maiden name-related stories

After nearly a month of indecision, Brooke Burke and her husband David Charvet have finally chosen a name for their newborn son. Well, most of his name anyway. They are still working on the middle name, but according to Brooke's blog, the little guy will be called Shaya. "We waited our whole lives for our son, and couldn't find the perfect fit. Poor guy! Now it's official. Shaya Charvet. We played with so many different names, and both loved Shaya the most. It means God's gift in Hebrew."

As for that middle name, Brooke says they are getting closer as they search for something that incorporates her last name. "David came up with a middle name, Braven, which I really like. I want to give him part of my name too, so I am thinking about double Bs in the middle like my initials, Braven-Burke."

Shaya Braven-Burke Charvet is quite a mouthful, but does have a nice ring to it. But what I really love is the idea of giving the child a middle name that has a connection to his mother. Why should dad get all the glory?

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My celebrity news feeds all wanted to share with me the not-so-interesting news that Denise Richards has legally changed her name back to Denise Richards. The judge approved her name change petition Friday, though her divorce from Charlie Sheen was finalized two years ago.

The story got me thinking, though, about family names and what they mean to people. Traditionally, women have taken their husbands' last names when married, and then all the children from that marriage also share the same surname. These days, though, the only rule in last names is that there are no rules. Married women keep their maiden names, or hyphenate to include their husband's names. Children might get mom's last name, or dad's, or both. And that's just for married couples having children. Add single parents, unmarried-but-coupled parents, and step-parents to the mix, and it's becoming more rare to have only one last name on the household mailbox.

Yet just as we change it up and break all the conventions, I think we have to recognize that it isn't just a name. Names represent our identities; our choices about them make statements about who we are. Families who adopt a child change the child's last name in a move that says, unambiguously, "You are now part of our family." The decision to change or keep a name, hyphenate a name, or revert back to a maiden name after divorce reflects some meaning about the nature of that family. Often, the choice mirrors the struggles we have between "me" and "us," between honoring each extended family while becoming a family of our own.

What arrangement do you have for last names in your family? What meaning does that have for you?

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