us, not just my own Alexander, not just the unlucky hero of this book, are sometimes going to have some bad days.

How did your sons feel about being young boys that children around the world were reading about?

My kids were basically pleased to have their names mentioned in my books, but more interested in what I was making for dinner.

And, I imagine, your grandchildren grew up reading about their dad and their uncles! Did they know they were reading about their own family?

My grandchildren are not as impressed with reading about their dad and uncles in my books as I thought they'd be, though I do make yearly cameo appearances at each of their classes, and will do so until they grow old enough to ditch me and want their grandfather to come and talk about the Middle East.

Childhood issues don't really change, no matter what decade you're a child in, do they?

No, childhood issues don't change. Sibling rivalry, dreams of glory, envy, loneliness, needing someone to love, the longing for safety, the longing for independence, and on and on and on-all are part of our shared history.

You've also written some very important non-fiction books - "Necessary Losses," "Grown-up Marriage," "Imperfect Control," as well as "People and Other Aggravations." Before we talk about those, we have to discuss your decision to go back to school in your 40's, to study Freudian psychology. What prompted that move?

Judith Viorst books include several written for children.


I went back to school to study psychoanalytic theory for six years not to become a therapist (though I did work as a therapist for a couple of years as part of my training) but to enrich my writing. Everything I write -- for kids and adults, in poetry and prose, serious and funny -- is about our inner lives and our relationships with others. Though by no means a perfect tool for understanding who we are and why we do what we do, I found-and still find-psychoanalytic theory a wonderful resource, a wonderful well to dip into.

Some women feel that life is over after they've sent their kids off to college. Yet, obviously, you never saw it that way. You just began a new chapter! What would you like to say to women out there, that think it's too late to pursue their dreams?

I really don't know anyone who felt their lives were over when they sent their kids off to college. Everyone I know found something exciting to learn, some meaningful way to help the world, a whole new career to pursue. To any woman who thinks that it's too late to pursue a dream, all I can say, to not coin a phrase, is Yes, you can.

Your training in psychology, of course, led to the books I mentioned earlier, which deal with important life issues. "Necessary Losses" was on the New York Times bestseller list for two years. Let's talk about some of the losses we need to accept in life, so that we can move forward.

The losses I wrote about in "Necessary Losses" begin with the loss of leaving the safety of our mother's arms and trying to make our separate way in the world and include: the loss of the dream of exclusive, indivisible love (instead of having to share love with our brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers); the loss of freedom that comes with the acquisition of a conscience and sense of guilt; the loss of the unrealistic expectations we lay on our families, on friendship, on marriage and on parenthood; the loss of our younger selves as we grow older and then old; and, of course, the inevitable loss-of others, of our selves-through death. My book's argument is that all of these losses can lead-if we consciously work at them-to hard-won but valuable gains.

You have maintained a very long and happy marriage. You've also written a book ("Grown-Up Marriage") on the subject! What's the secret?

The secret of a happy marriage above all else is hanging in there and seeing the marriage as a THIRD THING, as a creation a husband and wife keep building together and are willing to make certain sacrifices for -- sacrifices not to him, not to her, but to this third thing that we both value. I have a very long list of other things in my book "Grown-up Marriage" that I think go into making a marriage good. But hanging in there and hard work really help.

So many of your books are filled with humor. I'm guessing that you believe, as I do, that laughter is the best medicine?

I can't imagine life without humor. There are so many moments, especially in the course of marriage and motherhood, when the only two options seem to be laughter or homicide. You might as well laugh.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>booksinterviewjudith viorstJudithViorstmarlo thomasthe editors at MarloThomas.comFri, 03 Jun 2011 16:00:00 ESTGloria Steinem: Can a Housewife Be a Feminist?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/31/can-a-housewife-be-a-feminist-from-gloria-steinem/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/31/can-a-housewife-be-a-feminist-from-gloria-steinem/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/31/can-a-housewife-be-a-feminist-from-gloria-steinem/#commentsFiled under: ,

Writer and feminist activist Gloria Steinem addresses the question of whether a stay-at-home mom may still claim to be a feminist.



Don't miss on MarloThomas.com:

Little Moments That Made Up a Movement
Steinem describes the feminist movement as consisting of women's persistent recognition of the inequalities that exist, as well as the rights they deserve.
Watch the video

Today's Feminist Issues
Steinem singles out the key issues for present-day feminism.
Watch the video

Feminism Today
Steinem evaluates the current state of women's rights activism.
Watch the video

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>feminismfilmgloria steinemstay at home momsthe editors at MarloThomas.comTue, 31 May 2011 13:30:00 ESTPassing on Perfection: Why Being a 'Good Enough' Parent Is Greathttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/26/being-a-good-enough-parent-is-great/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/26/being-a-good-enough-parent-is-great/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/26/being-a-good-enough-parent-is-great/#commentsFiled under: ,



Yesterday morning, I got home after my 5:30 a.m. boot camp to find my husband of 16 years had locked one of the cats in the closet, and she had pooped in his favorite carry-on bag.

Neither of the children was up, and the bath I ask him to draw every morning was ice cold. That meant the cranky son wouldn't want to wash his hair in it (and our water pressure doesn't allow us to run the bath and shower at the same time). This was a surefire combination for a sibling battle and just another day in the life of a Good Enough Mother.

I'm René Syler. Welcome to my world! I bet it looks a lot like yours. Three years ago, I wrote "Good Enough Mother: The Perfectly Imperfect Book of Parenting," which outlined my philosophy on parenting and life in general. Back then, I had a high-powered job as a network news anchor, a husband and two beautiful kids -- my daughter, Casey, and son, Cole. I was trying to do it all.

