ParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gifParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comen-usCopyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Is It OK to Be Sad Around Your Kids?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/09/is-it-okay-to-be-sad-around-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/09/is-it-okay-to-be-sad-around-your-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/09/is-it-okay-to-be-sad-around-your-kids/#commentsFiled under: ,

Is it okay to be sad around your kids? Credit: Corbis

With all the tornadoes and flooding in the news these days, it's no surprise that some of us are feeling pretty down in the dumps. But should we let our kids see our sadness? Or should we just tune out the news and pretend that everything is A-OK?

The fact is, it's completely fine to be less than cheery in front of your kiddos every now and then.

"If something happens that makes you sad, it's an honest emotion," says Jan Faull, author of "Amazing Minds: The Science of Nurturing Your Child's Developing Mind with Games, Activities and More." "But you also want your children to see you get over it, and you certainly don't want to burden them with your sadness."

As we all know, things happen in life that bum us out: a grandparent dies, neighbors move away, something you love gets broken.

"Letting them know there are reasons to be sad allows them to witness that emotion, and it helps them understand their own feelings of sadness," Faull says. "You can't put on a happy face on all the time." Doing so can actually be confusing to kids, she adds, because kids can read our body language -- and they know when we're sad. So instead of faking a smile, try the following:

Keep it brief. If your kids ask why you're sad, give a simple, short explanation, such as, "I'm sad because we don't get to go on vacation."

Let them know it's temporary. You can say, "I won't be sad forever, but I'm sad now."

Don't overshare. "The younger the child, the less you reveal," says Faull.

Let your kids know they're not the cause of your sadness. Kids are very ego-centric and might blame themselves.

Seek help. If your sadness turns to depression, see a doctor. If you're not sure, notice if your feelings are getting in the way of your relationship with your child or if her teacher or caregiver notices a change in her mood.


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]]>the editors at iVillage.comThu, 09 Jun 2011 10:30:00 ESTBritish PM Cracks Down on Sexualization of Children ... Politelyhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/british-pm-cracks-down-on-sexualization-of-children-politely/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/british-pm-cracks-down-on-sexualization-of-children-politely/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/06/british-pm-cracks-down-on-sexualization-of-children-politely/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

Sexualization of Children

Under the proposed legislation, retailers would be asked not to sell salacious so-called "lad's mags" in brown sleeves. Credit: Getty Images

The sexualization of children in Great Britain must stop!

Pretty please?

The London Guardian reports Prime Minister David Cameron backs legislation designed to get tough on people who would sexually exploit children. However, he says change must come through being "social responsibility, not state control."

So, under the proposed legislation, retailers would be asked not to sell salacious so-called "lad's mags" in brown sleeves. Members of the Advertising Standards Authority would consider ways to discourage billboards near schools. Oh, and music videos would be rated.

Originally, businesses had 18 months to clean up their acts. Or else.

The Guardian reports Cameron has decided that was a bit hasty. Now, according to the newspaper, he appears to want to drop the iron fist entirely and just keep the velvet glove.

The proposals are the result of an independent report by Reg Bailey, chief executive of the Mothers' Union, a Christian charity.

"I very much agree with the central approach you set out," the Guardian quotes a letter from Bailey to Cameron. "As you say, we should not try and wrap children up in cotton wool or simply throw our hands up and accept the world as it is. Instead, we should look to put 'the brakes on an unthinking drift toward ever-greater commercialization and sexualization.' "

Bailey recommends banning the sale of "sexy" clothes and T-shirts with suggestive slogans. He also urges the government to take legal action if guidelines are not followed.

The Guardian reports Cameron doesn't endorse any specific recommendations and stops short of putting any sharp teeth in the law.

"I note that many of the actions you suggest are for business and regulators to follow rather than for government," the Guardian quotes from his letter. "I support this emphasis, as it consistent with this government's overall approach and my long-held belief that the leading force for progress should be social responsibility, not state control."

Nonetheless, the power of the British empire is not be trifled with either. The government is setting up a Website where parents can complain if they feel a program, advertisement, product or service is inappropriate for their children.

Take that, you blaggards.

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]]>Sexualization British Prime Minister David Cameron Laws ExploitaSexualization of ChildrenTom HendersonMon, 06 Jun 2011 16:30:00 ESTFree to Be ... Not Anymorehttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/25/free-to-be-not-anymore/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/25/free-to-be-not-anymore/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/05/25/free-to-be-not-anymore/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Watch a video on how to prevent bullying!
free to be

According to current statistics, one out of every four teenagers across America is bullied in their neighborhoods and schools. Credit: Getty Images

Just how many dead teenagers, driven to end their own lives, is it going to take for adults to stand up and say, What the hell is going on? There was a time when the words "Free to Be" embodied a hope that whatever a kid was, was good enough. But "freedom" doesn't describe the world of this generation. Or of their parents. One of those parents wrote to me on my Facebook page.

"Hi, Marlo," wrote Kevin Jacobsen of New York. "Our son Kameron was bullied relentlessly and committed suicide on January 18th. He was 14. In lieu of flowers, we asked for donations to go to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, my mom's favorite for decades. I know you're busy, but just wondering if you could take a look at our son. We have nothing else to lose."

He then posted the link to a website he'd built to honor his son, called KindnessAboveMalice.org. I logged on, but could barely look at the child's face. He was beautiful.

Thirty-seven years -- and two generations of children -- after the creation of Free to Be... You and Me, I can't help but remember the beautiful words lyricist Bruce Hart wrote that anchored the opening anthem:

"Every boy in this land grows to be his own man, In this land, every girl grows to be her own woman."

Kameron will never grow to be his own man.

For all the walls we thought we'd broken down with Free to Be -- and all the stereotypes we thought we'd shattered -- children today are not free to be anything they want to be, nor anything they are, and they are dying for it. And no beautiful lyric can fix that.

According to current statistics, one out of every four teenagers across America is bullied in their neighborhoods and schools; 160,000 students stay home from school every day because of their fear of being bullied; and each month, nearly 300,000 students are physically attacked inside their secondary schools.

Online, things are even worse: 43 percent of kids are cyber-bullied, while 53 percent admit to having said something mean and hurtful to another kid online.

Then came that tragic September -- 2010 -- when over a period of just three weeks, nine gay or questioning youths -- all male, average age 15 -- were "bullied to death," committing suicide, no longer able to endure the never-ending harassment from their peers.

Like many people, much of what I know about bullying is what I read in the headlines: 15-year-old Irish migrant Phoebe Prince of Massachusetts, hangs herself in the stairwell of her family apartment, after yet another day of relentless bullying. The harassment continued on her Facebook memorial page. Or just this month, 14-year-old Ambriel Bowen of York, Pennsylvania, commits suicide at home when the daily terrorizing by bullies -- which included two black eyes and a broken nose -- becomes too overwhelming to bear.

Reading the horrid accounts of bullied kids is devastating. But hearing the voice of a bereaved father brings tears to your eyes

I called Kevin Jacobsen after I read his Facebook post and my heart broke as he recounted his son's tragic story.

"Bullying is not the same old issue it used to be," Kevin said, softly. "With cell phones and social networking, it's turned into an around-the-clock problem that our kids cannot escape from. And the other thing that's different is that the bullies can be anonymous. And without that face-to-face encounter, it's impossible to stop them."

When I hung up with Kevin, I re-read his post, and seeing his mention of St. Jude made me think about how different the children are there. I've seen compassion, not cruelty, for each other. I've seen four- and five-year-old girls and boys offering hugs and giving comfort to two- and three-year-olds, telling them that they understand the pain they're going through, and that they will be alright.

