Recent Comments:
Kate Gosselin Caught Spanking Daughter - On Camera {ParentDish}
Jul 3rd 2009 9:32AM The whole reason why this is a personal decision is that we don't know the history behind the "whistle" thing. All we know is that the child misbehaved once. What if that was the 5th time she did the same thing and the first 4 times she didn't learn from the "societally correct" discipline? And she'd been specifically warned that she'd get a spank next time? How can we judge without knowing what led up to the "incident"?
I have a daughter who often thinks I don't mean what I say unless I say it in a mean voice. I can say it 5 different ways in a calm voice, but ultimately I have to become a bitch. Then my kid acts all hurt. I can't tell you how many times I've explained: I don't like to raise my voice, but why didn't you listen the first 5 times I said the same thing? Same thing with spanking - I don't spank often, but when I do, it's always after plenty of warning. The child always knows exactly why she got spanked. But an outsider could draw all kinds of conclusions if they only saw the spank itself. I personally don't care, but I think it's unhealthy for our society to always look to find fault in a spanking parent.
Parents Keep 2-Year-Old's Gender a Secret {ParentDish}
Jun 30th 2009 9:25PM I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought: the kid is being raised to be a freak.
First of all, s/he is not going to be sheilded from gender identity unless s/he's kept blindfolded, wears ear plugs, and never learns to read. Children are extremely observant. Most likely the child already has most of the stereotypes his parents are trying to avoid.
Secondly, the child is going to learn that s/he is different from everyone else, and isn't going to understand whether that's a good or bad thing. Usually kids conclude that not being up on what ALL the other kids are up on is bad.
Thirdly, the parents are focusing on the superficial. Why do they think their child's identity is so affected by clothes and toddler toys (which are basically unisex anyway)? Do you think Venus and Serena Williams ever wore lace or ruffles as toddlers?
These people are mental and I feel sorry for their kid. Even if s/he isn't "scarred for life," they aren't creating a "superior being" as they seem to believe.
Do You Gossip About Other People's Kids? {ParentDish}
Jun 30th 2009 2:05AM I used to gossip about certain in-laws' kids, in conversations with my mom and sisters. Although the kids' behavior sparks the conversation, it's really the parents we're complaining about. I notice I haven't done much of that talk since my own kids came home . . . .
Should California Pay Welfare Parents to Stay Home? {ParentDish}
Jun 29th 2009 2:17PM First, I disagree with your premise that nothing is more important than being with your child. If that is true, then it is wrong for any parent (male or female) to work. Or, we should be carrying our kids on our backs while we work. No, the correct principle is that each person should provide for his/her child's care. Being with the child - some of the time - is nice, but it isn't more important than providing for the child's basic needs. If we take your argument to its logical extension, all parents should have a claim to a welfare check - and that means taxing the hell out of everyone who doesn't happen to be parenting at the moment.
Second, there is only one way to teach responsibility, and that's to let people experience realistic consequences. Having a free ride is not a realistic consequence of undesireable behavior. Look at the history - it does not work. It never has worked. The families that come out better are the exception rather than the rule. Welfare destroys lives. In fact, ya know how kids sue their schools for not forcing them to learn to read? Well, maybe some kids should sue the welfare system for preventing their learning any positive life skills. Ha! That would be a funny one. They would probably win - and the taxpayers would pay for that too!
Pretty Baby - Do Attractive Babies Get Better Care? {ParentDish}
Jun 29th 2009 11:48AM Your comment that moms feel more sensitive to the suffering is what I thought too.
Moms will see the beauty in their own child. If the mouth is deformed, Mom will notice the beautiful eyes that much more. This is true not only for biological moms, but also for adoptive moms where the maternal instinct is there. If anything, the knowledge that a deformed baby/child is an orphan is that much more likely to inspire prospective moms to open their homes (medical cost considerations aside).
The study probably has implications for institutionalized care and hospital care, but not for maternal care.
So yeah, it's back to the drawing board for those researchers. It's kind of scary that such short-sighted, inexperienced humans are trying to explain and influence human emotions and behavior.
Would You Bust a Bad Mother? {ParentDish}
Jun 26th 2009 3:59PM Because spanking is both legal and often frowned upon, this country is full of "closet spankers." As some have noted above, forcing a parent to hold back "until I get you home" can lead to more severe punishment, that is more likely to cross the line into abuse. So regardless of whether or not you believe in spanking, imposing your view on other parents is not likely to help their children. Frankly I think there would be less abuse if parents could give their kids a whack as and when needed without being glared at.
