Some rag is claiming that the hot mess that is Lindsay Lohan is keen to be in the motherly way. The rag in question is the UK's News of the World who has exclusive information from one of those "sources" we're always hearing about who claims to be close to La Lohan and her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson.

According to this source, Lohan wants to do it the old-fashioned way and has petitioned Sam to let her get the donation from an ex-boyfriend. No word on whom that would be, nor whether or not he'd be willing to rise to the challenge. The magazine goes on to claim Lindsay wants a child to cure her of her drug and alcohol problems. Hah! If anything, being a mom has driven me FURTHER to drink.

I kid, I kid. I'm also sure there is little truth to this report, but it's fun to think about...I guess. Everyone else in Hollywood seems to be part of the baby boom, so why not Lindsay Lohan too? If it is a baby she wants, then good luck with that. Let's just hope she's more choosy about who would be providing the sperm than she is with her recent film roles.

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Have you seen these pictures of Lindsay Lohan's little sister, Ali? Look closely at her chest in both photos and you will notice a big difference. Taken just months apart, the latest picture shows Ali with undeniably larger breasts. This, of course, has the rumor mill flying. Ali has made no secret of wanting to be a star and her mom is obviously on-board with the plan. Did Dina Lohan really allow her fourteen year old daughter to get breast plants in an effort further her career? Or did Ali have one heck of a growth spurt over the summer?

Responding to a paparazzo who asked about the rumors, big sister Lindsay Lohan insists that their mother would never allow it and accuses the guy of being a pedophile for even asking.

I don't think the question makes the guy a pedophile, but it does ignore an obvious answer to the riddle that is Ali Lohan's breasts: a really great bra. Grown up girls wear them all the time and I know from personal experience that the right bra can transform an ordinary B-cup into a rather impressive C-cup. And while a padded, push-up bra is certainly better for a fourteen-year-old than breast implants, I still wouldn't let my kid wear one. But maybe Dina Lohan would.

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Is there no end to the drama that is the Lohan family? Just when it seemed that they were going to settle down and stay out of the headlines, up pops a secret love child. Well, maybe she's a secret love child, maybe not. The paternity test that Lindsay Lohan's dad Michael says he took earlier this week should clear that up in about ten to twelve days.

In the meantime, mama Lohan is just "shocked" to find out that during a marital separation back in 1994, her husband may have impregnated another woman. What's more, Michael Lohan has known about 13-year-old Ashley since the girl's mother became pregnant. According to Kristi Kaufmann, she and Michael had a brief affair and then he dumped her. When she found herself pregnant, she tracked him down and told him. But then he up and disappeared. Despite her efforts to find him, she says she didn't hear from Michael again until he contacted her from prison, where he was serving time for securities fraud. At that time, she says he admitted that he always knew the child was his and that he and Ashely began corresponding, although they never met.

Michael doesn't dispute most of that story, except the part about Ashley being his kid. He says that at first, he believed she was, but recently came to realize that the timing of Kaufmann's pregnancy didn't add up. "She had me so convinced. She had me snowballed," he says,

If Micheal is the father, he says he plans to do right by the girl. But according to Kaufmann, his track record for doing the right thing isn't all that great. "He was supposed to take a paternity test seven years ago, but he disappeared off the face of the earth," she says. "I just want this to be resolved and the truth to be told."

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Not satisfied with living on the edge of her daughter Lindsay's spotlight, Dina Lohan is now being given the opportunity to grab some of that attention just for herself. E! has announced the Dina will star in her own reality show, tentatively titled Living Lohan. Alas, the show may feature mama Lohan, but the focus will be on her efforts to make younger daughter Ali as messed up famous as her big sister. Cameras will follow Dina around as she stage-mothers Ali while juggling the responsibilities of her two other children, 11-year-old Cody and 20-year-old Michael.

Do we really need more Lohans in our collective face? E! thinks we do. "The Lohans are one of the most intriguing families in the entertainment industry today," Lisa Berger of E! said in a statement. "This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining."