So the idea that healthy children should die, not from an errant cancer cell, but because of the abject malice of another child, is something we need to take on. And stop.

Kevin Jennings, the assistant deputy secretary at the Department of Education, told me that most parents of bullied children have no idea about the anguish their sons and daughters are enduring, because the kids aren't talking. They're ashamed to admit it, because they think it's a sign of weakness, and they want to handle it themselves.

But if more parents would get into the game, Jennings said, we might be able to turn things around. He told me that the majority of parents haven't been trained to look for signs of bullying in their child's life. But they need to. And they can start by asking themselves a few questions:

  • Does your child not want to ride the school bus any more?
  • Does your child often wake in the morning complaining about stomach aches and asking to stay home from school?
  • Are your child's friends not coming around so much any more?
  • Has your child stopped receiving invitations to parties?

Most important, said Jennings, is if you suspect your child is being bullied, you must become proactive, and try to get that child to talk.

And I think we all have to start to talk.

If there's one thing I've learned over the years about tackling problems, it's that the first thing you need to do is spark the conversation. So let's start talking about bullying. With our neighbors. With our friends and family. With fellow parents at PTA meetings. And with each other -- right here. Let me hear what you think. It's time to take bullying down.

In the meantime, if you're worried that a child in your life might be a victim -- or is, in fact, the bully -- there are some helpful thoughts at such websites as stopbullying.gov. I'm sure there are countless other sites, and I'd like to know about those, as well. We don't have the time -- or any more kids' lives -- to waste.

It's been nearly four decades since the debut of the Free to Be message. But I 'm hopeful that, together, we can realize that place that Bruce Hart imagined where:

"Every boy in this land grows to be his own man,
In this land, every girl grows to be her own woman."

A land where the children are free... from bullying.

How to Prevent Bullying

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]]>bullyingfree to bemarlo thomas on bullyingthe editors at MarloThomas.comWed, 25 May 2011 07:00:00 EST10 Signs Your Child May Have ADHDhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/19/signs-of-adhd/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/19/signs-of-adhd/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/04/19/signs-of-adhd/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Watch a video on recognizing signs of ADHD.
ADHD signs

What are the warning signs of ADHD? Credit: Getty Images


Are you alarmed that your daughter constantly misplaces schoolwork and other vital items? Does your son's inattention when you share a story you found fascinating at his age worry you? Does sitting still for more than five seconds seem an impossible feat for your preschooler -- and should you take action?

The three main traits of ADHD, a neurobehavioral disorder that makes it difficult for children to control their behavior, are inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. What child doesn't ever display these "symptoms," you may ask? Since most healthy children struggle with aspects of these behaviors it can be difficult for parents to know when to seek help.

So, how do you distinguish between normal kid behaviors and those that indicate your child may have ADHD, a treatable disorder, that, according to the AAP, affects 4 to 14 percent of children?

There are many overlapping traits, but here are 10 signals that your child's actions may be worrisome. It's when your child exhibits several of these behaviors and they are the rule, rather than the exception, that you may want to pursue a professional diagnosis.

1. Forgetfulness. She often forgets or loses routine items, such as her lunch box or
backpack.

2. Trouble paying attention to details. He doesn't appear to be listening and
struggles with following directions.

3. Overly impulsive. She often acts before thinking, without considering consequences or previously discussed plans.

4. Over-focused on tasks. She may get "stuck" in a routine or behavior and have trouble disengaging.

5. Has trouble shifting focus. This behavior becomes especially noticeable at
school.

6. Doesn't complete tasks. When assigned a project or chore, she finds it hard to finish and is easily distracted by her "more interesting" surroundings.

7. Constantly fidgets and squirms. When asked to sit in a chair, he may try to get up and run around or fidget and squirm endlessly.

8. Talks excessively. She routinely interrupts others and doesn't give them a
chance to respond.

9. Can't keep powerful emotions (good or bad) in check. He may over react with outbursts of anger or throw a temper tantrum that seems unwarranted.

10. Has difficulty waiting for her turn. In class, or when playing games, she grows impatient and irritable while waiting.

If you're concerned that your child is displaying some of these signs of ADHD, keep in mind that most children who are diagnosed have some combination of these behaviors. Also, signs and symptoms may be noticeable as early as 2 or 3 years of age, but a school setting often makes symptoms more apparent.

The first step might be to compare notes with your child's teacher, and, if you still have questions, see your pediatrician or family doctor. Your doctor may refer you to a specialist, but it's important to have a medical evaluation first to check for other causes of your child's difficulties.

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]]>ADHDsigns of adhdwarning signs of adhdCarolyn RogalskyTue, 19 Apr 2011 11:30:00 ESTIs Bieber Fever Hazardous to Mental Health?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/05/is-bieber-fever-hazardous-to-mental-health/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/05/is-bieber-fever-hazardous-to-mental-health/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/05/is-bieber-fever-hazardous-to-mental-health/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Justin Bieber picture

Do you have Bieber fever? Credit: Chris Polk/KCA2010/Getty Images for KC

Parents of tweenage girls, Twitterers, trend-watchers-and the rest of the world, probably-know all about Justin Bieber, the 16-year-old pop sensation who appears to have sprung fully-formed from the Canadian heartland to take America by storm. And those with more than a passing interest and access to the Internet likely know that the teen star has been linked to the latest in a string of young women, the singer Selena Gomez, who is 18. Recently, the Web was aflutter over pictures of the two on a Caribbean vacation, apparently locking lips. Innocent fun, right? Free of consequences? Not when the "Beliebers" get you in their sights.

In fact, the combination of "Bieber fever" and Twitter has turned lethal -- at least verbally, as some fans have actually issued death threats targeted at Gomez. And while the anonymity of the Internet cloaks the age of these posters, they are likely young girls and adolescents. Take your pick of shocking posts:

o. "@selenagomez I'll kiII you I swear on GOD!!!!"
o. "@selenagomez stay away from Justin ped0phile, retard wait i'm gonna kiII ya in the night underneath your smelly bed"
o. "@selenagomez whore cancer whore..like i'mm kiII myself cuz i saw you and Justin kissing well thankyou Selena thankyou now i'm kiIILing myself"

Death threats? Slurs? Suicidal language? Why would our children type these things? Sadly, it's another side-effect of the culture of the Web: Just like teens bully their peers even more viciously online than in real life because the consequences aren't immediately apparent, children and adolescents in the virtual world are quicker and more outrageous in their anger or despair when faced with a setback. The stream-of-consciousness spewing of raw feeling has, unfortunately, become accepted as a form of authenticity. As if the immediacy of the emotion somehow excuses the virulence of what's being expressed.

Which leads to a another disturbing question: How did our kids get so deeply invested in Justin Bieber's love life? Don't they know he doesn't sing just for them?

Girls today can get incredibly wrapped up in relationships that in reality are nothing but fiction. This is nothing new, of course -- mention Sinatra, Elvis, the Beatles, David Cassidy, Michael Jackson, New Kids on the Block, the Backstreet Boys, and any number of women of every age will recall a youthful infatuation bordering on obsession. And yet today it is different -- young fans have a much stronger illusion of access to their idols, who communicate "directly" to them on their smartphones and iPads via social media. A youngster could be forgiven for thinking that Justin Bieber is, in this virtual universe, reciprocating her affections.

