ParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.com/media/feedlogo.gifParentDishhttp://www.parentdish.comen-usCopyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/TV Tells Kids Fame is the Most Important Thing in Life, Study Findshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/14/tv-tells-kids-fame-is-the-most-important-thing-in-life-study-fi/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/14/tv-tells-kids-fame-is-the-most-important-thing-in-life-study-fi/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/07/14/tv-tells-kids-fame-is-the-most-important-thing-in-life-study-fi/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

tv

Credit: Getty Images

The most important thing in life is to be a good and kind person, to love yourself and others and take an active and inquisitive interest in the world arou ...

Whoa!

Someone is watching reruns of "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" on Sunday mornings. Change the channel. That's not what television is teaching kids, according to researchers at the University of California at Los Angeles.

The most important thing in life is to be famous. And you don't even have to be famous for being good. You can be famous for being tan.

LiveScience reports researchers looked at the values promoted on television when today's adults were growing up as opposed to what their kids watched. Their conclusion?

Ron Howard can be very proud of himself.

Before he was a film director, he played Opie Taylor on "The Andy Griffith Show" and Richie Cunningham on "Happy Days." Researchers used both shows -- as well as "The Lucy Show" and "Laverne & Shirley" -- to compare with modern shows like "American Idol" and "Hannah Montana."

They specifically wanted to study the values these shows promoted among 9- to 11-year-olds from 1967 to 2007.

Researchers found the old shows exalted benevolence, self-acceptance, community and tradition, while modern shows stress fame as the No. 1 value.

A sense of community was the No. 1 value back when Fonzie and the gang ruled the airwaves in the 1970s. By 2007, researchers found that value fell to No. 11. The top five values nowadays? Fame, achievement, popularity, image and financial success.

Not cool, as the Fonz would say.

"The rise of fame in preteen television may be one influence in the documented rise of narcissism in our culture," researcher Patricia Greenfield, a psychology professor at UCLA, tells LiveScience. "Popular television shows are part of the environment that causes the increased narcissism, but they also reflect the culture."

In 1997, the top five values were community feeling, benevolence (being kind and helping others), image, tradition and self-acceptance. In 2007, benevolence dropped to the 12th spot, while financial success went from 12th place in 1967 and 1997 to fifth in 2007.

The two least emphasized values in 2007 were spiritualism (No. 16) and tradition (No. 15). Tradition had previously ranked No. 4 in 1997.

LiveScience reports researchers analyzed Nielsen demographic data to determine the most popular shows with 9- to 11-year-olds and then conducted a survey of 60 participants, ages 18 to 59, to determine how important each value was in episodes of the various shows.

"The biggest change occurred from 1997 to 2007, when YouTube, Facebook and Twitter exploded in popularity," lead researcher Yalda Uhls tells LiveScience. "Their growth parallels the rise in narcissism and the drop in empathy among college students in the United States, as other research has shown."

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]]>mediamedia messagespop culturetelevisiontvTom HendersonThu, 14 Jul 2011 17:00:00 ESTHow to Get a Handle on Facebook's Privacy Settingshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/facebook-privacy-settings/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/facebook-privacy-settings/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/07/facebook-privacy-settings/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Facebook's Privacy Settings

Kids today are growing up in public - and this is especially true when it comes to Facebook. Credit: Getty


Only You Can Control Your Online Privacy
  • Kids are growing up in public -- and this is especially true when it comes to Facebook.
  • Everything they say or do adds up and affects their reputations.
  • You can help your kids protect their privacy by making sure they use their privacy settings.
  • Every time Facebook introduces new privacy controls, you'll need to update your settings.

What parents need to know

Kids today are growing up in public - and this is especially true when it comes to Facebook. Countless details of their lives appear in pictures, conversations, and random thoughts. The issue here is simple: What they say or do on Facebook adds up and affects their reputations.

The simplest and most effective way to help your kids protect their reputations and privacy is to make sure they use their privacy settings. Our video shows you how to set the key Facebook privacy controls and what each setting means.


All about the settings

First, log into Facebook and click on the "Account" tab. Next click on "Privacy Settings." In each area, you can control what information is public and what information is private. Your kids need to set controls in three areas: Connecting on Facebook, Sharing on Facebook, and Apps and Websites.

Connecting on Facebook

Here's where you can control who can contact you -- and how -- as well as who can see certain information. Click on "View Settings" and then click into each section to select the level of desired privacy. We recommend selecting "Friends Only" for the settings on this page.

Pay close attention to the section that says Search for you on Facebook. Do you want anyone on Facebook to be able to search for your kids? We recommend no.

Sharing on Facebook

These settings allow you and your kids to see at a glance what information you're sharing -- and with whom. For most teens, the "Friends Only setting" is a relatively safe bet. But you can also fine tune these settings by clicking on "customize settings." If you choose this option, you can limit your circle to Friends Only, or to specific people - you can also block certain people. Your child can even make certain things visible only to himself.

Be sure not to check the box for "People Here Now" after I check in." CSM recommends that teens avoid location services.

Further down the page is another key setting, "Edit album privacy." Here, you'll be able to set which groups of people can see your photos -- we recommend "Friends Only" or customizing to name specific people to include or exclude. And "Friends Only" goes for the rest of the sections on the customize settings page.

Apps and Websites

Located on the Privacy settings main page, this section pertains to what information can be shared about you by app companies, other websites, and even by your friends. The most important privacy control here is: "Info accessible through your friends." This is the only way your kids will be able to have a say about what information leaves their control and goes out through their friends. Once a friend shares something with THEIR friends - well - it travels far and wide and your kids can't take whatever it was back. Best to leave these unchecked.

The very last setting on the Apps, Games, and Websites page is a key one: Public search. Facebook prevents users registered as teens to be searchable on a search engine. But if your teen has used a different birthdate, they could be searchable. Bottom line, don't enable public search for teens.


What do your kids need to know?

Facebook regularly changes it feature sets. So you will have to stay on top of things and pay attention when they send you notices. But taking the time to make sure your kids have set their privacy settings means your kids will have more control over their reputations and privacy, and you will have more peace of mind.

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]]>facebookfacebook privacythe editors at Common Sense MediaTue, 07 Jun 2011 10:30:00 ESTFacebook Kicks Off 20,000 Kids Every Day, Bye Bye, Babies!http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/23/facebook-kicks-off-20-000-kids-every-day-bye-bye-babies/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/23/facebook-kicks-off-20-000-kids-every-day-bye-bye-babies/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/03/23/facebook-kicks-off-20-000-kids-every-day-bye-bye-babies/#commentsFiled under: ,

Watch A Related Video to This Article
facebook

Is your tween sneaking onto Facebook? Credit: Toby Talbot, AP

OK, so maybe you find it comforting to see reports claiming Facebook bans 20,000 kids younger than 13 every day from friending the world on its popular website. But, let's face it, where there's a will, there's a way.

Parents who have been unfriended by their own kids know there are creative means of still finding out what Junior is posting.