Like so many of my girlfriends, I was running myself ragged trying to provide my precious babies with a perfect childhood when it hit me: I didn't have a perfect childhood, and, yet, I survived. I was so tired of living up to an absolutely unattainable standard of parenthood that left me tired, frustrated and overall unfulfilled.

It was then I decided good enough was going to be perfect. Now, that doesn't mean we don't try to be perfect parents, but we do get to cut ourselves some slack when we fail. And failing, my friends, is a given.

One of the stories mentioned in "Good Enough Mother" was about my son's grade school birthday party. He wanted donuts in the shape of an "8," just like his best friend had. I searched high and low and found a well-known chain that would do just that. So, after working eight hours, I drove to the donut store, only to find the pubescent kid behind the counter had given my 8s to another mother.

The only thing left were 9s. He was completely oblivious to my panic. For a split second, I thought about scrapping the donut plan altogether and getting cupcakes, but there wasn't time for that. So, off I went, mulling over what explanation I was going to give to my crest-fallen 8-year-old boy as to why he didn't have his special donuts.

When I got there, guess what? He didn't care. You know why? Because it was his special day, they got to eat donuts in class and his mom was there to help him celebrate.

That was a big lesson for me. I realized that, even with my faults, which are way too numerous to count, what my children really wanted was me. So, now I preach the gospel of imperfection.

I have screwed up more playdates than I can remember, forgotten permission slips and am a really lousy cook. But I give my kids what they really want, which is my time, love and attention and, with a fair amount of frequency, breakfast for dinner.

Want to be a Good Enough Mother? Try these tips:

  • Lower the expectation: Forget perfection altogether. Understand that you will do your best, and your best will have to do.
  • Enough with the competitive parenting: Do what works for you and your family. Remember, you are parenting for your children, not your mother-in-law, neighbor, sister or best friend.
  • Keep your own hopes and dreams alive: Just because all of these people came into your life, does not mean you have to give up ALL of yourself.
  • Take time to nurture yourself: That means not always putting yourself at the bottom of a long to-do list. How can you possibly take care of others if you don't do the same for yourself?
Years ago, while pregnant with my daughter, an older woman struck up a conversation with me. She must have sensed my palpable fear at giving birth and being responsible for another human being, because she gave me the words that have stuck with me through this whole humbling experience. She said, "You alone will be the best mother that child could have." Instantly, I was put at ease because I understood what she was saying.

I didn't have all the answers then and still do not. But I am smart enough to figure it out. So are you.

Remember, imperfection is the new black!

This article originally appeared on PBSParents and was written by Rene Syler. René is the daughter of two breast cancer survivors. Due to her parents' diagnoses and her own pre-cancerous condition, which led to her own mastectomy, René has made it her mission to help educate and eradicate breast cancer. She travels the country as an ambassador for Susan G. Komen for the Cure. She was also awarded the prestigious Gracie Allen award for her television series on breast cancer.

René lives in Westchester, New York with her husband, Buff Parham and children, Casey and Cole. As much as she loves them, she admits part of the attraction speaking to groups across the country is the opportunity to sleep in a bed without three other people in it and not having to answer the question that strikes fear into the hearts of exhausted mothers everywhere: "What's for dinner?"

More From PBSParents.org:

Child Development Tracker

Expert Q&A

Activity Search

Kitchen Explorers

The Parent Show

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>good enough motherparenting adviceperfect parentingrene sylerPBSParents.orgThu, 26 May 2011 17:00:00 ESTWorst Mother's Day Gifts: What Not to Buyhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/02/worst-mothers-day-gifts/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/02/worst-mothers-day-gifts/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/02/worst-mothers-day-gifts/#commentsFiled under: ,

Year after year, you practice your "I love it" face in the mirror before receiving your Mother's Day gift. Of course, you appreciate your family's effort, but you'll likely be returning whatever gift you're unwrapping. To avoid the inevitable Mother's Day gift blooper, forward this guide to Dad to give him some not-so-subtle clues on gift-buying don'ts.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>gift guidemothers daymothers day giftsJessica SamakowMon, 02 May 2011 16:00:00 EST'Mommy' Wants Her Wine, Vinters Battle Over Trademarkhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/22/mommy-wine-trademark-battle/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/22/mommy-wine-trademark-battle/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/22/mommy-wine-trademark-battle/#commentsFiled under: ,

mom wine

Mommy's Time Out is now trademarked. Credit: Getty Images

Can't anyone give moms a break? Do we really need to make a federal case out of the fact that more than one mother enjoys gulping a little Chardonnay to wind down at the end of a day?

Rival vintners, who have caught onto this lucrative vino demographic have headed to court for the exclusive rights to the word "mommy" on their wine labels, Reuters reports.

The California-based Clos Lachance is asking the court to declare "Mommyjuice" does not violate the trademark of Selective Wine Estates' "Mommy's Time Out."

"Mommy is a generic word that they don't have a monopoly on," KC Branch, an attorney who represents Clos Lachance, tells Reuters.


The owner of Mommy's Time Out declined to comment on the lawsuit, according to the news service.

The key to winning a trademark violation case is for a brand owner to convince the courts that the rival's branding will cause confusion in the minds of the consumer, Reuters reports.

Decide for yourselves: The front label of Mommyjuice features a drawing of a woman juggling a house, teddy bear and computer. The back label advises moms to "tuck your kids into bed, sit down and have a glass of Mommyjuice. Because you deserve it."

