ParentDish

Teen Drivers Admit to Near Misses

Tom Henderson — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 15:00:00 EST

She may look innocent, but watch out -- teen drivers are to be feared! Credit: Getty Images

Teen drivers. Fear them.

Fresh statistics say 68 percent of them narrowly avoided a serious accident in the last year. And more than half say they've had more than one near miss during that time.

That less-than-comforting news comes from a survey of 2,000 students at 28 high schools by Liberty Mutual Insurance and Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD).

USA Today reports 55 percent of the teen drivers blamed someone else for their near misses. Yet, 30 percent admitted to speeding, 21 percent said they were texting and 20 percent said they were distracted by a conversation with a passenger.

Such distracted driving causes 20 percent of accidents involving teens, according to USA Today, citing statistics from the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and State Farm Insurance. Speeding accounts for 21 percent of the accidents involving teens.

The newspaper adds teens are four times more likely to get into accidents than older drivers. There's a lesson here for parents, Justin McNaull, director of state relations for AAA, tells USA Today.

"If you're not comfortable letting your teen drive in a certain situation, then don't," he says.

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Link Found Between Teen Sex and Divorce Rate

Tom Henderson — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 15:00:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, Divorce & Custody, In The News, Sex, Teen Culture

A study has shown that teens who engage in sexual intercourse at a young age are more likely to get divorced. Credit: Getty Images

Teenage girls may want to save themselves for marriage, that is, if they want to stay married.

Researchers at the University of Iowa have found a link between teenage girls losing their virginity and the chances they'll get divorced later on.

In fact, researchers found 31 percent of women who had sex for the first time as teenagers were divorced from their first husbands within five years, and 47 percent divorced within 10 years. By comparison, only 15 percent of girls who delayed sex until adulthood were divorced within five years and only 27 percent within 10 years.

A university press release reports the risk of divorce shot up dramatically when a girl's first sexual encounter was unwanted, she had mixed feelings about it or occurred before she was 16.

Lead researcher Anthony Paik, an associate professor of sociology, examined responses from 3,793 women to the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth. The women had all been married -- at least once.

Why the link between teenage sex and divorce?

Researchers speculate related factors such as a higher number of sexual partners, pregnancies and out-of-wedlock births might contribute to the higher divorce rate.

Some 31 percent of women who lost their virginity during adolescent went on to have multiple sex partners -- compared with 24 percent among women who waited. Almost 30 percent of sexually active teenage girls got pregnant, and one in four had babies before they got married -- compared with one in 10 among the later bloomers.

"The results are consistent with the argument that there are down sides to adolescent sexuality, including the increased likelihood of divorce," Paik says in the press release. "But there's also support for the 'more sex positive' view, because if a teen delays sex to late adolescence and it is wanted, that choice in itself doesn't necessarily lead to increased risk of divorce."

According to the press release, only a small percentage of women who had sex before age 18 said it was completely wanted. Only 1 percent chose to have sex at age 13 or younger, 5 percent at age 14 or 15, and 10 percent at age 16 or 17.

Paik speculates women who had sex as teenagers were predisposed to divorce.

"The attitudes that made them feel OK about having sex as teens may have also influenced the outcome of their marriage," Paik says in the press release. "The other possibility is a causal explanation -- that the early sexual experience led to the development of behaviors or beliefs that promote divorce.

"If the sex was not completely wanted or occurred in a traumatic context, it's easy to imagine how that could have a negative impact on how women might feel about relationships, or on relationship skills," Paik adds. "The experience could point people on a path toward less stable relationships."

It's a timely topic, given the current debate over the sexualization of girls, Paik says in the release.

"This study tries to provide some answers about adolescent sexuality and the risk of marital dissolution, and the results show that both the context and early onset of first intercourse are associated with divorce."

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Why Is My Teenage Son Overeating? From Dr. Drew

the editors at MarloThomas.com — Fri, 20 May 2011 09:00:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, Feeding & Sleeping, Teen Culture, Behavior: Teens

Sex and addiction expert Dr. Drew responds to a concerned mother's question about her teenage son's unhealthy eating habits.

Don't miss on MarloThomas.com:

Forget the Hook-Ups!
Dr. Drew strongly encourages young people to "cultivate dating" and to abandon the "hook-up culture" that is so prevalent today.
See the clip

Shopping: Is It an Addiction?
A lot of my friends wonder about whether you can be addicted to shopping. Dr. Drew says yes.
See the clip

Planning an Intervention
Dr. Drew offers specific guidelines on how to plan an intervention for a friend or family member suffering from chemical dependence.
See the clip

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TV Not to Blame for Teens' Sleepless Nights

Tom Henderson — Tue, 17 May 2011 13:55:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, In The News, Media, Sleep

Teenagers are not staying up late at night to watch television. Credit: Corbis

The good news is that your teenager daughter is not spending the night with Jimmy Fallon. The bad news your son might be losing sleep over a fourth-level nymph.

The Orange County Register reports teenagers are not staying up late at night to watch television. Playing video games and messing around on the Internet? Yes. But television? No.

This was the conclusion of a study presented at the American Psychiatric Association's annual meeting in Honolulu, the newspaper reports. Researchers looked at high schoolers and found only 10 percent them got enough sleep at night.

Round up the usual suspects? Hold on, Louie.

Researchers found no link between TV and sleep deprivation. The Internet and video games were the real time bandits.

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New Zealand School Helps a Student Quietly Arrange for an Abortion

Tom Henderson — Mon, 16 May 2011 16:00:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, In The News

School officials in New Zealand are under fire for assisting a student who wanted an abortion. Credit: Getty Images

School officials in New Zealand reportedly helped one of their students arrange for an abortion without letting her parents know.

This is causing, uh, a bit of a flap.

Still, New Zealand is getting off light because, hey, it's New Zealand. One can only imagine the massive conniption fit this story would have raised had it broke in the land of the free and the home of Fox News.

The story might get blown slightly out of proportion. As it is, the story still has the usual suspects -- on both sides -- sputtering and waving fingers both index and middle.