The show is set to debut this summer and I, for one, will not be watching. Will you?

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It's not unusual for younger siblings to want to emulate older brothers or sisters, especially if the older ones have succeeded in show business. Famous celeb siblings include:

1. Ben and Casey Affleck
2. Kevin and Matt Dillon
3. Sean and Mackenzie Astin
4. Jim and John Belushi
5. River and Joaquin Phoenix
6. Sean and Neil Connery
7. Groucho, Harpo, Chico, Zeppo, and Gummo Marx
10. Ron and Clint Howard
11. Beau and Jeff Bridges
12. Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez
13. Moe, Curly, and Shemp Howard (The Three Stooges)
14. Dennis and Randy Quaid
15. Fred and Ben Savage
16.Dick and Jerry Van Dyke
17.Donnie and Mark Wahlberg
18.Keenan Ivory, Damon, Marlon, and Shawn Wayans
19. David, Rosanna, Patricia, and Alexis Arquette
20. Hilary and Haylie Duff
21. Zsa-Zsa, Eva, and Magda Gabor
22. Margaux and Mariel Hemingway
23. Phylicia Rashad and Debbie Allen
24. Meg and Jennifer Tilly
25. Justine and Jason Bateman
26. Jane and Peter Fonda
27. Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal
28. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine
29. John and Joan Cusack
30. Julia and Eric Roberts
31. Alec, Daniel, Billy, and Stephen Baldwin
32. Ashley and Wynonna Judd
33. Jessica and Ashlee Simpson
34. Nick and Aaron Carter

While the candor is a bit unusual, it's not surprising to hear fourteen year old Ali Lohan, younger sister of Lindsay Lohan, speak of her desire for fame in a recent interview with Teen Vogue saying, "I want it so bad. So bad you don't even know."

What is a bit alarming is Ali's admiration of her older sister's lifestyle, which has included a couple of DUI's, charges of cocaine possession, several rehab stints, and a couple of car crashes.

Ali says of her older sister, "I grew up watching Lindsay, and it made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you...it's so cool when people look up to you. I've already been asked for my autograph, and it's just a really good feeling to have."

This is the part when an adult would step in and point out that having everyone listening to you can go horribly awry and that fame can be part of a job well done but shouldn't be the main goal, but I'm not sure Ali has that a person like that in her life.

My celebrity news alerts went crazy today with stories of Lindsay Lohan's nude pictorial in the spring fashion issue of New York magazine. The photos are a recreation on a 1962 shoot with Marilyn Monroe and from what I've seen of them, they are lovely. But what does Lindsay's mom think of seeing such risqué photos of her 21-year-old daughter?

For starters, she doesn't think they are risqué, telling People that she felt it was perfectly appropriate for Lindsay's 14-year-old sister Ali to be on set during the shoot. "Trust me," says Dina Lohan, "I wouldn't have sent my 14-year-old to the set [if the shoot was in bad taste]. And obviously Lindsay wouldn't do anything with her sister there, that was risqué."

So, how does it feel for a mother to see her young daughter recreating the poses of a sexual icon? "It was very tastefully done," Dina says. "I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. For him to call Lindsay 46 years later and to say can you recreate these photos is an honor. I looked at it as art, and as Lindsay doing a character. So I don't look at them like it's Playboy; she was being a character. So if you look at it that way, you can look at it as a mother."

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With so many celebrities behaving badly in public, it seems quaint that the most scandalous celebrity events during my impressionable years weren't even actual events, they were songs:

• Like a Virgin
• Papa Don't Preach
• Anything by Prince (Although in his defense, Little Red Corvette could have been about a car.)

This commerical is obviously a spoof, but it illustrates how different things are for kids today. How do you deal with celebrity misbehavior, shield your children as much as possible? Using it as a discussion starter? Work harder on finishing a time machine that will take your family back to the innocence of the 1980's?