The front label of Mommy's Time Out shows an empty chair facing a corner. A wine bottle and glass sit on a table next to the chair.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>mommom winemommymommy trademarkmommy winemoms who drink winetrademark suitwineMary Beth SammonsFri, 22 Apr 2011 15:00:00 ESTOperation Shower Honors Military Moms-to-Be With Caring and Compassionhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/13/operation-shower/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/13/operation-shower/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/13/operation-shower/#commentsFiled under: , ,

operation shower picture

Operation Shower has hosted baby showers for more than 500 military moms. Courtesy of Operation Shower

When Nora Robles' son Rafael was 5 days old, she was invited to attend a baby shower in her honor -- and that of 37 other military moms and moms-to-be.

A week later, her Navy husband was deployed overseas on the USS Boxer. Now, she is home alone in San Diego, Calif., with two young sons.

That's why Robles says she is especially grateful for the mega baby shower and the outpouring of gifts that included car seats, diapers and gift boxes filled with baby supplies, clothing, toys, books and much more.

"We are so grateful for everything and the support," Robles, who named her new baby after her husband, Rafael Chavar, tells ParentDish.

The shower, held in January at Torrey Pines Golf Course and sponsored by Operation Shower, a St. Louis-based nonprofit, was co-sponsored by the PGA Tours Farmers Insurance Open and the March of Dimes.

"Having a baby can be challenging, but can be an even greater (challenge) when your husband is deployed overseas by the U.S. military," Courtney Faith Vera, a mom of two and deployment readiness group leader for the California Army National Guard in Lake Elsinore, Calif., tells ParentDish.

Vera, whose husband is a California Army National Guard Commander, helped coordinate the Torrey Pines event and was the featured speaker.

"Programs like this that support families and moms are very significant because so many military families move so often and live far away from friends and families and have little support," Vera says. "It adds a whole other layer of stress to having a baby and that can lead to a higher risk for complications."

Operation Shower was founded in 2007 by LeAnn Morrissey, a former attorney who stepped off the legal track when her daughter Keilan was born eight years ago. At the time, she tells ParentDish, she wanted to find some way to help the troops.

"My uncle was overseas and I felt I needed to do something to support him," she tells ParentDish. "I kept asking my uncle 'is there anything I can do to help you; is there anything you need?' He asked me to send cards to the wives of four of his troops who were expecting babies."

But Morrissey says she wanted to more than send a card.

"So, some friends and family members and I created 'Showers in a Box' for these women, filling them with little things like baby supplies, but (also) with pampering items for them like nail kits and bath items, something to make them feel special, too. The response we heard from the moms and the men was amazing."

The volunteer-run organization was born.

"I realized as a mom, myself, what it must feel like if you are about to give birth and your husband was oversees and decided it was a need we wanted to fill," she says. "But then add to that all the stresses of having your husband not there -- that must make moms-to-be and new moms so stressed."

In the last four years, Operation Shower has hosted baby showers for more than 500 military moms in groups ranging in size from 10 to more than 100, and in states from California and Texas to Illinois and Missouri to Mississippi and Florida.

The organization has expanded the "Shower in a Box," concept, sending "individual showers" to military moms, and has held 13 unit-wide mega baby bashes on military bases across the country for the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and National Guard, Morrissey says.

The celebration makes a big difference in the lives of military moms-to-be, Vera says. And the baby essentials -- wipes, diapers and formula -- "let the moms know that at least the essentials have been taken care of and they have one less thing to worry about."

At the Torrey Pines Operation Shower event, all 38 moms were given car seats.

"That was humbling and exciting to watch, as so many of the moms had tears when they received them," Vera says.

Giving thanks to military families is the ultimate mission of Operation Shower, Morrissey adds.

"We're all grateful for what soldiers and other military are doing for all of us," she tells ParentDish. "We believe that there is no greater way (to show them that) than by throwing a party and celebrating and supporting them at this very special time in their lives."

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!


Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>baby showermilitarymilitary familiesmilitary family weekoperation showerMary Beth SammonsWed, 13 Apr 2011 14:30:00 ESTPut Down the Bluetooth: Patience and Focus Can Mean More Money, Better Healthhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/24/put-down-the-bluetooth-patience-and-focus-can-mean-more-money/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/24/put-down-the-bluetooth-patience-and-focus-can-mean-more-money/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/24/put-down-the-bluetooth-patience-and-focus-can-mean-more-money/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Stop texting. Turn off the IM. Self-control offers a host of benefits, including better health, more money and less jail time, according to a new study out of New Zealand.

Actually, the well-designed study spanning three decades is a real feat of perseverance in itself. In 1975, researchers Terrie Moffitt and Avshalom Caspi from Duke University started tracking self-control in more than 1,000 Kiwi kids from toddlerhood to adulthood.

Every two years, while the kiddies were 3 to 11 years old, the researchers collected reports from teachers, parents and the kids themselves about their hyperactivity, attention, impulsivity and aggression.

All the forbearance paid off. The results eventually validated the perks of patience and planning. The kids who kept their hands to themselves and focused fared better later in life. By age 32, those with poor control as children suffered more high cholesterol, high blood pressure, obesity, gum disease, alcoholism, bankruptcy, failed relationships and sexually-transmitted diseases.

Often, in their early teens, they made bad choices with major consequences such as smoking, quitting school or becoming parents through unplanned pregnancies. As adults, they were more likely to be single, abuse drugs and get arrested -- essentially the Kiwi equivalent of Charlie Sheen minus the fame and high-priced hookers.