Representatives from Mothers of Choice tell the New Zealand Herald the 16-year-old girl and all young women should be able to get abortions without their parents' consent. And if school officials want to help out? Fantastic.

Other people have a [slightly] different take on the matter. While New Zealand law doesn't require parental consent before minors get abortion, anti-abortion activists say God (and the majority of New Zealanders) think the law and school officials are wrong.

Bob McCoskrie, director of New Zealand's Family First organization, points to a national poll where only 12 percent of those surveyed said parents should not be notified of their children's plans to get abortions.

"This is a very strong response, and is a rebuke to the politicians in 2004, who chose to exclude parents from this process when debating the provision in the Care of Children Bill," McCoskrie tells the Herald.

"The law currently means that while a parent has to sign a letter for their daughter to go on a school trip to the zoo or to play in the netball team, they are totally excluded from any knowledge or granting of permission for that same child to be put on the pill, have a vaccine or have a surgical abortion," he adds.

Morgan Healey, president of the Abortion Law Reform Association, tells the Herald the privacy laws were established to protect girls who might be harmed if abusive parents knew they were getting abortions.

By the way, the Herald and other news sources in New Zealand report only one girl had one abortion arranged at one school. Yet, Fox News reports, "Parents outraged over New Zealand Schools Planning 'Secret' Abortions."

Cue the conniption fit.

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Teens on Facebook More Likely to Drink Than Their Non-Social Networking Peers

Lesley Kennedy — Thu, 12 May 2011 10:30:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, In The News, Alcohol & Drugs, Media, Teen Culture, Behavior: Teens

Teens who drink alcohol spend more time on the computer for fun -- listening to music and updating their online profiles -- than their non-drinking peers. Credit: Getty Images

Some teens on Facebook are really putting the "social" in social networking -- boozing it up while they check in on their friends online.

New research finds teens who drink alcohol spend more time on the computer for fun -- listening to music and updating their online profiles -- than their non-drinking peers.

The study, published in the online edition of the journal Addictive Behaviors and authored by Weill Cornell Medical College public health researcher Dr. Jennifer Epstein, looked at anonymous surveys from 264 teens, a university press release reports.

"While the specific factors linking teenage drinking and computer use are not yet established, it seems likely that adolescents are experimenting with drinking and activities on the Internet," she says in the release. "In turn, exposure to online material such as alcohol advertising or alcohol-using peers on social networking sites could reinforce teens' drinking."

Epstein, an assistant professor of public health at Weill Cornell Medical College, says kids are getting online at younger ages, and parents need to monitor their computer and alcohol use.

"According to a national study conducted by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, more than half of parents of teenagers had filters installed on the computers their child uses to block content parents find objectionable, yet many parents do not use any form of parental monitoring, particularly for older teens," Epstein adds in the release.

The Weill Cornell survey found that teens who said they drank alcohol in the last month used a computer more hours per week -- not counting homework -- than those who did not, the release states.

The researchers also discovered drinking was linked to more social networking and listening to and downloading music. No strong link was found between drinking and online shopping or playing video games, however, according to the release.

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Teenage Girls Continue to 'Fake 'n' Bake' Despite Health Warnings

Tom Henderson — Thu, 05 May 2011 13:30:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, Health & Safety: Teens

Teens continue to tan despite health risks. Credit: MTC

Ask Snooki from "Jersey Shore." She knows.

There's nothing like that pre-cancerous glow to say, "Hey, boys, I'm young and sexy. Love me now before my skin turns to beef jerky, and I die from melanoma."

Not that teenage girls need Snooki's encouragement to do something stupid. According to U.S. News & World Report, beauty-obsessed adolescents continue to "fake 'n' bake" even though tanning poses the most publicized health risks since smoking.

Unless you have actually been living on Venus to catch some truly tasty rays the past few years, you know what ultraviolet light can do to your skin. For one thing, according to U.S. News, it increases your risk of deadly skin cancer by 75 percent.

"Whatever," say millions of American teenage girls as they smack their bubble gum and twirl their hair.

Some 32 percent of them used a tanning bed within the past year, according to a poll by the American Academy of Dermatology, and a quarter of them tan on a weekly basis.

The results are more grim than sexy. According to U.S. News, 68,000 people develop melanoma every year, and at least 9,000 of these people die. Melanoma rates have reportedly risen in the last 30 years, especially among girls.

The Associated Press reports lawmakers in New York are considering the first state ban on indoor tanning for anyone younger than 18. Roughly half the states regulate indoor tanning for children and teenagers, and New York currently requires parental consent for kids between the ages 14 to 17 to get indoor tans.

"The challenge is that teens have access to indoor tanning salons on almost every corner," Ronald Moy, the dermatology academy's president, tells U.S. News.

"We are very concerned that this behavior will lead to a continued increase in the incidence of skin cancer in young people and, ultimately, more untimely deaths from this devastating disease," he adds. "Our survey underscores the importance of educating young women about the very real risks of tanning."

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Music and Your Kids: Tips

the editors at Common Sense Media — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 10:45:00 EST

Filed under: Tweens, Teens, Music, Teen Culture

Listen to music with your children. Credit: Getty Images

Now's a great time to tune in

Almost nothing comes between kids and their music. But music has really changed. Know what your kids are listening to, and listen along with them. After all, music is expression -- good or bad -- and your being open to it goes a long way with your kids.

What is digital music?

Downloads, videos, MP3s, iPods, YouTube, and live streaming. Most of our kids' music now comes via the Internet. Social networks like MySpace launch artists, and kids link to artists' pages and download songs to their own pages. Videos appear for free or are available to download. Entire careers have been launched on the strength of an amateur musician's YouTube video. And kids can use music services like Rhapsody or Pandora to stream songs they like.

Music still gets swapped with friends. Most middle school kids know how to burn a CD, download music, and use file-sharing software (legal and illegal), all of which often bypasses parents completely.

Music is central to games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band. And software that allows kids to create and compose their own tunes is increasingly affordable, encouraging creativity and expression.

Why it matters

Music is a powerful medium. It can help quieter kids reveal things they normally can't. It can express emotions turbulent adolescents may not be able to voice. It's also at the center of many social interactions and popular culture movements.