This is just what Bieber's media machine is after. An astute reader of the Huffington Post points out that in some countries in Asia, like South Korea, male pop stars are forbidden from having public romantic relationships to preserve the fiction for their young female fans -- and thus pad the bottom line. This fiction can be dangerous -- sure enough, at a Bieber concert in Australia last year, a number of young fans were crushed in the rush to be near the stage and their virtual beau in the flesh. But the more pervasive danger is emotional -- as evidenced by the virulent outpouring following the Gomez flap. And it's especially worrying because these obsessions are less and less visible to parents.

The days of posters, magazines, and massive CD collections are gone, all disappeared inside the computer, or even the device in a kid's pocket. Endless calls that used to tie up the phone are now silent text messages. And with this increased access -- that Bieber has to his fans, that they have to him, that our children have to the wider community on the Web -- the harmless, if hysterical, crushes of the past now spur open talk of murder and suicide. Another HuffPo commenter makes light of the phenomenon -- in the '80s and early '90s, she writes, "we didn't have 'THE INTERNET,' we had AOL! It was way too slow for us to be totally outraged on the Internet." This joke contains a fairly substantial kernel of truth: The Web is not just a forum, a new method of communication; it amplifies raw emotions, passing rages, and their consequences.

Bieber's mother is reportedly upset with him about the pictures. We don't need to be angry with our kids, but we need to teach them that the rules they know to follow don't magically disappear when they're in front of a keyboard and a screen. We understand that these Beliebers on Twitter probably don't truly feel murderous or suicidal; they're indulging in adolescent exaggeration, and if we heard them say it, we would probably hear it that way. But these kinds of remarks read very differently in print -- you just can't tell online. And remember that when 18-year-old Tyler Clementi killed himself last year, following a heartless prank, he left this message on Facebook: "jumping off the gw bridge sorry."

Knowing the difference between real pain and teen exaggeration is key to monitoring our kids' emotional lives in this digital age, and the only way to do that is to know your child. Be tuned in to her moods; talk to her about her music and her crushes. You want to understand how powerful her interest is, gauge how emotionally involved she is, and know when she's suffering -- even if the object of her affections is someone she's never met. It's not easy; not a lot of parenting in the 2.0 world is. But this is her life. You want to be there for her, even if it seems too silly to be serious. A broken heart is a broken heart, even on the Web.

Alan Ravitz, MD, MS, is a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute. For more on parenting adolescents, go to childmind.org, which offers advice and a wealth of information on childhood psychiatric and learning disorders.

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]]>justin bieberJustinBieberSelenaGomezDr. Alan RavitzWed, 05 Jan 2011 18:00:00 ESTMiley Cyrus, Salvia and Parenting in the YouTube Agehttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/21/miley-cyrus-salvia-and-parenting-in-the-youtube-age/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/21/miley-cyrus-salvia-and-parenting-in-the-youtube-age/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/21/miley-cyrus-salvia-and-parenting-in-the-youtube-age/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,



Good parenting seems to get new enemies all the time: new drugs, new media, new "role models." This month's culprits: salvia divinorum, YouTube, Miley Cyrus.

The young songstress and provocateur was recently caught on video smoking a bong and quickly dissolving into giggles, a conspicuous lack of coordination, and patter that suggested she was hallucinating. Watchers have concluded that she was probably smoking salvia -- also known as Magic Mint or Sally D -- the most potent psychedelic herb in the world, which happens to only last 15 minutes or so and is undetectable with normal drug tests. In addition to those and a host of other interesting properties, salvia has one that parents might find even more terrifying: It's legal. Happy Holidays indeed.

If you can't wrap your head around that, you're not alone. Many states have banned or regulated the drug, and the video has sparked more talk of similar moves, but the federal government is silent. In any case, it is readily available on the Internet and in head shops, and some reports indicate an explosion in sales following the Cyrus video -- think of it as a "cool, Miley's doing it" effect. And it's not just her; there are scores of videos of young people trashed on salvia on YouTube. We have to face facts: parenting 2.0 isn't just harder, it's different, and the Internet can sometimes be a scarier and more detrimental environment than even the worst street corner.

And Miley's video doesn't make warning kids about the dangers of this drug any easier. She takes a hit, laughs, thinks some other guy is her boyfriend, and wants "some more of that s**t." But the video, like many others on the Web, does not begin to tell the story of salvia divinorum. This is a powerful hallucinogen used by the Mazatec Indians in Mexico for religious rituals going back hundreds of years. It is not a recreational drug; it is not a social drug; it is not a "fun" drug. It is a dissociative psychedelic that can inspire a total separation from reality, terrifying visions, and a feeling that one is dying. On the other hand, it can also inspire very deep spiritual experiences, which is why it has been used so long in religious rituals.

This whole flap does a real disservice to young people: they see that something is "fun;" they find out that it's legal -- and then they end up in a dissociative hallucination that resembles nothing so much as an episode of extreme psychosis, pleasant or unpleasant.

Now, I'm not naïve about drugs, and I don't profess to know if people should or shouldn't take salvia. What I do know is that the adolescent brain -- even Miley Cyrus' brain -- is still developing, and is emphatically not the proper target for any hallucinogen, especially one that may cause immense psychic stress. This is doubly true for adolescents diagnosed with or at risk for psychiatric disorders like bipolar and schizophrenia; for them, hallucinogens can do outsized harm. Sadly, these same adolescents are the ones getting the message that salvia is a party drug -- and their developing brains are also prone to make reckless decisions.

This might seem like an impossible situation: images of a popular young star appearing to have fun while on a legal substance propagated over a vast communications network that the younger generation considers its birthright and raison d'etre. What is a parent to do?

The tools of a parent aren't numerous, but used effectively they can be very powerful. So you do what you can: supervise as best as possible; this not only gives you a window into what's going on in his or her world, but also lets your kid know that you're interested and involved. When children know you care, they'll care about what you have to say.

This brings us to the next point: have a dialogue, be forthright about your concerns, and make sure you listen as much as you talk. In an uncertain and occasionally scary world, a trusting, understanding connection between you and your child can make all the difference. Remember: you can't get rid of salvia, YouTube, or Miley Cyrus. And if a kid wants to play with fire because of poor information and bad role models, there may be little you can do about changing their desires. But you can let your children know that you don't want that for them, and why. If you can make sense to them, they can make the sensible decision.

Alan Ravitz, MD, MS, is a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute.

For more on navigating the world of adolescence and drugs, go to childmind.org, which offers parenting advice and a wealth of information on childhood psychiatric and learning disorders.

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]]>miley cyrusMileyCyrussalviaDr. Alan RavitzTue, 21 Dec 2010 16:40:00 ESTOf Cops and Kids and Chess (and Cupcakes)http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/18/of-cops-and-kids-and-chess-and-cupcakes/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/18/of-cops-and-kids-and-chess-and-cupcakes/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/18/of-cops-and-kids-and-chess-and-cupcakes/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,


You're busted!

Those were the words heard recently by two groups of individuals who, rather than being dinged by the cops, probably deserved some sort of medal.

The first was a group of seven men lurking near a playground. Scary, right? Get them away! In fact, signs at the entrance to the playgrounds in my town, New York City, forbid any adults from entering unless they are accompanying a kid, which these guys were clearly not.

What they were doing was playing chess.

The fact that they've been doing this for years did not faze the cops. Nor did the fact that these guys have actually taught a bunch of local kids the game of kings. My own boys have played with the grizzled chess guys we see in parks, too. It's a treat for the younger generation, and with a $3 tip, maybe worth it for the older guys, too. Or maybe the tip is gravy and they just love bringing chess into kids' lives. What a menace!