The impulsive, ill-mannered and illegal impulses can't be entirely blamed on parents, however. Moffitt and Caspi also looked at more than 500 pairs of British fraternal male twins to parse out any differences due to parenting and home environment and found brothers differed in how well they coped with frustration and distractions.

Those with less self-control at age 5 had worse grades and were more likely to smoke by age 12 than their brothers. So, the delinquency can't be entirely blamed on poor parenting, as twins raised by the same parents displayed different levels of impulsivity and aggression, some engaging in downright stupid behavior.

Not that stupidity explained all the bad behavior, either.

Still paying attention? Self-control predicted future outcomes much better than -- and regardless of -- intelligence. That's good news. The ability to persevere through challenges, plan ahead and manage impulses turned out to be more important than IQ. Patience trumped smarts!

Thank goodness, because behavior management can be taught, whereas intelligence has proven rather immutable unless, of course, you're trying to sell a boxed set of DVDs with classical music and creepy puppets.

As a psychologist, I dig this focus on behavior, rather than some abstract ability. I can address it today, maybe on the way home from school. Maybe forget the snacks in the car and make the kiddies wait a few miles before breaking them out.

Despite the whines, I'll let my second-grader figure out how to spell all the words for her reading journal. Hopefully, these small moments serve as preparation for challenges that can't be readily solved by an app or Google search.

So, now that the word is out about self-control, maybe we should hold Mom and Dad responsible for reinforcing and modeling more purposeful thought and action. Start now or your child may someday be the highest paid actor working in television.

Done. Now, go check your inbox.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>patienceself controlSelfControlPolly PalumboThu, 24 Mar 2011 11:00:00 ESTYour Turn: A Community of Friendshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/21/your-turn-a-community-of-friends/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/21/your-turn-a-community-of-friends/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/21/your-turn-a-community-of-friends/#commentsFiled under:

I think everyone needs a community of friends in their lives -- you just can't get all the support you need from one person. If it takes a village to raise a child, as Hilary Clinton famously wrote, then it takes a network of adults to protect the happiness -- and sanity! -- of a woman living today.



Do you have different friends for your different needs? Tell us in the comment section -- join the conversation!

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>friendsfriendshipmarlo thomasMarloThomasthe editors at MarloThomas.comMon, 21 Mar 2011 15:00:00 ESTWhy Lent Is Good for Your Familyhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/16/why-lent-is-good-for-your-family/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/16/why-lent-is-good-for-your-family/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/16/why-lent-is-good-for-your-family/#commentsFiled under: , ,

For many, the word Lent conjures up images of stern nuns, hair shirts and Catholic schools circa 1951, but it's a ritual and tradition American families need now, more than ever.

In our family, Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) marks the beginning of a 40-day challenge to give up stuff we love. Despite the ritual pre-Ash Wednesday dinner discussions ("What are you giving up this year?"), year after year, we always end up with the same boring and predictable sacrifices. Mom: coffee, dessert. Dad: beer. Kids: candy.

This year is different.

Instead of using this holy season as a personal weight-loss boot camp where I purge my pantry and refrigerator of all the things I shouldn't be eating anyway, our family is attempting to work on more serious virtues: gratitude, patience, love.

It started with an episode of "60 Minutes" my mom told me about, featuring the heartbreaking stories of middle-class American families dealing with job loss, foreclosure and homelessness.

My kids watched an articulate 12-year-old girl talk about the embarrassment and humiliation of sleeping in the family minivan and praying her friends wouldn't recognize her dad holding up a handmade cardboard sign on the side of the road -- "Family of 5. Please Help."

As my children watched, I realized this brave little girl accomplished what my countless reminders about the starving children in Africa could not: She inspired in my kids a genuine spirit of gratitude for the things they commonly take for granted. Things like our house, electricity, lunch money and parents blessed with jobs.

The conversations these touching stories generated opened my kids' hearts to take on bigger, and more meaningful, sacrifices this Lenten season; sacrifices that I hope will have more lasting and character-building effects.

One of our kids is challenging himself to be more patient by not getting angry when his little sister (our resident teaser) provokes him. My 6- and 11-year-oldd are giving up television and devoting more time to reading. The whole family has made a Lenten commitment to be more grateful by counting our blessings each evening during prayer time and taking on a charity project.

From obesity to consumerism and an epidemic of debt, there's no question we live in an age of excess. What family couldn't benefit from a period of reflection, self denial, charity and prayer?

So, bust out the purple candles, carve time out for family prayer, download the "stations of the cross for kids," and don't forget about meatless Fridays and Friday night fish fry (if you're blessed to live in Wisconsin!).

Lent is an ancient tradition tailor-made for the problems of a modern world and busy families. Sure, it's old school, but it's never been more relevant ... or needed.

Share your Lenten thoughts and traditions.

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>easterlentreligionRachel Campos-DuffyWed, 16 Mar 2011 15:00:00 ESTIf Money Doesn't Buy Happiness, What Does?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/16/if-money-doesnt-buy-happiness-what-does/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/16/if-money-doesnt-buy-happiness-what-does/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/16/if-money-doesnt-buy-happiness-what-does/#commentsFiled under: , ,

About seven years ago, I was laid off from my job. I was a marketing director at a well-known corporation, and, after a wonderful career there, I ended up with a boss I didn't like who didn't like me back.

I'll never forget the day he invited me up to his office and told me I could either leave or accept a performance improvement plan.