Studies have repeatedly shown that kids are impacted by the music they listen to. Given the power of music and its potent messages, parents need to decide what their kids are ready for -- and help them decode what they hear.

Music with explicit content is labeled online, but it's still available. Sometimes what kids listen to is age appropriate, but even those songs can feature racy or violent lyrics and can glorify drinking, drug use, or violent behavior.

Tips for parents of elementary school kids

Be a model for tame music. Your child will sing along with whatever you select, so make sure you choose songs with lyrics you won't mind your child repeating if you aren't around.

Hold off on the iPods and MP3 players. Do you really want to hand your child an expensive gadget that could get left somewhere or go through the laundry? If your children want to listen to music in the car, give them your MP3 player.

Play your favorite music for kids and enjoy together. It's surprising how much kids enjoy listening to vintage tunes. Why not share your oldies but goodies and start them off with the classics?

Tips for parents of middle and high school kids

Do your homework before your kids buy CDs or downloaded music. Read some reviews -- including those on the Common Sense Media's music channel -- or take a look at the lyrics on sites like lyricsdepot.com or sing365.com.

Make some downloading rules. Make sure you agree on what kind of music your children can download. Sites like iTunes allow you to create an allowance for your kids so they can purchase at will -- but remember, if you do this, they are buying without your oversight. If you do decide to create an allowance, check which songs and videos have been downloaded -- and let your kids know that you will check their downloads. (Under the "view" section of your online music store, you can click the "date added" box to instantly check for any new song or video.) If the content is explicit, you'll know right away because it says so on the display.

Discourage stealing music. In addition to legitimate ways to buy music online, there are lots of programs that let kids get it for free. Remind your children that it's wrong to steal music -- after all, don't they want their favorite artists to get paid for their work? Also, many of these music-stealing programs can open up your computer to viruses and malware.

Enjoy music with your teens. Mortify your kids by playing Guitar Hero with them. Ask your son to plug in his iPod on the next family road trip, or have your daughter burn you a CD of her music for your car. Not only will you get a better idea of what they're being exposed to, but you may also improve your relationship with them. When you show interest in their world, they might be more open to hearing your opinions.

Discuss music messages. If you don't like a message, try to open a discussion with your child without being too judgmental -- nothing will make a kid defensive faster than a judgmental parent. It's important that children can challenge what they hear in a song, but they won't be likely to do it if they think you hate all their music.

Ask questions. Don't let music just wash over your kids. Instead, teach them to be critical of music's messages. For ideas, look at Common Sense Media reviews. Each one comes with a Common Sense Note, which provides parents with ideas about how to talk to their kids about music.

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Obese Teens Just as Likely to Have Sex, Drink, Smoke as Their Thinner Peers, Study Shows

Mary Beth Sammons — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 15:00:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, In The News, Alcohol & Drugs, Health

Watch what our healthy families are doing to stay in shape!

A new study suggests obese teens engage in the same risky social behaviors as their svelte peers. Credit: Getty Images

Why should sex, smoking and boozing be the privilege of only one body type?

Plus-sized teens are proving they can party hard, too. While obese teens were thought to be social outcasts, the findings of a new study suggest they engage in the same risky social behaviors as their svelte peers, including smoking, hooking up and drinking, CNN reports.

Those behaviors, however, can signal more serious problems for obese teens, according to the network.

The 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, examined the behavior of 9,000 high school students, finding that, in some ways, obese teens drink as much as their normal-weight peers. But they also take greater risks.

In addition, both males and females in the extremely obese group were more likely to report having tried cigarettes, according to the study published in Pediatrics.

Though obese girls are less likely to have sex than their thinner peers, the girls that are sexually active are more likely also to be under the influence of substances, lead researcher Meg Zeller of the Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center, tells CNN.

"So it really paints this picture of vulnerability for this sub-population of teen girls and it really makes us question what their social interactions are really like," she tells the network. "These kids are suffering medically and psychosocially, and now we know that they're also engaging in high-risk behaviors. That could be a lethal combination."

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Facebook Can Lead to Depression in Adolescents, Report Says

Honey Berk — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 14:00:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, In The News, Media, Social & Emotional Growth: Teens

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Facebook depression is common among teens. Credit: Getty Images

Just when you think you've got the whole social media thing covered with your tween or teen, a new tech-related monster rears its ugly head.

As if sexting and cyberbullying weren't enough for parents to worry about, now "Facebook depression" joins the list of things to fret over.

This new phenomenon is identified as depression that kicks in after adolescents spend a lot of time on social media sites, leading to classic symptoms of depression, according to a new report on social media and children released today by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

Viewing a constant stream on Facebook that includes happy, boasting status updates and photos of your peers having a great time can make kids feel worse about themselves, the Chicago Tribune reports.

"It can be more painful than sitting alone in a crowded school cafeteria or other real-life encounters that can make kids feel down, because Facebook provides a skewed view of what's really going on." Gwenn O'Keeffe, the report's co-author, tells the Tribune. "Online, there's no way to see facial expressions or read body language that provide context."

Kids who suffer from online depression are at risk for social isolation, just as with offline depression, and may turn to risky Internet sites and blogs for "help" -- which may encourage substance abuse, unsafe sexual practices or self-destructive or aggressive behaviors, the researchers say.

This phenomenon is of critical importance in light of the significant increase in the number of kids using social media sites over the last five years. In fact, the study says, social media use is now one of the most common activities of children and adolescents.

Recent statistics show that 22 percent of teenagers log on to their favorite social media site more than 10 times per day, and more than half of teens log on more than once a day, according to the report. In addition, 75 percent of teens now have cell phones, with 25 percent using them for social media, 54 percent for texting and 24 percent for instant messaging.

With this in mind, the researchers say a "large part of this generation's social and emotional development is occurring while on the Internet and on cell phones."

The reports notes that social media can benefit kids, saying it can "enhance communication, facilitate social interaction and help develop technical skills." Social media also can help adolescents identify volunteer opportunities, augment traditional classroom learning methods and even help shape their sense of identity.

"But because tweens and teens have a limited capacity for self-regulation and are susceptible to peer pressure, they are at some risk as they engage in and experiment with social media," the report states.