The problem, clearly, is not the men, it's the law and the thinking behind it: The idea that any adult anywhere near a child is a potential pedophile. Thinking that way is what I call "Worst First" thinking: The first thing we think about is the worst thing possible -- that these guys could be predators. And the last thing we think about is the fact that most people are good, and these specific guys have done nothing bad. By the way, they have a right to the park like anyone else. Forget role models. Friendship. Community. Worst First thinking focuses only on fear.

The other group recently razzed by the police are Andrew DeMarchis and Kevin Graff, two middle-school boys in suburban New York, who were told to pack up their bake sale at their local park because they didn't have a permit.

Do you get the feeling that the police feel their job is to empty the parks?

Anyway, the boys were cited for trying to raise money for themselves, not charity -- a fact they never denied -- and, while they weren't arrested, they were sent home and told not to do this again. "This" being "show an ounce of go-get-'em in an era when kids are supposed to be home playing video games." As the parks commissioner explained, "We need to know who is in the park and what they are doing. What if there was work going on that was dangerous?"

Ah, my other favorite joy-killing habit: Worrying, "What if ... blah blah blah?" There is no way to answer a "What if?" question because it's always hypothetical: "What if they were selling cookies and a hungry bear came by?" If so, it would be really dangerous to have a bake sale. Therefore -- because you can't say that could never happen -- no child should ever do anything.

So now we have chess players prevented from connecting with kids and kids prevented from connecting with grownups and the world of entrepreneurship. Everyone has been split apart because of Worst First and What If thinking.

Boy, are my kids safer now.

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]]>andrew demarchisAndrewDemarchisbake saleBakeSalekevin graffKevinGraffLenore SkenazyThu, 18 Nov 2010 11:30:00 ESTShould You Explain Suicide to Young Kids?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/03/should-you-explain-suicide-to-young-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/03/should-you-explain-suicide-to-young-kids/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/03/should-you-explain-suicide-to-young-kids/#commentsFiled under: , ,


My oldest just turned 9. His innocence is still fairly solid, but I see the edges starting to fray a bit.

I'm not ready. I want to protect Jack from everything that is ugly or "grown up" about the world. I don't want to talk about sex. I don't want to talk about getting your heart broken, either. He still believes in Santa Claus, for goodness sakes! At the same time, I know that if I pretend these things don't exist then he won't be prepared for what's coming.

Truth is, though, I'm a newshound. I have the news on constantly in my car and quite often at home. Recently there has been a lot of news about suicide. My son asked me in the car last week, "Mom, what's suicide?"

First I thought, "I don't want my kid to be aware that it's possible to kill yourself. He shouldn't even know it's an option. Now is not the time. It's too soon." But my mouth took over and I immediately explained to him in basic terms what suicide is. And then, I saw my opening.

So many people, including educators and therapists, say that you have to get information and values into your children when they are young. I know we need to teach children tolerance, to be kind and not to bully. I work hard to make sure it is very clear to both my kids that they should neither harm others with their words and actions nor should they stand by and watch someone else do it.

But how well are we doing at telling our children what to do on the very worst days, when they may feel like their only option is leaving this world?

Now was the time for me to talk about it. Right now, not later.

I told Jack that everyone in life has times when they feel left out. They may be teased, made fun of or bullied. They may be publicly embarrassed or shamed. It may happen a little bit, or a lot. Some get it much worse than others, but many of us have terribly low moments when we feel all is lost. One's personality, general mental health, unique situation and support structure probably have a lot to do with how we are able to handle those moments. For some, it may be easier to take it all in stride whereas for others it may seem like life's not worth living.

I told him that if he ever feels completely alone or ashamed, no matter how bad he is made to feel or allows himself to feel about who he is, suicide is never the answer. NEVER. It might seem like it, but it isn't. Instead of making hurt go away, it creates permanent, incessant hurt for the many good people who love you. I told him I will always be there to talk and to support him, and if he doesn't want to talk to me there are others.

I know what it's like to feel like there's no way out. I considered suicide myself when I had postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder but instead I reached out for professional help, even though I was deathly afraid of telling anyone what was going through my mind. Oddly, I didn't think to mention that experience to my son during our conversation -- I went into protective mama bear mode -- but it just gives me more to share with him when we have another chat down the road. No doubt, we'll have to have additional talks about this.

Did I make a mistake being so open with a 9-year-old about this awful subject? I don't think so. The National Association of School Psychologists says this: "Talking to your children about suicide will not put thoughts into their head. In fact, all available evidence indicates that talking to your child lowers the risk of suicide. The message is, 'Suicide is not an option, help is available.'"

We had that talk. He said "OK, Mom." I hope he really heard me.

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]]>bullyingparentingsuicideKatherine StoneWed, 03 Nov 2010 10:00:00 ESTNew Recommendations for Maternal Depressionhttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/25/new-recommendations-for-maternal-depression/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/25/new-recommendations-for-maternal-depression/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/25/new-recommendations-for-maternal-depression/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , ,

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Screening for depression early on can help assure a healthy mom and healthy baby. Credit: Getty Images


Each year, more than 400,000 infants are born to mothers who are depressed, which makes perinatal depression -- depression that occurs during pregnancy or in the first year after birth -- the most under-diagnosed obstetric complication in the United States, according to a report released today by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

Postpartum depression in mothers negatively affects parenting skills and can also alter judgment when it comes to child safety and health issues. It also puts an infant at risk for failure to thrive, attachment disorder and development delays in many areas, including language acquisition, according to the report.

Maternal depression in infancy can also cause a child's increased production of the hormone cortisol at preschool age, which has been linked to anxiety, social wariness and withdrawal. Behavior problems, depression and other mood disorders in childhood and adolescence can also occur more frequently in children of mothers with major depression, the study reports. And, the longer the mother's depression goes untreated, the less responsive her child will be to intervention targeted to preventing developmental problems.

"Addressing maternal depression in a timely and proactive fashion is essential to ensure healthy early brain and child development and readiness to succeed," write the authors.

An estimated 5 to 25 percent of pregnant and postpartum women have from depression, though studies show as many as 40 to 60 percent of low-income mothers and pregnant and parenting teenagers are afflicted, the study reports. And the risk of perinatal depression is increased when there is a family history of depression, alcohol abuse or a personal history of depression.

There are different forms of maternal depression, ranging from "maternity blues" to postpartum depression to postpartum psychosis, the authors note.

Maternity blues is said to affect 50 to 80 percent of new mothers and occurs in the first few days after delivery, with symptoms that include crying, worrying, sadness, anxiety and mood swings. These symptoms usually stop within two weeks after delivery and do not impair function. This type of depression can be treated effectively with reassurance and emotional support, the researchers report.

In contrast, postpartum depression occurs in 13 to 20 percent of women after birth, and produces symptoms that meet the diagnostic criteria for depression -- which is not the case with the maternity blues.

Postpartum psychosis is a serious condition that affects about 1 to 3 mothers out of 1,000 and most often occurs in the first four weeks after delivery. These mothers are severely impaired and may experience paranoia, mood shifts, hallucinations, delusions and suicidal and homicidal thoughts -- which necessitate immediate medical attention and usually hospitalization.

In addressing the problem of maternal depression, the AAP has recognized that the child's primary care provider (PCP) has a unique opportunity to identify the condition and work with families to improve mental health outcomes. The PCP is likely the first medical professional to see the baby and mother after birth, and therefore has very early access and regular, continued access through child care and follow-up visits. The child's PCP can screen for the mother's depression and help her access resources -- family support, therapy or emergency services.

In addition, the AAP recommends that obstetricians advise patients to visit the pediatric practice during the prenatal period, so a relationship with parents can be established early and the pediatrician can be better prepared to address any depression symptoms that may occur after delivery.