What? Are you kidding? I've been promoted almost every year I have been at this company. I've won performance awards. My appraisals have always been stellar! Are you kidding?!

He wasn't kidding, and I refused to accept the performance improvement plan. Later that day, I was boxing up my picture frames and memorabilia and going home.

The next day I had no idea what to do. I was reeling. I recall sitting in a shopping mall parking lot in my car crying my eyes out because I didn't know who I was anymore or whether I had any remaining value. I wasn't sure how I could find happiness, because I had tied my self-worth so closely to my job.

Whenever I think of what I would wish for my children, two things always rise to the top: health and happiness. As a goal, health seems pretty clear -- no disease, no chronic suffering and an ability to use their bodies to do whatever they want.

Achieving happiness, however, is not so clear-cut.

Everybody wants it. There are more than a few best-selling books about it. People make life-changing decisions -- including getting married, breaking up, having babies, changing jobs and moving residences -- to try and get it. There's no single picture of what it looks like, though, and I imagine many of the things we do, thinking they will make us happy, fall pretty short of the destination.

Because I'm nerdy that way, I was reading a book last night about creating social change, "The Dragonfly Effect" by Jennifer Aaker and Andy Smith. While I should have been focused on what I need to do to make my new nonprofit effective, I was stopped in my tracks by the discussion of happiness in the book's introduction.

Apparently, if you are between the ages of 25 and 30, money is linked to happiness. After that, though, the shine wears off and people start looking for meaningfulness to make them happy. The authors define meaningfulness as "a change in direction that leads to more sustainable happiness, the kind that enriches lives, provides purpose and creates impact."

In other words, instead of expecting money and other people to make us happy, we should find ways to give to others and contribute to the greater good, and the meaning that is created by doing such things will bring us happiness.

They add that human beings have " ... three basic needs in terms of their self-worth: competence (feeling that we are effective and able), autonomy (feeling that we are able to dictate our own behavior) and relatedness (feeling that we are connected to others)."

To be honest, I made a boatload of money at my corporate job, had the freedom to buy and do whatever I wanted and wonderful friends who worked there with me. I had the competence and even the relatedness, at least for a while (but not much autonomy), but I doubt I was enriching that many lives with my work. I tried to find meaning in it, but it wasn't really there for me.

I never would have believed I'd become a full-time advocate for women with postpartum depression whose annual salary would be very close to zero dollars and zero cents. I no longer work in a high rise in an office with a door. I no longer have an administrative assistant. No annual bonus. No free BlackBerry. No expense account. No more flying business class to meetings in Europe's capitals.

Instead, I sit here in my sweats with my laptop, and the furthest I travel is to the bathroom or the kitchen. Yet, I am surprised at how competent, autonomous and connected I feel. I am happy!

I hear back from women who have been helped by Postpartum Progress and I can see the difference it is making. I am in charge of what I write and what I do on a daily basis. Thanks to a combination of my friends, family and social media, I always feel connected to interesting people and ideas. I love being able to get to know and talk to many of you each week via comments and Twitter.

I went into uncharted waters and, to my surprise, came out chock full of meaningfulness.

Perhaps that is the lesson I need to give my children on happiness. Don't worry as much about being happy, just do what you can to make meaning in your lives. Reach inside to understand what compels you and where you feel passion, and do something about it. Help others.

By no means will I suggest they forgo day jobs, sell their belongings and move to an ashram in India. I just want them to carve out a place, however large or small, where they can make an impact. It could be volunteer work, or a hobby they enjoy or group involvement of some sort that gives them purpose. Whatever it is, I hope they get it in enough doses that they have the happiness for which I pray daily.

What about you? Are you experiencing competence, autonomy and relatedness? Could you get them somehow? Where do you find purpose in your own life?

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>does money buy happinessDoesMoneyBuyHappinesshappinessjobsmoneyparentingKatherine StoneWed, 16 Mar 2011 11:00:00 ESTTop 10 Pieces of Advice I Just Made Up for Myself (See If Any Help You)http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/04/top-10-pieces-of-advice-i-just-made-up-for-myself-see-if-any-he/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/04/top-10-pieces-of-advice-i-just-made-up-for-myself-see-if-any-he/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/04/top-10-pieces-of-advice-i-just-made-up-for-myself-see-if-any-he/#commentsFiled under: ,


Acclaimed activist and author Gloria Steinem. Credit: Gloria Steinem
Acclaimed activist and author Gloria Steinem shares a few pieces of advice that she made up for herself - see if any help you!

10. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, but you think it's a pig... it's a pig.

9. Marx was smart about a lot of things, but not about his embrace of "the end justifies the means." Actually, the means dictate the ends. We won't have laughter and kindness and poetry and pleasure at the end of any revolution unless we have laughter and kindness and poetry and pleasure along the way.

8. Laughter is the most revolutionary emotion - because it's free and can't be forced. Fear can be compelled. Even love can be compelled if we're kept isolated and dependent long enough. But laughter comes from an "Aha!" place of sudden understanding, when known things come together and make something new. Einstein had to be careful while shaving because when he suddenly had an "Aha!" he laughed and cut himself.

7. There's more variation among human groups than between human groups. "Masculine" and feminine" are created roles, just as are ideas of race and class. So when making any generalized statement about women and men, substitute, say, Gentiles and Jews, Whites and Blacks, or Rich and Poor. If it's still acceptable, okay. If it's not - it's not.