Tweens and teens can sometimes find themselves on sites and in situations that are not age-appropriate, the authors note, adding that unhealthy offline behaviors frequently find their way online now, with bullying, cliques and sexual experimentation cropping up online as cyberbullying, privacy issues and sexting.

Other problems that can often result from extensive social media use include Internet addiction and sleep deprivation, the researchers note.

"Some young people find the lure of social media difficult to resist, which can interfere with homework, sleep and physical activity," O'Keeffe says in a news release.

O'Keeffe says parents need to understand how their child is using social media so they can set appropriate limits.

And, although many parents are tech savvy and have a presence on many of the same social media sites as their children, some parents may still find it hard to relate to their kids online.

To help families find their way through the social media landscape, the AAP recommends parents do the following:

Talk to children and adolescents about their online use and the specific issues that today's online kids face, such as cyberbullying, sexting and difficulty managing their time.
Work on their own "participation gap" in their homes by becoming better educated about the many technologies their children are using.
Develop a family online-use plan, with an emphasis on citizenship and healthy behavior.
Supervise online activities via active participation and communication, not just via monitoring software.

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Am I Too Young to Change My Name?

The Name Lady — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 12:00:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, Baby Names

I'm a boy, and my dad thought Karmen was a boy's name when I was born. Now I'm called Karmen in all my official statements, school records etc. I really hate it and I get bullied for it. I'm 16. Can I change my name? How?

- Karmen

In the U.S., you can't petition the court for a name change until you're 18. For now, the legal request would have to come from your parents. I understand that it may be hard to ask for their help on this, since they gave you the name in the first place.

Part of me is tempted to refer you to the tag-line of the anti-bullying campaign: It gets better. Readers write to me of "growing into" names, or learning to love unusual names they despised as a teenagers. This is one reason I usually discourage minors from making legal name changes.

Your case, though, is a little different. You've run into an ugly truth about names in America: Gender matters. A lot. And there's a double standard. Parents love to give girls traditionally masculine names, and there's even some research suggesting they give girls a competitive advantage. But it's tough to be a boy with a girl's name, and you're right, Karmen is used overwhelmingly for girls. (It's a form of Carmel, a biblical place name. The Italian name Carmine is one masculine version.)

If you'd like to change your name now, have a conversation with your parents. Be gentle; they chose this name for you and understandably have different feelings about it than you do. Build your case with facts. You can show them baby name data from the Social Security Administration to show them that girls named Karmen (and Carmen) swamp the boys by a rate of more than 25 to 1 in the United States. A Google image search of Karmen works too -- but be sure to select "safe search" or you'll be in for a whole different kind of parental discussion.

You can also give your parents a practical argument. If you know you'll change the name yourself on your 18th birthday, the change will be simpler now before you're issued a driver's license and start applying to jobs or colleges.

If your parents won't go for it, though, take comfort that the decision will soon be in your own hands.

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Great Birthday Party Ideas for Kids

Sally Worsham — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 10:00:00 EST

Filed under: Preschoolers, Big Kids, Tweens, Teens, Birthdays, Resources

Choose a classic theme for your child's birthday party. Credit: Getty Images

While certain trends in kids' birthday party ideas come and go, there are some themes that never grow old.

Whether you enjoy being creative with decorations and invitations or you prepare to purchase everything ready-made from a party supply store, these three can't-miss ideas are easily adaptable to your own personal party-hosting style.

1. Princess Party
Invitations: Send out royal scrolls and make them as fancy and elegant as you wish. Decorations: A pink balloon archway entrance makes for a memorable first impression, and a throne for the birthday princess is an important detail. Metallic curtains in a doorway can lend a dramatic flair, and white Christmas lights can add to the magical atmosphere.
Games: Play princess-themed games such as Pin the Diamond on the Tiara or hold a musical princess walk. More games such as a royal dress-up relay and sifting for gems can be found on Coolest Kid Birthday Parties.

2. Superhero Soiree
Invitations: Want to send out homemade invitations for a superhero party? Just use the emblem and the mask of your chosen superhero. For mask invitations, use a variety of superheroes and ask guests to wear them to the party.
Decorations: You can make decorations using comic book pages, printed images from the Internet, and superhero posters. Another idea is to make action signs such as "BAM!", "POW!" and "KAZAAM!"
Games: Game ideas range from a superhero obstacle course to an X-ray vision game to costume contests to strength competitions.

3. Tropical Luau
Invitations: Cut out beach objects (palm trees, starfish, coconuts) from card stock for invitations, or you could even send the invites as messages in bottles.
Decorations: Leis, tiki lights, palm trees, hibiscuses and coconuts are good party props, and it's always good to set the mood with hula music. A bonfire in the backyard would add even more to the scene.
Games: Luau games include limbo, pineapple bowling, hula dancing contests and pin the coconut on the palm tree. Birthday Party Ideas has instructions for these games, along with other Hawaiian-themed games and activities.

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Try This: How Do You Punish a Teenager?

Advertiser — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 14:02:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, Teen Culture, Development: Teens, Social & Emotional Growth: Teens, Behavior: Teens, Expert Advice: Teens, Try This

Your rebellious teenager is acting up and you know that banning dessert or giving timeouts won't work anymore.

So, now what?

When it comes to disciplining teens, taking away electronics, like cell phones and iPods, seems to be a growing trend.

But, is banning Facebook really an effective punishment method as well? Healthguidance.com recommends implementing related punishments so that the punishment does, in fact, fit the crime.

Also, punishments should be practical so that your teen knows you are serious. Threatening to never let her out of the house again just isn't going to fly, and your teenage daughter knows it. Choose a punishment that you can follow through on and your budding adult will be more likely to follow your rules.

What have you done that works?

Looking for family meal ideas? Get tips from other parents at KitchenDaily.

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Emptying the Nest: Q&A With Author Dr. Brad Sachs

Julie Z. Rosenberg — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 13:00:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, Books for Parents

Brad Sachs investigates why your baby birds won't leave the nest. Cover design by David Baldeosingh Rotstein, Credit: Getty Images

You know the saying, "If you love somebody, set them free"? Well, that's sort of what Brad Sachs, Ph.D. is saying in his newest book, "Emptying the Nest: Launching Your Young Adult Toward Success and Self-Reliance."