And, if we can do it, teens certainly can navigate the inner sanctums of online security, too.

Truth be told, the creators of Facebook admitted recently that, despite efforts to enforce the strict 13 years or older age restrictions, some children cleverly slip under the radar, the Daily Telegraph in Australia reports.

"There are people who lie," Facebook's chief privacy adviser Mozelle Thompson tells the Australian Federal Parliament's cyber-safety committee, according to the newspaper. "There are people who are under 13 accessing Facebook."

But, for parents who read the fine print in Facebook's terms, it is clearly stated: "You will not use Facebook if you are under 13."

Problem is, are kids reading the fine print?

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]]>facebookfacebook kicks off kidskids on facebookMary Beth SammonsWed, 23 Mar 2011 16:30:00 ESTMean Girls Mellow With Age (Except on TV)http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/18/mean-girls/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/18/mean-girls/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/18/mean-girls/#commentsFiled under: ,

mean girls

A high school mean girl can become a decent adult. Credit: Michael Gibson, AP Photo/Paramount Pictures

Despite the nasty antics of Bravo's Real Housewives TV series, not every bullying, backstabbing, high school brat grows up to be a Botox Mean Girl.

Turns out in real life, queen bees who thrived on belittling and tormenting their wannabe peers in high school can grow up to be decent human beings, according to the Washington Post.

Of course that's if they're not tapping into their inner mean girl to act like an immature high schooler on TV, or acting like a nihilistic cheerleader and running for public office, Rosalind Wiseman, author of "Queen Bees and Wannabes" and an expert on teen and young adult behavior. Wiseman's book was the basis for the 2004 movie "Mean Girls," Newsweek reports.

"In our culture," Wiseman tells Newsweek, "we get rewarded for mean-girl behavior, so we see adults behaving in ways that we typically assign to teens ... Getting attention is the most important thing."

But, in real-life mean girls do mature and chill out eventually, according to the Post.

In fact, to assume that all women exhibit mean girl behavior is the meanest cut of all, Jess Weiner, author and columnist for Seventeen magazine, tells the Post, saying she knows firsthand.

Weiner says that, as a large girl in middle school, she was bullied repeatedly. But at age 28, when she appeared on "Oprah" for her book, "A Very Hungry Girl," she received an e-mail from her former tormenter apologizing. The woman wrote that her parents were divorcing at the time and that her mother's boyfriend was molesting her, Weiner tells the Post.

"Her apology freed me to realize that we all suffer in those adolescent years," Weiner tells the Post. "No one leaves that period of time unscathed. But we can learn and grow from it and move on to lead engaged, loving, productive lives."


Evidence that mean girls mellow with age also can be found in a new study, which finds that the percentage of girls who bullied declines from grades 9 through 12, according to the latest Youth Risk Behavior survey, which was published in 2009 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Same thing happens in college, according to researcher Rebecca Goldberg, an assistant professor of clinical mental health counseling at Mississippi State University. In 2008, she interviewed 202 female undergraduates on what is called "relational aggression." She reports in her dissertation that freshmen were the most aggressive, seniors the least. Several seniors, she tells the Post, "looked back four years and said, 'Oh, I was a terrible brat back then.' "

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]]>mean girlsMeanGirlsMary Beth SammonsFri, 18 Feb 2011 15:00:00 ESTDo You Talk to Your Kids About Smoking Cigarettes?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/18/kids-smoking/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/18/kids-smoking/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/18/kids-smoking/#commentsFiled under: , ,

kids smoking

Even "Smoking Baby" Ardi Rizal has kicked the habit. Credit: Ahamd Naafi, AFP/Getty Images

In Kentucky, there's a smokers' quit line that specifically targets teenagers. One teen told WSAZ News Channel 3 that he had been smoking since the age of 5.

While that is an extreme case (at least I hope it is), local Health Department official Holly West says that the overall smoking rate has decreased in Kentucky, it has gone up for teenagers.

I used to smoke, and I quit many years ago. I don't know a lot of smokers, but obviously there are still millions of folks who light up every day. I see a lot of articles about how to talk to your kids about sex, and the importance of talking to your children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. But maybe we should put cigarettes in the same category.

Do you talk to your kids about smoking cigarettes?

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]]>cigarettessmokingteen smokingTeenSmokingBrett SingerFri, 18 Feb 2011 00:29:00 ESTBold Hair Hues Lead to Suspension for 6th-Graderhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/16/bold-hair-hues-lead-to-suspension-for-sixth-grader/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/16/bold-hair-hues-lead-to-suspension-for-sixth-grader/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/16/bold-hair-hues-lead-to-suspension-for-sixth-grader/#commentsFiled under: ,




Turns out parents best not encourage their kid to express herself with hair color -- or at least they need to read the school handbook before heading to the salon with their tween or teen.

When Stephanie Plato showed up to school with the cool new hair color her mom got her as a present for her 12th birthday, it cost her two days of school, according to ABC affiliate KTRK.com.

The Texas sixth-grader's cool new "do" of red and blonde highlights streaked through her naturally light brown hair earned her an in-school suspension.

"I was shocked," Stephanie's mother Jessica Leyer tells KTRK. "They said she had to go to ISS (in-school suspension) or she had to go home, so I took her home because I didn't want her to sit in ISS for her hair color."

Officials at Cobb Elementary in the Channelview, Texas school district say the red highlights violated the student code of conduct. But Stephanie's mom says she never intended to violate the rules.

"I think it is bright, and it is brighter than we intended," Leyer tells KTRK. "But, I don't think it is a distraction or that kids won't be able to sit and concentrate in class because of her hair."

Meanwhile, sixth-grader Plato says the red and blonde streaks were a big hit with her classmates.

"They said they liked it and it was cute," the student tells KTRK. She adds that she wanted the hair streaks for her birthday "because they're cool."

But cute came with a cost. Plato was not allowed back into school until her hair was once again streakless. She had to color it a dark brown to hide the red and blonde, says her mom.

This is not the first time hair coloring caused a stir at school.

Last August, four San Antonio high school students, including honor student Damaris Duarte, received in-school suspensions for hair color, according to WOAI.com.

"There's a girl in my first period who has pink hair and I don't think it's fair I have to change it when I've had it the same way for four years and she has bright pink hair and she gets to keep it," Damaris tells WOIA.

As for Stephanie Plato and her mom Jessica Leyer, they have been schooled when it comes to hair styles. "Read the handbook," Leyer tellsKTRK.

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]]>hair dyeHairDyehighlightsMary Beth SammonsWed, 16 Feb 2011 16:30:00 ESTShocking: Kids Really Don't Care About Nutrition Labelshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/16/shocking-kids-really-dont-care-about-nutrition-labels/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/16/shocking-kids-really-dont-care-about-nutrition-labels/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/16/shocking-kids-really-dont-care-about-nutrition-labels/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , ,

Study shows labeling laws didn't change how kids eat.