6. For 95 percent of human history, spirituality placed god in all living things. God was withdrawn from women and nature to make it okay to conquer women and nature. As a smart Egyptologist said, "Monotheism is but imperialism in religion." Here's the good news: What humans did, humans can undo.

5. Religion is too often politics in the sky. When God looks like the ruling class, we're in deep shit. When there's a limited priesthood, it's deeper. When we're told to obey in order to get a reward after death, it's deepest. Now that Doomsday religions have coincided with Doomsday weapons, it may mean life or death to return spirituality to religion.

4. The Golden Rule was written by smart folks for people who were superior: Treat others as you would want to be treated. Women and men who've been inferior need to reverse it: Treat yourself as well as you treat others.

3. Labeling makes the invisible visible, but it's limiting. Categories are the enemy of connecting. Link, don't rank.

2. All five of our senses exist only in the present. We can't fully live in the past or the future - or even in Computer Land. Right now where you are is all there is.

1. If even one generation were born without ranking and raised without violence, we have no idea what might be possible on this Spaceship Earth.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>the editors at MarloThomas.comFri, 04 Mar 2011 12:28:00 ESTStop and Listen!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/23/stop-and-listen/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/23/stop-and-listen/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/23/stop-and-listen/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Credit: Andy Kropa/Getty Images

A friend of mine forwarded me the story below, which I found amazing. It reminded me of a time when Phil and I stopped in our tracks to listen to a street musician who was completely immersed in his music, and whose sound was so beautiful and pure he practically brought tears to my eyes. To this day the memory of it can make me smile - and I wish some of the hurried Metro passengers in this story had only stopped to listen. Read the story below (and read the original report from the Washington Post for more), then let's talk about it. Have we really become so rushed in our daily lives that we can't experience a moment of beauty?

The Story

On a cold January morning in 2007, a man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes in a Washington, DC, Metro station. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about three minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About four minutes later, the violinist received his first dollar when a woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

At six minutes, a young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

At 10 minutes, a small boy stopped to listen, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.

By 45 minutes, with the musician playing continuously, only six people had stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32. When he finished playing, silence took over. No one noticed, and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew it, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He had played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, using a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days earlier, he had played the same music in a sold-out theater in Boston, where the seats averaged $200 each. This day, though, he was playing incognito in the Metro as part of a social experiment organized by the Washington Post about perception, taste, and priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

o. In a commonplace environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

o. If so, do we stop to appreciate it?

o. Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made, how many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>the editors at MarloThomas.comWed, 23 Feb 2011 15:36:00 ESTMy Inner 8-Year-Old Thinks I'm a Rock Starhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/18/my-inner-8-year-old-thinks-im-a-rock-star/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/18/my-inner-8-year-old-thinks-im-a-rock-star/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/18/my-inner-8-year-old-thinks-im-a-rock-star/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Keep on rockin' in the me world. Illustration by Dori Hartley


At 8, I assumed I had plenty of time. Plenty of time to get it all right.

I'm not sure I ever knew what this mysterious "it" was, or how to define "right." But I was sure that I'd figure it all out by 40. By 40, I'd have "it" in the bag.

When 30 came around, I was newly married and newly knocked up. I'd had a play published and several more produced. I'd been invited to a corner office at 30 Rockefeller Center, to discuss transitioning from playwriting to screenwriting at NBC.

The world was my yummy, chewy oyster. Money was tight at 30, but man, my future was bright. I was on track.

I figured my 40s would center around a terrific kitchen with a built-in dishwasher, an overhead chandelier of copper cookware and some kind of gorgeous, perpetually clean flooring underfoot. The rest of my 40-something-self's house would be equally killer -- full of light and air and charmingly painted antique tables and overstuffed couches and roaring fireplaces and iron claw foot tubs. (I was desperately unoriginal in my wishes, but in defense of my 30-year-old self, I have to say the scenario still sounds awfully nice.)

I also thought my 40s would be privy to a terrific view every morning: a rocky, windswept coast, perhaps. Or a meadow full of wildflowers, with a picturesque creek snaking its way through. Maine? Nova Scotia? British Columbia?

I'd be in top demand in L.A. and New York, of course. My 40-something screenwriting career would be fab and varied -- jetting coast-to-coast for meetings, visiting movie sets in Europe and South America. I'd manage it while also making a name for myself as a superb character actress in various highly acclaimed indie films, being an absurdly fantastic mother to my three or four angelic offspring AND running several nonprofit animal rescue organizations.

Oprah would have me on speed-dial, natch.

Cue the laugh track. Go ahead. I'll wait.



We tell our kids to dream big. The messages run rampant in our culture: Reach for the moon! If you don't make it, you'll still land in the stars! If you can dream it, you can become it! Believe in yourself, and nothing can stop you!

Nothing can stop you, except maybe ... uh, life. Life has a funny way of mucking up the best-laid plans.

I did what I was told: I dreamed big. I put in the work. I had a few lovely highs along the way, but for the most part, the failures have been just as colossal as the dreams once were. And I wonder sometimes if I should've expected a little less from myself or made sure others expected less of me.

I'm wondering if there's a middle ground. I wonder sometimes if we shouldn't be encouraging our children to dream moderately, to dream realistically, to prepare for stagnation and disappointment. But nobody wants to think that way, especially about their own kids. Heck, it's downright un-American. Folks went ballistic recently over Tiger Mom, but I think a Sloth Mom ("Let's watch Scooby Doo, honey. No point in practicing that violin, sweetie. Trust me, Mommy's heard you play.") would provoke even more vitriol from the American masses.