Do you miss Lindsay Lohan since she has been in rehab? Yeah, me either. But her dad, Michael Lohan, does and is planning a five-day visit with his wayward daughter this week. What's on the agenda for the family reunion? According to Michael, he's going to try to convince her to take Vivitrol, a drug that may help curb her craving for alcohol.

"When I get there, that will be a large part of our discussion," Michael Lohan tells E! Online. "Because no matter how you look at it, when she's out, she will be tempted. But if that craving for alcohol is not there, then she will have a much better chance to stay sober."

Unlike other alcohol-curbing drugs, which must be taken orally every day, Vivitrol is injected once a month and slowly releases into the body over a thirty-day period. This isn't her first attempt using pharmaceuticals to help with her battle against alcohol. "She tried something else, but it failed her," said Michael.

Michael is picking Lindsay up from the the Cirque Lodge treatment facility this morning and whisking her away to a secluded house in the Utah hills. There, for the first time in three years, the two will spend some alone together. Besides trying to convince his daughter to take Vivitrol, dad envisions lots of hiking and possibly some shopping. "It will be just us spending quality time together," he said. "Though I know she wants to do some shopping. She's already told me that!"

Retail therapy on top of drug therapy. Let's hope it works.

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This summer was the first that Ellie and I both got to stay home together every single day. I didn't go to an office and she didn't go to day care or summer school. I enjoyed our time together more than I thought possible and am sad that it is over. Now that she's back in school and I am home alone, I have found myself reflecting on just how we spent our time this summer - lots of fun stuff and very little learning. I guess that is how summer is supposed to be. But upon further reflection, I realize that Ellie did learn something this summer, however unintentional.

I thank Lindsey Lohan for forcing me giving me the opportunity to talk to Ellie about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. It's a conversation I might have saved for later, when she was a bit older, but thanks to the widely reported exploits of this girl, Ellie now has a basic understanding of addiction and the difficulties of recovery.

I am not sure exactly how Ellie found out about Lindsay Lohan's troubles, but she did. And the look on her face as I explained what happened to her broke my heart. I know Ellie has to grow up sometime and learn about these things, and common wisdom has it that the earlier you begin these conversations, the better off your kids will be. But try as I might, I can't put a positive spin on the reality that Ellie's childlike adoration of Lindsay Lohan turned into an innocence-shattering lesson about poor parenting and bad choices.

I guess it runs in the family.

Ali Lohan, the 13-year-old little sister of Hollywood's most-popular celebrity meltdown, is apparently following in Lindsay's footsteps. The tween snuck out of the house to see a 16-year-old boy, who -- even though he only has a learner's permit -- had taken his mom's car so the pair could go joyriding.

Apparently the young man needs a few more hours of practice behind the wheel, because it wasn't long before he'd crashed the car. Police won't comment on any specifics, but -- considering this is a Lohan we're talking about -- I think we can assume the worst until we hear otherwise.

Fortunately no one was hurt.

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Maybe now Lindsay Lohan's parents will go away. Although they have been separated since 2005, until this week Michael had been refusing to grant Dina a divorce. But According to People, they have now reached a settlement in their divorce, thus avoiding a public trial.

The aren't quite done with the legalities, however, They still have "pending issues, custody and parental access to the children," to work out. Michael hasn't seen his younger kids, Cody and Ali, in more than three years, but has high hopes that will change next month. But he doesn't want Dina's boyfriend, Jim McMillian, seeing them and says that stipulation "will be part of the agreement." Who is this Jim guy? According to Michael, he's a drunk who is living with his ex. Michael's attorney has sent Dina a letter demanding that the co-habitation cease.

The divorce itself should be final in about 90 days and Dina Lohan is clearly pleased. "Now the healing process can begin for my children and myself," Dina said as she left the courtroom. She also says that Lindsay is doing "fantastic." I hope so, but we have heard that before.