There are many things parents do that unintentionally interfere with the necessary transition to young adulthood. ParentDish recently spoke with Dr. Sachs to find out what some of these practices are and what parents can do to correct them. An edited version of the conversation follows.

ParentDish: Beside the weak economy, what are some of the major factors contributing to today's slow crawl to adulthood?
Brad Sachs: The amount of education that's necessary these days to achieve the kind of financial self-reliance that most people want is extraordinarily longer than it was even a generation ago. Parents sometimes have a hard time understanding that because many of them were able to achieve some sort of self-sufficiency early on, maybe even with just a high school diploma. A decent job in industry would give you the opportunity to be on your own and independent and own a house and a car. Those days are really long gone.

Another [factor] is many families can no longer afford to send their children to four-year colleges, so they're staying home and going to community college ... which prolongs that period of time beyond what both generations anticipated and that presents certain quandaries and dilemmas.

PD: What is technology's effect on this troublesome transition?
BS: I don't think we've made an adequate adjustment to all of the technology at our disposal. It makes the achievement of autonomy that much harder because once that technology is in place the expectation is that you're going to use it. If a parent buys their child a cell phone, there's an expectation that "You'll respond to my text or my email and you'll do it pretty instantaneously because after all, I know that you got it." That puts certain constraints on that process of separation and makes it harder.

Credit: Fern Eisner

PD: At what age do you start instilling self-sufficient behaviors to get your children on the trajectory towards independence?
BS: Self-esteem and self-respect are completely contingent on feeling worthwhile, necessary and useful. And we've gotten off track with this in a sense that we decided that self-esteem is somehow dependent on praise and reinforcement, and the two really have nothing to do with each other. That's why it's important for even small children to feel that they're contributing, to see that they're useful and necessary.

A hundred years ago, if there was a farm, everyone worked on the farm and everyone felt they had a role and that role was absolutely necessary. But we seem to want to protect our children from responsibility, and in doing so we inadvertently undercut how confident they feel. So when it comes to even a 5-year-old, anything we ask them to do that is meaningful [and gives them] a sense of value is worth pursuing. Whether it's loading the dishwasher or helping empty the trashcan ... what matters is that they feel like what they're doing is useful. That's the basic building block for self-assuredness.

PD: What about tying allowance to that?
BS: I generally think it should be separate because those contributions should be made because you're part of the family. Allowance is used for learning how to save and invest and spend. Once you link [them], there's that sense of entitlement: "Well I'm not going to do this unless I get paid for it." And that's the opposite of feeling responsible and capable.

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Is Bieber Fever Hazardous to Mental Health?

Dr. Alan Ravitz — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 18:00:00 EST

Filed under: Tweens, Teens, Celeb Kids, Media, Opinions, Tween Culture, Teen Culture, Development: Tweens, Social & Emotional Growth: Tweens, Development: Teens, Social & Emotional Growth: Teens, New In Pop Culture, Celeb News & Interviews

Do you have Bieber fever? Credit: Chris Polk/KCA2010/Getty Images for KC

Parents of tweenage girls, Twitterers, trend-watchers-and the rest of the world, probably-know all about Justin Bieber, the 16-year-old pop sensation who appears to have sprung fully-formed from the Canadian heartland to take America by storm. And those with more than a passing interest and access to the Internet likely know that the teen star has been linked to the latest in a string of young women, the singer Selena Gomez, who is 18. Recently, the Web was aflutter over pictures of the two on a Caribbean vacation, apparently locking lips. Innocent fun, right? Free of consequences? Not when the "Beliebers" get you in their sights.

In fact, the combination of "Bieber fever" and Twitter has turned lethal -- at least verbally, as some fans have actually issued death threats targeted at Gomez. And while the anonymity of the Internet cloaks the age of these posters, they are likely young girls and adolescents. Take your pick of shocking posts:

o. "@selenagomez I'll kiII you I swear on GOD!!!!"
o. "@selenagomez stay away from Justin ped0phile, retard wait i'm gonna kiII ya in the night underneath your smelly bed"
o. "@selenagomez whore cancer whore..like i'mm kiII myself cuz i saw you and Justin kissing well thankyou Selena thankyou now i'm kiIILing myself"

Death threats? Slurs? Suicidal language? Why would our children type these things? Sadly, it's another side-effect of the culture of the Web: Just like teens bully their peers even more viciously online than in real life because the consequences aren't immediately apparent, children and adolescents in the virtual world are quicker and more outrageous in their anger or despair when faced with a setback. The stream-of-consciousness spewing of raw feeling has, unfortunately, become accepted as a form of authenticity. As if the immediacy of the emotion somehow excuses the virulence of what's being expressed.

Which leads to a another disturbing question: How did our kids get so deeply invested in Justin Bieber's love life? Don't they know he doesn't sing just for them?

Girls today can get incredibly wrapped up in relationships that in reality are nothing but fiction. This is nothing new, of course -- mention Sinatra, Elvis, the Beatles, David Cassidy, Michael Jackson, New Kids on the Block, the Backstreet Boys, and any number of women of every age will recall a youthful infatuation bordering on obsession. And yet today it is different -- young fans have a much stronger illusion of access to their idols, who communicate "directly" to them on their smartphones and iPads via social media. A youngster could be forgiven for thinking that Justin Bieber is, in this virtual universe, reciprocating her affections.

This is just what Bieber's media machine is after. An astute reader of the Huffington Post points out that in some countries in Asia, like South Korea, male pop stars are forbidden from having public romantic relationships to preserve the fiction for their young female fans -- and thus pad the bottom line. This fiction can be dangerous -- sure enough, at a Bieber concert in Australia last year, a number of young fans were crushed in the rush to be near the stage and their virtual beau in the flesh. But the more pervasive danger is emotional -- as evidenced by the virulent outpouring following the Gomez flap. And it's especially worrying because these obsessions are less and less visible to parents.