In case you hadn't guessed, things didn't quite work out the way Thirty had hoped. Thirty is no longer speaking to Forty; Thirty is downright pissed off at Forty, who's pointing the finger at Thirty-Five. And now, Thirty-Five refuses to talk unless she has her own lawyer. It's a stalemate.

But my 8-year-old self adores Forty. Eight thinks Forty is pretty awesome. After all, Forty has a little house in the country, full of little girls and dogs and cats and toys and NO BOYS and a super-cool thing called a computer. Forty writes stories for a living. Forty can drive a car and have Cocoa Puffs for dinner. Like, whenever she wants.

Eight thinks Forty is a ROCK STAR.

Forty can work with that.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>Jennifer MatternFri, 18 Feb 2011 12:10:00 ESTRockin' at 50http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/14/rockin-at-50/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/14/rockin-at-50/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/14/rockin-at-50/#commentsFiled under: ,

"At that moment," recalls Betsy, "I knew I was at the start of a new journey. And I knew I wasn't going back." Credit: Betsy True

For most families in the northern suburb of Westfield, New Jersey, it was a typical Saturday night. They buckled their kids into the backseats of their minivans for an evening that promised to be full of music and fun. The rest of the weekend, they knew, would hold the usual routine - soccer games, Sunday brunch and the last-minute rush to finish forgotten homework.

But inside the Cranford Dramatic Club Theatre, as the stage crew adjusted the lights and the band did one final sound-check, Betsy True, an effervescent dynamo who most of the stay-at-home moms en route to the show knew only as one of their own, was preparing to step into her future.

"At that moment," recalls Betsy, "I knew I was at the start of a new journey. And I knew I wasn't going back." For three hours that night, Betsy rocked the stage in a full-blown one-woman concert. In the first act, she perched on a stool in an elegant black ensemble, and sang the kinds of songs she used to sing when she was a professional performer - ballads and show tunes. For the second act, she strutted on stage in jeans and a sparkly tank-top, then tore down the house with non-stop rock, pop and blues. Call it Madison Square Garden Meets the Burbs - the only thing that was missing was the paparazzi, and that was clearly their loss.

Betsy True rocks the crowd at her 50th birthday concert.
Husband Daniel Bloomfield (goatee, purple shirt) mans the second keyboard in the back.


This was a night Betsy had been planning for two years - a celebration of her 50th birthday and fundraiser for an urban school with an underfunded arts program. But beneath the blaring amps and blazing lights, it was much more than that: In 1996, with the birth of her first daughter, Betsy had "willingly and joyfully" walked away from a Broadway career (one that included starring roles in Les Miserables and Gypsy) to become a full-time mom. Tonight was about recapturing the dreams she'd put on hold.

"When my first child was born, I knew I couldn't be the mom I wanted to be if I tried to juggle motherhood with the creative process that a career on the stage demands," she says knowingly. "A lot of women feel like they're better moms if they work outside the home as well - and that's great. But I wanted to soak up the whole experience. I didn't want I didn't want to look back and say 'I wish I had spent more time with my children.'"

So for the first decade of the new millennium, Betsy - who'd been performing since she was a child in Columbia, Maryland - felt comfortable, even blessed, to have stepped out from under the stage lights. "Here I have these two great kids [Anna, 14 and Emily, 11], a wonderful husband and a home that I love. But at about 47 - and I don't want to sound selfish - I started to ask myself, So you got what you wanted. Now what?

"Then when I turned 48, knowing I was two years from turning 50, I began to make a list of all the things I am and all the things I wanted to do. One of my dreams had always been to sing in a rock band."

So where does a suburban mom who hasn't set foot on a musical stage in more than a dozen years even begin? First, by recruiting the brothers she'd cast in plays in the family basement from the time they were three. Both of them had been in rock 'n' roll bands earlier in their adult lives, so she enlisted them not only to back her up, but to offer support and wisdom.

"One of the things my brother Erik told me about singing in a rock band was, 'You have to own it. Every song is about sex, and if you don't own it, nobody's going to care how great your singing might be.' This was one of my biggest hurdles," Betsy says with a hint of sadness in her voice, "mostly because of the way I had been feeling about myself. I spent most of my time in workout clothes, unshowered and always in a rush. A lot of moms don't feel sexy or hot or womanly - and that was something I really wanted to reconnect with. So I put myself on a Pilates workout schedule a full year before the concert."

As Betsy worked on getting her rock star body back, the band began shaping up as well. For more than a year, brothers Erik and John would make the occasional four-hour drive from Baltimore for weekend rehearsals, while Betsy's husband Dan Bloomfield (whom she lovingly refers to as "the Linda McCartney of the group") was tapped to brush up on those childhood piano lessons and man the keyboards. Meanwhile, other moms and dads in their inner-circle - some of whom had also dreamed of performing on stage - filled in as band mates and backup singers. Together they were "The Moody Trues." "There are times when you feel like your whole life comes together," Betsy says softly. "When my kids got on stage to introduce us, I realized this was one of those times. I'd always felt like I had two missions - one as a creator and one as a mother - but the idea of having it all felt more like a myth to me."

Yet that night, in front of a packed crowd of family and friends, Betsy True realized she had to be true to herself.

"That evening validated everything for me," she says. "It gave me permission to go on the journey, to go on the search. I realized that this is a piece of me that I can't deny. Still, I can't tell you I'm doing this without guilt," she adds. "As a mom, I'm the anchor of this family, and when the anchor changes it changes the whole family. Sometimes I feel like it's Anna's turn to discover herself - not my turn. But as my friend Amy always says, there's space for both of us.