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Ellie recently asked me what was wrong with Lindsay Lohan. I am not sure exactly how she heard about Lohan's arrest, but she did and wanted to know what happened. On the one hand, it was a good opportunity to talk to her about drugs and alcohol and addiction in general. I am not sure how much of my explanation she really understood, but I think it is never too early to start that conversation. On the other hand, Ellie was saddened by what I told her and is now worried about Lohan.

Ellie used to be a big fan of Lohan's, but I am trying to phase her out of it - I don't want her looking up to that girl. But who can a little girl who dreams of being an actress look up to? Amid all those bratty Hollywood girls wasting away their youth with mindless partying and drunken debauchery, there are a few who hold themselves to a higher standard. Like Anne Hathaway. When have you ever heard of her getting drunk, arrested, or filmed having sex? Probably the reason Hathaway is able to keep such a low profile is precisely because she doesn't do those things.

She's a beautiful and talented actress who starred in two of Ellie's favorite movies - The Princess Diaries and The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. She is 25 years old and it is probably safe to say she's not going to suddenly turn all 'Paris' on us. She's in the news lately for exactly the reason she should be; she's promoting a new film, Becoming Jane, which opens this weekend. It's a fictional account of Jane Austen as a young women and Hathaway admits the role was daunting. "A lot of people put pressure on me. I put a lot of pressure on myself," Hathaway said in an interview. "There was a time when I considered stepping away from the project because I really didn't want to fail.

She admits that she is not a good celebrity, saying "I'm boring and closed and probably seem very safe." Boring and safe is good. Please keep it up.

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Now that Lindsay Lohan has gone 4 or 5 days without making headlines for some drug-induced escapade, her parents are giving picking up the slack. Her dad, Michael, had filed a motion in Long Island Family Court requiring that Dina, his estranged wife, be drug tested before having contact with the couple's younger children. (Makes sense, right?)

But yesterday he dropped that motion, reportedly so Ally, his 13-year-old, wouldn't love him any less. Page Six reports that the deal-breaker for Mr. Lohan was when Ally told him: "Daddy, I love you. I love you more if you'll drop that motion."

Because Ally apparently understands that mommy is just like Lindsay -- sometimes she just needs "a little pick me up." How fortunate that she was able to communicate that to her father.

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Hopefully you were lucky enough to catch Rob Schneider's last-minute guest appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno earlier this week. The comedian came out dressed as Lindsay Lohan, and told the audience (as Lohan), that he'd heard "Rob Schneider has the biggest penis in Hollywood." Hysterical.

Lindsay's mother, on the other hand, is not amused.

She told Access Hollywood that "We have a great respect for Jay Leno but we are disappointed in the path he chose to allow a guest to make light of a very serious situation concerning Lindsay."

Fair enough, and I can't say I blame her (what parent would actually endorse someone making fun of their child) -- but after Lindsay made light of rehab, cocaine addiction and drunk-driving, I think Dina should've seen this coming.

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So, Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again. Not only did she get her second DUI charge in three months, she took things a step further and allegedly carried cocaine into the jail when she was arrested. All of this just two weeks after completing her latest stint in rehab. Not good.

As if she didn't have enough issues to sort out on her own, her dad is taking this opportunity to attempt, once again, to insert himself into her life. He has his own history of drug and alcohol abuse and has even served time in prison for DUI. He's out of prison now and although he is estranged from his daughter, he clearly would like to join her in the spotlight that follows wherever she roams.

Of Lindsay's latest troubles, he tells TMZ "Lindsay can't do this on her own ... when we were together, none of this was happening." Regarding his ongoing custody fight with his ex-wife over the Lohan's younger children, he says "I want to withdraw everything -- court wise -- sit down with Dina as Lindsay's parents and figure out how to help her."

He tells TMZ that he feels partly to blame for Lindsay's problems and no doubt his own shortcomings have played a part in her troubled life. And maybe he feels guilty for his failings as a father. But that girl is never going to get well if others continue to make excuses and take responsibility for her actions.

I think Lindsay Lohan is a beautiful and talented young woman and I sincerely wish her all the best in her recovery efforts. She needs help, but not from her fame-seeking father.

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