Study shows labeling laws didn't change how kids eat. Credit: Emmanuel Dunand, AFP/Getty Images

"Merciful heavens, mother! Did you read this label? These french fries are 540 calories -- and 212 of those calories are from fat! What were you thinking, bringing me to this fast-food restaurant?!

"Take me home and administer broccoli! Stat!"

Sound familiar?

Of course not. That's because practically no one -- child or adult -- goes to a fast-food restaurant expecting anything but shockingly unhealthy, artery-clogging yummy goodness.

Now there is an actual scientific study to confirm this.

Researchers looked at people's fast-food choices in New York City before and after a mandatory labeling law took effect.

Guess what. No difference.

In other words, would you like apple slices or fries with your Happy Meal? Duh! What do you think?

"We didn't notice a change in calories purchased before and after labeling," study leader Dr. Brian Elbel, of New York University's School of Medicine and Wagner School of Public Service, tells US News & World Report.

"Labeling is not going to be a silver bullet," he says.

Elbel tells the magazine something more is needed. Maybe restaurants could school parents and kids about the ideal range of calories for each meal, he says. Maybe that would make kids clammor for salad.

Then again ...

"Once a decision is made to go to a fast-food restaurant, nutrition information appears to not change choices," Connie Diekman, the director of university nutrition at Washington University in St. Louis, tells US News & World Report.

Well, something needs to be done, Elbel tells the magazine. There's a direct link between fast food and (gasp) obesity.

The law in New York City requires restaurants with 20 or more locations to post calorie information on their menu items. The law took effect in the summer of 2008.

Elbel and his team spent two weeks studying the food choices of 349 kids ages 1 to 17 in low-income New York neighborhoods. They also studied kids' choices in Newark, N.J., where there is no labeling law.

They specifically looked at McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and Kentucky Fried Chicken. About 90 percent of the customers were ethnic or racial minorities.

Some 57 percent of the teenagers in New York said they noticed the labels. Only 9 percent said they cared.

Teens scarfed down an average of 730 calories before the labels were introduced and 755 calories after. However, the calorie count for young children went down. Slightly. The average calories parents ordered for their kids went from 610 to 595 -- not enough to be statistically significant.

What does all this mean?

"It means we're going to have to rethink what other sorts of interventions might be more effective," Elbel tells Reuters news service.

Meanwhile, it's late. Mommy and Daddy are wiped out. The last thing they want to do is cook a meal and clean the kitchen.

Who wants chicken nuggets?

Click here for more information from our partner site on how to eat healthy at a fast-food joint.

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]]>Fast Food Calories New York Labeling Law NYU StudyFastFoodCaloriesNewYorkLabelingLawNyuStudyTom HendersonWed, 16 Feb 2011 16:00:00 ESTIowa Mom Arrested After Sending Kids to the Store - in Blizzard Conditionshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/14/iowa-mom-arrested-after-sending-kids-to-the-store-in-blizzard/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/14/iowa-mom-arrested-after-sending-kids-to-the-store-in-blizzard/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/14/iowa-mom-arrested-after-sending-kids-to-the-store-in-blizzard/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Iowa mom arrested

A mom was arrested after allowing her kids to go out during a blizzard. Credit: Getty Images

Muscatine, Iowa, lingered in the grip of blizzard conditions the night of Feb. 2.

Temperatures hovered just about zero. You couldn't walk on the sidewalks because of snow drifts. The roads were unplowed. The schools were closed.

Yet Julie Jimenez allegedly let her 8-year-old son and 14-year-old daughter walk to the store at 10 p.m. Now she faces charges of child endangerment.

The Kum & Go market in Muscatine (a town of 23,000 people on the banks of the Mississippi in southeastern Iowa) is not far from Jimenez's home. In fact, it's just around the corner -- no more than a block and a half away.

Under ordinary conditions, it's about a two-minute walk.

However, Muscatine Police Chief Brett Talkington tells ParentDish the city was under a snow emergency. Officers say Jimenez was endangering her children.

They know the neighborhood well. The Muscatine Police Department is also just around the corner from the Kum & Go (about a three-minute walk).

Talkington tells ParentDish the kids reportedly wanted snacks. It was not a case of their mother ordering them to go, he says. "It was basically a case of her giving them money and letting them go," he adds.

The children allegedly had to walk in the street. The 8-year-old, according to the Muscatine Journal, was not wearing gloves.

Jimenez is scheduled to appear in Muscatine County court at 8:15 a.m. Tuesday, Feb. 15. Child endangerment is an aggravated misdemeanor punishable by up to two years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000.

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]]>Muscatine Iowa Julie Jimenez Child Endangerment Blizzard Kum GoMuscatineIowaJulieJimenezChildEndangermentBlizzardKumGoTom HendersonMon, 14 Feb 2011 15:30:00 ESTExercise Helps Overweight Kids Do the Mathhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/14/exercise-helps-overweight-kids-do-the-math/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/14/exercise-helps-overweight-kids-do-the-math/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/14/exercise-helps-overweight-kids-do-the-math/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Regular exercise boosts brain power. Credit: Corbis

In addition to making fewer trips to the drive-thru, now there's a new incentive to get chubby kids off the couch and to the gym. Turns out that regular exercise not only helps overweight kids get physically healthy, it also boosts their brain power.

Researchers at Georgia Health Sciences University studied 171 overweight and sedentary 7- to 11-year-olds and found that regular, vigorous exercise helps children think, plan and do math, according to a report on the university website.

"I hope these findings will help reestablish physical activity's important place in the schools in helping kids stay physically well and mentally sharp," Catherine Davis, clinical health psychologist at GHSU's Georgia Prevention Institute says in the report, which was published in Health Psychology. "For children to reach their potential, they need to be active."

"We know that exercise is good for you, but we didn't have very good evidence [before this] that it would help children do better in school," Davis tells HealthDay News.

In addition to helping overweight kids, regular exercise could have similar results for normal weight kids, Davis says.

"There are some neural growth factors that have been identified in mice that exercise," she says. "These benefits may include more brain cells and more connections between them."

The more kids exercised, the better the results, according to the report. Intelligence scores jumped an average 3.8 points in those exercising 40 minutes per day after school for three months with a smaller benefit in those exercising 20 minutes daily, according to the report.

The impact of exercising also helps kids have greater self control and behave better, Davis says in the report. "Maybe they will be more likely to stay in school and out of trouble," she says.

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]]>childhood obesityChildhoodObesityMary Beth SammonsMon, 14 Feb 2011 15:00:00 ESTTry This: How Do You Keep Your Kids Away From the Wrong Crowd?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/07/try-this-how-do-you-keep-your-kids-away-from-the-wrong-crowd/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/07/try-this-how-do-you-keep-your-kids-away-from-the-wrong-crowd/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/07/try-this-how-do-you-keep-your-kids-away-from-the-wrong-crowd/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,



You can only make your child's play dates for so long until the time comes when they become their own social coordinators. It's out of your hands and you hope that they choose to play with the nice kids on the playground.