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]]>aapamerican academy of pediatricsAmericanAcademyOfPediatricsdepressionmaternal depressionMaternalDepressionpostpartum depressionPostPartumDepressionprenatal depressionPrenatalDepressionstudyHoney BerkMon, 25 Oct 2010 00:01:00 ESTYour Kid Crazy? Don't Worry, It's a Big Clubhttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/14/your-kid-crazy-dont-worry-its-a-big-club/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/14/your-kid-crazy-dont-worry-its-a-big-club/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/14/your-kid-crazy-dont-worry-its-a-big-club/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Is moodiness in teens a medical condition? Credit: Getty Images

Teenagers are nuts.

Tell you something you don't know? Very well. Let's get clinical.

At least one in five adolescents in the United States has some kind of mental disorder that makes day-to-day life a pain in the butt for themselves, those around them or both.

That's not exactly how the National Institute of Mental Health put it. But that's the gist.

And if your kid has asthma or diabetes, watch out. Researchers for the institute claim in the October issue of the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry that those kids are more likely to have more intense emotional and behavior disorders.

But not to worry. Researchers say a high percentage of kids experience some kind of mental disorder in puberty in various shades and degrees.

Kathleen Ries Merikangas and her colleagues at the institute looked at psychological statistics from 10,123 teens ages 13 to 18 across the United States.

One of five teens suffered from disorders such as panic attacks and anxiety disorders (especially in social situations), as well as attention deficit disorder, hyperactivity, depression and general moodiness.

Moody, depressed and hyperactive teens with short attention spans who don't handle themselves well in social situations? Sounds like a nasty case of puberty. Who knows were it will lead. Left untreated they could become ... [just like the rest of the human race.]

And ask anyone in the universe. That species is really crazy.

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]]>mental disordersMentalDisordersteen depressionTeenDepressionteens and depressionTeensAndDepressionTom HendersonThu, 14 Oct 2010 16:00:00 ESTCaution: New Teen Driver, Terrified Parenthttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/13/caution-new-teen-driver-terrified-parent/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/13/caution-new-teen-driver-terrified-parent/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/13/caution-new-teen-driver-terrified-parent/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,




It's easy enough for the folks at AAA to say parents need to spend more time teaching teenagers how to drive.

Sure, let those people hurtle the wrong way down on a one-way street during 5 p.m. rush hour, sitting next to a panicky teenage driver who, let's face it, isn't exactly Albert Einstein even when he does know what the $#@! he's going.

It's scary!

Still, those scolding school marms at AAA say you better go to the store, buy yourself a spine and do your duty. As dangerous as jittery juveniles can be when you're teaching them to drive, imagine what they're like without you there to scream "Ohmigod!" and grab the wheel.

AAA points out that teenagers crash more cars than any group of drivers in the United States. In 2008, according to AAA, 1,368 new drivers between the ages of 15 and 18 died in car accidents.

Parents just don't spend enough time teaching teenagers how to drive, according to a study released by the AAA Foundation just this week.

How do researchers know this? They did a little snooping.

Researchers from the University of North Carolina's Highway Safety Research Center attached dashboard cameras to the cars of some 50 North Carolina families. They also interviewed parents 10 times during the year between kids getting their learner's permits and their actual licenses.

Kids don't get enough experience driving on different kinds of roads with different amounts of traffic and in different situations, researchers concluded. According to AAA stats, about a quarter of fatal crashes involving teens happen between 9 p.m. and midnight.

"A disappointing result was that only 20 percent of the time parents and teenagers were in the car at night, rain and heavy traffic. Eighty percent were found in benign or routine circumstances -- to and from school, to and from church," Peter Kissinger, president of the AAA Foundation, tells ABC News. "Parents need to give additional experience."

Beyond that, parents spend only a pitiful amount of time teaching their kids to drive at all.

Kissinger tells ABC his organization would like to see parents spend at least 100 hours teaching kids to drive. (The majority of states only require 50 hours.)

Almost 70 percent of parents in the study said busy schedules got in their way. No excuse, Kissinger tells ABC, noting that inexperience behind the wheel is the leading cause of most crashes involving teens.

"The best way to learn is to practice with an engaged parent," he says. "Everyone goes through a learning process."

About half of the parents in the study said they didn't feel comfortable being on the road in rain or heavy traffic with an inexperienced teen driver. However, they apparently don't mind other people doing it. Even without experience in bad weather or traffic, about 40 percent of the families still let their kids get licenses when they hit 16.

Talk about scary.

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]]>aaateen driversteen drivingteen driving safetyTeenDriversTeenDrivingTeenDrivingSafetyteens drivingTeensDrivingTom HendersonWed, 13 Oct 2010 17:30:00 ESTSemester Abroad Leads to More Brewskis and Vino for College Studentshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/13/drinking-in-college/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/13/drinking-in-college/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/13/drinking-in-college/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Drinking in college increases when students study abroad. Credit: Getty Images

In the midst of gaining cross-cultural skills, learning a foreign language and garnering a global understanding, college students studying abroad are busy raising their beer steins and vino glasses -- at more than double the rate of their peers back home, the Los Angeles Times reports.

Hey, someone had to help with the research, and 177 students at the University of Washington volunteered to get drunk for the sake of science. The students shared their drinking habits before their international adventures, during their treks and back home (an average of three to five years), according to the newspaper. The findings were published in the journal Psychology of Addictive Behaviors.

The researchers at the University Of Washington Department Of Psychology found, overall, that student drinking more than doubled while abroad, but returned to pre-travel levels when the students came back home. However, the heaviest drinkers drank more when they got back.

Location also was a contributing factor, with international collegiate adventurers in Europe, Australia and New Zealand leading the drinking pack, according to the Times. Additionally, students in Latin America drank significantly more when they returned, compared to pre-trip levels.

Younger students -- those under 21 -- drank less than their older peers before traveling, but once in Europe, they started hitting the brewskis about 170 percent more than their pre-travel days, the Times reports. These younger college students also drank more when they returned, compared with before their trip abroad, where the legal drinking age is below 21.

"The study abroad experience presents both unique opportunities and unique risks for students," study co-author Mary Larimer, director of the Center for the Study of Health & Risk Behaviors, says in a news release. "Working with these students pre-departure is a terrific opportunity to help reduce their risks for drinking consequences while abroad, and may also help prevent difficulties when they return home."

UW graduate student and researcher Eric Pedersen tells the Huffington Post he would expect to get similar results at other universities.

"I don't think this is just a UW problem," says the psychology student, who notes, however, that his study sample included more women than the national average for studying abroad and the students he looked at were more diverse ethnically than the national average.

He tells the Huffington Post his research did not pinpoint why students drink more while they study abroad, but the results don't necessarily indicate binge drinking. Pedersen says a drink or so each night with dinner could add up to the 10 drinks a week European visitors reported on average.

"In general, drinking is an issue on college campuses, " Pedersen tells the website. "When you take that and put it in a foreign country, there's potential for more consequences.

He notes, however, that most students who study overseas, including those who drink, do not get in trouble while they're abroad.

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]]>alcoholcollege and alcoholcollege drinkingCollegeAndAlcoholCollegeDrinkingstudy abraodStudyAbraodMary Beth SammonsWed, 13 Oct 2010 13:30:00 ESTOpinion: Bullying Stops With Parentshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/08/bullying-stops-with-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/08/bullying-stops-with-parents/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/08/bullying-stops-with-parents/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Tyler Clementi, 18, a first year student at Rutgers University in New Jersey, killed himself shortly after being spied on and having footage of himself streamed online. Credit: AFP/Getty Images

Last week we mourned over several teenage suicides: Kids ages 13 to 18 from New Jersey, Texas, California, Indiana and Minnesota who were bullied because of their actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. These tragedies occurred in red and blue states, major cities and rural communities, and probably much closer to home than any of us want to consider.