"I'm still not completely comfortable with how to be a good mother, a good wife and an authentic artist," she continues, with tears welling up in her eyes. "I don't want to look back and regret. I don't want to look back and say I never tried it. I want to look back and say I really loved my life - and I want my girls to see that you really can live your dreams."

The sold-out show in Cranford was not only the beginning of Betsy's new journey, but a journey for hundreds of students at the North Star Academy Charter School of Newark. The money raised that evening was used to create the Betsy True "Performateria," a space that now lives in the school's cafeteria, complete with lights, a sound system and costumes - a platform, you might say, for the school's rising stars. And while Betsy doesn't see herself taking this particular show on the road, a return to Broadway isn't out of the question. In the meantime, she's begun taking songwriting and screenwriting classes and has returned to writing plays.

"I'm in Oz, in my ruby slippers, trying to figure out where home is," she says smiling. "I have no idea where this journey is going, I just know I need to create. I loved my 50th birthday, and I'll never forget it, because it gave me so many gifts. Reclaiming my artistic identity - and my womanhood - were just two of many."

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>the editors at MarloThomas.comMon, 14 Feb 2011 15:40:00 ESTDr. Jessica Wu's Top 5 Skin Care Tipshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/08/dr-jessica-wus-top-5-skin-care-tips/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/08/dr-jessica-wus-top-5-skin-care-tips/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/08/dr-jessica-wus-top-5-skin-care-tips/#commentsFiled under: , ,

feed your face picture

"Feed Your Face" by Jessica Wu. Credit: Jessica Wu

My new book, "Feed Your Face," is a fun and easy guide to getting the best skin of your life - no expensive products or prescriptions required. In addition to the delicious 28-day meal plan it features, the book is packed with yummy, face-friendly snack ideas, a Restaurant Guide, and real-life stories (including those of some celebrity friends). Here are my top five tips:

1. Be sure to eat a good breakfast. This helps keeps your blood sugar stable the rest of the day, so you're better able to fight wrinkles, breakouts, and rashes. Plus, it also means your body will be less likely to store fat, so your clothes will fit better. But this doesn't mean you can have just anything for breakfast (so no, I'm not giving you permission to eat donuts and danishes). Instead, be sure to include protein. For example, add peanut butter to your toast or lox to your bagel. If you have time in the morning, scramble some eggs and slice a tomato on the side. For breakfast on the go, try Greek yogurt topped with berries (tastes like cheesecake!) or order an oatmeal topped with almonds at the coffee shop.

2. You can eat pizza! But not the greasy, deep dish kind piled high with bacon and sausage. Instead, ask for thin crust, preferably whole-wheat; get it light on the cheese, and add protein (like grilled chicken) as well as green and yellow veggies to fight crow's feet. For an extra dose of antioxidants, have a glass of red wine on the side.

3. For clear skin, stay away from dairy. Milk, cheese, yogurt, ice cream, and other dairy products have been linked to acne breakouts. In recent years, research has shown that dairy is inflammatory, which means that it leads to redness, swelling, and pus-all of which can worsen pimples. Even if you choose organic milk products, which are made without bovine Growth Hormone, all milk products contain intrinsic cow proteins that can have a hormonal effect on your skin and lead to increased oil production and clogged pores. Try switching to soy milk or almond milk. If you do, just make sure you're getting your calcium another way.

4. Eat tomatoes every day to fight sun damage. Tomato paste has been shown to protect from sun burn and sun damage. This is because tomatoes contain a high concentration of a substance called lycopene, which is an antioxidant. This means it helps protect skin from the damaging effects of UV rays. Make them readily accessible by adding them to salads, sauces, and meats.

5. Steal this celebrity trick: Before a party or event where they'll be serving food, pre-eat before you leave so you won't be hungry for fattening, collagen-busting snacks upon your arrival. Some ladies carry baggies of snacks in their evening bag. I'm a fan of walnuts, baked green beans, and fruit with almond butter.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>the editors at MarloThomas.comTue, 08 Feb 2011 15:55:00 ESTParents, How Much Free Time Do You Have?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/02/free-time/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/02/free-time/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/02/free-time/#commentsFiled under: ,

free time

"Oh, Carol, I just love my 90 minutes to myself!" Credit: Getty Images

If there's one thing all parents can agree on, it's that we don't get a lot of time to ourselves. But how much time do you actually have?

Lisa Belkin of The New York Times writes about a study of 3,000 parents in Britain that found "after everything else was subtracted, working parents have 90 minutes a day 'to themselves.' "

At first I thought, "Wow, 90 minutes. That would be great." Then again, maybe it's all in how you define "free time." In my case, I spend my day either working, doing various kid-related tasks -- scheduling, picking up a kid, scheduling someone to pick up a kid while I pick up the other kid -- or cleaning up. What I've discovered only recently is that it helps to force myself to take a few minutes every now and then to stop "doing stuff", perhaps have a cup of coffee and allow myself the time to do something crazy -- like actually finish reading an entire magazine article. I'm still not certain I get to 90 minutes every day, but even 10 or 15 minutes in a row is a big help.

I'm not sure how my time breaks down, so an exact number of minutes of free time would be difficult to calculate. But give us an estimate, fellow parents. How much free time do you think you have every day?

Want to get the latest ParentDish news and advice? Sign up for our newsletter!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>free timeFreeTimeparentsBrett SingerWed, 02 Feb 2011 09:50:00 EST