But, if you do find that you don't exactly approve of your kid's friends, our resident AdviceMama lends a hand:

"Stop criticizing her friendships, which she could easily take as an unfavorable judgment about her, since she's chosen them," she advises.

Instead, look for ways to connect with her friends because if they feel comfortable with you, you can positively influence them as well. After all, your teen does value your guidance but will not respond well to being told how to think or what to feel.

How do you get your kids to hang with the right crowd?

Looking for family meal ideas? Get tips from other parents at KitchenDaily.

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]]>AdvertiserMon, 07 Feb 2011 00:01:00 ESTGPS Tracking Services and Your Teenhttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/02/gps-tracking-services-and-your-teen/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/02/gps-tracking-services-and-your-teen/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/02/gps-tracking-services-and-your-teen/#commentsFiled under: , ,



Social networks connect kids online. But a new technology takes connecting a step further -- to face-to-face meet-ups. New programs called location-sharing use geographic information from your smart phone to connect people to specific places, as well as to each other. You may have heard of some of the most popular ones: Loopt, foursquare, Gowalla and Facebook Places. Most of these programs are designed for smart phones, but they can also be accessed on the Web. Once you join, you can post your actual physical location.

And that's what makes location sharing a no-go for kids and teens. These programs bring up two big issues: safety and privacy. Since they let you post your location, they can expose your kid's whereabouts to anyone they "friend" -- or, in some cases, to any other user of the program. Also, advertisers are already using social mapping to target users with ads and incentives to visit their businesses (most of which are bars and restaurants).

Foursquare was one of the first entries into the location-sharing game. Here's how it works: When you sign up, you import contacts from other programs like Facebook, Twitter, and Gmail. Using foursquare's mobile website or its smartphone app, you "check in" -- send a message saying where you are and what you're doing -- and the program alerts your friends to tell them where they can find you. (Foursquare does allow you to hide your location, so you can check in without revealing it.) Foursquare uses a gaming motif, which makes it especially appealing for kids.

Facebook Places is available on iPhones or accessible through the company's touch.facebook.com site. It gives you the option of sharing your location with your Facebook friends and checking specific locations to see if your friends are there. For users under 17, Places is an "opt in" feature, meaning you have to enable it to use it. But make sure you check your kid's privacy settings anyway.

Gowalla works very much the same way as foursquare, with a gaming aspect that rewards people for visiting certain places and doing interesting things. Unlike foursquare's more finely customizable privacy settings, Gowalla's privacy settings are either on or off -- allowing people to view you or not. But Gowalla retains certain features that are publicly available even if you've checked "off." For example, if you recommend something, your recommendation appears under your user name.

Another popular program in this category, Loopt, is currently only available as a downloadable app with phones using GPS. It's also geared more for singles looking for relationships -- the personal profile asks you to check boxes indicating your relationship status and what type of relationship you're looking for. Like Facebook, Loopt gives its users the ability to send messages to friends, and while its ability to connect people face-to-face is highly targeted, it does offer fairly customizable privacy settings, including the ability to hide your location and block people.

The facts
  • Location apps let kids post their actual, physical location
  • According to a 2010 study by McAfee Inc., 69 percent of kids 13-17 have included their physical location in their social networking status update
  • Safety and privacy are the major areas of concern
  • Marketers use these programs to send highly targeted ads
  • If you're going to use them, set privacy controls to the strictest settings
What Parents Need to Know
  1. These programs aren't for your kids. Ignore the "ratings" you may see online. The apps must be downloaded, and even though they're free, you'll get a receipt for it, so you'll know whether it's been installed. Either way, check your child's phone for these apps. You need to know what they're doing.
  2. If you think it's OK for your kid to use one of these apps, then you must make sure that their privacy settings are set to the strictest options (as in, designated "friends only"). That said, there are no guarantees that your child will be 100 percent protected from strangers or unwanted advertisers.
  3. Since the programs allow users to post directly to Facebook or Twitter from any location, questions of safety and responsible behavior must be addressed. You don't want someone telling everyone about a party at someone else's house.
  4. Finally, don't our kids have enough ads in their lives? These programs have the ability to send highly targeted ads -- to your kids' favorite store at the mall, for example. Constant advertising has a tendency to give people the "gimmes." Reinforce the fact that they can use the word "no."

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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

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]]>facebook placesFacebookPlacesFourSquaregowallalooptthe editors at Common Sense MediaWed, 02 Feb 2011 15:00:00 ESTDo You Search Your Child's Bedroom?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/01/do-you-search-your-childs-bedroom/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/01/do-you-search-your-childs-bedroom/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/02/01/do-you-search-your-childs-bedroom/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Are you wondering what to look for when you search your child's bedroom? New York State Senator Eric Adams wants to show you.

Literally show you. On YouTube. Here's the video:



Who says government officials aren't looking out for us? Adams, a Democratic State Senator from Brooklyn, posted the video as part of a campaign to combat gun violence. He told the New York Daily News that children have no legal right to privacy while they live in your home.

The New York Daily News notes that dramatic music is playing in the background, and I agree that the production values are a little odd. But what Adams is advocating is something that all parents should think about. Do you search your child's bedroom?

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]]>chatterboxEric AdamsEricAdamsGunsprivacyBrett SingerTue, 01 Feb 2011 10:22:00 ESTSmackDown: Would You Let Your Tween Wear Makeup?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/31/tween-makeup/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/31/tween-makeup/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/31/tween-makeup/#commentsFiled under: ,

tween makeup picture

Is there anything wrong with a little bit of lip gloss? Illustration by Dori Hartley


Forget the Face Paint and Let Kids Be Kids


by Amy Hatch

When I was in sixth grade, I was pretty tight with two other girls.

These girls were more sophisticated than I was at the time, and I remember very distinctly the day that one of them came to school sporting purple eye shadow. She whipped out the compact it came in, and flashed it to me and our other pal under her desk during reading class.

Two weeks later found me sobbing my eyes out, my head in my mother's lap, as I wailed out my anger and frustration about not being allowed to wear makeup yet. I was only 12 years old, and it was forbidden.

The two girls in question left me in the dust of baby-blue and purple sparkling powder, and I never quite forgot the betrayal.

So when I saw that Walmart is marketing a cosmetics line targeted to girls ages 8-12, I shuddered with horror -- because I can tell you right now, no 8-year-old of mine is ever going to be swiping shadow over her lids in reading class.

It seems counterintuitive to say that after my sad tale. But the ending of the story is that the two girls I wanted so badly to fit in with ran with a fast crowd all through middle school, junior high and high school.

Looking back, their antics were pretty tame, but their crowd wasn't right for me -- and my mother knew that, because she knew me.

A little lip gloss here and there isn't going to lead to a life of pole dancing. But our society has girls on an accelerated path toward adulthood. Don't believe me? Two words: Lindsay Lohan.