And these were only the ones we read about.

Here are some horrifying statistics. Suicide is the third-leading cause of death for young people ages 15 to 24, and fourth for children ages 10 to 14. A 2008 survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed that one-third of high-school students had seriously considered suicide, created a plan or actually tried to take their own life in the 12 months preceding the survey. Furthermore, boys have a higher rate of suicides, yet girls are also more prone to report their own attempts. And gay kids, according to other surveys, are at least twice as likely to make suicide attempts.

These are our sons and daughters -- tweens and teens grappling with who they are in the romantic world, so many of whom are bullied at school for being different, so many of whom remain silent about their struggles and pain.

This needs to stop. Both the bullying and the silent shame. Every one of us has the capacity to be the catalyst to end this misery. Take personal responsibility by reaching out to the children around you and making sure they are all safe, no matter who they are.

Start with your own dinner table and ask your child, "Who's being bullied at school?" Statistics dictate that teenage suicide will touch us all at some point, but those numbers don't have to stay that way.Talk to your kids and figure out where the bullying is going on, then use the resources below to empower yourself to make a difference.

Teach your child to believe in himself as well as standing up for those around him. And if your child is the bully, end that behavior immediately. Parents, check your own bullying tendencies as well. Answer this question honestly: What am I doing that's contributing to this situation? Chances are, there's something you can change in your own behavior and attitudes that will have a major impact on your kids and the world around them.

Don't wait until another child suicide story hits the front page before making this a priority in your family ... because that could be one day too late.

GLSEN: The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network offers a comprehensive list of anti-bullying resources.

PFLAG: Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays is a family-based organization committed to the civil rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. They offer parents 10 ways to make our schools safer and ways to report bullying in schools.

The Trevor Project: The Trevor Project focuses on crisis intervention and suicide prevention efforts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. The confidential hotline is 866-488-7386. Check out their section on suicidal signs and facts and advice on how to help someone who is suicidal.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255)

Eddie Mercado is senior manager at AOL and works closely with the ParentDish team.

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]]>bully victimsbullyingBullyVictimsSuicidesuicide helpsuicide preventionSuicideHelpSuicidePreventionteenage suicideTeenageSuicideEddie MercadoFri, 08 Oct 2010 17:23:00 ESTCondom Sense: Trojan Ranks 13 Most Sexually Healthy Collegeshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/07/condom-sense-trojan-ranks-13-most-sexually-healthy-colleges/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/07/condom-sense-trojan-ranks-13-most-sexually-healthy-colleges/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/07/condom-sense-trojan-ranks-13-most-sexually-healthy-colleges/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Columbia University had the highest "sexual GPA." Credit: Getty Images

Crazy parties, wild behavior, one-night stands, unprotected sex: This is the stuff that causes parents to wake in a cold sweat when they think of their sons or daughters on campus.

Well, here's some good news: A growing number of campus health and wellness offices, along with sex experts, want to help ease your nightmares and are taking steps to make sexual health a priority at their schools. And guess who's helping them help your kids stay STD free?

Trojan. The condom giant just released its fifth annual Sexual Health Report Card, which looked at 141 colleges and ranked them according to the quality and accessibility of their sexual health resources. The report zeroes in on 12 categories ranging from contraceptive availability and STD testing to sexual assault programs, according to a news release. Each school was given a "GPA" based on its average in the areas, with 4.0, naturally, being the highest possible rating.

Columbia University in New York City topped the honor roll with a 3.70, distinguishing itself with Go Ask Alice, a comprehensive website that allows students to submit questions anonymously. Current topics span the health scope: "Keeping the flow with a condom," "Numbing lube safety for anal sex" and "Quick and healthy bag lunches."

Michigan State was ranked second with a 3.61, followed by Ohio State University. Also making the honor roll: University of Michigan, 3.55; Brown University, 3.50; University of Iowa, 3.49; University of Oregon, 3.44; Princeton University, 3.41; Rutgers, 3,38; University of Minnesota, 3.37; Western Michigan University, 3.28; Cornell, 3.22; and Yale, 3.17.

The idea is that by making students aware of their school's sex health status, it will instigate change, Trojan representative Bruce Tetreault, says in the release. The company decided to launch the study years ago in response to the rising rate of sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs) among young people, he adds.

According to the latest Center for Disease Control and Prevention report in 2008, STDs are a growing public health challenge in the United States. The CDC estimates there are approximately 19 million new STD infections each year -- almost half of them among young people ages 15 to 24. The cost of STDs to the U.S. health care system is estimated to be as much as $15.9 billion annually.

"We found the numbers unacceptable, and wanted to make students aware of how their schools ranked in terms of sexual health," Tetreault says in the release.

Bert Sperling, owner of the research firm that partnered with Trojan to administer the survey, says all schools have shown improvement in the past five years, and that students at Arizona State and Northwestern University, among others, have taken action in an effort to up their schools' rankings.

Although the ratings only cover a small portion of the approximately 2,000 4-year institutions in the United States, Sperling says 30 percent of American undergraduates attend the colleges studied.

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]]>college sexCollegeSexsexSexual healthSexualHealthSTDteen sexTeenSexMary Beth SammonsThu, 07 Oct 2010 13:00:00 ESTWicked Cast to Bullied Kids: 'It Gets Better'http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/06/wicked-cast-it-gets-better/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/06/wicked-cast-it-gets-better/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/06/wicked-cast-it-gets-better/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , ,



On our list of top 10 things we need daily, a supportive hug ranks almost as high as chocolate. But if that hug can't be in person, we'll still go for a virtual squeeze.

Today we took one from the cast of the Broadway hit, Wicked, who reminds everyone that life gets better. The video, targeted at gay kids, shows actors baring their souls as they talk about their childhood days when they were bullied. But the message, that there is that proverbial light at the end of the bullying tunnel, comes through loud and clear.

We just hope the kids believe it. As Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West sings in the show, "Everyone deserves the chance to fly."

And if you know a kid who's being bullied, after you do your part to make it stop, take him or her to see Wicked. It's all about bullying and power, with a twist even bigger than the twister in "The Wizard of Oz".

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]]>Susan AveryWed, 06 Oct 2010 15:52:00 ESTKnocked Out: Challenge Inspires College Kids to Get Some ZZZZshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/06/knocked-out-challenge-inspires-college-kids-to-get-some-zzzzs/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/06/knocked-out-challenge-inspires-college-kids-to-get-some-zzzzs/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/06/knocked-out-challenge-inspires-college-kids-to-get-some-zzzzs/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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The Huffington Post is challenging college students to get eight hours of sleep (a night). Credit: Corbis

Sleep? Please. Who needs it? Isn't that what Red Bull is for?

It's a one-way conversation all too familiar for parents of college students. "Sleep is just sooooooo overrated Mom," is the mantra of this nocturnal set.

But now, the Huffington Post has created a challenge to incoming college freshman designed to get them to cut out all-nighters and cut back on the multiple caffeinated beverages that keep their eyelids open all day.

Please, contest gods, tell us your secret. The Freshman 8 is a spin-off of the old freshman 15 motif, and focuses instead on the health benefits of a good eight hours of sleep, Dr. Michael J. Breus, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and member of the American Board of Sleep Medicine who is overseeing the contest, tells the website.