The days of posters, magazines, and massive CD collections are gone, all disappeared inside the computer, or even the device in a kid's pocket. Endless calls that used to tie up the phone are now silent text messages. And with this increased access -- that Bieber has to his fans, that they have to him, that our children have to the wider community on the Web -- the harmless, if hysterical, crushes of the past now spur open talk of murder and suicide. Another HuffPo commenter makes light of the phenomenon -- in the '80s and early '90s, she writes, "we didn't have 'THE INTERNET,' we had AOL! It was way too slow for us to be totally outraged on the Internet." This joke contains a fairly substantial kernel of truth: The Web is not just a forum, a new method of communication; it amplifies raw emotions, passing rages, and their consequences.

Bieber's mother is reportedly upset with him about the pictures. We don't need to be angry with our kids, but we need to teach them that the rules they know to follow don't magically disappear when they're in front of a keyboard and a screen. We understand that these Beliebers on Twitter probably don't truly feel murderous or suicidal; they're indulging in adolescent exaggeration, and if we heard them say it, we would probably hear it that way. But these kinds of remarks read very differently in print -- you just can't tell online. And remember that when 18-year-old Tyler Clementi killed himself last year, following a heartless prank, he left this message on Facebook: "jumping off the gw bridge sorry."

Knowing the difference between real pain and teen exaggeration is key to monitoring our kids' emotional lives in this digital age, and the only way to do that is to know your child. Be tuned in to her moods; talk to her about her music and her crushes. You want to understand how powerful her interest is, gauge how emotionally involved she is, and know when she's suffering -- even if the object of her affections is someone she's never met. It's not easy; not a lot of parenting in the 2.0 world is. But this is her life. You want to be there for her, even if it seems too silly to be serious. A broken heart is a broken heart, even on the Web.

Alan Ravitz, MD, MS, is a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute. For more on parenting adolescents, go to childmind.org, which offers advice and a wealth of information on childhood psychiatric and learning disorders.

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Celebrating New Year's Eve at Home, Family Style

Ellen Rooney Martin — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 13:00:00 EST

Filed under: Preschoolers, Big Kids, Tweens, Teens, Holidays

Celebrate New Year's Eve in different time zones. Credit: viZZZual.com, Flickr

As your family grows, wild New Year's Eve celebrations out on the town are likely to be passed up in favor of Dick Clark and quiet nights in. But staying home doesn't have to be dull. You really can have a fun time with the kids. Here's how:

Go international. Want to get little ones to bed early? Pick a favorite international city and create a celebration with food, games and decorations to celebrate New Year's Eve in Paris, Tokyo or Cape Town. Picking simple foods -- egg rolls, dumplings or sticky rice balls and tea -- can introduce your child to a new part of the world and allows you be creative, too. Let kids bang on pots and pans to celebrate "midnight" like they do in China, says New York City party planner Linda Kaye.
Get cooking. For older kids, try a Julia Child-inspired cooking night. Each member of the family can prepare one part of dinner, depending on their ability. Juice up the video camera and have each child describe what they are making, TV chef style. Meatballs and a veggie platter are easy and fun things for kids to prepare. At midnight, everyone can sit down to the feast and watch the video together.
Take a look back. For non-cooking types, try a newscast instead. The news set could be at the dining room table, and an "anchor" could interview each family member about what happened that year. Your daughter could describe the year in sports, and your son could remind everyone about vacation, the new dog, a wedding or school events. Use a tablecloth made of newspapers and serve a buffet of chicken fingers, chips and drinks. Watch the video at midnight as you sip sugar-rimmed glasses of lemonade.
Get funky. For a dress-up party, set up a nightclub in your home. Have everyone dress in festive clothing and decorate with silver and gold balloons, streamers and tablecloths. A karaoke machine will prompt most kids to sing, or play 'name that tune' with an iPod or stereo. "Bubble machines are another fun thing for kids on New Year's Eve," Washington, D.C.-based party planner Tony Scurry tells ParentDish.
Frost it festive. Children of any age will enjoy decorating cupcakes on New Year's Eve. Make cupcakes in advance for younger children and set them out with a variety of toppings. Let children dip their cupcake in different bowls of frosting and then top with crystal sugar, sprinkles and even sparklers. "Kids love dazzle and excitement," Scurry says. Have a contest for most creative, most festive or most bedazzled cupcake.

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Body Piercing: Is Your Child Ready?

Ellen Rooney Martin — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 15:00:00 EST

Filed under: Babies, Toddlers Preschoolers, Big Kids, Tweens, Teens

Does your teen want a navel piercing? Credit: Corbis

It might be hard to imagine your perfect child with a pierced ear, much less a pierced tongue or navel. But in the event they ask you before they pierce, doctors say the same health rules apply for babies, teenagers and adults.

Some parents want their infant's ears pierced, but most doctors suggest waiting until they are at least a few months old.

"I prefer to wait until the child is old enough to care for the piercing on her own," Dr. Tanya Remer Altmann tells ParentDish. The California-based pediatrician will pierce an infant's ears if the parents request it and the baby has had both 2- and 4-month vaccines.

Toddlers are hard to deal with because of the squirm factor and they may have dirty fingers and play with the earrings, which can lead to infections.

"Wait until your daughter asks for it or has demonstrated that she is responsible enough to care for them on her own," Altmann says.

Whether you are piercing an ear or a navel, it's important that the instruments used are sterile to prevent infections. Same for the skin -- it needs to be prepped by cleaning before piercing.

Teenagers are trickier, of course. It's important to communicate, and, if you're lucky, you may be able to compromise, particularly with a younger teen. Altmann suggests using incentives like a second hole in one ear in exchange for keeping grades up.

While the chances of infection are lower if piercings are done in a doctor's office, it's just as likely that your son will show up one day with a pierced eyebrow performed by a friend. Chances are, nothing was sterile.

"In teens, I've treated infected piercings not only in their earlobes, but other pierced body parts," Altmann says.

Serious infections can result from unsterile piercings, Dr. Amy Derrick tells ParentDish. She emphasizes that it's important to keep the area that is pierced clean.

"Children tend to think of piercings as temporary, but there can be permanent complications from piercings," says Derrick, a dermatologist in Barrington, Ill.