Or how about Miley Cyrus, just voted the worst celebrity influence in a poll conducted by ParentDish sister site, JSYK. Cyrus went from wholesome giggles as the star of "Hannah Montana" to taking bong hits.

My kid isn't a child star, but she does live in a world where children are hyper-sexualized. If you don't believe me, take a stroll through the mall one of these days and check out the skinny jeans in size 2T. Or the thongs for 12-year-olds.

And now, the makeup.

Kids should be allowed to be kids. Girls have a lifetime ahead of them of trying to meet an unnatural standard of beauty. They are bombarded with images that tell them that they aren't good enough, pretty enough or skinny enough.

Do we really want our 8-year-olds spending their time primping in front of a mirror with mascara and rouge?

What will they be doing when they're actual teenagers? Oh, wait, I know -- they'll be getting plastic surgery.

This is the absolute wrong message to send to our girls. My mother knew it way back in 1984, and I know it today.







Lip Gloss Doesn't Turn You Into a Lolita


by Lesley Kennedy

Growing up, I was definitely more tomboy than princess. I spent my tween-age summers at basketball camps, playing softball, roller skating and taking part in some seriously competitive neighborhood games of kick-the-can.

Still, around the age of 12, I began to develop an interest in the girlie side of life. I got subscriptions to Teen and Seventeen magazines. I talked my mom into buying me a crimping iron. And, for the first time, I bought makeup. Specifically, Bonne Bell Lip Smackers and blue eyeshadow.

And, (gulp!) 25 years since I bought that blue eyeshadow, tweens still want to wear makeup. Just look at all the brands aimed at the tween market. Starting in February, Walmart is set to launch GeoGirl, a 69-item collection, including everything from blush and mascara to lipstick and face shimmer. The mega-retailer already carries several other lines geared for tweens -- Disney Princesses, Lip Smackers, Lotta Luv, FAB Beauty and Crayola.

I'm fine with that.

When I was a tween, I couldn't wait to get home and get that blue shadow on my lids. Of course, I looked ridiculous. But you know what? Wearing it didn't make me a 12-year-old wine cooler-swilling tramp. It didn't make me feel like I was trying to be a mini-me of my then-idol, Olivia Newton-John. It didn't mean I was going to quit playing sports or caring about school or start dressing like a hair metal groupie.

It just meant I liked wearing makeup.

Now, with two daughters of my own, I don't freak out or panic when my girls want to play with makeup.

And, in a few years, when they're tweens and start to really get interested in wearing a swipe of lipgloss here or a swirl of blush there, I won't deny them.

Critics spout that allowing girls to wear makeup is terrible for their self-esteem. That it creates little Lolitas. That it sends "the wrong message."

I say, relax. Makeup, especially when you're a kid, is just fun.

Perhaps most of all, it's fun to pretend you're like your mom, taking part in her glamorous ritual. I will always joyfully remember moments spent watching my mother prep for an evening out, sitting at her vanity, when she would paint my own lips in the same color she used on herself.

Just because I will allow my daughters to wear lipgloss -- or even blue eyeshadow if they insist -- doesn't mean they'll immediately start painting their faces like child beauty pageant contestants, drag queens or circus clowns.

Teaching them a couple tricks -- and not acting like there's a huge stigma attached to makeup -- will keep them from going crazy with it.

And, maybe, with a little guidance, instead of sneaking makeup behind my back, we'll take a trip to Sephora together that will end up with my kids spending their allowances on sweet, root beer-flavored Lip Smackers and crazy nail polishes.

And less on blue eyeshadow.


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]]>makeupAmy Hatch and Lesley KennedyMon, 31 Jan 2011 15:35:00 ESTPolitician Offers 'How-To' for Ransacking Your Kids' Roomshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/31/eric-adams-search-kids-rooms/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/31/eric-adams-search-kids-rooms/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/31/eric-adams-search-kids-rooms/#commentsFiled under: , ,



Not to be paranoid or anything, but your little girl could be hiding a small-caliber weapon in her jewelry box.

And that baby doll she loves so much? There's a reason she's always hugging it. It's where she keeps her drugs. You might want to rip the doll's head off. Just to be safe.

New York State Sen. Eric Adams says this is just good parenting.

Adams spent 22 years on the New York Police Department before representing Brooklyn in the State Senate. He has a five-minute video on YouTube about how to spy on your kids. Don't worry about their rights, he tells the New York Daily News. They don't have any.

"There is no Fourth Amendment or First Amendment or any amendment right inside your household," Adams tells the paper. "Parents write the constitution for what rights are in their homes, and one right they must understand is the right to protect all members of their household."

And trust schmust.

Go through any picture frames your kids might have, Adams says in his video. They could be hiding bullets, you know. However, there's no reason to jump to conclusions, he adds.

On the other hand ...

"Where there's smoke, there's possibly fire -- and where there are bullets, there's possibly a gun," he says.

Guns in jewelry boxes? Drugs in doll's heads? Bullets in picture frames? And let's not forget crack pipes in backpacks. All these suspicions might seem a bit, ya know, wiggy to people who live far beyond urban crime statistics.

But Adams tells the Daily News he saw a lot as a cop.

"You would be surprised how many parents are disconnected from the drug and violence culture," he adds. "They believe it's on TV, not in their house."

The Democratic politicians tells the paper he plans to play the video for schools and churches as part of a push to use Black History Month to enlist parents to reduce street violence.

"It would amaze you how many decent families where you have professional parents -- teachers, medical professionals -- and all of a sudden, we'd call and say, 'We have your son here in possession of a gun' or, 'Your daughter has been selling drugs,' " he tells the Daily News. "It's right in their house. ... They don't enter their children's rooms."

Adams claims he regularly searches his 15-year-old son's bedroom and stages unannounced inspections of the teenager's book bag. Forget trust or having a reason to be suspicious, he tells the paper. All parents should do the same.

"It's not spying on your children," he tells the paper. "It's protecting your home. If the police come inside a household and those items are in there, the whole house gets arrested. They arrest everybody and sort it out later in the courtroom."

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]]>eric adamsEricAdamsSpyKids Privacy Drugs YouTube Video New York Daily News State SeSpykidsPrivacyDrugsYoutubeVideoNewYorkDailyNewsStateSen.EricAdamTom HendersonMon, 31 Jan 2011 13:16:00 ESTWalmart Launching GeoGirl Makeup Line for Tweenshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/27/walmart-launching-geogirl-makeup-line-for-tweens/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/27/walmart-launching-geogirl-makeup-line-for-tweens/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/27/walmart-launching-geogirl-makeup-line-for-tweens/#commentsFiled under: , ,


Lots of little girls love dipping into their mothers' makeup bags, applying lipstick, blush and eyeshadow just like Mommy.

And, although many say cosmetics are a no-no for kids, Walmart is set to premiere a new beauty line just for tweens.

GeoGirl -- aimed at girls ages 8 to 12 -- will include 69 items, including blush, mascara, lipstick and face shimmer.