Weight gain is not uncommon, Breus tells the Huffington Post, but neither is a full night's sleep. He cites a 2001 study by the American College Health Association that shows only 11 percent of college students consistently sleep well. Adequate sleep, he says, can lead to higher grades, heightened performance and better health.

So the Huffington Post tracked the progress of students who entered the contest on Facebook and have come up with six well-rested finalists who are in the running to win a trip to New York City during the site's Oct. 28 Game Changers Event.

Leah Finnegan, a college correspondent for the site and editor of the Daily Texan at the University of Texas-Austin, says all-nighters aren't worth it on her Huffington Post blog.

"You see, just a short month ago, I would have awoken bleary-eyed and confused after an unsatisfying five hours of sleep," she writes. "Throughout the day I would have had multiple caffeinated beverages. All day I would think about sleeping, only to stumble home at 8 p.m. and find myself wide awake, neurons somehow pulsing on the dregs of coffee in my veins. Sleep would come six sad hours later. And then the whole thing would begin again. It's really no way to live, and it's a cycle that started for me in college, when varied wake-up times, free-flowing legal stimulants and midday naps were new and interesting."

It's tough to rack up the ZZZs in the student lounge or when your roommate is throwing a bash. Breus suggests students get earplugs, an eye mask and a good set of headphones.

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]]>college students and sleepCollegeStudentsAndSleephuffington postHuffingtonPostsleepsleep deprivationSleepDeprivationMary Beth SammonsWed, 06 Oct 2010 13:30:00 ESTTeachers to Students: Let's Not Be Facebook Friendshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/teachers-to-students-lets-not-be-facebook-friends/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/teachers-to-students-lets-not-be-facebook-friends/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/teachers-to-students-lets-not-be-facebook-friends/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Maybe teachers should keep their relationships with kids offline. Credit: The Canadian Press/Adrian Wyld/AP

Let's face it, there's a certain creep factor when you think your teenage daughter is exchanging photos, news feeds and friend requests on Facebook with her male high school science teacher.

We've heard the social network horror stories, but parents may feel comforted by a move to put Facebook on the don't list for parent-teacher relationships, ABC News reports.

As Facebook, Twitter and others have grown in popularity, more and more U.S. teachers have reportedly been disciplined -- and even fired -- for sharing photos and messages deemed inappropriate by their school systems, according to ABC. Other schools are busily drawing up conservative social media policies outlining what teachers can and can't show off on their Facebook pages with students, despite cries from some educators who argue this infringes on teachers' speech rights.

While teachers can use some networking sites such as Twitter or intranets to extend classroom discussion and post homework assignments, sites such as Facebook and MySpace -- which delve deeper into personal lives and information --easily blur the student-teacher relationship, Rabbi Avi Schwartz, an educator at Magen David Yeshiva in Brooklyn, N.Y., tells Education.com.

"There needs to be a certain distance between teachers and students in order to maintain respect," Schwartz says. "A teacher needs to be a role model, mentor and advice giver -- not a 'friend.' "

Heather Steed, a recent graduate of Florida State University in Tallahassee, Fla., tells Education.com that, as a student, she never added instructors on a social network until she completed their classes.

"I think that students and teachers have different personas in the classroom than outside of it, and the two should not necessarily be mixed," she tells the site.

In August, a Massachusetts teacher was asked to resign after posting comments on her Facebook wall describing students as "germ bags" and parents as "snobby" and "arrogant," according to ABC. Although the teacher said she intended the comments for her close friends only, her privacy settings were open enough that others in her town could see what she had to say.

Scenarios like this have pushed school administrators across the country to create strict social networking policies. School administrators in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, for instance, are considering a similar proposal that would ban teachers from "friending" or "following" students on social media sites and limit online communication to school-related correspondence only, ABC reports.

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]]>facebookfacebook and teachersFacebookAndTeacherssocial mediasocial networkingSocialMediaSocialNetworkingteacher firedTeacherFiredMary Beth SammonsTue, 05 Oct 2010 17:53:00 ESTTop 10 Most Beautiful College Campuseshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/top-10-most-beautiful-college-campuses/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/top-10-most-beautiful-college-campuses/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/top-10-most-beautiful-college-campuses/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

most beautiful college campus picture

Oxford University is no. 2 on the list. Credit: Corbis

Hey, parents -- as your high schoolers start sending in their college applications, it's time to think about academics, athletics and, in our opinion, aesthetics. After all, don't you want to spend Parents' Weekend strolling beautifully manicured quads and admiring striking Gothic architecture?

With its stone walls that date to the 11th century, Oxford University in England is spectacularly beautiful, while Tsinghua University in Beijing, China, located on the former site of the Qing Dynasty's royal gardens, provides students with a breathtaking walk between classes.

But the most beautiful campus in the entire world is in the United States. Ohio to be exact. Kenyon College in Gambier was named the No. 1 most beautiful campus by a panel of architects and campus designers interviewed by Forbes magazine.

The top 10 most beautiful college campuses in the world:

1. Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio
The pastoral setting of this tiny liberal arts college boasts sweeping trees, vast expanses of green and classic Gothic architecture. Most beautiful of all is The Middle Path, a 10-foot-wide trail that is not only the campus' central walkway, but also a village green.

2. Oxford University in Oxford, England
A labyrinth of quads, cloisters and archways evoke a centuries-old sense of elegance and tradition. The 11th-century stone walls enclose the spectacular campus that Notre Dame architecture professor David Mayernik calls "an architectural wonderland."

3. Princeton University in Princeton, New Jersey
The imposing old gray stone buildings, many of which are covered in ivy, intersect with footpaths, archways and plazas that were designed to inspire spontaneous discussion and learning.

4. Scripps College in Claremont, California
The campus of this women's college, which was founded in the 1920s, was constructed with a clear artistic connection between the buildings and landscape. The Mission Revival-inspired architecture is enhanced with rows of liquid amber trees, as well as tulip trees, sycamores, almond and orange trees and rare shrubs.

5. Stanford University in Palo Alto, California
Despite extensive growth, Stanford has stayed true to its architectural roots, managing to blend very modern and high-tech elements with the timeless aesthetics of the campus' early California Mission Revival architecture. Most notable is the dramatic entrance via Palm Drive.

6. Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland
Trinity is often compared to Oxford--except it's a gentler campus on a more human scale. The most celebrated building is the Old Library, founded by Queen Elizabeth in 1592. The famous Book of Kells is kept here under lock and key.

7. Tsinghua University in Beijing, China
Founded in 1925, Tsinghua's beauty comes naturally. It is located on the former site of the Qing Dynasty's royal gardens. The campus also features artificial ponds with stone benches and floating lotus blossoms.

8. United States Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, Colorado
Leave the Gothic look to Kenyon and Princeton. The Air Force Academy is a masterpiece of American Modernism, says Kevin Lippert, publisher of the Princeton Architectural Press. Many of the buildings are clad in aluminum to give the look and feel of the skin of airplanes.

9. University of Bologna in Bologna, Italy
This is the oldest university in the Western world and appears to be embedded in Bologna, a beautiful city that dates to before the Roman Empire.

10. University of California, Santa Cruz, California
Located on the site of a former ranch that overlooks the Pacific with panoramic ocean views, the campus has open meadows and redwood forests. The architecture is tucked into the natural landscape. The favorite place to study? Outside!