Chipped and broken teeth are common with lip, tongue and mouth piercings, she says. Make sure your children know about the possibility of infection, scarring and broken teeth before they head to the piercing parlor.

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Injured High School Runner Crawls Across Finish Line for Coach

the editors at ParentDish — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 12:19:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, In The News, Sports

Need some inspiration today? We're tearing up after watching this video of Holland Reynolds, a 16-year-old California high school running star who collapsed just feet from the finish line in a race that would determine whether or not her team went to the state championships.

"I just kept on telling myself, 'I need to finish and I need to cross the line,' " Reynolds tells ABC News. "I don't remember falling, but then I remember crawling across the line."

Not only did her crawl secure her team a spot at state, but Reynolds also honored Coach Jim Tracy, who has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS, and can no longer run.

Tracy, who says he was in a "complete state of shock" when he saw her crawling across the finish line, said he checked the numbers and realized his team had been victorious. "We won," he says. "And it was a great feeling."

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ParentDish's Top 25 Albums for Kids

Sally Worsham — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 18:21:00 EST

Filed under: Preschoolers, Big Kids, Tweens, Teens, That's Entertainment

Kids rock, too! Credit: Getty Images

There are thousands of choices when it comes to music for kids, but which CDs are the best for not only kids, but adults, too? These 25 selections provide musical enjoyment for both parents and their children.

1. Barenaked Ladies, "Snack Time": This collection of 24 original children's songs from the multi-platinum Canadian band was inspired by the group's own children and contains catchy pop songs the whole family will love.

2. Caspar Babypants, "Here I Am": Caspar Babypants is the alias of Chris Ballew of The Presidents of the United States of America, and he uses the same quirky sense of humor and sing-a-long style when writing kids' music.

3. Daddy a Go Go, "Come On Get Happy: The Best of Daddy a Go Go Vol. 1": This best-of collection from John Boydston includes alternative rock versions of classics like the "Scooby Doo" theme song and original tunes.

4. Dan Zanes, "House Party": This album from the former Del Fuegos rocker includes guest appearances from Bob Weir and Deborah Harry, to name a few, and is an eclectic mix of old folk standards and new originals.

5. Farmer Jason, "A Day at the Farm with Farmer Jason": Farmer Jason, aka Jason Ringenberg of Jason and the Scorchers, uses his rockabilly and cowpunk roots to make a hootenanny of a kids' album, singing songs about life on a farm.

6. Frances England, "Family Tree": Singer/songwriter England's soothing, dream-like voice gives these indie folk songs an almost hypnotic quality.

7. Various artists, "For the Kids": The first of this series of compilations of artists including Cake, Sarah McLachlan, Tom Waits and Billy Bragg and Wilco is fun for both kids and grown-ups. Love it? Two other volumes also are available.

8. Gunnar Madsen, "I'm Growing": Grammy-nominated songwriter Madsen's collection of inventive children's songs will never fail to put a smile on your family's faces.

9. Jack Johnson, "Sing-A-Longs and Lullabies for the Film Curious George": Johnson's version of "Three is a Magic Number" and his cover of the White Stripes' "We're Going to Be Friends" are the highlights of this assortment of groovy songs from the movie "Curious George."

10. The Jellydots, "Hey You Kids!": At first listen, you might not think this is a kids' album because the songs are so indie rock and grown-up sounding, but with subjects like blankets, race cars and cookies, these are some very kid-friendly tunes.

11. Justin Roberts, "Pop Fly": This album from established kids' music maker Roberts contains fun, peppy pop songs about stay-at-home dads, student crossing guards and the first day of school.

12. Laurie Berkner, "Rocketship Run": Made famous on "Jack's Big Music Show" on Noggin, The Laurie Berkner Band continues to inspire kids and parents to dance and sing along to her tunes with this CD.

13. Los Lobos, "Papa's Dream": The rock band Los Lobos, along with Mexican-American singer/guitarist Lalo Guerrero, give us a wonderful journey of a family traveling to Mexico in a hot-air balloon with catchy sing-a-long tunes.

14. Marlo Thomas and Friends, "Free to Be You and Me": This oldie-but-goodie from the '70s continues to resonate with children today because of its universal lessons of tolerance and self-confidence.

15. Medeski, Martin & Wood, "Let's Go Everywhere": This funky, jazzy assortment of songs is sophisticated enough for adults, but is still geared towards kids without talking down to them.

16. Ralph's World, "Green Gorilla, Monster & Me": Ralph Covert's collection of laid-back pop songs will make everyone in your family want to sing along and dance. The cover of Ray Stevens' "Gitarzan" is especially fun.

17. Recess Monkey, "Field Trip": The members of Recess Monkey are all teachers, and these catchy, upbeat songs were inspired by actual field trips they have taken. This album does a great job of translating the excitement of a field trip into music.

18. "Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Renditions of The Beatles": Sleep-inducing, lush instrumental versions of songs like "Across the Universe" will most definitely lull your little ones into slumber. Other Rockabye Baby CDs include tunes from Metallica, Led Zeppelin and even Nirvana and The Cure.

19. ScribbleMonster, "Songs with No Character": If there was such a category as alternative kids' rock, ScribbleMonster would be at the top of its charts. Billed as "music for grown-ups and their children," this CD gets the balance right.

20. Secret Agent 23 Skidoo, "Easy": Rap for kids! These positive hip-hop songs will get everyone's feet tapping.

21. Sesame Street, "Platinum All Time Favorites": This is the quintessential collection of all the best songs from "Sesame Street," including "Rubber Duckie," "I Love Trash" and "Bein' Green."

22. They Might Be Giants, "Here Come the 1,2,3s": The quirky pop band has become big-time players in the kids' music scene. This album comes with a DVD featuring videos of every song.

23. Trout Fishing in America, "Big Round World": Trout Fishing in America not only makes music of all sorts of styles, but the group's songs also teach kids important lessons -- just check out the song "Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks."

24. Yo Gabba Gabba, "Music is ... Awesome!": The coolest kids' show on television delivers an excellent compilation of songs from the YGG gang and bands including The Shins, Of Montreal and The Roots.