"It's the first door to beauty for the next generation," Joel Carden, executive vice president, marketing and sales for Pacific World, the company behind GeoGirl, tells Women's Wear Daily. "These are real cosmetics with natural ingredients that will create return purchases and create a true beauty consumer."

In other words: Get 'em while they're young -- like, really, really young.

GeoGirl won't be the first makeup line for tweens sold at Walmart. Disney Princesses, Lip Smackers, Lotta Luv, FAB Beauty and Crayola are all in stores, WWD reports.

Of course, there are those who take issue with tweens wearing lipstick.

"We are raising another generation of girls who kind of measure their self-worth based on what's on the outside," Dr. Logan Levkoff, author of "Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be," tells "Good Morning America."

Levkoff tells the ABC show that she is not against the idea of tween makeup altogether, but it should be seen as something to have fun with, not something girls must wear.

"It's really about playing within your home and not feeling like you have to put on a face for everything else," she tells "Good Morning America."

GeoGirl is set to hit stores Feb. 21. According to WWD, formulas are made for delicate young skin, with natural ingredients and are free of parabens, phthalates, sulfates, synthetic colors and fragrances. The makeup also comes in recyclable packaging.

Prices range from $3.99 to $5.99. A website is set to launch Feb. 25, and, WWD reports, will feature how-to videos and tips on making the world a better planet.

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]]>geogirlmakeuptween beautytween makeupTweenBeautyTweenMakeuptweenswalmartLesley KennedyThu, 27 Jan 2011 14:15:00 ESTAlcohol in the Media: Tips for Parentshttp://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/24/alcohol-in-the-media/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/24/alcohol-in-the-media/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/24/alcohol-in-the-media/#commentsFiled under: , ,

In "Superbad," teens try to use a fake ID to buy alcohol for a party. Credit: Sony

Mixing alcohol and entertainment affects kids.

Don't people have fun in alcohol ads? And they make a big impression on your kids. Alcohol ads have become entertainment in their own right. One of the most popular plot lines for teen movies is scoring alcohol for a party. There are even mobile apps centered on drinking. It's nearly impossible to undo all this influence, but you can try to balance it with honest discussions about drinking and by keeping an eye on what's influencing your kids.

What is alcohol advertising?

Your kids and teens get all sorts of messages about drinking and drugs from the media. And mostly what they see is that it's fun and exciting and it's what celebrities and popular people do. Not only do they see alcohol ads on TV, but also drinking and drunkenness on shows and movies targeting teens. Alcohol companies also target teens by using new media that's interactive, including social networks, viral videos, mobile cell phone updates and downloadable apps. The viral nature of the Web allows advertisers to reach kids directly with an addictive game or funny video -- and in ways that kids may not recognize as advertising.

Why it matters

There is a direct link between role models and advertising, and the effect that both have on your kids' behavior. Alcohol companies know this, and that's why they go after your kids. The more alcohol ads young people see, the more they drink. According to one 2006 study, each additional dollar alcohol companies spend on advertising raises the number of drinks youths consume by 3 percent.

Studies have shown that the more kids drink before their brains are fully developed (in their early 20s), the more likely they are to develop lifelong alcohol dependencies. In fact, kids who start drinking before they turn 15 are four times more likely to become alcoholics than adults who begin drinking at 21. But parents can mitigate these statistics. A 2010 study by Dartmouth Medical School showed that parents who restrict R-rated movies (where alcohol is often part of the story) actually counteract the peer pressure on their kids to start drinking.

Parent tips for elementary school kids

Keep them away from alcohol ads. Mute the ads when they come on. Especially the funny ones because the kids remember them and repeat them. One recent study showed that elementary kids could name almost all the alcohol brands showed to them but could only identify two past presidents.

Parent tips for middle and high school kids

Spell it out. Let your kids know about marketing and that alcohol advertisers are trying to hook them on their brands -- just to get more money in their pockets. Help your children decode ads' messages: What kind of lifestyle are they selling? Do these ads tell the whole story -- or do they leave something out (such as DUIs, addiction, liver disease, etc.)?

Moderate alcohol on TV. You have a right to say no to programs that seem to celebrate teen drinking or show too many alcohol ads. This goes for movies, radio stations, magazines, and websites, too. Check out our reviews to see how a program portrays alcohol, then set your own rules.

Look for teachable moments. If you're watching a TV show, and there's a scene featuring teen drinking, or you read about a celebrity arrested for doing drugs, check in with your kids. Ask them if their peers are using alcohol, or if they have any anxieties or questions about drinking. Take time to share your opinions -- and expectations -- about teens and drinking.
Watch your messages. Be a good role model by not being drunk in front of your kids or by not using alcohol to escape problems. Make sure that you don't glamorize alcohol or drugs by sharing stories about "wild days" in your past.

Keep an eye on alcohol ads embedded in new media. You don't want your kids to follow Smirnoff on Facebook or Twitter, download the latest Budweiser mobile app, or be influenced by other ways that alcohol companies are embedding their messages.

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Get more information for parents on media and technology by checking out Common Sense Media.

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]]>the editors at Common Sense MediaMon, 24 Jan 2011 16:55:00 ESTIs Bieber Fever Hazardous to Mental Health?http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/05/is-bieber-fever-hazardous-to-mental-health/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/05/is-bieber-fever-hazardous-to-mental-health/http://www.parentdish.com/2011/01/05/is-bieber-fever-hazardous-to-mental-health/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Justin Bieber picture

Do you have Bieber fever? Credit: Chris Polk/KCA2010/Getty Images for KC

Parents of tweenage girls, Twitterers, trend-watchers-and the rest of the world, probably-know all about Justin Bieber, the 16-year-old pop sensation who appears to have sprung fully-formed from the Canadian heartland to take America by storm. And those with more than a passing interest and access to the Internet likely know that the teen star has been linked to the latest in a string of young women, the singer Selena Gomez, who is 18. Recently, the Web was aflutter over pictures of the two on a Caribbean vacation, apparently locking lips. Innocent fun, right? Free of consequences? Not when the "Beliebers" get you in their sights.

In fact, the combination of "Bieber fever" and Twitter has turned lethal -- at least verbally, as some fans have actually issued death threats targeted at Gomez. And while the anonymity of the Internet cloaks the age of these posters, they are likely young girls and adolescents. Take your pick of shocking posts:

o. "@selenagomez I'll kiII you I swear on GOD!!!!"
o. "@selenagomez stay away from Justin ped0phile, retard wait i'm gonna kiII ya in the night underneath your smelly bed"
o. "@selenagomez whore cancer whore..like i'mm kiII myself cuz i saw you and Justin kissing well thankyou Selena thankyou now i'm kiIILing myself"

Death threats? Slurs? Suicidal language? Why would our children type these things? Sadly, it's another side-effect of the culture of the Web: Just like teens bully their peers even more viciously online than in real life because the consequences aren't immediately apparent, children and adolescents in the virtual world are quicker and more outrageous in their anger or despair when faced with a setback. The stream-of-consciousness spewing of raw feeling has, unfortunately, become accepted as a form of authenticity. As if the immediacy of the emotion somehow excuses the virulence of what's being expressed.