(Source: Forbes magazine)

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]]>Kenyon CollegeKenyonCollegeoxford universityOxfordUniversitythe editors at NetscapeTue, 05 Oct 2010 16:41:00 ESTAre Tweens Really Ready to Babysit?http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/tweens-babysit/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/tweens-babysit/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/05/tweens-babysit/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

tween babysitting picture

Even if they have training, are tweens really ready to watch your baby? Credit: Getty Images

Thrilled that your neighbor's kid is finally old enough to babysit? Sorry to throw a monkey wrench into date night, but your tween babysitter actually may be putting your little one at risk.

Forty percent of younger babysitters report they had left children unattended while babysitting, and 20 percent say they opened the door to strangers, according to research presented this weekend at the American Academy of Pediatrics conference.

The good news? Nearly all (98 percent) of 11- to 13-year-old babysitters know who to contact in the event of an intruder or if a child is sick or injured (96 percent), and the vast majority know who to contact if a child is poisoned (85 percent).

Researchers surveyed 727 tweens who have cared for a younger infant or child as a babysitter, reporting their results in the study, "Babysitter Safety Training: Are Children Aged 11-13 Years Prepared to Deal with Emergencies While Caring for Younger Children?"

About half of the tweens interviewed had gone through some professional training: 51 percent had taken a first aid training class; 47 percent had taken a CPR class and 19 percent had taken the American Red Cross or other babysitter preparedness class, the researchers report.

In other findings, 92 percent of preteen babysitters were familiar with the location of first aid supplies and 64 percent knew where to find a fire extinguisher. Ten percent of the young babysitters reported having a personal experience with an emergency requiring a call to 911; 10 called 911 after a child sustained injuries from a significant fall, eight due to a house fire, six because a child had profuse bleeding from a laceration and six because of a significant head trauma.

The study provides a snapshot of preteen babysitter strengths and weaknesses, lead study author Dr. Nicole M. Hackman, of Penn State Hershey Children's Hospital, reported at the conference.

"By identifying the unsafe behaviors, we have the opportunity to design specific educational programs to prepare preteen babysitters to safely respond to common emergency situations," she says.

For more information on babysitting preparedness, visit the American Red Cross website.

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]]>babysitterbabysittingresearchtween babysittersTweenBabysittersHoney BerkTue, 05 Oct 2010 08:00:00 ESTWorried About Your Child's School-Related Anxieties? Here's How to Helphttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/01/worried-about-your-childs-school-related-anxieties-heres-how/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/01/worried-about-your-childs-school-related-anxieties-heres-how/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/10/01/worried-about-your-childs-school-related-anxieties-heres-how/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

school boy anxiety picture

Take your child's concerns seriously. Credit: Getty Images

Most parents anticipate a certain level of back-to-school jitters for our kids, and even ourselves, but some children's anxieties need to be taken more seriously than others. So, how does a parent tell the difference, and what can be done to help?

For starters, parents need to realize that while much of a child's angst surfaces in August or September, there are stressors for students throughout the academic year, as anxiety is both seasonal and age dependent, pediatric psychiatrists say. By knowing what to expect, parents can help their children deal with worries they might not understand themselves.

"In child psychology, we see patterns throughout the year, and they're often related to school," Dr. Jodi Gold, director of the Outpatient Department for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, tells ParentDish. "Knowing your child, and knowing that he or she might be anxious is really important."

If parents can anticipate potential difficulties, they can often help manage their child's unease, Gold says.

Even if a child's worries seem trivial to you, take them seriously.

"Your assessment of their stress level is not their stress level," cautions Dr. Robert Murray, director of the Center for Healthy Weight and Nutrition at Nationwide Children's Hospital and chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on School Health.

Younger students tend to naturally feel a bit insecure when starting a new school, be it preschool or kindergarten, and may cry or cling to their parents at drop off.

"Some teachers are particularly good at bringing kids in and making them feel the warmth of the environment, but not all of them," Murray tells ParentDish. "A lot of kids are not as socially adept as others."

But these kinds of frets aren't cause for serious concern, Gold says.

"It's pretty normal to have anxieties about starting school," she tells ParentDish. "Parents can help by understanding why."

Gold suggests preparing kids by talking to them about what they can expect in the classroom and helping them feel they have some control over their lives by allowing them to do things such as pick out their own clothes or choose what to eat for breakfast. Parents also should manage their own apprehensions, as kids are adept at sensing when their parents are nervous.

Finally, "don't give in to the temptation to pull the child out," Murray advises. A better approach is to go to school early with your child and explore the classroom together to help him or her feel more at home there.

Separation anxiety isn't limited to the youngsters, however. Kids as old as 12 can suffer from it. These fears often look different in older children, who may have trouble falling asleep or suffer from stomach aches. They might wind up in the school nurse's office complaining of vague symptoms and want to go home.

Older kids can be beset with concern that something bad will happen while they're away -- to their parents, to a sibling or to them.

"That is a normal part of separation anxiety, to worry that your loved ones aren't safe because you're not with them," Gold says.

She suggests parents reassure their children that family members are all secure, even when they're apart.

"Other kids who feel the same thing are latch key kids," Murray tells ParentDish. "Those kids are relatively hidden and they have a lot of anxieties, but there's also a certain vulnerability there."

Also particularly stressful to kids are "break points," such as starting middle school, Murray says, adding that moving from class to class, using lockers and having several teachers instead of just one can cause extreme anxiety for some kids.

But if August and September are the toughest months on younger kids, October and November are the rough times for many older students. That's when kids are taking tests and getting progress reports. They may not perform as well as they want, and their parents may begin to recognize that they're struggling.

Parents should support their kids and help them feel confident about their work, Gold says. They also should know when the grading period is, so they can recognize and address their children's angst.

One of the biggest challenges for parents is supporting their children academically while, at the same time, pushing them to work hard without putting too much pressure on them.

"So much of that is knowing your own child," Gold says. "Have realistic expectations of your child's academic abilities. It's important to be supportive, but it's also OK to have expectations."

Again, performance anxieties can sometimes be hard to recognize.

"Stomach aches are the most common thing we see," Gold says.

If your child is complaining about her stomach, rule out physical causes first. Once you've done that and have determined it's psychological, don't make a big deal out of it and help him or her understand it's OK to go to school with a stomach ache.

"It's critical not to enable kids to avoid school," Gold says. "The treatment for school avoidance is to go to school."

Come December, wintertime blues start to emerge. Adolescents and teens can suffer from seasonal affective disorder, just as adults can, and that sometimes crosses the threshold into major depressive disorders. Depression generally shows up in the early- to mid-teenage years, although it can manifest as early as the beginning of puberty.

Depression in adolescents can look different than it does in adults, because adolescents are often able to socialize and function reasonably well while suffering from it. In adolescence, depression can be indicated by a change in mood, sleeping habits or grades. Depressed kids might be irritable to the extent that it keeps them from spending time with their friends or makes them intolerable at home, Gold says.

Communication is key at every age. Having someone a kid can talk to, an independent adult to whom they can unburden themselves, has been shown to be a potent source of emotional protection, Murray says. And stay tuned in to your child's behavior. If you see changes that last for more than a couple of weeks, try to figure out what's behind them.

"Kids with anxiety can't always put their finger on what it is that's triggering it," Murray says. When it begins to interfere with their life, it's time to get help. Start with your pediatrician, he advises. "They've got a wealth of experience and they've seen this many, many times."

And don't hesitate to get professional help, Gold urges. Your child's school guidance counselor should be able to refer you to a therapist that your child can talk to.

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]]>anxietydepressionkids and depressionKidsAndDepressionschoolSeparationAnxietyteens and depressionTeensAndDepressionMonique El-FaizyFri, 01 Oct 2010 14:47:00 EST