25. Ziggy Marley, "Family Time": Bob's son, Ziggy, wanted to make an album for the entire family, and this one fits the bill. Willie Nelson, Paul Simon and Jack Johnson all make cameo appearances on this reggae-heavy collection.

Related: Top 20 Christmas movies for kids

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ParentDish's 20 Top Educational Toys for Tweens

Brett Singer — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 08:04:00 EST

Filed under: Teens, Day Care & Education, Toys

LEGO Mindstorms NXT 2.0. Credit: Courtesy of LEGO(R)

Tweens are great fun. Even when they're yelling at you and explaining in exhausting detail how you are ruining their lives, you love them and want the best for them. You also want them to get into a good college so that they can get a good job and move out of your house. To help that process along, here are ParentDish's 20 Top Educational Toys for Tweens:

1. Snap Circuits SC-300 (Elenco, $43, at Amazon.com): Snap Circuits gets your tween started down the road to discovering the joys of how electronics work. This kit includes plans to make a working doorbell, radio and hundreds of other great projects.

2. Nintendo DSi (Nintendo, $149.99, at Amazon.com): Think video games do nothing but melt your child's mind? Well, some do. But the Nintendo DSi also can be a terrific creative outlet. With two cameras, a microphone and built-in photo- and sound-editing software, your tween actually can learn something while drawing moustaches on pictures of family members. And once you buy them a DSi, you can pick up ...

3. Brain Age 2: More Training in Minutes a Day! (Nintendo, $19.49, at Amazon.com): Again, we know that some video games rot your brain. This one, however, does not. Brain Age 2 is Nintendo's follow-up to the huge-selling Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day!

4. ThinkFun Gordians Knot (ThinkFun, $10.01, at Amazon.com): Video games are fun, but sometimes it's good to turn off the electronics and hunker down with something that doesn't require batteries. This is a puzzle with only six pieces, but that doesn't make it easy to solve.

5. Air Hogs R/C Havoc Heli (SpinMaster, $54.99, at Amazon.com): Yes, your tween can use the Air Hogs R/C Havoc Heli to conduct bombing runs on siblings playing in the front yard. But while they do that, they are learning about aerodynamics and problem solving. Really. They are.

6. Cadaco Spectacular Magic Show (Cadaco, $18.11, at Amazon.com): Puppet shows are fine, but everyone knows the real money is in magic. Well, OK, maybe not money. But it is fun to learn how magicians do all those tricks. And hey, some magicians figure out a way to make a living doing it -- look at Criss Angel.

7. Carrom 510.01 Balance Board (Carrom, $45.99, at Amazon.com): Balance is an extremely important physical ability that not everyone has. Even if your tween is a future Olympian, he could probably benefit from an occasional workout on this board.

8. In Other Words Magnetic Poetry (Magnetic Poetry, $15.29, at Amazon.com): Tweens want to grow up, but maybe they're not quite ready to give up all of their little kid pleasures. Let them have some time in front of the fridge with a set of poetry magnets.

9. Stratego (Milton Bradley, $16.96, at Amazon.com): The classic board game is kind of a cross between chess and Dungeons and Dragons. Although it looks simple at first, winning actually requires a tremendous amount of planning. Or, to use a better word -- strategy.

10. Coby SNAPP Cam3000 (Coby, $32, at Amazon.com): Got a tween who loves movies? Why not let her make some of her own? The Coby SNAPP Cam3000 is easy to use and inexpensive enough that you won't be quite as upset if she eventually breaks it.

11. Celestron 21041 60mm PowerSeeker Telescope (Celestron, $48.37, at Amazon.com): Get your tweens gazing at stars that they won't find on TMZ. The PowerSeeker is a starter telescope; see if they like this one before you shell out the big bucks for a better model.

12. Carnivorous Terrarium with Live Plants (Hirt's Gardens, $29.99, at Amazon.com): Taking care of plants teaches responsibility as well as botany. This terrarium includes three carnivorous -- as in meat-eating -- plants. Feed me, Seymour!

13. Uncle Milton Star Theater Pro (Uncle Milton, $107.95, at Amazon.com): The planetarium is great, but you can't go there every day. With the Uncle Milton Star Theater Pro, your tweens can learn about astronomy whenever they want to, right in the comfort of your home.

14. Mastermind (Pressman Toys, $13.87, at Amazon.com): One player makes a code. The other player has 10 tries to figure it out. If he can't, the game explodes in a ball of flame. OK, there are no flames. But this challenging board game classic is sure to light a fire in your child's brain.

15. WowWee FlyTech Bladestar Flying Helicopter (WowWee, $22.79, at Amazon.com): Just putting the FlyTech Bladestar together will teach tweens a few things. Once the thing is in the air, they'll need to maneuver it around the couch, birds, family members -- all valuable things to learn, if you think about it.

16. Jenga (Milton Bradley, $29.60, at Amazon.com): Think of Jenga like this -- the stacking blocks your child loved as a toddler, but a thousand times harder. Build the tower, then slowly remove one piece at a time, trying not to cause the whole thing to topple over.

17. LEGO Mindstorms NXT 2.0 (LEGO, $279.00, at Amazon.com): Here's the progression: Duplo, LEGO, LEGO Mindstorms, world domination. Maybe a college degree before that last one. Mindstorms is like LEGO to the billionth power. This toy will make you want to be a kid again.

18. Ucreate Games & Artimation (Mattel, $14.98, at Amazon.com): Wahh! I'm bored! I've played all my video games 100 times! So why not make your own? The Ucreate Games & Artimation actually lets your child do just that.

19. Erector Motorized Racing Car & More (Erector, $59.98, at Amazon.com): The plastic Erector set you had in grade school? Pshaw. It's time to enter the big leagues. With 643 pieces. METAL pieces. Bring it on.

20. My First Lab Ultimate Microscope (C&A Scientific, $84.46, at Amazon.com): Don't let the name fool you. This is a real microscope that kids can use to look at all sort of things up close. Includes a light powered by a rechargeable battery.

(Note: Prices are accurate at the time of publication; Internet retailers change their prices frequently.)

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