Which leads to a another disturbing question: How did our kids get so deeply invested in Justin Bieber's love life? Don't they know he doesn't sing just for them?

Girls today can get incredibly wrapped up in relationships that in reality are nothing but fiction. This is nothing new, of course -- mention Sinatra, Elvis, the Beatles, David Cassidy, Michael Jackson, New Kids on the Block, the Backstreet Boys, and any number of women of every age will recall a youthful infatuation bordering on obsession. And yet today it is different -- young fans have a much stronger illusion of access to their idols, who communicate "directly" to them on their smartphones and iPads via social media. A youngster could be forgiven for thinking that Justin Bieber is, in this virtual universe, reciprocating her affections.

This is just what Bieber's media machine is after. An astute reader of the Huffington Post points out that in some countries in Asia, like South Korea, male pop stars are forbidden from having public romantic relationships to preserve the fiction for their young female fans -- and thus pad the bottom line. This fiction can be dangerous -- sure enough, at a Bieber concert in Australia last year, a number of young fans were crushed in the rush to be near the stage and their virtual beau in the flesh. But the more pervasive danger is emotional -- as evidenced by the virulent outpouring following the Gomez flap. And it's especially worrying because these obsessions are less and less visible to parents.

The days of posters, magazines, and massive CD collections are gone, all disappeared inside the computer, or even the device in a kid's pocket. Endless calls that used to tie up the phone are now silent text messages. And with this increased access -- that Bieber has to his fans, that they have to him, that our children have to the wider community on the Web -- the harmless, if hysterical, crushes of the past now spur open talk of murder and suicide. Another HuffPo commenter makes light of the phenomenon -- in the '80s and early '90s, she writes, "we didn't have 'THE INTERNET,' we had AOL! It was way too slow for us to be totally outraged on the Internet." This joke contains a fairly substantial kernel of truth: The Web is not just a forum, a new method of communication; it amplifies raw emotions, passing rages, and their consequences.

Bieber's mother is reportedly upset with him about the pictures. We don't need to be angry with our kids, but we need to teach them that the rules they know to follow don't magically disappear when they're in front of a keyboard and a screen. We understand that these Beliebers on Twitter probably don't truly feel murderous or suicidal; they're indulging in adolescent exaggeration, and if we heard them say it, we would probably hear it that way. But these kinds of remarks read very differently in print -- you just can't tell online. And remember that when 18-year-old Tyler Clementi killed himself last year, following a heartless prank, he left this message on Facebook: "jumping off the gw bridge sorry."

Knowing the difference between real pain and teen exaggeration is key to monitoring our kids' emotional lives in this digital age, and the only way to do that is to know your child. Be tuned in to her moods; talk to her about her music and her crushes. You want to understand how powerful her interest is, gauge how emotionally involved she is, and know when she's suffering -- even if the object of her affections is someone she's never met. It's not easy; not a lot of parenting in the 2.0 world is. But this is her life. You want to be there for her, even if it seems too silly to be serious. A broken heart is a broken heart, even on the Web.

Alan Ravitz, MD, MS, is a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute. For more on parenting adolescents, go to childmind.org, which offers advice and a wealth of information on childhood psychiatric and learning disorders.

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]]>justin bieberJustinBieberSelenaGomezDr. Alan RavitzWed, 05 Jan 2011 18:00:00 ESTMiley Cyrus, Salvia and Parenting in the YouTube Agehttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/21/miley-cyrus-salvia-and-parenting-in-the-youtube-age/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/21/miley-cyrus-salvia-and-parenting-in-the-youtube-age/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/21/miley-cyrus-salvia-and-parenting-in-the-youtube-age/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,



Good parenting seems to get new enemies all the time: new drugs, new media, new "role models." This month's culprits: salvia divinorum, YouTube, Miley Cyrus.

The young songstress and provocateur was recently caught on video smoking a bong and quickly dissolving into giggles, a conspicuous lack of coordination, and patter that suggested she was hallucinating. Watchers have concluded that she was probably smoking salvia -- also known as Magic Mint or Sally D -- the most potent psychedelic herb in the world, which happens to only last 15 minutes or so and is undetectable with normal drug tests. In addition to those and a host of other interesting properties, salvia has one that parents might find even more terrifying: It's legal. Happy Holidays indeed.

If you can't wrap your head around that, you're not alone. Many states have banned or regulated the drug, and the video has sparked more talk of similar moves, but the federal government is silent. In any case, it is readily available on the Internet and in head shops, and some reports indicate an explosion in sales following the Cyrus video -- think of it as a "cool, Miley's doing it" effect. And it's not just her; there are scores of videos of young people trashed on salvia on YouTube. We have to face facts: parenting 2.0 isn't just harder, it's different, and the Internet can sometimes be a scarier and more detrimental environment than even the worst street corner.

And Miley's video doesn't make warning kids about the dangers of this drug any easier. She takes a hit, laughs, thinks some other guy is her boyfriend, and wants "some more of that s**t." But the video, like many others on the Web, does not begin to tell the story of salvia divinorum. This is a powerful hallucinogen used by the Mazatec Indians in Mexico for religious rituals going back hundreds of years. It is not a recreational drug; it is not a social drug; it is not a "fun" drug. It is a dissociative psychedelic that can inspire a total separation from reality, terrifying visions, and a feeling that one is dying. On the other hand, it can also inspire very deep spiritual experiences, which is why it has been used so long in religious rituals.

This whole flap does a real disservice to young people: they see that something is "fun;" they find out that it's legal -- and then they end up in a dissociative hallucination that resembles nothing so much as an episode of extreme psychosis, pleasant or unpleasant.

Now, I'm not naïve about drugs, and I don't profess to know if people should or shouldn't take salvia. What I do know is that the adolescent brain -- even Miley Cyrus' brain -- is still developing, and is emphatically not the proper target for any hallucinogen, especially one that may cause immense psychic stress. This is doubly true for adolescents diagnosed with or at risk for psychiatric disorders like bipolar and schizophrenia; for them, hallucinogens can do outsized harm. Sadly, these same adolescents are the ones getting the message that salvia is a party drug -- and their developing brains are also prone to make reckless decisions.

This might seem like an impossible situation: images of a popular young star appearing to have fun while on a legal substance propagated over a vast communications network that the younger generation considers its birthright and raison d'etre. What is a parent to do?

The tools of a parent aren't numerous, but used effectively they can be very powerful. So you do what you can: supervise as best as possible; this not only gives you a window into what's going on in his or her world, but also lets your kid know that you're interested and involved. When children know you care, they'll care about what you have to say.