Of course it is uncomfortable and unfortunate when a child is being publicly punished. But if it is a punishment that is legally acceptable, others should not attempt to stop it. Discipline is the parents' domain. Undermining the parent's authority is confusing to the child and counterproductive. Besides, you wouldn't want it done to you - how would you like me to go up and lay hands on your kid because I believe a spanking is long overdue? Conceptually, it's the same thing.
If we're talking about a parent on the verge of losing control, I prefer the approach of kindly asking if you can help in any way. Just the reminder that people are watching is usually enough to make the parent take a step back and get a more realistic handle on the situation. Offering sympathy, e.g., "two is such a difficult age," may help the parent to realize that the child is just being a child versus intentionally aggravating the parent, and also that it's understandable to onlookers that a harried parent will have a weak moment now and then.
But if we're talking legal abuse, then yeah, I'd physically intervene if need be.
British Teachers Told To Drop the "i Before e" Rule {ParentDish}
Jun 24th 2009 3:20PM OK, first of all, it's:
i before e
except after c
or when sounding like ay
as in neighbor and weigh.
That covers most of it, and then you have foreign-based and corrupted words that were not originally intended to sound like "ee" such as leisure. But still, the rule "with some exceptions" is better than no rule at all, in my opinion.
I guess if you dumb it down to just "i before e" because you think today's kids are too dumb to remember the rest, yeah, it's not worth as much.
For that matter, I hope they are not teaching any rules about "ea" or "ou" which are included in: hear, heard, heart, wear, head, real, really, reality, creation, etc., or thou, though, thought, through, tough, tour, four, your, etc.
Do educators not realize that a person's most valuable intellectual asset is the ability to be flexible in his thinking?
Jon & Kate Backlash - TV is No Place to Announce Divorce {ParentDish}
Jun 24th 2009 10:45AM OK, this is a stupid discussion. The media has already announced their separation and divorce many times over. This is like PETA coming after my tots for eating a ham sandwich.
Given that there was no way the official separation/divorce filing wasn't going to be all over the media instantly, why should the resulting money go to everyone BUT the family? Are the kids being exploited over this? Sure, and that would be the case even if their parents said nothing about all this on the show. But at least this way a little of the ad money goes into their trust funds.
In this country, getting a divorce is hardly a big deal. I don't see any other divorcees being demonized. All I see here is compassion for every other divorced / single mother. I really think people are jealous of Kate and that's why she's not allowed to get away with the things millions of other parents do every day.
Breast is Best for College {ParentDish}
Jun 23rd 2009 11:55PM You bring up a point that suggests maybe we are looking at this from the wrong angle. What if a child's strong breastfeeding instincts reflect an innate adaptability that likewise improves his chances for academic success?
Ever study I've heard of focuses on the mother's actions and feelings, but what about the child's role in breastfeeding success? Maybe a study on the child's success factors could help more families to have a positive and beneficial breastfeeding experience.
Should California Pay Welfare Parents to Stay Home? {ParentDish}
Jun 23rd 2009 6:32PM I don't understand why they pay anything at all. OK, I do understand the concept - make it a little easier for them to work on doing the right thing - but after decades / generations of proof that this has only the opposite effect, I don't understand why they persist in wasting money and ruining lives in this way.
If the concern is that we don't want to see anyone starve, give them surplus commodities that don't require cooking and house them in simple dormitories until they figure out how to support themselves and their kids.
The whole point of welfare-to-work is that paying parents to stay home (which is what they used to do when I was a kid) only perpetuated their dependent status. And that kids growing up dependent on the government have all kinds of problems that they wouldn't have if they saw their parents go to work and feed them - even if they ate and dressed less well. Not to mention the fact that if you can stay in that situation by having more kids, there is an incentive - or at least less disincentive - to keep having more dependent kids that you can't feed on your own. How quickly we forget.
I don't even agree with all the free child care. Why should some people have to pay for child care while others do not? Why is it that the people given the most perks are those who do the least to deserve them? I could see providing a backup for, say, going to a job interview. But let's get real. These people have friends and relatives who could sit for their kids if they had a job. Where are the kids' grandparents, etc.? Some may live too far away, but that's the exception and we act like it's the norm.
We all know too many parents who managed to get their education, upgrade their career, AND take care of their kids at the same time, without any government assistance.
But hey, if California wants to forget everything we've learned and make things worse, they had better not hit me (i.e., the US treasury) up for the money.