This brings us to the next point: have a dialogue, be forthright about your concerns, and make sure you listen as much as you talk. In an uncertain and occasionally scary world, a trusting, understanding connection between you and your child can make all the difference. Remember: you can't get rid of salvia, YouTube, or Miley Cyrus. And if a kid wants to play with fire because of poor information and bad role models, there may be little you can do about changing their desires. But you can let your children know that you don't want that for them, and why. If you can make sense to them, they can make the sensible decision.

Alan Ravitz, MD, MS, is a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute.

For more on navigating the world of adolescence and drugs, go to childmind.org, which offers parenting advice and a wealth of information on childhood psychiatric and learning disorders.

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]]>miley cyrusMileyCyrussalviaDr. Alan RavitzTue, 21 Dec 2010 16:40:00 ESTReport Looks at Internet as Influence in Suicideshttp://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/02/internet-studied-as-influence-in-suicides/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/02/internet-studied-as-influence-in-suicides/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/12/02/internet-studied-as-influence-in-suicides/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

suicide photo

Rutgers students attend a candlelight vigil for suicide victim Tyler Clementi. Credit: Reena Rose Sibayan, AP


The increase in the number of reports about online suicide pacts, often between people who have never even met, suggests the possibility of a growing phenomenon, according to a report released today by British medical journal The Lancet.

Suicide prevention organizations, like National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S. and Samaritans in the UK, have already started taking steps to combat this in a number of ways -- such as purchasing Google ads so their helpline phone numbers appear at the top of the page any time someone searches for terms related to suicide.

A similar mechanism can also be found on Facebook, MySpace and YouTube; in addition, Samaritans is said to be in talks with social networking sites to create a system, by which friends or family can raise concerns about a specific individual, says The Lancet.

In the current report, Lancet Senior Editor Niall Boyce says the Internet can be a positive tool for those experiencing emotional distress, however, the balance between risks and benefits can be hard to quantify.

On one hand, the Internet can help develop social connections and provide an anonymous, confidential space for people to express themselves and find sympathetic ears. An example of this is the "It Gets Better" project, a website targeted to LGBT youth that recently came into focus after the tragic suicide of Rutgers student Tyler Clementi. The site shows the power of the Internet to reach out to individuals facing social isolation and adversity, Boyce says.

On the other hand, the Internet can also be used in less constructive ways. It can be used as a way to bully others and can provide free, immediate access to potentially harmful information and interactions for those who are vulnerable, says Boyce.

But concerns about media romanticizing suicide, presenting self harm as a solution or explicitly detailing methods are not new, with reports of copycat suicides occurring as far back as the 18th century, after a description of a ritualistic suicide was published in the Goethe novel, "The Sorrow of Young Werther," Boyce notes. In fact, the term Werther Effect was coined in 1974 by American sociologist Dave Phillips to describe the phenomenon of suicidal behavior modeled on media portrayals.

The Lancet cites two recent reports from the Australian Mindframe National Media Initiative, which examine the current evidence linking the portrayal of suicide and mental illness. One concluded that "there is a need to err on the side of caution." The other concluded that "presentations of suicide in news and information media can influence copycat acts in particular circumstances."

But, with regard to the Internet, it is "much harder to research than traditional media because it's such a changing medium -- so the evidence base surrounding its potential for positive or negative impacts is much weaker than that for media like newspapers and television," according to Professor Jane Pirkis of the University of Melbourne, coauthor of these reports.

However, the rapid, global spread of news over the Internet highlights the need for reporters to consider their responsibilities when covering stories about suicide, Boyce says, as there's a definite distinction between raising awareness in a positive way and acting as a "vector for dangerous patterns of behavior."

Suicide expert David Gunnell, Professor of Epidemiology at Bristol University, tells The Lancet he believes there is an increasing degree of shared understanding and concern over the issue between suicide prevention experts and the media, yet he emphasizes that the speed and volume of information turnover on the Internet means "regular reminders" are necessary.

Clare Wyllie, The Lancet's Head of Policy and Research, suggests researchers need to study how vulnerable people use the Internet, whey they use it, what helps them and what is destructive.

To this end, Boyce suggests that suicide researchers now need to study the path that people with suicidal thoughts travel online and to work out when and how to intervene.

"It might help if we think of online space not as a separate, virtual world, but as an extension of this one, albeit with different modes and styles of interaction," Boyce concludes.

If you're concerned that someone you care about may be having suicidal thoughts, or you would like more information, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.

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]]>internetinternet suicideInternetSuicideLancetreportstudysuicidethe lancetTheLancettyler clementiTylerClementiHoney BerkThu, 02 Dec 2010 18:30:00 ESTI'm Pro-Boy Scouts (And Pro-Gay)http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/23/pro-boy-scouts-and-pro-gay/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/23/pro-boy-scouts-and-pro-gay/http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/23/pro-boy-scouts-and-pro-gay/#commentsFiled under: ,

If I'd thought about it harder, maybe I wouldn't have said, "Sure!" when my son asked me if he could tag along with his friend to a Boy Scout meeting three years ago. But, "Sure!" said I, and he ran home with the sign-up sheet.

What was so exciting? Apparently, the boys had all zoomed around the room playing tag -- on trikes. (The troop meets at night in a church's day care center.) Then the leader called for order and the boys snapped to attention. They saluted the flag, said the pledge and went to work on a badge (for architecture). As soon as the meeting was over they played more kamikaze trike tag -- after politely putting the chairs away. It was everything I'd wanted for my son: Free play AND discipline.

Just a few weeks later and my son was on his first campout, sleeping in a tent (and in his same clothes) for three days. This time he came home thrilled by another new thing: The outdoors.

He was also psyched about staying up late in a tent with other boys and telling jokes and stories. And cooking over an open fire. And learning how to make knots. And best of all, of course, using a pocket knife. Boy Scouts was like finding a secret passageway back to the olden days of boyhood, before X and Box ever met.

But there's another old-fashioned part of Boy Scouts that leaves my heart colder than a wet sock at dawn: It's the home office's official anti-gay, anti-atheist (and even anti-agnostic!) stance. While certain troops -- including my son's -- wiggle around them, these bylaws state that gays and atheists can't be troop leaders. And scouts who are open about being gay can't advance to become "youth leaders," either.

This seems so wrong, not just because it assumes there is something bad about homosexuality and atheism, but also because in an era when we are realizing how terrible it is to ostracize (or bully) young men about their sexual orientation, here are the Boy Scouts -- who are supposed to be brave -- kicking those kids to the curb. Real bravery is standing up for an outcast. Real reverence is a reverence for all people, no matter how they are wired.

As for adult troop leaders, "gay" does not mean a man who preys on young boys, any more than "straight" means a man who preys on young girls. And atheists? I just don't see the problem.

At our home, we believe in Boy Scouts. We believe in young men working hard and having fun and helping little old ladies across the street. We don't believe that bigotry is a value the Scouts endorse. Why do its bylaws?


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]]>boy scoutsBoyScoutsbullyingopedLenore SkenazyTue, 23 Nov 2010 11:45:00 EST